on-line encounter

[iggy]

i met this guy in a dating service site,he's planning on flying here to meet me,we have talked several times,but something is telling me he is messing with me?i guess feel this way cuz, i e-mailed him today and asked if he is really serious about our meeting oneanother and haven't heard anything,i feel like i'am bothering him ,he gave me his phone #, and wondering if i should call him ? need advice

[Laurynn]

What ages are you both?

 

How far away from you does he live?

 

How long have the both of you been talking (online/email/phone, etc)?

 

When did he say he was planning to come visit you?

 

What specifically makes you wonder if he's playing games......can you give any concrete examples?...is it just because you mailed him yesterday and he hasn't written back yet?

 

Hey..if you have his phone number, I think you SHOULD phone him a few times before he ever comes to see you....heck, you have to at least make sure that's a legitimate phone number (not some fake number/one to a public pay phone!)....or to make sure some woman doesn't answer! (girlfriend/wife)

 

I'd wait til tomorrow (cuz it's pretty late now)..if you haven't heard back from him, either email him or phone him. It *is* possible that he didn't get your email? (maybe his internet provider had problems?).....how often do you two usually email/chat?

 

Laurynn

[sparkle]

Hi Iggy,

 

He has your phone number or e-mail address right? Wait about 4-5 days and see if he makes an effort to get in touch with you. If he doesn't, you'll have a pretty good idea whether he's interested or not.

[Tony T]

The sames standards of respect and common courtesy should be expected and required from someone you meet online as someone you meet in person. It would seem the online person would want to extend these even moreso because of the circumstances.

 

If somebody you meet through an online dating service doesn't treat you very well, you know they are either rude, stupid or lying to you. Once you know that, they cease to be responsible what what they do to you and YOU begin to be responsible for taking their crap.

 

It baffles me to the end of the world how people will take stuff from other people they have never met, have no idea what they look like (whether the picture they sent you is them or not), and only know of them what they've been told on the phone or online.

 

This guy has told you he is planning to fly to see you. If he is too cheap to spring for a few low-price long distance phone calls to talk to you, I wouldn't give him the time of day. If your curiosity is getting the best of you, yes...give him a call and establish some ground rules for this pre-relationship exchange.

 

Don't take any of this so seriously until you see the whites of his eyes...IN PERSON.

[iggy]

i'am 40 and he is 38, I met him about 6 days ago, it was a slow process but an instant connection, so many commonalities, one reason I'am reluctant is,when we would be on-line chatting, in the middle of a conversation he would disappear, he did this 3 times,I didn't like that and wrote him and told him it was rude and disrepsectful and asked him are you playing some sort of game and maybe messing with me? , he wrote back and said, I can assure you I'am not messing with you , and sometimes this computer is slow, so I pull up other things on my computer as I'am waiting,I'am sorry, I can see we are off to a GREAT start.Currently I know longer am a member to the dating sevice , I let my membership expire ,it was too much a distraction for me so he gave me his phone, I have not called and he has not responded to my last e-mail , he lives about 2,000 miles away , an is willing to meet next week, I'am so excited, but the doubts are creeping in, he told me he would let me know his itenaray, we are suppose to meet thursday,thank-you laurynn

What ages are you both? How far away from you does he live? How long have the both of you been talking (online/email/phone, etc)? When did he say he was planning to come visit you? What specifically makes you wonder if he's playing games......can you give any concrete examples?...is it just because you mailed him yesterday and he hasn't written back yet? Hey..if you have his phone number, I think you SHOULD phone him a few times before he ever comes to see you....heck, you have to at least make sure that's a legitimate phone number (not some fake number/one to a public pay phone!)....or to make sure some woman doesn't answer! (girlfriend/wife)

 

I'd wait til tomorrow (cuz it's pretty late now)..if you haven't heard back from him, either email him or phone him. It *is* possible that he didn't get your email? (maybe his internet provider had problems?).....how often do you two usually email/chat? Laurynn

[iggy]

I can't wait that long we are suppose to meet thursday,no ,I didn't give him my phone number, but he gave me his,thank you for your help cha-cha

Hi Iggy, He has your phone number or e-mail address right? Wait about 4-5 days and see if he makes an effort to get in touch with you. If he doesn't, you'll have a pretty good idea whether he's interested or not.

