argh, laundry room etiquette - starting to go insane.

[SaraSnow]

I live in a shared house with three other people. I get on with 2 housemates fine, though we aren't very close. There is one guy though, who is incredibly inconsiderate.

 

He lived in the house when the rest of us moved in. He had just moved to the attic room, the room above mine, as it is the biggest. One of the previous housemates warned me about how loud he was when she came to pick up some stuff, and expressed her disbelief he was moving into the top room. He is so loud!! He plays music all the time, which I am forced to listen to. His feet are made of lead. Once I almost threw up when I heard him and his girlfriend being er, intimate. He isn't an unpleasant guy, just totally thoughtless about anyone else. You can tell he is a complete spoiled mummy's boy, who has been pandered to his whole life.

 

Anyway, to the laundry situation - we have one washer and one dryer.

 

He does A LOT of laundry, like a never ending stream of it. I often come in in the evenings and he's using the washer. OK, whatever. He will often leave things in the dryer overnight, or when he goes out. I HATE touching other peoples' laundry, and unless i'm in a massive rush, I usually leave my stuff, in a bag beside the machine, for an hour or so until he comes and claim it. If I do have to remove it, I put it in a plastic bag (I have only ever done this with a female housemate and I had dripping wet towels).

 

So, this morning he isn't in. I think "Hallelujah, I can do laundry". I wash a load and put it in the dryer. I then put a separate wash in. The dryer is set to two hours, and the washer is set to take 1 hour 40 minutes.

 

I nip out for a couple of hours. However I get held up (reasons beyond my control), and immediately feel panicky in case he comes back and takes out my laundry. I rush home - 30 minutes max, past the time the dryer should have stopped.

 

My heart drops when I come back and he's in. I immediately rush to the kitchen, and lo and behold, he has emptied all my clean stuff onto the counter including bras and panties. I am mortified.

 

He has also taken out dripping wet towels, setting them right beside my dry things. This has happened a few times - he can leave his things in for hours/overnight (he once went a whole weekend and left them in), but I leave it in for something like 30 minutes and it's out. Some of the stuff is still slightly damp, which makes me question if A.) he's ended the dryer early or B.) why not put it on for some extra time when you can feel it's not completely dry?

 

I am a pretty reserved person and he is about 10 years older than me, so it feels completely inappropriate for him to be handling my underwear, albeit clean underwear!

 

I want to confront him, but things already feel so uncomfortable and awkward around him, and I avoid confrontation whenever I can.

 

I am planning to move asap, but as I am job hunting/in the middle of applying for grad school (so his loud music playing is just great when i'm working in my room), now isn't the best time.

 

Am I being too uptight about this? If he was super prompt when taking out his stuff, I could be a bit more lenient. However it just seems to be the straw that's breaking my back at the minute.

[CarrieT]

Am I being too uptight about this?

Yep, you sure are.

 

YOU have the issue with others touching your laundry and you touching their laundry.

[evanescentworld]

Seems like he has a sense of entitlement as he was there first.

 

Is he a tenant just like you?

 

To whom do you pay the rent?

 

either sit down (all tenants together) and work out a rota for utilities usage, or if that doesn't work, speak to the landlord about getting some house rules made up.

 

I used to live in a shared house with 9 other people.

 

There were times when all kinds of stuff had to be touched, moved and dealt with.

 

Get over it, it's a shared house, it happens.

Appropriate/inappropriate is only in your mind.

It's just fabric and cloth for goodness' sake....

[SaraSnow]

really? Most people are OK with their underwear being handled by, essentially, a stranger??

[SaraSnow]

Seems like he has a sense of entitlement as he was there first.

 

Is he a tenant just like you?

 

To whom do you pay the rent?

 

either sit down (all tenants together) and work out a rota for utilities usage, or if that doesn't work, speak to the landlord about getting some house rules made up.

 

I used to live in a shared house with 9 other people.

 

There were times when all kinds of stuff had to be touched, moved and dealt with.

 

Get over it, it's a shared house, it happens.

Appropriate/inappropriate is only in your mind.

It's just fabric and cloth for goodness' sake....

 

I think you are right you know. He is, yes. We have a private landlord.

 

I lived in a house with 8 other girls previously - we were all very good with laundry - we wouldn't touch each others things generally, and we would never leave things in for more than an hour or so after they were finished. Maybe i've been lucky and gotten to accustomed to highly considerate housemates.

[evanescentworld]

really? Most people are OK with their underwear being handled by, essentially, a stranger??

yes.

If I'm not wearing it, where's the problem?

 

It's just a piece of cloth.

Why are you attaching anything sexual, sinister or distasteful to it?

It's no different to folding a person's tee-shirt....

[SaraSnow]

yes.

If I'm not wearing it, where's the problem?

 

It's just a piece of cloth.

Why are you attaching anything sexual, sinister or distasteful to it?

It's no different to folding a person's tee-shirt....

 

Because they are black lacy underwear and g strings!

[evanescentworld]

I think you are right you know. He is, yes. We have a private landlord.

Discuss the matter with the other 2 housemates first, and get their opinions or views on the matter.

If they're guys, they may not see an issue with this.

