paradox Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 How can you see if a guy is with you just for sex or if he genuinely has feelings for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I think you can tell by the way he treats you. There is a difference between someone that wants to spend time getting to know you because they're interested in a relationship with you and someone that just wants you to come over for a booty call. I've had both and the booty call was so absurdly obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by paradox How can you see if a guy is with you just for sex or if he genuinely has feelings for you? Depends on the situation, and the people involved - and the extent to which its one or the other. What's your story? If it is *just* sex - then you serve only one purpose. To spread your legs when he needs you to. He doesn't care what you have to say, what you feel, or what you need. He won't spend any non-sex time with you. He contacts you, and will not make himself available for you to contact him. The very second you try to make things work for you, and its something more than just sex - he'll dump you. That is one end of the spectrum. The other end is different: If it is genuine - then he feels you complete him in many ways, including sex. He is willing to accommodate those things that make you human, and capable of making human mistakes. He cares what you say, and takes it into consideration when forming his own outcomes of a given situation. He spends time with you in a variety of ways, and under different circumstances. He will contact you, and is happy to have contact from you. He is willing to work on your relationship with compromise and adjustments to his own needs - as long as you are willing to do the same. "just sex" is all about filling one particular need with no regard to any other needs. "love" is about a mutual filling of each other's needs for the benefit of both. Its a sliding scale though, and fluctuates - sometimes a person who is in it for "just sex" might slip and let it go into emotional territory, and then just as easily slip right back into "just sex". A person who is in love might every once in a while dip down into selfish territory, but will slide back up into "love". It is situational, and unique in every relationship based on the partners, and what they need and expect from each other. Link to post Share on other sites
li'l bunny Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I have known my H a long time and when we first got together it was just casual sex. I really liked him and I told him so. We kept having sex for about five months and he kept telling me he just didn't like me in that way (as in relationship wise) but he still kept shagging me. (and he was meant to be one of my best friends!) Well, I was sure he felt more for me than he was letting on because of the way he had sex with me, kissing me all over and holding me tight. We spent A LOT of time together because we were friends first and lovers second. Anyway, one day he admitted that he was in love with me. Sometimes men have a hard time admitting deep feelings. I don't know why, but this is my experience. I think your gut feeling will tell you whether you're being used or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paradox Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Thanks a lot li'l bunny. It helps actually. He wants to have sex with me all the time, though we do spend time together. He doesn't like hugging and kissing that much. Well anyway, Ill see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 We are wired different than females. GENERALY SPEAKING.... Men corrolate sex with love, while women corrolate affection with love. Men are visual and like things they can touch and see....while women are more intune with emotion and conversation... again, these are generalities.... Link to post Share on other sites
yuv Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 really have to agree with ThumbingMyWay. i love my wife very much and although we can't have sex every day due to lots of factors, i would LIKE to have sex with her every single day. in my view, the DESIRE (NOT necessarily doing so, but the DESIRE) is the important factor. to me, sex strengthens and builds my love for her. in her view, even when i use the word desire like i do here, she _hears_ something totally different. in other words, i might ask "why is it you don't desire sex every day" and she will _hear_ "why aren't we having sex every day" and boom, i'm the husband that just wants sex and has no feelings. for me and some other guys, wanting to have sex - desire - IS having feelings. if i didn't have feelings of love for her, i wouldn't care about our sex life. if it were "only about the orgasm" as some might say, i'd masturbate, but that isn't fulfilling. yeah, i know some men just want sex. what i hope i'm clarifying is that a heavy interest in sex and having feelings are not always mutually exclusive. some men, like me, have both. as for being affectionate (keep in mind i AGREE with ThumbingMyWay) i think some men (like me) feel that this is something akin to sibling love, or something that people do when they merely LIKE each other, and so therefore, *both* affection and sex are necessary for love to exist and to build. if a man puts his primary focus on only one (sex), he probably doesn't love you. [and if a woman puts her primary focus on only one (affection), she's probably going to lose the man...] i'll add this, fwiw. when a man stops having sex with you, it's curtains. in my experience, many (you, reaching for the mouse: i said MANY, not ALL) men won't say anything about problems in the (dating) relationship, and if they do, it's usually at the point where it probably can't be repaired. so if the sex lets up and there doesn't really appear to be a reason, his interest is waning--and if you ask and get a "nothing's wrong" (or variant), dump him... Link to post Share on other sites
Lolla Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 IT IS JUST SEX .. when they don't want to kiss you, that show that they just want sex.. sad but it is true. Link to post Share on other sites
yuv Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 yeah, i do agree with lolla that if by "he doesn't like" you wanted to say "there is absolutely no," it's just sex and probably time to dump him, unless this is what you want right now (it doesn't sound like it). what kind of person doesn't like a hug or kiss? (or *does* he, but he doesn't do these things as frequently as *you'd* like?) also, what do you do during time spent together? i would guess that by now since your first post in this thread you've developed a definate feeling one way or another in any case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paradox Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 We've been meeting up for 7 months now. I would say that he is not really into hugging and kissing. He usually prefers to touch me up instead (if that make sense). We do go to different places, but most of all he likes to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Are you very young? Because the advice that you would receive about this would be different if so. What is appropriate sexual contact in mature adults, may be in fact detrimental advice in regards to a teen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paradox Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 Im 21, but started dating late so im not all that experienced in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts