Its complicated: In love with a friend who is in a long distance relationship

[SRHP]

Hi all,

 

Thank you for the taking out the time to hear me out. I could really do with some advice.

 

Long story cut short : I am currently a graduate student and have a friend who is in the same program as me. He is fresh out of undergrad while i have worked a few years so i am 6 years older than him (im 29 he is 23). He is currently in a long distance relationship of 2 years which his girlfriend back home. Now the problem is that i have fallen in love with him. Its like being struck by the thunderbolt. Now the situation reads like this - we are together 12 hours a day in class - we are always together and have this electrifying vibe that every single person in our grad class thinks that we are in a relationship with each other even when we go home we are always connected on watsapp and we hang out together all the time over the weekend as well.

 

He shares all his personal thoughts and things with me - and keeps on joking that i can get any guy that i want and hypothetically we would have been a great couple had it not been for our current situation. He also jokes with me that i love him but obviously i laugh it off. We go out alone one on one for dinners, movies, opera shows, musicals, walks to the beach,etc. When ive been down/upset he has even stayed over at my place multiple times. I shop for him, his family ,etc.

 

The vibe between us is just electrifying - he has told me numerous times that i remind him so much of his girlfriend in terms of the person that i am. Things with his girlfriends are kind of on off since they are in a long distance and future career plans are now conflicting with their long term goals.

 

Sooooo, what do i do - i cannot tell him i love him. Do u think he is interested in me in any way? Is his behaviour normal with me given that he already has a girlfriend?

what should i do. this is killing me!

 

Hopelessly in love.

[PinkElephants]

Hi, I'm not sure if you're still around but hopefully you'll get some responses. To start, this isn't going to end the way you want it to.

 

He shares all his personal thoughts and things with me - and keeps on joking that i can get any guy that i want and hypothetically we would have been a great couple had it not been for our current situation.

His current situation is his girlfriend. She exists and he doesn't show any sign of changing that. He says you can get any guy you want so you'll deny it and say you dont want anyone else. He's setting you up to boost his ego.

 

He also jokes with me that i love him but obviously i laugh it off.

He knows you love him but he doesn't love you. If he did, he'd be with you. Again, it's all about ego kibbles for him.

 

We go out alone one on one for dinners, movies, opera shows, musicals, walks to the beach,etc.

Not appropriate or classy.

 

When ive been down/upset he has even stayed over at my place multiple times.

VERY inappropriate. If you do wind up with him, are you ok with him doing this with his new classmates?

 

I shop for him, his family ,etc.

You're overstepping lines but he's not going to set you straight because you buy him stuff.

 

he has told me numerous times that i remind him so much of his girlfriend in terms of the person that i am.

You remind him of his girlfriend but you're not the one. He's telling you that you're good enough to keep him occupied; you remind him of her so you're perfect for entertaining him until he can get back to her.

 

Do u think he is interested in me in any way?

No. If he wanted you, he'd be with you. If he was interested, nothing would keep him from committing to you. You're the girlfriend doppelganger who's willing to take care of him until he gets back to the girl he loves.

 

As far as what you should do, stop catering to him and stop allowing him to use you for emotional satisfaction while he sorts out being with another woman. He's disrespecting you by using you to help keep his relationship stable. You're providing attention while he waits out the long distance. And you're disrespecting yourself by not demanding more for yourself.