Dumped after 6 years and sudden

[Snehks]

Hello people,

This is my first post here at loveshack. Could not resist creating an account and posting my story. I was in a relationship with my first love from past 6 years. I am 21 and she is 19 so pretty much since we were kids. It was one of those fairy tale kind of relationships. The girl was very sweet we loved each other a lot. There was nothing more important to us than each other's comfort. We used to talk every day for an hour, have lunch in school together. She used to listen to everything I said write me letters and I used to write her poems and letters too.

 

Then when it was my time to start university, I thought of studying abroad and asked her that is she happy with that and she supported me and said yes it will be great for both of our lives if I study abroad. 2 years went nicely, I visited my country for 4 months in these 2 years and we dated like anything and she was still the same girl and loved me like anything. She cried a lot when I was going back after 4 months of vacation.

 

Everything was going sweet, I from abroad made arrangement and gifted her an Ipod touch 4 (which was very hard for me as I was student and I did part time jobs to earn money and get the money and send the money to my country and surprise her on her birthday). She was happiest that day and said will stay with me forever ever.

There was only one problem in the relationship that was that I was a bit possessive but again I with time started getting better. Though it used to create fights between us and was the sole reason of us fighting but I made up with other things and she never complained about it much as I was letting go my possessiveness slowly and slowly as I knew I was wrong tobe possessive. But I was one of those guys that if she said she need this, I will get her that even if I have to beg. I used to take care of her food, health and everything.

 

Any ways the time came when she was to start going to her university and the same time I earned an Internship at Intel. I was pretty excited so was she as she got a university admission and I would have been earning for this year(2014).

But things started getting weird from now, as soon as she started her college she started hiding things from me, I was also unable to give her a lot of time because of time difference. She got a new phone with whatsapp on it and she started giving me late replies on whatsapp. She started to block me on facebook or whatsapp on small fights. She started going out places without even telling me and hiding it from me (though I would have never complained if she would have told me) and hiding to me about stuff like hanging out with guys. Maybe because I was possessive. But whatever it was it was still going on. One day she was going out with her friends which was the day when I had a off and I though we both will have a conversation on phone and then I told her like she is not giving me enough time any more as this day we could have talked for hours. And she bluntly said I don't want to see her enjoying. I fought with her.

 

And then when she came back after hanging out, she messaged me. "Hey I want to break up. I don't like you nor do I love you anymore". It was all shock to me and I called her and said she was still messaging me I love you and I want to be with you last day and suddenly she is saying she doesn't even like my face. All she said was "Everything was fake and she was trying to going but she could not." And then I begged her to come back which pushed her even more.

Then one day she got irritated and said she will give me 2 months to get her back and make me fall her in love again. I started working on myself but there was no effort from her side. She constantly used to piss me off. She was a completely different person. I found few things which she hid from me and asked her about it and she was like "Because I made her cry for past 5 years that's why she did it". She even earlier when things were good asked me to come to India for a month and I booked my tickets and took holidays from my work and then she said, now I should not come and cancel my tickets as her birthday is in the same month.

 

So I kept on trying and we decided to meet. We dated twice and she was not into it much she said she can't trust me that I will leave my possessiveness ever and she also does not love me(secondary reason) and have no feelings. She said she is ready to celebrate her birthday with me. I did a lot on her birthday and she was constantly smiling and even let me kiss her hands and she also kissed my hands for the things I did. I made it the best day ever for her. I made "52 reasons why you are special book. I also gifted her 19 things which she needed as it was her 19th birthday, Made her a photo cake". And she was excited with all those gifts and happily took them. I thought she is back now and will stay and I asked her the same day so does she wanna give me a second chance? "She said NO. She just left me that day." Then I contacted her again and she said I am a very bad person and she is happy to leave me. I did nothing bad to her. I was into this relationship even when I was living abroad. I never went with any other girls. So was she. She was also a very loyal girl.

 

One day after a month on 15th january, I saw her instagram and she had some pictures which hurt me I called her and told her she is not letting me move on. She started talking badly with me again. But this time my temperature soared and I said things which I shouldn't have and made her cry but I did not abuse her or anything. Just told her how bad she was with me, and if I do the same how she will feel. But then I started feeling bad doing this. She asked me to please let her live alone. As she is not happy herself. She wants to move on remember only good things about us but I am making her think she took the right decision to leave me. ANyways in the end I called her on 17th january and said I will never ever call her again if she promises me that next time after year or whatever we talk she would talk nicely to me. She said okay, but I should not have any expectation. It all ended like that.

