Loss of Desire

[Liz]

I am 32 and my boyfriend is 47. Lately sex has been non-existent. He says he has no sex drive. I am wondering if this is an age issue. I had been reading different things on male menopause. Anybody have any advise? Thanks...

[Tony T]

It's not an age issue. I have a friend who is 87 years old who will do any lady who will have him.

 

There are many reasons for diminished or complete loss of libido.

 

1. Use of illegal substances or certain presciption medications.

 

2, Excessive life stresses, such as family problems, financial concerns, work difficulties, etc.

 

3. Excessive masturbation.

 

4. Low blood sugar, diabetes, thyroid problems, low testosterone levels, etc.

 

5. Insufficient visual and/or sensual stimulation.

 

6. Fatigue and exhaustion (due to improper nutrition, stress, or other physical problems).

 

7. Fear of unwanted pregnancy.

 

8. Mental associations with past unfavorable sexual experiences or performance anxiety.

 

9. Having an affair on the side and associated guilt.

 

There are many other possiblities. He first needs to eliminate all phsycial causes by getting a full physical. If all is fine there, his next step should be to a competent psychotherapist who can work on the root psychological causes...which are usually the problem. Stress and preoccupation with business and other problems is probably the number one cause for men's lack of interest in sex.

 

There is a lot of crap written about male menopause but it has no real basis in physiology. It's more a psychological thing that happens in some men where they reach middle age and realize it doesn't get up as fast as it used to and you can't go as many rounds as you used to.

 

But, again, I have a friend who is 40 years older than you man is and he would hit on you in a heartbeat.

 

It could also be that he just isn't interested anymore. If he's been very sexually active for many years, maybe he's just screwed out for a while. He may have so little interest he won't even get checked out. But most normal men will go out of their way to keep their sexual interest as long as possible.

 

Since 90 percent of sex occurs in the mind, my best feeling is that all this is psychological. You've got to have an erect mind before you can have an erect penis. Not you, your guy.

[Liz]

Thanks, I will keep all of this in mind. He has been checked before. I don't know that it is an age issue either. He has been divorced for 2 years from a woman who didn't like sex and wouldn't give it to him very often. He says he learned how to live without. He then started having problems with impotence and when she did want sex then she would pick on him because he couldn't perform. I do think some of this is psychological. I guess it's just that since he and I met we really have not had a problem with the impotence. I am very understanding about all this, but maybe it is always in the back of his mind. I myself have a self esteem problem and am being treated for depression. He tells me it has nothing to do with me, it's only about him, I believe him but my mind loves to play tricks. I think I need to stop being so self centered in thinking it's about me and be more empathetic towards him. I was able to get him to come to one of my couseling sessions, which went well, I may try to coax him again. thanks...

It's not an age issue. I have a friend who is 87 years old who will do any lady who will have him. There are many reasons for diminished or complete loss of libido. 1. Use of illegal substances or certain presciption medications. 2, Excessive life stresses, such as family problems, financial concerns, work difficulties, etc. 3. Excessive masturbation. 4. Low blood sugar, diabetes, thyroid problems, low testosterone levels, etc. 5. Insufficient visual and/or sensual stimulation.

 

6. Fatigue and exhaustion (due to improper nutrition, stress, or other physical problems).

 

7. Fear of unwanted pregnancy. 8. Mental associations with past unfavorable sexual experiences or performance anxiety. 9. Having an affair on the side and associated guilt. There are many other possiblities. He first needs to eliminate all phsycial causes by getting a full physical. If all is fine there, his next step should be to a competent psychotherapist who can work on the root psychological causes...which are usually the problem. Stress and preoccupation with business and other problems is probably the number one cause for men's lack of interest in sex. There is a lot of crap written about male menopause but it has no real basis in physiology. It's more a psychological thing that happens in some men where they reach middle age and realize it doesn't get up as fast as it used to and you can't go as many rounds as you used to. But, again, I have a friend who is 40 years older than you man is and he would hit on you in a heartbeat. It could also be that he just isn't interested anymore. If he's been very sexually active for many years, maybe he's just screwed out for a while. He may have so little interest he won't even get checked out. But most normal men will go out of their way to keep their sexual interest as long as possible. Since 90 percent of sex occurs in the mind, my best feeling is that all this is psychological. You've got to have an erect mind before you can have an erect penis. Not you, your guy.