Abusive Ex Wife

[jimmy1968]

My Ex wife was a nightmare, she suffers from BPD. She was just horrible in so many ways and I'm so glad she's not in my house with my children. We have one child together which she seems to do pretty well with her. I have to do kid exchanges with her and have to remain in contact with her over the kids matters and try to have peace with her.

 

She was abusive to my two sons. Swearing at them and sometimes getting physical. She would call my one son a "bastard" and his self esteem while we where married went down alot and he was having problems in many parts of his life. My other son kept running away.

 

As a codependent personality I was always trying to fix the relationship, but when it came to the pain and abuse she was inflicting on my boys I just had to end it.

 

My boys want nothing to do with her and I don't blame them. When I was picking up my daughter my Ex was giving me parenting advise toward the son she was the most abusive to. I told her he was doing just fine which he is. He's straight A's, happy and really super easy to be around. With her out of his life he has made some great changes for the positive.

 

She was blaming him and saying he was a difficult person to be around. I felt really angry because she was such a rotten person to my son. She should be in jail for the way he treated him. She has not right to give me advice.

 

She still breasts feeds my 6 year old daughter, not sure what to do about it? but she is doing it for herself not my daughter.

 

I just bought a new car and she was really jealous about that. But I deserve a new car and I felt like rubbing it in her face. My life was a nightmare when I was married to her and things are much better now.

 

When I have these sorts of interaction, I start thinking about her. What is she doing? Who she is with? If she cares about me? It's screwed up? I'm wish I could wipe my mind of her. Not feel anything.

 

The universe is giving me a second chance to be on my own and maybe someday I'll meet someone that treats me with love. I will, when the time is right.

 

I hate her. I deserve better. But I have fears about being alone, which I already was when married to her.

 

I attract this type of woman and they suduce me. I'm not letting it happen again with anyone. Not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for? Just needed to rant for a moment.

 

Thanks.

[Mirages]

I just bought a new car and she was really jealous about that.

Interesting, I am driving an older car for the same reason. My ex is also very item materialistic. I will have to, but when I get a nice car, she will top that and ruin her finances... Can't they just get that life is not a proving match, and competition, nope.

 

The universe is giving me a second chance to be on my own and maybe someday I'll meet someone that treats me with love.

Yep, be cautious, investigate, ponder with time. We can be casual in finding the same type of disorder, or another handicapped person. Victims need to bring selfish ambition in the selection, we need someone to inspire us, not someone to fix.

 

With time I have invested in myself, leaving her to her maker for judgement. You may too, there is a period of self-evaluation, and in some cases, some of us victims develop intense symptomatic personalities during the marriage and directly after. After a year apart I am "normal," and approachable, you may be pleasantly surprised in your achievement of goals as time progresses.

[Ralph79]

I see you came to accept your eX had a BPD problem. It seems so obvious from your description of her on your other post.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this really. I was there myself a year ago. My eX was really something else. She was several years younger than me so I underestimated her ability to screw me over. I thought my maturity and my education would prepare me for whatever marriage had in store for me (I didn't know she was BDP back then). Needless to say she was very efficient in picking up my insecurities and even more brutal in turning them against me.

 

If it's of any consolation. Time will cure your mental desires for her. I'm starting to believe things like this 2 min clip that I posted on another thread:

Science of Love: Heartbreak Video - History of Valentine?s Day - HISTORY.com

It maybe a simple matter of your body not being ready to help you move on.

 

I felt an overwhelming sense of tragedy of every aspect of my failed relationship. It was like living the saddest movie in my mind everyday. But after a while, (time differs from person to person), the same memories, and thoughts, don't trigger the sad emotions anymore. It simply stopped mattering.

 

The most important thing about all of this, like Mirages said is, that you learn from this. That you don't make the same mistakes when choosing a partner. And I'm 99% you'll be able to see the "red flags" in future relationships that you couldn't see before.

[amaysngrace]

Dude. Why is she breast feeding your six year old daughter?

 

That's way beyond creepy.