If it's a couple, or ladies, you may garner more empathy....

 

I lived in a house with 8 other girls previously - we were all very good with laundry - we wouldn't touch each others things generally, and we would never leave things in for more than an hour or so after they were finished. Maybe i've been lucky and gotten to accustomed to highly considerate housemates.

yes, the other 9 people I lived with was my H and 4 other couples.

 

Guys are... different'..... they frankly give a schytte....

 

But the ladies really took on the more practical home roles.

Sexism is alive and well and living in shared households....!

 

The guys WOULD do stuff, if their partners weren't around, but for the most part it was with a "Waah! I can't do this/ I hate doing this!" kind of attitude... hilarious.

 

They always looked sort of, helpless.....

And mugs that we women were, we'd always say "oh for goodness' sake - here, let ME do it!!":laugh:

[SaraSnow]

Discuss the matter with the other 2 housemates first, and get their opinions or views on the matter.

If they're guys, they may not see an issue with this.

If it's a couple, or ladies, you may garner more empathy....

 

 

yes, the other 9 people I lived with was my H and 4 other couples.

 

Guys are... different'..... they frankly give a schytte....

 

But the ladies really took on the more practical home roles.

Sexism is alive and well and living in shared households....!

 

The guys WOULD do stuff, if their partners weren't around, but for the most part it was with a "Waah! I can't do this/ I hate doing this!" kind of attitude... hilarious.

 

They always looked sort of, helpless.....

And mugs that we women were, we'd always say "oh for goodness' sake - here, let ME do it!!":laugh:

 

I have been tempted to do this - there are 2 boys 2 girls. The thing is, none of us are close. I'd be worried it would make me look bad, as though I was trying to create bad blood in the house.

 

Plus i'm so busy with job hunting and making applications, I don't get much a chance to interact with them - when they are even around.

 

You know, if it was that, I could handle it a LOT better.

 

I am actually pretty laid back. Like, I am happy to put away/clean a few extra plates/cups or whatever that aren't mine. I don't care if the house isn't spotless. Generally, I am lucky in that we all clean up after ourselves and it works well in that regard.

 

But it's inconsideration that's really getting me down - who plays music on speakers until 11pm?! He knows I am working, because I have told him.

He knows how loud he is - a previous housemate brought it up. Yes he still chose to move into the top room for everyone to hear him. I can hear him making noise from the 1st floor - that is how loud it is. Slammin doors is a big thing for him as well. I basically have to sleep to his schedule.

 

I guess I really resent him, because ultimately I am being forced to do something I hate - asking him not to be so rude/inconsiderate, and turning me into THAT housemate. When really, this shouldn't even HAVE to be brought up, its basic manners!

 

So yeah, the laundry situation is just the final straw at the moment! I shouldn't have this much anxiety over laundry!

[evanescentworld]

You need to have a private word with the landlord, and you also need to keep a record of what goes on, and when.

You have a right to a quiet and considerate life, so you may well have grounds to lodge a complaint.

 

Jeesh, don't settle simply because of what people might think.

Sometimes, it's important to stick to principles.

Don't be a doormat....

[CarrieT]

Because they are black lacy underwear and g strings!

 

Which should be hand-washed in a sink anyway - not a machine...

[evanescentworld]

Because they are black lacy underwear and g strings!

In all probability designed by men....

 

Really?

You're worried about some skimpy piece of lace, that weighs nothing and covers even less....?!

 

Sweetheart, you need to re-assess you priorities here....

[CarrieT]

its basic manners!

It could also be argued that basic manners would dictate that you don't start laundry and leave the house; be there to take care of it when the machines are finished.

 

One never knows when/if there could be problems, like a machine breaking or over-flowing which is why it is best to operate them when one can stay in close proximity...

[xxoo]

Delicate bras and panties (esp bras) should never go in the washer or dryer. If you handwash them, you'll avoid the embarrassment with the room mate and extend the life of your delicates.

 

If he leaves his stuff in, take it out. Just as he does. Don't think of this as "getting back at him", but rather as "when in Rome, do as the Roman's do". Neither way is inherently better than the other, just different. In this house, laundry is handled the "take it out and put yours in" way. In other houses, it will be handled the "wait until your room mate removes their laundry" way. It all good, as long as everyone is on the same page.

[SaraSnow]

Which should be hand-washed in a sink anyway - not a machine...

 

Um.. well I think that's getting off the point a bit.

[SaraSnow]

Delicate bras and panties (esp bras) should never go in the washer or dryer. If you handwash them, you'll avoid the embarrassment with the room mate and extend the life of your delicates.

 

If he leaves his stuff in, take it out. Just as he does. Don't think of this as "getting back at him", but rather as "when in Rome, do as the Roman's do". Neither way is inherently better than the other, just different. In this house, laundry is handled the "take it out and put yours in" way. In other houses, it will be handled the "wait until your room mate removes their laundry" way. It all good, as long as everyone is on the same page.

 

Yeah, that sounds pretty sensible.

[evanescentworld]

Um.. well I think that's getting off the point a bit.

 

Er no... if you would really rather your 'smalls' were not handled by male hands - wash them in the sink. Best solution....

