Drawing a blank Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Revenge.. Is it okay to torment a woman who you know is "the other woman," and who knows she is the other woman, and is completely disregarding the feelings of the wife of her love interest? How can a woman be so back-stabbing? I have just found out that my father-in-law is cheating, more so emotionally than physically, and with a little bit of e-lurking have discovered this woman's name, job, address, etc. I am severely pissed. I read an e-mail which indicated that she is COMPLETELY aware of his marital status. How can people be so selfish? I am ready to go do childish, vandalistic things to this woman to make her life a living hell. Surely someone else has been in this position? Link to post Share on other sites
here again Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Ok, please, some justification from OWs out there. What makes it ok in your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Look, I understand that you're angry, but your anger shouldn't be directed at the OW. Direct the anger at your father in law- he is the one that's married to your mother in law. HE made the committment to her, not this other woman. How can a woman be so back stabbing?? How can he??? You don't know the situation that may have caused this, and I don't care how well you know your inlaws- you still never know everything that goes on in ANY marriage! Your father in law may have been unhappy for years! That doesn't make it right but you truly cannot know why he has done this. Further more, it's not really your business either to get involved. Sure, you love your inlaws I'm sure- but it's not your place to do any of this. The most I would do, and this is overstepping IMO, is to tell your father in law you know what he's doing and he better cut it out or you will go to your mother in law with the truth. Let him know you mean business. If he didn't cut it out I'd tell her but other than that I'd stay out of it. You don't know this woman's personal situation either. It's very easy to sit back and judge when you've never been in that situation............. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 If you feel that you're justified in getting involved in this situation then what you should do is tell your spouse about the affair and let your spouse handle it they want to handle it. It's not your marriage. It's not your father. And in all honesty, you have no idea what happens behind closed doors in that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I agree with Pocky...Let you're spouse deal with it...You don't want to get involved in something that really has nothing to do with you...People sometimes are forced to stay with their SO but wish they can let go...Love is hard and it has not limits...I do believe you can be in love with 2 people but in a different way...Maybe this OW makes him feel good again...what's wrong with feeling good?? Not your place to butt in Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by Drawing a blank Revenge.. Is it okay to torment a woman who you know is "the other woman," and who knows she is the other woman, and is completely disregarding the feelings of the wife of her love interest? What do you expect would happen as a result? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Revenge is low. It rarely makes the target suffer as much as you hope and it rarely gives you satisfaction. Rather, you realize you've done something wretched, thereby lowering yourself. Your FIL isn't an infant. He wasn't helpless in this. As others have pointed out , HE made the choice to break his vows. Just stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I'd be tempted to go on the revenge thing. Idea: annonymous email where you'd forward the given mail you have in your possesion (where the OW was stating she knew about the marital status of her lover) to all three of them - W, H and OW. Let them deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
drawing a blank Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Maybe this OW makes him feel good again...what's wrong with feeling good?? Not your place to butt in Are you seriously justifying infidelity? I just can't understand anyone who has been in the situation of knowing they're the OW.. I guess that's more so what I was looking for than advice on the revenge. Did not make it very obvious, I know... Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by here again Ok, please, some justification from OWs out there. What makes it ok in your mind? Ya really wanna know? I don't think you will find alot of OW that are going to justify themselves. Most of us got into the relationship not thinking of the consequences. Not thinking of the W or anything like that. Some have low self esteem, no confidence, just like the attention. But the farther into it we got, the more the feelings grew, and just like any other relationship, it gets harder to walk away. I know with my XMM, he made me feel special, and why would I've wanted to walk away from something that made me feel special? Now that I look back at it, I feel HORRIBLE for what I did.. for the W. But it made me who I am today.. a stronger person. And I got a hard lesson out of it And for some people who may bash me for being an OW, please don't. She asked opinions from an OW. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 What else made me not feel bad at the time? He lied to me. He lied to me more than I've ever been lied to. They lie to us.. tell us about their AWFUL marriages. Some tell us they're gonna leave the W for us. He cared about me more than her.. blah blah blah.. They're just master liars. Link to post Share on other sites
liswil Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 What else made me not feel bad at the time? He lied to me. He lied to me more than I've ever been lied to. They lie to us.. tell us about their AWFUL marriages. Some tell us they're gonna leave the W for us. He cared about me more than her.. blah blah blah.. They're just master liars. I feel worse for the wife because she's the one left with a liar. And I'm sure he lies to her as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Drawing a blank Revenge.. Is it okay to torment a woman who you know is "the other woman," and who knows she is the other woman, and is completely disregarding the feelings of the wife of her love interest? How can a woman be so back-stabbing? I have just found out that my father-in-law is cheating, more so emotionally than physically, and with a little bit of e-lurking have discovered this woman's name, job, address, etc. I am severely pissed. I read an e-mail which indicated that she is COMPLETELY aware of his marital status. How can people be so selfish? I am ready to go do childish, vandalistic things to this woman to make her life a living hell. Surely someone else has been in this position? Are you suffering from a moronic disorder? Do you think she held a gun to your father-in-law's head and said "Take those pants off, b*tchlips" Stay out of it, it's NONE of your business. Tell your partner and let him deal with it. It's so very often those full of righteous indignation fail to see the entire picture. Link to post Share on other sites
liswil Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 It's funny how they blame the OW instead of the MM. In my experience, it's often that the MM starts it. Thing is, getting the OW out of the picture isn't going to help because he's still going to be the same person he was before and that's a person that cheats. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 DRAWING A BLANK: I'm not married, but my bf did cheat on me in the past. I held him responsible of course, but I could not help hating the girls too. I wanted to do mean things to them, and email them stuff, and so on. I mean, sure - i could yell at my bf, but I wanted them to hear the wrath of me too!!! So...I totally know what you are goign thru. Some knew he was cheating on me, and some he had lied to and said we were broken up. So...being the BIGGER PERSON (totally sarcastic, by the way) I wrote all their email addresses down b/c I had them from when I looked in his email (yea, I know I know!!!) and I sent this email BCC'd to all of them telling them I was his gf during his summer trip, and how he cheated on me. Anyhow, to make a long story short - I think we just get really thrown off guard, we struggle to make heads or tails of it...we try to take control of it...and we lash out and do these stupid things. It didn't do a damn thing for me. It was totally a waste of my time...and honestly, I felt sort of stupid later. You were brighter than me, at least you came and asked! I just went ahead and did it! I think you should tell your SO about it...and then figure out the next step. G-luck! Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
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