To inform or not to inform?

[fanou22]

The affair has ended almost a month ago.

xMM and I barely contact each other. It is great being off the emotional roller coaster. I have been doing excellent and improving on a daily basis. I do not miss being with him. If anything every now and then I miss talking to him.

 

I recently came accross some information that there people who knew/know about our affair. I am not 100% sure but fairly certain. These people are not close to me in any way. They are close to MM and his W.

 

From my perspective the affair had been a secret and I would like it to stay this way (unless I chose to reveal it to my future SO). I know that the more people know the higher the chances are of his W finding out. I keep telling myself that I should let him know, and then I tell myself that this is not my problem anymore.

 

Should I let him know? or not?

[izzybelle]

it may be just me, but i would let him know. although it is largely his problem now, and not yours anymore, it could come back to being your problem if the W finds out. a simple email, or quick phone call should be enough to let him know your suspicions.

 

i'm glad you're doing well and off the emotional roller coaster, it is a great feeling to know that when you wake up in the morning, thoughts of him are not going to dictate how you day goes! if this is on weighing heavily on your mind, it may also make it easier for you to just tell him so you can go back to trying not to think about him. do you think these are the type of people who would just say something to him, or do you really think they'll tell his wife because they think she'll want to know? some people love to get in the middle of things.

 

take care and i'm so glad you're doing well!!

[fanou22]

Originally posted by izzybelle

it may be just me, but i would let him know. although it is largely his problem now, and not yours anymore, it could come back to being your problem if the W finds out. a simple email, or quick phone call should be enough to let him know your suspicions.

 

i'm glad you're doing well and off the emotional roller coaster, it is a great feeling to know that when you wake up in the morning, thoughts of him are not going to dictate how you day goes! if this is on weighing heavily on your mind, it may also make it easier for you to just tell him so you can go back to trying not to think about him. do you think these are the type of people who would just say something to him, or do you really think they'll tell his wife because they think she'll want to know? some people love to get in the middle of things.

 

take care and i'm so glad you're doing well!!

 

If these people say something it would be because they believe that she should know and not because they wanna get into the middle of things. I cannot go into details of the conversation here since they are so specific.

 

Izzy,

I would PM you what was said except I have to go to work where I cannot access LS. I will try to do so later on today.

 

Thanks for the good wishes.

[ww]

IMI: let go !

that is not your problem anymore.

[curly]

I agree with ww. You have taken yourself out of the situation. If W finds out, that's between he & W. Why do you need to warn him. Obviously, he's aware that the secret could come out any time.

 

Hard question - are you making excuses, even to yourself, to make contact with him? Just something to think about.

 

Don't call. He'll deal with his problems in his own way.

[Fanou]

I am not making the excuses to contact him.

 

My concern lies more with should this come into light, how it will affect my new relationship with SG.

[curly]

Oh, well does SG know about xMM? If not, do you plan to tell him? Why would SG find out?

 

I would worry about that aspect and not warn the xMM. Again, it's his problem to deal with. Deal with your's w/out xMM input.

[ww]

well honestly it shouldn`t be bothering you!

he is part of your past and there is nothing wrong with it ok?

I am sure your SG dated other girls before and he is pretty aware you dated guys too.I don`t really see the problem (unless he is still a virhin looking for a virgin )

As for the MM .once again let it be. It`s his problem not yours

[fanou22]

To answer your questions,

 

SG does not know about xMM. The reason I wanted to tell MM about this whole thing is because should this blow over, I don't want to be part of it and I don't want xMM to think that I was the one who talked about it.

 

I don't plan on telling SG about my previous relationship with xMM. If things get serious between us, then yes I will want to tell him then.

 

I did speak with xMM today and he reassured me that he does not think anyone suspects him of cheating on his W. Oh well!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like I did what I wanted/had to do for the sake of what we shared.

 

Our break up did not come with any angry and sadness feelings. The relationship simply died. I knew from the beginning that he was not leaving his W for me, nor did I expect him to. I just grew tired of the whole secrecy and adjustment of schedules (mainly my schedule). I simply chose the exit before things got way out of hand.

Shortly afterwards I started seeing SG. As I had said in my earlier posts, I do like him a lot and hope that things progress between us. I know that I would not be truthfully give the SG a chance if I am in constant contact with xMM.

 

My remedy whenever I start thinking of xMM, I turn my thoughts to SG and things that he said and did that made me smile. Even if that relationship never works out, I will be forever thankful that he helped without even knowing it.

[RecordProducer]

You're looking for excuses to contact him and prove how nice and kind you are!

Forget him! Stop being concerned about his life (and wife). If his wife finds out, it's none of your business.

Besides, what do you think you will achieve if you tell him that some people know. Do you think he will go talk to them and tell them not to tell his wife? Bribe them? Beg them? They probably won't tell her. Anyway...what's it to you? You're out of his game now.