 

1 week passed and I still feel like calling her and ask her to work things out. I dunno what to do. I miss her. I am unable to get over her. I have everything but I just can't move over her. Because we were in such a long term relationship, I am still shocked and she is happy and doing great after break up. Any advice on what to do next? Will she ever come back and will she ever regret dumping me because 6 years I had been the nicest bf anyone can be (except being possessive). I want to be with her because I still feel she was influenced with new environment of her college. She became what her friends are. She was not the type of girl who was addicted to social media but suddenly she is on every possible social media app. She was a very different person. I don't know what happened to her. All she said to me was I will never get her back when I called her on 15th and she said she will talk politely next time if I give her time to forgive me. I am very confused. Please advice me on how to fight this out.Things could have been fine if she tried to get back but she didn't. She once told her friend before 15th January that she knows she will never get someone who loved her as much as I did but she can't risk her life as this will happen again and my possessiveness ruined everything.

 

And sorry for this long post. English is not my first language so I may have written few things incorrectly.

Edited January 24, 2015 by Snehks

[kolleamm]

I'm 22, and my relationship with a 19 year old girl just ended two days ago. The very next day it ended she already has a new boyfriend. Move on and don't look back. Life's too short.

[Snehks]

I'm 22, and my relationship with a 19 year old girl just ended two days ago. The very next day it ended she already has a new boyfriend. Move on and don't look back. Life's too short.

 

I am really sorry to hear that. It must be so painful for you. I dunno how people are able to cheat

[kolleamm]

I am really sorry to hear that. It must be painful for you

It is as I'm sure you feel the same way too right now. We have to pick ourselves up and just keep going though. But for now I think the best thing for us to do would be to take a break. We have to let the memories fade.

[Snehks]

It is as I'm sure you feel the same way too right now. We have to pick ourselves up and just keep going though. But for now I think the best thing for us to do would be to take a break. We have to let the memories fade.

Yes brother you are right. I am destroyed from inside. But we need to move on and make ourselves better. Better not for them but for ourselves.

But I still don't know why I want her back and that feeling is killing me.

[kolleamm]

Yes brother you are right. I am destroyed from inside. But we need to move on and make ourselves better. Better not for them but for ourselves.

But I still don't know why I want her back and that feeling is killing me.

 

I know how you feel I want her back too. I believe we fill this way because we have invested so much in them. We're going to have to cut our losses and start looking again for someone else as hard as that is. The journey will be long but it is I believe for certain those people were not meant for us. We deserve better.

[Snehks]

I know how you feel I want her back too. I believe we fill this way because we have invested so much in them. We're going to have to cut our losses and start looking again for someone else as hard as that is. The journey will be long but it is I believe for certain those people were not meant for us. We deserve better.

Breaking up makes me think only 1 thing. Why did people meet when they are not meant to be together. I did not learn anything out of these 6 years except loving someone from my heart. Why do people meet and stay for so long when eventually they are not made for each other.

No lessons learnt, just pain.

[kolleamm]

Breaking up makes me think only 1 thing. Why did people meet when they are not meant to be together. I did not learn anything out of these 6 years except loving someone from my heart. Why do people meet and stay for so long when eventually they are not made for each other.

No lessons learnt, just pain.

 

Honestly I didn't gain much from my experience either besides more pain. I think however the most important thing however that we have to keep in mind from now on is those little signs. If we do find someone else we will have a much better idea of who they are based on our past experiences, and will have a better idea of whether we should pursue them or not.

 

Either way, the next time we go back out there we will be stronger and better, both physically and mentally.

[Snehks]

Its been 2 years since my breakup and I swear I feel it happened for good. That break up made me a much better person. I started hitting gym and made a nice physique. I started getting attention from other people. I scored well in my final year of university and ended up in a really high paying job. The relation was poison since I was too possessive. I learnt my lesson and have moved on.