[iggy]

I totally agree,after him disappearing in the middle of a conversation , I told him it was rude and disrespectful, he said his computer is slow and waiting for a response from me so while waiting would look at other things, and said,I can see we are off to a GREAT start, no,I didn't give him my phone #, so unsasfe, he gave me his, he is suppose to be flying out on thursday, should I just leave as is, or call him? wondering if it's even worth it , but I think it would be exciting.Isn't true, your absolutly right,I thought had gained some wisdom from my past relationships, and had boundries for myself , and look at me now, hmmmmm

The sames standards of respect and common courtesy should be expected and required from someone you meet online as someone you meet in person. It would seem the online person would want to extend these even moreso because of the circumstances. If somebody you meet through an online dating service doesn't treat you very well, you know they are either rude, stupid or lying to you. Once you know that, they cease to be responsible what what they do to you and YOU begin to be responsible for taking their crap. It baffles me to the end of the world how people will take stuff from other people they have never met, have no idea what they look like (whether the picture they sent you is them or not), and only know of them what they've been told on the phone or online. This guy has told you he is planning to fly to see you. If he is too cheap to spring for a few low-price long distance phone calls to talk to you, I wouldn't give him the time of day. If your curiosity is getting the best of you, yes...give him a call and establish some ground rules for this pre-relationship exchange. Don't take any of this so seriously until you see the whites of his eyes...IN PERSON.

[Laurynn]

Not to sound like a know-it-all or anything, but I've done my time with internet personals/meeting that people that way. Have I ever. Let me tell you....I'd say that 90% of guys on those things are not entirely truthful.......many are married/living with a woman (but say they are single).....many are nothing like they portray. Some do it for kicks, some do it out of boredom, some do it to boost their egos. It's extremely rare to find a truly sincere, honest, decent guy.

 

What concerns me in your situation....these incidents where you're chatting and he just disappears, giving you these excuses that things are soooo slow. It's very possible that he is NOT SINGLE....and he has a wife or girlfriend there....and he doesn't want to get caught chatting, so the reason he disappears is the little wifey comes into the room or something.

 

OR...he could be a total and complete player....and he has 10 women on the go at once. And he's chatting with several women at once.....telling them all the same thing.

 

If you've only met 6 days ago, that's really not enough time getting to know each other.........It sounds to me too, like you two haven't even talked on the phone yet. He's given you his phone number, but you haven't phoned him.

 

I would NEVER EVER EVER consider meeting someone unless I'd spent a good amount of time talking to them on the phone. You can find out so much about a person by talking on the phone......first of all, are they really a MAN? (yes, there are women out there who play games and pretend to be men, I've come across two of them over the years)....are they some 14 yr old kid playing games?........are they able to talk on the phone or do they really have a wife?.........can they carry on a decent conversation or are they as dumb as a bag of rocks?.........etc etc.

 

Personally, I'd be really LEARY of a guy who's only chatted with a woman for 6 days, and is so quick to be willing to fly 2000 miles to meet her. Either he's desperate, crazy, looking for a 'fling', etc etc. Who in their right mind would spend that much money and take off that much time to fly across the country to meet someone they barely know?

 

Have you exchanged pictures even? If you haven't seen his picture, then TOTALLY FORGET IT.

 

Chances are, if he is messing with you....and he's truly NOT single, the phone number he gave you isn't his home number.....probably a cell phone number (that's an easy one....all he has to do is, when he's at home, turn it off)

 

There are a LOT of wackos out there. You do NOT want to put yourself in a dangerous situation. If you're getting vibes NOW that something is amiss, it's most likely your instincts....and those are there for a reason...and they're usually bang on.

