I have really screwed up..

[Firehawk]

Thanks to any who take the time to read this.I really do appreciate it and will be more than willing to offer any help to you in return.With that being said,I'll move on to the problem.I have been best friends with this guy I will call,Brian (just to help maintain the clarity of the post)for about 8 years now.We have shared alot together and used to be very close.We went to highschool together and our first couple years of college too.I moved to New York,after I met a guy from there who was in the military.I'll call him

 

Rick.I met Rick thru a good friend and neighbor.Rick's parents were from the area too so Rick had lived just 45 miles away from me.We were introduced and really hit it off.

 

I moved out of my mom's because of an arguement she and I got into and found comfort with Rick,who was more than happy to share his home,thing is like I said before,he was living in New York at the time.So one weekend he drove in and I went back with him.Besides,he assured me that we would get to move back home with in a few months because he was chaptering out of the military.So everything seemed fine,we did eventually move back to our home area.It was a few weeks after a year and a half of dating did I see Rick's true colors.He became abusive to me,physically and mentally.He would do things like hit me and tear up my clothing.So eventually,I got smart and left him.I hate to say that I did stick around in the relationship longer than I should've,but atleast I got out.I just kept believing his tears and crying when he swore he'd change.He never did,and when I finally saw that I left.In the mean time when this was all going on my best friend,Brian was trying desperately to get a hold of me.He knew something was wrong,but was unable to get any straight answers from anynone has to where I was.He later told me that he would dream about me being hurt at night and that is what scared him.The weird thing is that he was right.I was being hurt.On my way back home,I called Brian to see how he was.

 

He was shocked to hear from me and relieved.Our conversation was brief but both felt better that the other was ok.He said he had tried to find my e-mail address in the directory and was unsuccessful,so I gave it to him.

 

Sure enough,when I got home there was about 4 different e-mails.He also had written me a letter from college.So after a lot of thinking I decided to return to college,I got my own apartment and began my new life.Brian and I would hang out almost everyday and began having feelings for one another.Brian came over one night to watch the Blair Witch Project and things led to other things and we became intimate.We both were a little freaked because we still labeled ourselves as just friends.He later told me on the phone that he always thought I could've been the best thing to ever happen to him and that when he's 89 years old on the porch swing,that the little old lady beside him on it would be me.However,like over night it was like his feelings changed.He stopped calling as much and we didn't hang out often,which was ok by me,because I was starting to feel kind of weird about it all too.Well,my ex,Rick came back into the pic,but not like your thinking.He tracked me down and showed up at my apartment late one night,he had gotten a friend of his to show him where it was.He began throwing rocks at my window until I rose to see what it was.

 

When I saw it was him,I wanted to turn around and shut the door.He was yelling and begging to talk to me,and the next door neighbors were pounding on the walls letting me know that they were being disturbed.So reluctantly I let him in.

 

Rick gave me his whole spill about still loving me ,and how he was going to church,etc.I didn't care at this time as to what he had to say,so I was just honest with him and told him no and that I would take him to Walmart(he had arranged to meet his buddy there)so he could just go back home.I then got up and went to use the rest room.While I was in there,Rick began going through all my things and came across

 

