Faithfullness is a lack of opportunity...

[Winterina]

...or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

 

 

In my case, I am always able to resist any challenges, even the really good opportunities which in my single life I would definitely be nuts not to go for... in fact, when in relationship I do not put myself in the situation in the first place that can lead to something, I do not give anyone any ideas that they can have anything with me etc... So it is a preventive method and it works. If someone almost throws themselves at me for godknowswhat reason, I back off immediately and do not try to be nice to them. This I consider as a loyalty to my partner who would sure not want me consoling someone and telling him how I would normally have affair with him but since I'm in a relationship I cannot bla bla... It just gives encouragement to that person to try again, hang around as "friend", try again, and try...

 

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

[beach]

Refused a LOT of opportunities while married.

 

It's a matter of integrity and has nothing to do with opportunities.

[kendahke]

...or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

 

utterly false. Faithfulness is an indication of integrity and discipline.

 

 

In my case, I am always able to resist any challenges, even the really good opportunities which in my single life I would definitely be nuts not to go for... in fact, when in relationship I do not put myself in the situation in the first place that can lead to something, I do not give anyone any ideas that they can have anything with me etc... So it is a preventive method and it works. If someone almost throws themselves at me for godknowswhat reason, I back off immediately and do not try to be nice to them. This I consider as a loyalty to my partner who would sure not want me consoling someone and telling him how I would normally have affair with him but since I'm in a relationship I cannot bla bla... It just gives encouragement to that person to try again, hang around as "friend", try again, and try...

 

I agree with every reason you've put forth.

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

 

IMO, the relationship that I'm in IS the great opportunity. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be in it.

[Winterina]

utterly false. Faithfulness is an indication of integrity and discipline.

 

 

 

 

I agree with every reason you've put forth.

 

 

 

IMO, the relationship that I'm in IS the great opportunity. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be in it.

 

Good character you have, respect. Not too many people do, so good to know there are some people out there who think like you.

Are you a man or woman? I am asking because it is my feelings (don't rip me into pieces for this) that many guys would go for it... but only some women.

[kendahke]

Good character you have, respect. Not too many people do, so good to know there are some people out there who think like you.

Are you a man or woman? I am asking because it is my feelings (don't rip me into pieces for this) that many guys would go for it... but only some women.

 

I'm a woman.

 

Being faithful, IMO, is very easy to do. Not opening up one's self to temptation is very easy to do. You make your mind up that that's not what you're going to do while in a relationship and you follow through.

 

My ex used to be astounded by me not noticing other men who were scoping me out because, being the cheater he was, he could see it everywhere around me, but I couldn't. I just don't check for it.

 

It's a double edged sword in that now that I'm single, I still cannot discern men's interest in me. It's frustrating being in a position where I can entertain attention and not being able to catch a clue. Ah well... such is life.

[carhill]

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

1. I can never be absolutely sure that any partner or spouse has been faithful.

 

2. I did get hit on, surprisingly to me, while married, and did nothing.

 

3. When I did 'do something', I made sure my spouse knew about it, in advance, and as directly and harshly as possible, and it was with someone who never hit on me, at all.

 

4. Any of the above statements could be the truth, or a lie. There isn't a video for CNN.

[PegNosePete]

I would refuse the opportunity, because I am a decent human being.

[Winterina]

I'm a woman.

 

Being faithful, IMO, is very easy to do. Not opening up one's self to temptation is very easy to do. You make your mind up that that's not what you're going to do while in a relationship and you follow through.

 

My ex used to be astounded by me not noticing other men who were scoping me out because, being the cheater he was, he could see it everywhere around me, but I couldn't. I just don't check for it.

 

It's a double edged sword in that now that I'm single, I still cannot discern men's interest in me. It's frustrating being in a position where I can entertain attention and not being able to catch a clue. Ah well... such is life.

 

 

Hope you will find someone who will know how to appreciate you.

 

 

Only honest people cannot live happily with a lie and as such would never put themselves in such situation where they have to have something to hide.

[DivorcedDad123]

I've been given that opportunity quite a few times since I've been dating. I can't do it. Not because I didn't want to(because some of these women are hot!) but because I could in no way do that to my sweet girlfriend.

I wouldn't want to hurt her in any way or form.

None of these women had a problem with it. They know I'm in a relationship,but just didn't care.

[drifter777]

Some people treat me badly and I hate them. Many times I have the opportunity to run them over in the parking lot when there is no one around to see. I don't do it because I think killing people is wrong - really wrong - and punishes that person's friends and family more then the person I kill. Its not unthinkable and when I'm angry I picture choking the life out of the jerk, but its fantasy - not reality. It has nothing to do with the commandments or the law - I believe its wrong and I can't do it.

 

I've never cheated on my wife and, like anyone, have had easy chances and opportunities to pursue. I don't stop myself because I think about what it would do to my wife if she found out, I don't do it because it is wrong. It feels wrong in my mind and my heart. Not because I'm afraid my wife would divorce me and not because of the commandments. For me it is just wrong.