 

That's great that you have a lot in common....but just remember, "players" who mess with people in the internet, they're usually pretty good at it. You don't know for SURE that you have a lot in common, they could be totally full of sh*t.

 

If you really want to meet someone this way, I'd advise you to stick to getting to know/meeting men from your OWN local area....not some guy across the country. The latter guy could have a wife and 3 kids. You're less likely to find out all the scoop on him if he lives far away.

 

In fact, many freaky guys PREFER to hook up (online) with women who live far away........less chances of them getting caught for being frauds, married, insane, criminal record, unemployed, etc.

 

Any guys I've ever 'met in person' after meeting them through online personals, it was ONLY after spending many, many hours talking on the phone, getting a real feel for them, trusting that they were in fact single (like being able to phone them at home at any time), etc.

 

I'd say write this guy off. Something doesn't sound right here.

 

Try finding someone from your local area, at least.

 

Here are some good sites that offer free trial memberships:

 

www.matchmaker.com (there are tons of different ones here, for almost every state, Canada, lifestyle, etc.called COMMUNITIES)

 

www.kiss.com

 

www.dreammates.com

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

Is he supposedly flying out to where you live STRICTLY to meet you, or is it a business trip or something as well?

 

Did he say how long he was staying for? If it's not a business trip and he's spending Thursday, Friday and the weekend in your city, I'd seriously call "b*lls***".......how many people are going to take off two days of work to fly 2000 miles to meet a stranger? Unless he doesn't even HAVE a job??

 

Laurynn

[IGGY,]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR INSIGHT, I'AM GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW AND GET THE SCOOP, THIS IS THE 1ST TIME I HAVE EVER DONE THIS AND IS EXCITING, BUT DEFINATLY ALOT OF KOOKS, YES I'VE SEEN PHOTOS OF HIM , BUT ONE NEVER KNOWS, BY THE WAY HE STILL HASN;T ANSWERED ME E-MAIL.THANK-YOU FOR THE LOCAL DATING SERVICES, I WILL TRY THEM, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, CAN YOU SHARE ANY OF YOUR ON-LINE EXPERINCES, DID THEY ALL TURN OUT BAD ?YOUR A GEM,THANKS AGAIN

Not to sound like a know-it-all or anything, but I've done my time with internet personals/meeting that people that way. Have I ever. Let me tell you....I'd say that 90% of guys on those things are not entirely truthful.......many are married/living with a woman (but say they are single).....many are nothing like they portray. Some do it for kicks, some do it out of boredom, some do it to boost their egos. It's extremely rare to find a truly sincere, honest, decent guy. What concerns me in your situation....these incidents where you're chatting and he just disappears, giving you these excuses that things are soooo slow. It's very possible that he is NOT SINGLE....and he has a wife or girlfriend there....and he doesn't want to get caught chatting, so the reason he disappears is the little wifey comes into the room or something. OR...he could be a total and complete player....and he has 10 women on the go at once. And he's chatting with several women at once.....telling them all the same thing. If you've only met 6 days ago, that's really not enough time getting to know each other.........It sounds to me too, like you two haven't even talked on the phone yet. He's given you his phone number, but you haven't phoned him. I would NEVER EVER EVER consider meeting someone unless I'd spent a good amount of time talking to them on the phone. You can find out so much about a person by talking on the phone......first of all, are they really a MAN? (yes, there are women out there who play games and pretend to be men, I've come across two of them over the years)....are they some 14 yr old kid playing games?........are they able to talk on the phone or do they really have a wife?.........can they carry on a decent conversation or are they as dumb as a bag of rocks?.........etc etc. Personally, I'd be really LEARY of a guy who's only chatted with a woman for 6 days, and is so quick to be willing to fly 2000 miles to meet her. Either he's desperate, crazy, looking for a 'fling', etc etc. Who in their right mind would spend that much money and take off that much time to fly across the country to meet someone they barely know? Have you exchanged pictures even? If you haven't seen his picture, then TOTALLY FORGET IT. Chances are, if he is messing with you....and he's truly NOT single, the phone number he gave you isn't his home number.....probably a cell phone number (that's an easy one....all he has to do is, when he's at home, turn it off) There are a LOT of wackos out there. You do NOT want to put yourself in a dangerous situation. If you're getting vibes NOW that something is amiss, it's most likely your instincts....and those are there for a reason...and they're usually bang on. That's great that you have a lot in common....but just remember, "players" who mess with people in the internet, they're usually pretty good at it. You don't know for SURE that you have a lot in common, they could be totally full of sh*t. If you really want to meet someone this way, I'd advise you to stick to getting to know/meeting men from your OWN local area....not some guy across the country. The latter guy could have a wife and 3 kids. You're less likely to find out all the scoop on him if he lives far away. In fact, many freaky guys PREFER to hook up (online) with women who live far away........less chances of them getting caught for being frauds, married, insane, criminal record, unemployed, etc. Any guys I've ever 'met in person' after meeting them through online personals, it was ONLY after spending many, many hours talking on the phone, getting a real feel for them, trusting that they were in fact single (like being able to phone them at home at any time), etc. I'd say write this guy off. Something doesn't sound right here. Try finding someone from your local area, at least. Here are some good sites that offer free trial memberships: www.matchmaker.com (there are tons of different ones here, for almost every state, Canada, lifestyle, etc.called COMMUNITIES) www.kiss.com www.dreammates.com Laurynn

