second wife concept

[purplesorrow]

Has his wife really agreed to this? What does she have to gain?

[goodyblue]

Has his wife really agreed to this? What does she have to gain?

 

Not a chance. I really, really worry OP is delusional. It makes me sad.

[jellybean89]

feel disappoint that I involve in his marriage, and feel I am bad woman.

If your friend doing this, will you think she is low and bad?

 

Yes, if I had a friend who was the affair partner, and had the level of delusion I see in this thread (that you are going to marry this cheater and his wife is ok with that) I would think my friend is crazy and needs psychiatric help. Who willingly thinks this way? Who thinks they can sit down with the wife of a Mm and think the wife will say "welcome to the family...you can have him January through June and I'll have him July through December. We can trade OM New Years Day".

 

Sisa, I see a lot of pain and hurt in your future. What happens when he tires of you? Will a 3rd woman be welcomed into the mix? You really really haven't thought this out.

[sisa]

Yes, if I had a friend who was the affair partner, and had the level of delusion I see in this thread (that you are going to marry this cheater and his wife is ok with that) I would think my friend is crazy and needs psychiatric help. Who willingly thinks this way? Who thinks they can sit down with the wife of a Mm and think the wife will say "welcome to the family...you can have him January through June and I'll have him July through December. We can trade OM New Years Day".

 

Sisa, I see a lot of pain and hurt in your future. What happens when he tires of you? Will a 3rd woman be welcomed into the mix? You really really haven't thought this out.

 

If it's my delusion then soon I will be find out after meeting his wife, and I will know he is lying.

it will be next week, or the week after.

 

when MM first time told me he want three of us meet together, I told him it's impossible for me doing this and he is crazy thinking that. but this time he actually arrange the meeting for she and me, only two of us. so maybe we can talk openly without he is in the picture.

 

I think she will not gain anything, but also would not lose anything if meet me.

in fact meeting me maybe can let her feel better, because she can see I am in the similar situation and also nobody can talk this things with. Maybe after talk, we both can decrease some uneasy feelings and can see each other just a normal person.

 

This week he discuss with me some topics which we didn't discuss before, including will I also take care of his kids if they live with us, how we will arrange if his parents get ill, he want she and me can live near, so kids can play together. How he would arrange his income and so on. He also say step by step he will let his kids meet me more often and also his parents, and later we will officially together and no one will feel bad about it.

 

I ask him why he will marry me if one day his wife accept he has other woman. He told me because he want kids with me, and he don't want kids without legal dad, also he say if we marry, people will not talk bad on me, and will also respect me.

 

I feel good we did talk this, so I can feel he is really consider how to arrange to marry me.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I hope that this is just some very unique situation that the rest of us just can't understand! For me, it's difficult to believe that his wife would be willing to participate in this joint venture between the two of you, nevertheless adding her own children into the mix. It's incomprehensible to me. I've met very few women in my lifetime who would be willing to share their children. A few, mind you, but they had severe disorders. Be true to yourself and get everything out in the open.

Edited February 14, 2015 by IfWishesWereHorses

[georgia girl]

This guy is amazing. He's got two women willing to sacrifice their own dreams, desires and hopes for their future to satisfy his needs. Heck, he's not even meeting their most basic of needs - fidelity, which Sisa has repeatedly expressed that she and the wife both desire. Yet, here they are willing to twist themselves into knots to meet his selfish needs.

 

 

Sisa, a real man doesn't ask you to give up fundamental values that you hold dear to be with him. A real man doesn't create hardship with your family by putting you in a position where you are embarrassed to share your living arrangements. A real man doesn't knowingly hurt you, day after day, and then tell you to grow up and accept it. That is NOT love. It's selfish desire. While you're all busy loving, he's manipulating and hurting you.

 

 

Gosh, the next time my husband doesn't unload the dishwasher, he is so getting a free pass!

 

 

Sisa, please, please tell your family. I know you asked earlier how to tell them. I don't think it matters how you tell them. They will never accept it if they love you. But hopefully, of everyone in your life, they can help you see clearly.

 

 

This is an obsession for you. An unhealthy, destructive obsession. If you were okay with this, you wouldn't be posting on this board. If you really believed it would be fine to have your "husband" being a husband to and making love with another woman, you wouldn't be expressing this angst. If you were really okay with his wife having another child while you're also having children and him being a half-time father to both, you wouldn't be so obsessed with somehow becoming a legal wife - in a way establishing supremacy over the other.

 

 

You know that while HE may be who you think you want, what HE IS OFFERING is not. You have to at some point in your life put yourself first. That means forgoing the momentary pain, getting some much-needed help to figure out how you got into this mess in the first place and fixing yourself so that you can have a happy and healthy and fulfilling relationship.

 

 

Sisa, I want so much for you. It's an absolute shame that you don't want it for yourself.