 

Of course I have fantasies about other women but they are just that - fantasies. If anyone is honest they will agree that they have them too and that they are normal and harmless to any relationship.

[umirano]

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

 

The way you ask the question sounds immature somehow. Or someone who has an odd definition of "to love someone" would ask it that way. If you love someone you don't cheat on them, because you might as well purposely back your car overt heir favorite pet. Loving someone and cheating on them is mutually exclusive in my book.

Edited January 22, 2015 by umirano

[BeatsByDirk]

Yeah, so 100%, some magic is involved or god or dimensional shift occurs and my wife will never find out and there is no chance of pregnancy or diseases!

Hell yeah. . . If she's really attractive or there's some crazy chemistry.

 

Have you met any Poly people? The few I have met are not viable options for raising a family so I settled for a monogamous relationship.

This does not mean I don't love my wife, I just don't think love and sex are exclusive partners. I also don't believe in this notion that love conquers all, I only have eyes for you, I only want to have sex with the person I love mentality.

 

Maybe I'm a dirtball but monogamy ain't my bag, it's a compromise to accomplish other goals.

 

In this vacuum you've created nobody gets hurt, I break a vow maybe but I made it under duress, but it would have no affect on my relationship.

 

Life doesn't work like this, no garauntees and somebody is gonna get hurt.

I do get opportunities and haven't been inappropriate about any. I used to let my wife know because I wanted to be honest about my interactions with other women but she said it just made her feel insecure and to keep it to myself.

 

My ex used to be astounded by me not noticing other men who were scoping me out because, being the cheater he was, he could see it everywhere around me, but I couldn't. I just don't check for it.

 

I'm aware of sexually charged situation and I have to work hard to be monogamous because I notice all the moms who check me out even with their husbands around so I have to be mindful of how I interact with others and not let my mind wander to far in any real person's direction.

[hoping2heal]

...or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

 

 

In my case, I am always able to resist any challenges, even the really good opportunities which in my single life I would definitely be nuts not to go for... in fact, when in relationship I do not put myself in the situation in the first place that can lead to something, I do not give anyone any ideas that they can have anything with me etc... So it is a preventive method and it works. If someone almost throws themselves at me for godknowswhat reason, I back off immediately and do not try to be nice to them. This I consider as a loyalty to my partner who would sure not want me consoling someone and telling him how I would normally have affair with him but since I'm in a relationship I cannot bla bla... It just gives encouragement to that person to try again, hang around as "friend", try again, and try...

 

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

 

I have opportunity and have not cheated and do not wish to.

 

It is irrelevant that SO wouldn't find out, I'd know and I'm not a moron it would be extremely hurtful...is the guilt I'd have worth it? Hail no. I wouldn't even know how to enjoy myself in the relationship anymore because I'd feel so terrible for what I did to this person I love that did not deserve it.

[Phoe]

I'm some cases it is just lack of opportunity, in others it really is integrity.

 

2 of my exes cheated the minute the opportunity was there. No other reason. There weren't issues in the relationship, lack of sex, fights, etc... it was literally just that the opportunity was there so they took it.

 

But in the case of my most recent ex, he did have women interested, and he never entertained that option. It was truly integrity.

[LostOnes05]

Young guy here...I definitely had the opportunity to cheat, but that's something I would NEVER do. First of all, I like being able to sleep at night with a clear conscience. I also value my integrity and integrity I see in others. And knowing first hand what it feels like to be cheated on, I'd never want to hurt someone like that. Much better to avoid those situations in the first place. Cheating shows a lack of respect for the other person. For me, being in a relationship means the woman has my full attention and commitment. Anything less is a waste of her time and mine.

Edited January 23, 2015 by LostOnes05

[No Limit]

Heard that saying once and felt like throwing up. Reading it as thread title in a different language is having the same effect right now.

 

It's an integrity thing which not all people have. Wasn't in a relationship yet but already 2 unavailable guys - one in a long term relationship, the other one married - would have loved to have me on the side. No thanks.

 

I find the idea of betraying someone or helping someone betray others morally unsettling and highly repulsive. Can't say that the idea of having sex with people who are minded like that is all that thrilling and tempting for me. Even from my personally totally calculated point of view; how stupid and low-leveled would I be if I intentionally sought out a path I know has negative consequences with nothing positive to gain? Bad but different sex for 5 minutes in exchange for the inability to look into mirrors? Doesn't sound like a good trade.

[Winterina]

The way you ask the question sounds immature somehow. Or someone who has an odd definition of "to love someone" would ask it that way. If you love someone you don't cheat on them, because you might as well purposely back your car overt heir favorite pet. Loving someone and cheating on them is mutually exclusive in my book.

 

 

Dearest, questions do not reflect someone's attitude towards things.