 

 

When I boarded at a school, we would have to sometimes do this with our underwear in he evenings, and drape it over a radiator to dry for the morning (the School Laundry service was not always very prompt or reliable....!)

[Haydn]

Personally I wouldn't want just anyone handling my skimpy spider web lacy enticing 'built for comfort' Friday night knickers.

 

Have a polite word as suggested by the above posters. If you say nothing it will continue. He might say 'Sorry'

[SaraSnow]

You need to have a private word with the landlord, and you also need to keep a record of what goes on, and when.

You have a right to a quiet and considerate life, so you may well have grounds to lodge a complaint.

 

Jeesh, don't settle simply because of what people might think.

Sometimes, it's important to stick to principles.

Don't be a doormat....

 

I know I have a lot of social anxieties!

 

I think he must be peeing off my other housemate - he has made a point of playing music (at a reasonable level), when the inconsiderate housemates plays it at an unreasonable level.

 

The landlord is quite young (his parnets bought him the house) - I think the inconsiderate housemate lived with him at some point, and they are on closer terms than I am, which is why I have been reluctant to go to him.

 

It's completely hypocritical as well - we had a set of next door neighours (who have now moved), who had an awful time with a screaming, difficult child. I commented in the first few weeks about how bad it was, and that I felt bad for the parents (I heard the mum crying through the walls!)

 

The inconsiderate housemate had the nerve to complain about how inconsiderate they were being! When, if he played music like he does now, it must have been hellish for them trying to settle a young child! Maybe thats why they moved?!

[SaraSnow]

Er no... if you would really rather your 'smalls' were not handled by male hands - wash them in the sink. Best solution....

 

 

When I boarded at a school, we would have to sometimes do this with our underwear in he evenings, and drape it over a radiator to dry for the morning (the School Laundry service was not always very prompt or reliable....!)

 

That is really not a good solution - all I wear are gstrings/lacy underwear (don't ask - I find them comfier!)

 

Between working full time, and grad school and job applications, It is just not feasible for me to hand wash. I have done it before when I was living abroad and had no access to a washing machine regularly It was extremely time consuming.

 

We also don't have a lot of radiators, so no space to dry them either.

[SaraSnow]

Personally I wouldn't want just anyone handling my skimpy spider web lacy enticing 'built for comfort' Friday night knickers.

 

Have a polite word as suggested by the above posters. If you say nothing it will continue. He might say 'Sorry'

 

Ah so glad I'm not the only one! I find it so intrusive!

[CarrieT]

That is really not a good solution - all I wear are gstrings/lacy underwear (don't ask - I find them comfier!)

 

Between working full time, and grad school and job applications, It is just not feasible for me to hand wash. I have done it before when I was living abroad and had no access to a washing machine regularly It was extremely time consuming.

 

We also don't have a lot of radiators, so no space to dry them either.

 

In this regard, I think you are making excuses. Washing a single garment, like the undies you wore that day - in the sink in the evening right after you have brushed your teeth would take something like 90 seconds or two minutes, max.

 

It isn't like you have to do them all at once so it isn't THAT time consuming.

 

Look, I get that you have issues with the roommate you are living with, but there ARE solutions and in the grand scheme of things, this is really a minor problem that shouldn't be causing you so much angst.

[SaraSnow]

It could also be argued that basic manners would dictate that you don't start laundry and leave the house; be there to take care of it when the machines are finished.

 

One never knows when/if there could be problems, like a machine breaking or over-flowing which is why it is best to operate them when one can stay in close proximity...

 

He hogs it, so that I can only do it when hes not there, essentially! I've been trying to do a laundry load all week - he has literally been using it half the week, plus there are two other people besides us.

 

So when my time is limited already, it's hard for me to put aside 2-3 hours of my weekend, to wait for laundry. Plus, I was held up for like 30mins to 1 hour. Trust me, I try my hardest to avoid leaving it, because I do find it so uncomfortable when he handles my things. Hence why I got so anxious and rushed home.

 

I have a suspicion that he empties the dryer before it has finished also, based on the state of my clothing when it comes out. Clothes that have been in a dryer for 2 hours, generally are not damp.

[CarrieT]

The other option is simply to take all your things to a laundromat like many in the rest of the world.

 

Stop waiting around for this guy who is a major inconvenience to you. Consider that washer-and-dryer off limits and all the issues you have about him touching your clothes will be a non-issue.

[SaraSnow]

In this regard, I think you are making excuses. Washing a single garment, like the undies you wore that day - in the sink in the evening right after you have brushed your teeth would take something like 90 seconds or two minutes, max.

 

It isn't like you have to do them all at once so it isn't THAT time consuming.

 

Look, I get that you have issues with the roommate you are living with, but there ARE solutions and in the grand scheme of things, this is really a minor problem that shouldn't be causing you so much angst.

 

No in the grand scheme of things it isn't a huge deal. But the little things can pile up - I dread coming back to this house, it doesn't feel like a home to me because of him. it's quite sad really.

 

I was brought up to be very considerate of others, so I guess I find someone who essentially doesn't respect any of the rest of us, quite shocking and difficult to adjust to.