 

Basically I started loving myself and spending time with myself. I got into another relation as well and I am no more possessive and the relationship is going well.

 

What I can suggest others is that yea breakups are hard and I still think about her but use the breakup as an excuse for a new beginning. Try to become the best version of yourself. And remember 1 thing, only your family cares for you nobody else.

 

I have passed that phase and now I am a completely dofferent person.

Edited April 27, 2017 by Snehks

[Pumpingiron34]

yea it been a year since me and my ex broke up after being with each other 5 years, 17-22. It has got to be the hardest experience i have ever delt with but, in all honesty my life is prolly considered better on paper. I have more things going for me now then i did with her. i miss her and it still hurts as she got a new boyfriend a month later and they have been together since we broke up. It was a complete stab to the heart and def mentally messed me up a bit. I now just accept that im slightly mentally a little screwed up and it will just fix it self over time. youll make it, i loved my girlfriend beyond possible and im alive. Maybe not as confident and socially outgoing as i once was but, i have faith.

[spyman42]

Its been 2 years since my breakup and I swear I feel it happened for good. That break up made me a much better person. I started hitting gym and made a nice physique. I started getting attention from other people. I scored well in my final year of university and ended up in a really high paying job. The relation was poison since I was too possessive. I learnt my lesson and have moved on.

 

Basically I started loving myself and spending time with myself. I got into another relation as well and I am no more possessive and the relationship is going well.

 

What I can suggest others is that yea breakups are hard and I still think about her but use the breakup as an excuse for a new beginning. Try to become the best version of yourself. And remember 1 thing, only your family cares for you nobody else.

 

I have passed that phase and now I am a completely dofferent person.

 

Did you do NC and did she ever contacted you during the 2 years?

[Snehks]

Did you do NC and did she ever contacted you during the 2 years?

 

Yes I did NC but she never contacted me. Dont think she even thought of me once. She made a boyfriend as well and had another break up and heard from one of my friend that she is not able to move on after her break up.

[Snehks]

yea it been a year since me and my ex broke up after being with each other 5 years, 17-22. It has got to be the hardest experience i have ever delt with but, in all honesty my life is prolly considered better on paper. I have more things going for me now then i did with her. i miss her and it still hurts as she got a new boyfriend a month later and they have been together since we broke up. It was a complete stab to the heart and def mentally messed me up a bit. I now just accept that im slightly mentally a little screwed up and it will just fix it self over time. youll make it, i loved my girlfriend beyond possible and im alive. Maybe not as confident and socially outgoing as i once was but, i have faith.

Totally understand your pain mann. Even I miss her sometimes and it hurts. The memories hurt more than the person. It does take time but it will be fine.

[Withoutaqueen]

Long distance relationships nowadays just don't work. And I think you were saying indirectly there was sings such as her hiding things and not being forthcomeing. I been there. In the midst of a LTR you feel you can fix them (If i'm ever fortuitous enough to have another relationship I might foolishly think the same thing) but you have to let them answer the question for you. Give them one or two chances then turn it on them, by disappearing. If they don't get back to you, you have your answer.

 

Millennials live in hyperbole. They will always either give you conflicting answers or exaggerate how they really feel because of emotions. Like today I wanted to cuss out Home Depot and make threats but once I calm down I realize I just want to get it fixed for my refund. In this case it's obvious when you weren't around it's easier for her to stray, and for young people she will be tempted to see others. What she did is not a crime, but she still could have handled it better and as a guy you must know when a relationship is no longer worth saving.

[Withoutaqueen]

I think you hit the nail on the head kolleamm. As guys we value the investment we put into something or someone so it becomes frustrating when we don't get our "money's" worth. But guys do have feelings even romantic ones. We aren't as explicit unless its in a non-G-rated sense but it's there.

Edited June 4, 2017 by Withoutaqueen

[Snehks]

Well, sometimes life does funny things...

We are getting married, yes me and her... I won't comment how happy or upset about it I am but I never thought I will come back here to write this. If someone is interested to hear my story I will add to it but yeah all I want to say is something be careful what you wish for...

[ExpatInItaly]

On 5/11/2024 at 12:47 AM, Snehks said:

all I want to say is something be careful what you wish for..

So, you clearly don't want to marry her. 

I am sorry you are here again.