Brian's old letter in my desk.He freaked out saying that Brian was the reason I didn't want him back.He began swearing and threathening all my friends and family saying he was gonna kill us all.He said he was going to make sure he got Brian first and stormed out of the front door.I was afraid because Brian DID live in the same student apartment complex as me.Rick didn't know that,but it was getting close for Brian to come out to go to class.I told Rick that I wouldn't let him touch Brian.I guess that made it all worse bacause he went out to the parking lot and began punching my car.I tried to go out to stop him and he hit me and pushed me down,so I went up stairs to call 911.I got a hold of the operator and she said she would send some one asap.Rick then grabbed the phone and threw it at me.I told him that it was all over finally and that the cops were on their way,he left because he didn't want to get caught.The cops showed up and he was put into jail.The cops wanted the whole story and I gave it to them,they also wanted to speak to Brian,and they told him of the threats. I guess he freaked out and told his parents who freaked out more.We talked a few times after that,but his parents(more like his mom)doesn't want him around me.They blame me and act like I'm the bad person.If anything,I did my best to protect their son.I guess they don't see it that way.Well,the semester was over and I returned to my hometown,where I began talking to a recruiter,I joined the army reserves to try to help pay for college.I left for boot camp in mid June.Brian didn't like the idea,but didn't discourage me because he knew I wanted to do it.I would write to him and he would write back informing me as to what was going on etc.He even sounded like he was starting to get passed everything.Well,I returned home and found out that he had been seeing a girl from a near by town.I was kind of hurt because he never told me anything about her in letters or anything else.I was hoping that when I got back we could respark everything because after all he and I had been through together,I realized that my feelings were strong and I did love him.His girlfriend began to spread malicious rumors about me,she became very jealous.He knew of this and really didn't say anything to her about it.I think he decided to stick with her,because she is the one his parents approve of.What bugs me is that she is misrepresenting herself to be something she's not.My mother had her in school and many of her own close friends have informed me as to how she really is.All have said she's wild and has slept with many guys,but to Brian and his family,she's a perfect angel,that really burns me up too.I would love to tell them how she is,but I don't wanna sink to her level.Me and Brian had a bit of an argument and aren't speaking,I have tried but he won't respond to any e-mails I send.We both are in agreement that we shouldn't be friends now.He's telling his mom and girl that he never wants to have anything to do with me,but at the same time he has been e-mailing my close friend asking her for pics of me.I don't understand why.He told her that he isn't going to let anyone know he has them. She asked him why he wanted them and he replied."I really don't know why." I really do love this guy,but it all seems too far gone.I would like to know what I can say to get a response,because it sounds like to me that he doesn't want to totally let go but he wants to please his mom and girl as well.How can I convince him that trouble doesn't always follow me and that I am worth a chance?

 

Thanks everyone....

[Tony T]

Thanks to any who take the time to read this.I really do appreciate it and will be more than willing to offer any help to you in return.With that being said,I'll move on to the problem.

 

I have been best friends with this guy I will call,Brian (just to help maintain the clarity of the post)for about 8 years now.We have shared alot together and used to be very close.We went to highschool together and our first couple years of college too.I moved to New York,after I met a guy from there who was in the military.I'll call him

 

Rick.I met Rick thru a good friend and neighbor.Rick's parents were from the area too so Rick had lived just 45 miles away from me.We were introduced and really hit it off.

 

I moved out of my mom's because of an arguement she and I got into and found comfort with Rick,who was more than happy to share his home,thing is like I said before,he was living in New York at the time.So one weekend he drove in and I went back with him.Besides,he assured me that we would get to move back home with in a few months because he was chaptering out of the military.So everything seemed fine,we did eventually move back to our home area.

 

It was a few weeks after a year and a half of dating did I see Rick's true colors.He became abusive to me,physically and mentally.He would do things like hit me and tear up my clothing.So eventually,I got smart and left him.I hate to say that I did stick around in the relationship longer than I should've,but atleast I got out.I just kept believing his tears and crying when he swore he'd change.He never did,and when I finally saw that I left.

 

In the mean time when this was all going on my best friend,Brian was trying desperately to get a hold of me.He knew something was wrong,but was unable to get any straight answers from anynone has to where I was.He later told me that he would dream about me being hurt at night and that is what scared him.The weird thing is that he was right.I was being hurt.On my way back home,I called Brian to see how he was.

 

He was shocked to hear from me and relieved.Our conversation was brief but both felt better that the other was ok.He said he had tried to find my e-mail address in the directory and was unsuccessful,so I gave it to him.

 

Sure enough,when I got home there was about 4 different e-mails.He also had written me a letter from college.So after a lot of thinking I decided to return to college,I got my own apartment and began my new life.Brian and I would hang out almost everyday and began having feelings for one another.

