lydon Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I have been with my "fiance" for a year and a half, we have a great relationship, communicate well, good sex life, and we work incredibly as a team. first of all I would like to state, that i am not trying to change her. I find myself really searching to keep the romantic side of our relationship going. Since we began dating, I was always the one surprising her with flowers, taking her out for nice dinners, washing her car, surprise candle lit dinners, candle and insence in the bedroom....But i find myself really searching for new ways to keep the spice going. Im kinda feeling like this is a one way street, what happens when I run out of original ideas. She has told me from the beginning that she not very romantic, and anything she does do is " for me", She says things like you had no problem with it over the last 1.5 yrs, Im not going to change. I've never been with a woman that never does anything romantic. I'm afriad I'm going to run out of Ideas, and our romantic life is going to dwindle to nothing. When I try to talk about it with her, she explodes, with anger, says stuff like " you'd better figure your self out before we get married", and ' this is who i am, im not going to change" . I have made many changes in our relationship, that do not affect me as a person, but make the relationship stronger and more intimate. I made these changes, according to the relationship. The way I was before was perfect for my previous girlfriends, I did not have modify anything, I was very selfish in those days. Now that I've met the" one" , i am comprimising, and changing the way I look at the other persons feeling, and take them in consideration, when it comes to her feelings, emotions, sexuallity...I believe this is the way to grow in a relationship. My question is how can I get her to put a little more effort into the romantic side of our relationship. The direct approach doesn't seem to work....as she gets very defensive..... Help.... ladies!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I own a book called 1001 ways to be romantic...or something like that. It has a bazillion ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 A lot depends on what you define as romantic and what she defines as romantic. If you both have different expectations of what romance is then you may never consider her actions as romantic. What do you consider romantic? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydon Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Thats great, but should i be the one doing all the romancing!!!, How do i get her to gve a little. I'm not asking for sweeping changes, just a little effort once and a while!!!! One could see how this could get frustrating, seeing how relationships are suposed to be a two way street Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Buy *her* the book. And if you're all romantic, I wonder why she's not reciprocating? Maybe she's really not into the whole romance thing?? The book Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydon Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Anything....would be better than nothing. Just going to bed each night, kissing..then going into the act..get routine...if i want to change it I have to come up with the Idea, if my idea jive, she says " don't do it on my account...your doing this for you" Should'nt ther be a little give and take! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydon Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Buy *her* the book. And if you're all romantic, I wonder why she's not reciprocating? Maybe she's really not into the whole romance thing?? Tiki, if theres no romance, whats left....routine sex?, No suprises, no spice...what gives. When i just go for it, she says...you could be a little more romantic about it". "What just stick it in, is that all I am, wheres the romance"...I get this kind of response from time to time...you can see how I might be getting a little frustrated... Damed if you do, damed if you don't......what gives My question still remains...how do i get her to show a little romance, I'm not asking for sweeping changes, just a little effort...right now its %95 my effort, and %5 hers.... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Being romantic has to come within...If the man doesn't feel passion or romance he's not going to act it out...Some guys just don't know how to be romantic and others, well nail it on the f*cking donkey when they are!!! My opinion it comes from inside...what you feel and what you crave...I want to be swept off my feet and I ain't gonna stop lookin till I find me the right nockin.. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Simply tell her you want more. Or tell her you NEED more, that you HAVE TO HAVE IT. It's not the man's sole responsibility to be in control of all the romance. That's no fun! Explain to her that it's a two way street. If she agrees to try, you do something romantic (like take her to a B&B) and patiently await a romantic gesture in return. Now remember, it may take her a while, and she may feel stupid/cheesey, but this will take time. You don't become a romantic overnight. If she refuses, consider dumping her and finding someone more on your level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydon Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 I am the guy!!!! Thats why im asking, I've never met a woman, that is comfortable never being romantic. A surprise dinner, tearing me into the bedroom for a quicke, when the kids are out of the house. setting up a quite candle lit dinner, and candle lit bedroom to follow, calling just to say they love you...anything would surfice...just a sign..... How do i discuss this with her without her blowing her top!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KellyCanCook Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Dude, some girls just aren't romantic, and never will be. I get really embarresed when a guy does something mushy in front of me - even getting flowers makes me cringe. It sounds weird, I know, but I just think it's all so contrived and I'd rather the guy get me a CD or something, just be 'real'. It sounds like you and your chickie are not on the same level emotionally. It doesn't mean she's a cold fish, she's just more practical and probably shows you she cares about you in different ways. For example, I bought my last ex a case of his fave beer once a month - that's about as romatic as I would ever get. You can't force her to start reciting poems or making love in the candlight or whatever your idea of romance is. Speak to her about your expectations and if you can't move on from this issue, move on from the relationship coz things aint gonna change. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 It sounds like, not only is she not romantic, but she's not putting in very much effort to the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Lolla Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Can put anything more in to if she is not going to join the ban wagon with you .. relationships in every way take two to tango .. sad but you probably will end up in a romantic nightmare with her. The question is.. Why is she not romantic?? Has something in her past done something to her romantic side? I know we all have one! Link to post Share on other sites
Mom4 Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Maybe she doesn't know how... and feels uncomfortable. Try setting a night a week or a weekend a month to start. Tell her you will each do this. This is her chance to create a romantic day or weekend. Tell her she can be creative or not ( it could be simply to call you that day and make a great meal). Tell her how much this would mean to you and that you will not "bug" her about it on the "off days." Maybe she will realize that she likes it and how it makes you feel and how special it would be if she started doing it more just because she wants to. Good luck... if she isn't receptive I would really look at your future. Is this how you want to live the REST OF YOUR LIFE if she isn't willing to even try? Link to post Share on other sites
longgone Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Have you told her what *specific* things *you* consider romantic? I'm a woman who is not "romantic" at all. I find a lot of stuff other women love to be actually a turn-off. People have really different ways of showing love and affection. It's probably really frustrating for her to show love her way and not have you notice that she is showing love, just as it is for you to be going without the romantic stuff. Yes, it's a two way street, and she should learn to do the kinds of things that get you going. But you may need to have a serious discussion, maybe in writing to keep it cool, about it. Tell her what kind of things make you feel loved. She is right, you are doing the romantic stuff for you, not for her. Ask her, if she doesn't particularly enjoy the romantic stuff, to at least recognize it as an expression of your love for her. Ask her what things she does as an expression of love for you (nicely, genuinely!!!). Ask her what kinds of things you could do that would make *her* feel loved... you may be surprised! And then do them. Ask her to learn about the kinds of romantic gestures that make you feel loved, and give her some specifics she can spring on you. It may not feel very romantic to you to have to tell her to buy you chocolates or whatever, but it will work a lot better than getting angry. And as she sees your joy at her doing the kinds of things you like, she will be more inclined to do them and think them up in the future. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 I'd do all of the above items to get her to be more romantic, but more importantly, I'd consider that if she doesn't go for it then she's not the "One"... You're not even married and you're unhappy with this aspect of things. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Through being more romantic yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts