mefisto Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Did ever hate someone so much that it became an obsession? Even if you didnt, what would suggest to the person who was captured on long-term basis by this very negative and self-destructive emotion? The phrase "if hurts you, but not the person you hate" does not work. This kind of feeling is not rational and cant be beat for such simple rationalization. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Do you believe in God? A Christian believer might recognize that we all have horrible tendencies in our hearts. Even if we don't always act on our darker thoughts, we all have wished evil on others. And with that desire, we have basically committed the act of evil. I don't know what you believe, but it might help to recognize that you're not an entirely pure and innocent person. You may very well be deserving of something bad, but you've been given mercy and forgiveness. Which is why it can seem hypocritical to not grant that same mercy and forgiveness to another. Not that it's an easy thing to do. But hopefully you're able to rationalize it somehow. Because, truly, it's only destroying yourself. Other than that, you may need to look into how to stop obsessive thoughts in general. Like with some sort of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, or mindfulness training. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I want the answer to this too. I feel so much hatred for my ex and want him to suffer in every way possible. I've seriously thought about doing some horrible things (contacting his employer about some illegal things I know he does, contact his ex wife to let her know I found out he meets women online you have to pay to go out with just to affect his child custody, etc). I haven't done these things yet and luckily am able to explain to myself exactly how crazy it would be to act on these feelings, but it doesn't change the fact that I think about it way too much. For the first month after our break up I couldn't do anyting but cry and I thought that was the worse thing in the world. I'm starting to think feeling this much hatred is worse. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I've had two other guys I used to plot the murder for in my head. Literally, spend hours a day thinking up how to kill them and get away with it. I had a whole scenario planned out for one, how I would get there, how I would gain entry, make sure nobody else heard the shot, the get away plan. All that good stuff. But after a while of separation and making yourself happy in other ways most of the worst rage tends to die down quite a bit. Today I still wouldn't speak to them but all the other stuff doesn't really matter anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mefisto Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Do you believe in God? A Christian believer might recognize that we all have horrible tendencies in our hearts. Even if we don't always act on our darker thoughts, we all have wished evil on others. And with that desire, we have basically committed the act of evil. I don't know what you believe, but it might help to recognize that you're not an entirely pure and innocent person. You may very well be deserving of something bad, but you've been given mercy and forgiveness. Which is why it can seem hypocritical to not grant that same mercy and forgiveness to another. Not that it's an easy thing to do. But hopefully you're able to rationalize it somehow. Because, truly, it's only destroying yourself. Other than that, you may need to look into how to stop obsessive thoughts in general. Like with some sort of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, or mindfulness training. I dont believe in God and i cant afford therapy right now. Can you explain this mindfulness training? But after a while of separation and making yourself happy in other ways most of the worst rage tends to die down quite a bit. anymore. How to separate if you see the house of person you hate in your window? And how to make yourself happy if memories of this person actions always brings you down? Edited January 25, 2015 by mefisto Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I can't really make any more suggestions unless I know what they did to you mephisto. Like with me the first guy I wanted to kill was my step-father, who stole my mother from me. And then that anger finally went away when I started up with my first girlfriend. The second guy was the former friend who eventually kind of stole that first girlfriend. Then that went away when I got rid of them both and started up with my even more satisfying second girlfriend. That kind of thing. If you can see their house I suggest just doing whatever you can to avoid looking in that direction. Or even move if you have to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Life is too short for hatred, but long enough for love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I dont believe in God and i cant afford therapy right now. Can you explain this mindfulness training? Mindfulness training is a style of therapeutic intervention. You can read more about it in books, or online. So, OP, what sort of thoughts have you ever overcome in the past? Have you ever had obsessive perseveration on a topic before? What helped it subside? Time? Distraction? Most likely, you've overcome obsessive thoughts in the past. It's just a matter of knowing you can do it. But even if you don't believe in God, it still seems hypocritical (not to offend you OP) to not forgive others when ultimately you have many of your own failings in life. Sorry, OP. I really don't mean to offend. I only say this because I want you to be happy, and to have some peace about your situation. If you're able to see that you're not perfect either, it's easier to begin to excuse the failings of others. But one thing that I think should be stated is that "forgiving" doesn't mean reconciling. What I mean is that just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to be best friends with that person in any way. You don't have to have a relationship in any way. Forgiving just allows you to let the negativity go, which is a very healthy thing to do for you. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Two thoughts have crossed my mind: If someone inspires hatred in you, most likely they have inspired that in someone else, as well. What an awful burden to bear knowing that you inspire this sort of thing in people. It must cause great shame. Shame is the worst sort of suffering. The second thing is if you dedicate yourself to the most relaxed, pleasant and freeing concerns, that will carry over to other aspects of your life. People will know you as a relaxed, pleasant and free personality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mefisto Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 >The second guy was the former friend who eventually kind of stole that first girlfriend. Then that went away when I got rid of them both and started up with my even more satisfying second girlfriend. That kind of thing. So, if you would not find your second girlfriend, you still would wallow in hatred towards your former friend? >If you can see their house I suggest just doing whatever you can to avoid looking in that direction. Or even move if you have to. I cant move on, unfortunately. And i always loved looking in my window. It always gave me peaceful feeling, until recently. >Mindfulness training is a style of therapeutic intervention. You can read more about it in books, or online. Actually, i have read this wonderful book "Power on Now". I think it had the same theme. When i read it first time, i had this effect of mindfulness for about a week. Then this feeling disappeared completely. Then i read it again and effect lasted for 4 days. Then i read it again and effect lasted for 2 days. I think that, for some reason, i cant get the main idea of this mindfulness for on long-term basis, because circumstances of my life always drags me back into abyss of negative emotions such as hatred. >Most likely, you've overcome obsessive thoughts in the past. It's just a matter of knowing you can do it. They were a few, but they never were such strong as now. I am afraid by this degree of obsession, i never dealt with anything like that in my life. > If you're able to see that you're not perfect either, it's easier to begin to excuse the failings of others. I never thought i was perfect. Actually, i always thought that every one of my shortcomings is my fault. And i can excuse the failings of others, but i cant excuse intentional betrayal. This is unforgivable thing in my book. > Forgiving just allows you to let the negativity go, which is a very healthy thing to do for you. I know this. But how can i let this go with comprehension that this person will never pay for his actions towards me? Im not judging him and thinking that im mighty enough to judge anyone, but i just want him to suffer like i did because of him. >If someone inspires hatred in you, most likely they have inspired that in someone else, as well. Its not my case. Other people adore and love this person to death. Only i know the true nature of his personality. And i feel anger because nobody else will know this true nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Levite Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 (edited) (Sorry, wrong thread.) Edited January 26, 2015 by Levite Link to post Share on other sites
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