 

Brian came over one night to watch the Blair Witch Project and things led to other things and we became intimate.We both were a little freaked because we still labeled ourselves as just friends.He later told me on the phone that he always thought I could've been the best thing to ever happen to him and that when he's 89 years old on the porch swing,that the little old lady beside him on it would be me.However,like over night it was like his feelings changed.He stopped calling as much and we didn't hang out often,which was ok by me,because I was starting to feel kind of weird about it all too.

 

Well,my ex,Rick came back into the pic,but not like your thinking.He tracked me down and showed up at my apartment late one night,he had gotten a friend of his to show him where it was.He began throwing rocks at my window until I rose to see what it was.

 

When I saw it was him,I wanted to turn around and shut the door.He was yelling and begging to talk to me,and the next door neighbors were pounding on the walls letting me know that they were being disturbed.So reluctantly I let him in.

 

Rick gave me his whole spill about still loving me ,and how he was going to church,etc.I didn't care at this time as to what he had to say,so I was just honest with him and told him no and that I would take him to Walmart(he had arranged to meet his buddy there)so he could just go back home.I then got up and went to use the rest room.

 

While I was in there,Rick began going through all my things and came across Brian's old letter in my desk.He freaked out saying that Brian was the reason I didn't want him back.He began swearing and threathening all my friends and family saying he was gonna kill us all.He said he was going to make sure he got Brian first and stormed out of the front door.I was afraid because Brian DID live in the same student apartment complex as me.Rick didn't know that,but it was getting close for Brian to come out to go to class.

 

I told Rick that I wouldn't let him touch Brian.I guess that made it all worse bacause he went out to the parking lot and began punching my car.I tried to go out to stop him and he hit me and pushed me down,so I went up stairs to call 911.I got a hold of the operator and she said she would send some one asap.Rick then grabbed the phone and threw it at me.I told him that it was all over finally and that the cops were on their way,he left because he didn't want to get caught.

 

The cops showed up and he was put into jail.The cops wanted the whole story and I gave it to them,they also wanted to speak to Brian,and they told him of the threats. I guess he freaked out and told his parents who freaked out more.We talked a few times after that,but his parents(more like his mom)doesn't want him around me.They blame me and act like I'm the bad person.If anything,I did my best to protect their son.I guess they don't see it that way.

 

Well,the semester was over and I returned to my hometown,where I began talking to a recruiter,I joined the army reserves to try to help pay for college.I left for boot camp in mid June.Brian didn't like the idea,but didn't discourage me because he knew I wanted to do it.I would write to him and he would write back informing me as to what was going on etc.He even sounded like he was starting to get passed everything.

 

Well,I returned home and found out that he had been seeing a girl from a near by town.I was kind of hurt because he never told me anything about her in letters or anything else.I was hoping that when I got back we could respark everything because after all he and I had been through together,I realized that my feelings were strong and I did love him.His girlfriend began to spread malicious rumors about me,she became very jealous.He knew of this and really didn't say anything to her about it.I think he decided to stick with her,because she is the one his parents approve of.

 

What bugs me is that she is misrepresenting herself to be something she's not.My mother had her in school and many of her own close friends have informed me as to how she really is.All have said she's wild and has slept with many guys,but to Brian and his family,she's a perfect angel,that really burns me up too.I would love to tell them how she is,but I don't wanna sink to her level.Me and Brian had a bit of an argument and aren't speaking,I have tried but he won't respond to any e-mails I send.

 

We both are in agreement that we shouldn't be friends now.He's telling his mom and girl that he never wants to have anything to do with me,but at the same time he has been e-mailing my close friend asking her for pics of me.I don't understand why.He told her that he isn't going to let anyone know he has them. She asked him why he wanted them and he replied."I really don't know why."

 

I really do love this guy,but it all seems too far gone.I would like to know what I can say to get a response,because it sounds like to me that he doesn't want to totally let go but he wants to please his mom and girl as well.How can I convince him that trouble doesn't always follow me and that I am worth a chance?