[jimmy1968]

My mind is starting to forget her. Some. But when I get lonely I start obsessing about her. This forum has been great!

 

I've tried to get her to stop breastfeeding, she will not and denies it.

 

My daughter tells me that she still breastfeeds.

 

I was thinking of bringing it up when we go in to get her immunizations with the doctor. BDP like to be excepted by the norm and don't like to be called out. This could help.

 

Yes I believe fully that she has BDP. And I'm working on loving myself for the first time in my life. This is my second divorce from a BPD. I don't want to make the same mistake so I've remained single and have not just jumped in to anything even though some woman have reached out to me.

 

I'm scared. I do see a therapist who is guiding me through this.

[jimmy1968]

Great video bro!

[Levite]

OP, it sounds like you have either sole or primary custody. Did your ex wife fight for custody? Or did she give them to you?

 

My ex-wife was abusive. She was arrested for assaulting me with a wooden plank. However, we got joint custody and she got primary residence. She threw up a huge smokescreen distraction to the judge by accusing me of child abuse. She even called CPS. While the judge didnt believe it, accusations still do damage and they took the attention off her because I had to spend all my court time defending her accusations instead of proving that she was unfit mother.

Edited January 26, 2015 by Levite

[Levite]

Interesting, I am driving an older car for the same reason. My ex is also very item materialistic. I will have to, but when I get a nice car, she will top that and ruin her finances... Can't they just get that life is not a proving match, and competition, nope.

 

Yep, be cautious, investigate, ponder with time. We can be casual in finding the same type of disorder, or another handicapped person. Victims need to bring selfish ambition in the selection, we need someone to inspire us, not someone to fix.

 

With time I have invested in myself, leaving her to her maker for judgement. You may too, there is a period of self-evaluation, and in some cases, some of us victims develop intense symptomatic personalities during the marriage and directly after. After a year apart I am "normal," and approachable, you may be pleasantly surprised in your achievement of goals as time progresses.

 

Yep! They call that a pissing contest.

[panther25]

My Ex wife was a nightmare, she suffers from BPD. She was just horrible in so many ways and I'm so glad she's not in my house with my children. We have one child together which she seems to do pretty well with her. I have to do kid exchanges with her and have to remain in contact with her over the kids matters and try to have peace with her.

 

...

 

As a codependent personality I was always trying to fix the relationship, but when it came to the pain and abuse she was inflicting on my boys I just had to end it.

 

...

I start thinking about her. What is she doing? Who she is with? If she cares about me? It's screwed up? I'm wish I could wipe my mind of her. Not feel anything.

 

The universe is giving me a second chance to be on my own and maybe someday I'll meet someone that treats me with love. I will, when the time is right.

 

I hate her. I deserve better. But I have fears about being alone, which I already was when married to her.

 

I attract this type of woman and they suduce me. I'm not letting it happen again with anyone. Not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for? Just needed to rant for a moment.

 

Thanks.

 

I just posted my story a little while ago and came across your post. My soon to be ex-wife also has BPD and displays many of the explosive characteristics you described. Like you, I have come to the realization that I am co-dependent, have been afraid to be alone, and that's why I married my wife less than a year after meeting her.

 

There is an organization called Codependents Anonymous (Home - CoDA.org) which you may find helpful. I know that they have chapters all over the country and literature that you may find helpful.

 

Since you believe your wife is ill with BPD, it makes no sense to hate her. It's natural, but it will eat you alive. I hate my wife did to me (see my post if you want the gory details) ... but I now simply chalk it up to her illness. Much like what you do with an alcoholic. And certainly no one chooses to have a mental illness such as BPD. That is one way you can look it.

 

I have also tried to become more spiritual in the last three weeks. As men, we can only control what we can control - ourselves. We cannot control the actions of others. I have found some relief in praying that God will give her strength, help her heal, etc... whatever comes into my head. It also makes me feel better because I am finding that I can forgive my wife for what she did even though I will never, ever take her back.

 

Just my two cents. Feel free to message me if you like.