[IGGY,]

HE IS FLYING OUT THURSDAY AFTERNOON FROM VIRGINIA,I LIVE IN MINNESOTA,NO , WE ARE NOT MEETING IN THE CITY I LIVE IN BUT MEETING AT A RESTAURANT IN THE TWIN CITIES.AS FAR AS HIM STAYING OVERNIGHT,I DON'T KNOW, BUT I KNOW I'AM NOT, I WILL FIND OUT MORE DETAILS AFTER I CALL HIM, HE SAY HIS JOB IS FLEXIABLE,HMMMMMMM

Is he supposedly flying out to where you live STRICTLY to meet you, or is it a business trip or something as well? Did he say how long he was staying for? If it's not a business trip and he's spending Thursday, Friday and the weekend in your city, I'd seriously call "b*lls***".......how many people are going to take off two days of work to fly 2000 miles to meet a stranger? Unless he doesn't even HAVE a job?? Laurynn

[sparkle]

DID YOUR 'CAPS LOCK' KEY GET JAMMED? I HAVE THAT SAME PROBLEM RIGHT NOW

[iggy]

no, sorry, wasn't paying attention

HE IS FLYING OUT THURSDAY AFTERNOON FROM VIRGINIA,I LIVE IN MINNESOTA,NO , WE ARE NOT MEETING IN THE CITY I LIVE IN BUT MEETING AT A RESTAURANT IN THE TWIN CITIES.AS FAR AS HIM STAYING OVERNIGHT,I DON'T KNOW, BUT I KNOW I'AM NOT, I WILL FIND OUT MORE DETAILS AFTER I CALL HIM, HE SAY HIS JOB IS FLEXIABLE,HMMMMMMM

[Miss Mojo]

i'd be pretty careful if i were you. whatever you do, don't let him anywhere near your house and don't give him your number.

 

i guess there are pros and cons to "internet dating", but all too often these days, there seems to be a lot more cons. i've never done it, or known anyone who has, but the internet seems to be a safe haven for people wanting something on the side. i've read an awful lot of articles about internet dating, and to be truthful, they've made me vary wary of ever doing it myself.

 

meeting him in public is definitely *the only way to go*. if you're not comfortable, go to the ladies, call a friend on your mobile phone and arrange to have them meet you somewhere so you have some sort of escape route.

 

if he's really nice, do not go back to his hotel room, just play it cool and accept it as a nice situation. you just won't know until you meet him - assuming he turns up at all.

 

on the whole, i think it's much safer to meet people in person who live near you or who you meet through friends etc. at least you'll pretty much have an idea of whether they're legitimate or not.

 

keep us tuned on what happens, and good luck