 

Thanks everyone....

[Tony T]

It seems this guy is history, in my opinion. Not only do I agree with him that the two of you shouldn't be friends, but I do feel you need to avoid any involvement in his life, such as qualifying the females he associates with.

 

I think Brian and his family are very concerned for their safety. I know I would be. Not only are they concerned for their safety but they probably have doubts about the judgement of someone who would ever make the acquaintance of a guy like Rick, who could easily end up being a mass murderer. You have to understand the first instinct that human beings have is for survival and self preservation. Nobody wants to be near a situation where they can get killed or injured. The police visit to Brian and his family pretty well sealed your fate.

 

You need to move on from here to new places. Try to find good, quality people to be with. They are out there. Trust me, Brian would not be telling his mom and girlfriend things are over between him and you if they weren't.

 

I suppose he wants some picture of you to remember you. He is still fond of you, I'm sure. But, like anybody else, he's more concerned about his own butt and his folks have told him that being around you could be very dangerous...especially when Rick gets free. No matter how much he loves you, he will want to be as far away from you as possible just so he can stay alive. I'd react the same way.

 

Don't even try to screw your mind up by thinking about how his girlfriend is misrepresenting herself and being a phoney, etc. That's for him to find out. Stay out of his life.

 

I am real sorry all this happened but this is your wake up call to clean everything up and go forward so nasty things don't happen to you anymore. You can do it.

 

Don't waste your energy on keeping up with Brian and his life. Make sure you are safe from Rick and that he can't find you when he gets out of jail. Do whatever you can do to move forward from this point.

[Firehawk]

What you say does make perfect sense,it's all just wishful thinking on my part I guess.I did make a bad choice with dating Rick,but I didn't know he was like that,

 

it was already pretty far into the relationship when he started that crap. I feel like sometimes Rick has cost me my happiness.He cost me Brian.I feel angry sometimes because through out my ordeal I always tried to use the best judgement and I still ended up being hurt in many ways.

 

I'm going to move on.Because no matter if Brian loves me or not,your right he never will be with me because of what happened.Rick was put in jail and served 3 months,he was released and his dad made him move to north carolina.The judge granted me a epo-emergency protection order,which means Rick isn't allowed any contact with me, my family or my friends what so ever,and if he was to try, then he would go back to jail and stay there a very long time.So I guess some good did come from all of this.It's gonna be tough not having Brian in my life.

It seems this guy is history, in my opinion. Not only do I agree with him that the two of you shouldn't be friends, but I do feel you need to avoid any involvement in his life, such as qualifying the females he associates with. I think Brian and his family are very concerned for their safety. I know I would be. Not only are they concerned for their safety but they probably have doubts about the judgement of someone who would ever make the acquaintance of a guy like Rick, who could easily end up being a mass murderer. You have to understand the first instinct that human beings have is for survival and self preservation. Nobody wants to be near a situation where they can get killed or injured. The police visit to Brian and his family pretty well sealed your fate.

 

You need to move on from here to new places. Try to find good, quality people to be with. They are out there. Trust me, Brian would not be telling his mom and girlfriend things are over between him and you if they weren't. I suppose he wants some picture of you to remember you. He is still fond of you, I'm sure. But, like anybody else, he's more concerned about his own butt and his folks have told him that being around you could be very dangerous...especially when Rick gets free. No matter how much he loves you, he will want to be as far away from you as possible just so he can stay alive. I'd react the same way. Don't even try to screw your mind up by thinking about how his girlfriend is misrepresenting herself and being a phoney, etc. That's for him to find out. Stay out of his life. I am real sorry all this happened but this is your wake up call to clean everything up and go forward so nasty things don't happen to you anymore. You can do it. Don't waste your energy on keeping up with Brian and his life. Make sure you are safe from Rick and that he can't find you when he gets out of jail. Do whatever you can do to move forward from this point.