Just look at the post immediately under yours. That is the kind of person I am talking about. Heard it too many times to not wonder.

[Woggle]

I could easily cheat if I wanted to but I never would even think about. Cheating is one of the easiest things a person can do because being in a relationship or even better married makes some people want to be with you based on just that fact.

[NoC]

...or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

 

 

In my case, I am always able to resist any challenges, even the really good opportunities which in my single life I would definitely be nuts not to go for... in fact, when in relationship I do not put myself in the situation in the first place that can lead to something, I do not give anyone any ideas that they can have anything with me etc... So it is a preventive method and it works. If someone almost throws themselves at me for godknowswhat reason, I back off immediately and do not try to be nice to them. This I consider as a loyalty to my partner who would sure not want me consoling someone and telling him how I would normally have affair with him but since I'm in a relationship I cannot bla bla... It just gives encouragement to that person to try again, hang around as "friend", try again, and try...

 

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

 

Very smart! I like that, prevention is better than fighting temptation and I follow the same belief. If my partner would never find out, I wouldn't do it because when I like (and love) someone it is literally impossible for me to hurt them knowingly, a quality about myself I love.

[BlueIris]

No one outside my marriage ever registered as a "great opportunity." Outside sex never occurred to me. I'd hate to be married to someone who thought he was giving up great opportunities of any kind because we were married. I'd encourage him to go.

 

This kind of reminds me of a question my ex-BF once asked- would I fight for him if another woman was interested in him? I said, No, I'd want him to choose what he wants for his life. He was ticked at me for that answer, so I guess I don't understand these things as some do.

[Trimmer]

Faithfulness is a lack of opportunity ...or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

I think it's a lame excuse by those who don't have the integrity to control themselves to normalize their behavior.

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

If I love and am committed to the woman I'm with, then I wouldn't characterize an objective "opportunity" as subjectively "great."

[Justanaverageguy]

Faithfullness is a lack of opportunity......or so the saying goes in one language. But you get the idea. What do you think about this saying?

 

I think it's BS. Like others said faithfulness is about integrity, honesty and respect. I do however agree there are many, many people who "claim" to be faithful or who claim to be "not the type of person who would cheat" who simply haven't yet had the opportunity to do so. Not with someone they were attracted to in circumstances where they could get away with it. Not having done something in the past .... and not being the type of person who would actually do something if given the opportunity are two totally different things.

 

So the question is, how many of you out there would refuse a great opportunity if you know a woman or man you love (and that have been faithful to you) would never find out?

 

I have a principle I try and live by which is simply this - It is what you do when no one is looking that truly matters.

 

It is easy to be a good person when people are watching or when there are negative repercussions to your actions that force you to be a good person. It is more difficult to do the right thing when the only person who will know you did the right thing is yourself. When there is no reward and perhaps even a negative consequence for doing so. You won't get a round of applause - no one will tell you that you did a good job. All you will get is the knowledge within yourself that you did.

 

Whilst not exactly the same thing as cheating - I learnt from a very young age that I was someone who could resist that type of temptation for the right reasons. I had a very weird issue where I was incorrectly diagnosed with an STD. This was at the age of 19 in college years. I had many opportunities to sleep with women at that age. Many with women I would never see again or have any contact with again. I also had no obvious physical symptoms (like I said incorrect diagnosis). I could have slept with them and "gotten away with it". I certainly learnt some weird things about guys who don't go after sex .... you often end up with girls throwing themselves at you. I had girls sneak into my bed during house parties, girls straight up proposition me for sex at bars and then ask me if I was gay or was something wrong with me when I said no. Really difficult situations to actually avoid having sex. I've never had more women interested me in my entire life then that short period where I was unable to sleep with women and actively trying not to. Strange how that works.

 

But I didn't sleep with a single one in the 2 1/2 years until my diagnosis was corrected. I finally saw a decent doctor and found out I actually had nothing. In the couple of months before that there was a girl that I was really, really close with and interested in - whom I had to stop something happening with. That actually prompted me to see another specialist and get the correct diagnosis. I never got that girl - took too long and she moved on and started dating another guy - but I would honestly not change that experience for anything in the entire world. There was something incredibly powerful in being tested and not crumbling or giving in to temptation because I didn't want to hurt someone else. Seriously coming out of that it was one of the most powerful feelings I have ever had in my life. Its weird that if I had slept with a bunch of women in that time period .... even though I would not actually have given them anything ... I realized it would have destroyed me as a person. Knowing that I was too weak to do the right thing and was willing to hurt people for my own self benefit.

 

After that I knew no matter what happened in my life I would never cheat on a partner - that I had the ability to say no and that the reward for saying no was enough for me. Also the consequences for cheating was something I didn't want to and couldn't live with. Even if no one else ever found out I did it. Even if the partner whom I cared about and didn't want to hurt never found out - I would know and that for me would be too much.

 

Sorry that reply got longer then I expected it to be.