Is she interested in casual sex?

[YouGottaBeKiddingMe]

Hi all,

 

New poster here. I've visited this forum at various points over the last 4-5 years.

 

Good discussions on here. With the type of material that this site deals with, I think it's good to get a wide range of input.

 

Anyways, about me:

 

I'm a guy in my mid 20s.

 

I'm still a virgin. I've came close several times to no longer being a virgin in the last few years.

 

I'm at a point now where I'm not sure if I want to be married, or even be in a non-married, romantic relationship/partnership. However, I'm in my mid 20s and wasting away my sexual "prime".

 

It's not the end of the world if I never have sex. Ive debated whether I should, regardless of the fact that I'm wasting away my prime. I'm concerned with how it might affect me in the long term, and whether I would be better off having sex or not having sex.

 

I only want to do it if I will come out even or ahead in the long run because of sex. I don't want to mess my life up and end up coming out behind in the long run.

 

I've talked to several exes and female friends about their sex lives, and most of them regret having sex before marriage. I've talked very little with male friends about their sex lives for obvious reasons. I did talk to one male friend who is a few years older than me, and who I have a lot of respect for, and he only does friends with benefits. Seems to work for him, but there again, everyone is different.

 

Maybe it wouldn't affect me all that much.

 

Now, here's the situation:

 

There's a girl who I work with that has caused me to wonder if she might be interested in having casual sex with me. She has recently made several comments, including a type of comment that was surprising coming from her.

 

She has a shy, conservative (religiously, politically, socially, etc) exterior, but her friends have said she is far from innocent...Her recent comments kind of fall in line with this. I've had some recent life experiences that have led me to the conclusion that basically, people are complex, inconsistent, lack self-awareness, and are, well...humans. So, it's not outside the realm of possibility that she is interested in having sex.

 

One could propose that maybe she is romantically interested in me, but if she is, this isn't the way to go about pursuing me...That doesn't mean she wouldn't go about it in this way, but to me, this scenario seems unlikely.

 

Another scenario is that she is being immature and/or doesn't realize how what she is saying comes across. I would say this is a likely candidate.

 

Another scenario is that she is just being a tease. This is always a possibility. It's not cool and messed up IMHO, but there's not a whole lot that can be done about that.

 

Another scenario is that she is interested in casual sex and is trying to drop hints. If she is, I am open to the possibility of that, but I'm not convinced that it would be a good idea.

 

If we were to have casual sex, I am interested in having a friends with benefits type of setup. No strings attached. If one or both people start getting attached to the other person, we stop doing it.

 

Of course, because this is a coworker, there is the possibility that if this goes wrong in any way, it could be messy, so I do realize the risks involved...

 

At the end of the day, maybe I am reading too much into this. I fully realize that possibility.

 

I'm still not sold on the idea of having casual sex period, let alone with the coworker I mentioned. I don't want to create a disaster. The only way I would consider this is if it would be to our mutual benefit. I think it would be crucial for both of us to be upfront and honest about what we would like to get out of the setup, and what our expectations and standards are. I would prefer for both of us to be tested for STIs at the same facility, at the same time, before we would engage in sex. If we were to engage in sex, I would want it to be fun, healthy, and ultimately beneficial for each of us.

 

I don't want to hurt her feelings if she didn't mean anything by her comments, because I like her as a friend, but at the same time, if there is an opportunity there, I don't want to miss out on it. Maybe it's a really bad idea. Maybe it would work out great. I don't know.

 

What are everyone's thoughts?

 

I appreciate any input you all can provide.

Edited January 22, 2015 by YouGottaBeKiddingMe

[Lion Heart]

It seems you're confused.

Not sure if you ever want sex but afraid that you're "wasting your prime"?

Not sure if you ever want to get (BE! Getting is easier than being!) Married?

Not sure if you want a LTR?

Not sure if this girl wants casual sex?

 

For the first 3 only you can work that out with yourself OR with the help of a good counsellor. You are talking to the right people in your friends and here.

 

For the last question, ask her if you want it. Don't ask if you don't BUT !!!!

AND HERE'S THE RUB most women with some feelings of self worth will not just have "casual sex". Some even think they'll try it and it explodes in someone's face.

 

Women have a tendency to fall in love with the guy they're sleeping with. We're wired that way. Some are "bunny boilers" as my husband exaggerated about his AP. ie they can turn real nasty real quick. That's quite hilarious to observe for a faithful person like me!

 

I'm a 49 yo woman. Married 3 times and 2 past LTRs. I'm loving, absolutely love sex (better still in a committed relationship) but relationships are not for the feint hearted. It takes courage.

I'm afraid that some women would eat you alive!!

 

I think you've been prepping yourself in your past relationships.

You could be ready?

 

My D Day was 5 weeks and 3 days ago. Would I do it all over again? The 15 yrs, 3 more children and mountains of debt my WH accrued? No. If I knew then.....

 

But would I ever surrender to a sexless, loveless life? No.

obviously I've got issues and a divorce to settle before then but no.

 

IMO the best ever sex I've had is when I've been in what I THOUGHT was a committed relationship, with trust, love and time for experimenting. They've been the best orgasms, multiple orgasms and the times I've wanted to do anything and everything I can to give my man the most pleasure I can.

 

That's what I want to have FULFILLING sex. A committed relationship.

 

Good luck!

 

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

Ooops.

 

Would I ever marry again? Never.

 

My present WH is "trying" for reconciliation and I've said that even if we DO reconcile, I want a divorce. Yep. Even if he stays and everything is WONDERFUL? Yeah right for whom. I'm divorcing him. We may live together in a de facto relationship but we'd both better be divorced.

 

Yeah weird. Who cares. When someone has their own agenda, relationships stink.

 

LH

[GoBlue]

I'm still not sold on the idea of having casual sex period, let alone with the coworker I mentioned. I don't want to create a disaster. The only way I would consider this is if it would be to our mutual benefit. I think it would be crucial for both of us to be upfront and honest about what we would like to get out of the setup, and what our expectations and standards are. I would prefer for both of us to be tested for STIs at the same facility, at the same time, before we would engage in sex. If we were to engage in sex, I would want it to be fun, healthy, and ultimately beneficial for each of us.

 

I have one word to describe this situation if it were to happen - DISASTER. There really is no such thing as "casual" sex whether you are male or female. Sex is the melding of two people together in the most intimate contact physically possible. You are not "wasting away" your sexual prime because saving yourself for marriage is never a waste. The people who are truly "wasting" their sexual prime are those giving themselves away every chance they get while never forming any real and lasting relationship. We haven't even mentioned the whole "co-worker" issue yet. I can simply say that in my several years of work experience I have not seen very many "work relationships" turn out well. You will be opening yourself up for all kinds of accusations and negative possibilities. Listen to your heart on this one. Good luck.