I hate getting a crush on women and becoming infatuated.

[somedude81]

That's not how most men work either.

 

I really doubt that.

 

Men are far more simpler than women.

 

Most men would date a woman just because he's attracted to her and ignore everything else. Women need so many other criteria it's freaking ridiculous.

 

I think it's safe to assume that at least one of her deal breakers does apply to you considering that she doesn't want to date you.

 

I'm trying to think of any reasonable deal breakers that she may have based on what I've heard other women say, and none of those apply to me. I can't think of any thing about me that gives her a red flag.

 

There is no mystery for busy girl about why she doesn't want to date you either. She knows exactly why. Whether she will tell you the true reasons are another story entirely.

 

I do wish I could ask her, or find out somehow and not decrease my already low chances of dating her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I really doubt that.

 

Men are far more simpler than women.

 

Most men would date a woman just because he's attracted to her and ignore everything else. Women need so many other criteria it's freaking ridiculous.

 

Most people would agree.

 

Even my sister said to me a few times when she was younger, "Guys will date anybody."

 

Of course, the white knights will say they need the total emotional, physical, and spark package and even then, they may just not feel it for some strange, unknown, mystical reason. But I haven't had too many male friends like that in my life. Most of my male friends would give it a whirl if she was cute.

 

That is neither here nor there though. Different thread, same argument, ad nauseam.

[somedude81]

Who cares if (you think that) you and she are "roughly equivalent"? She just isn't feeling it for you. She doesn't have to have a reason that you find acceptable for that, she just isn't into you.

 

I know that.

 

I'm just getting sick of girls not liking me and having zero idea of what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve myself so I can actually start getting some results.

 

 

(This might be a surprise to the Struggling Dudes but there are plenty of MEN who don't feel it for most women even those who are "in their league". But I digress.)

 

That said, reasons why Busy Girl isn't interested may or may not include

--her being into another guy,

 

Maybe, but I can't imagine a guy not wanting to date her. Honestly if she does like a guy who doesn't want her, she should just give up and go for the cool guy who wants her

 

--your age (she can probably tell but anyway I agree w enigma that it's creepy of you to try to hide your age)

 

I'm pretty sure she knows I'm older than she is. How much older, probably not. And no I'm not hiding my age. She hasn't asked and I haven't told her. It's weird to randomly say, "Oh by the way I'm 33."

 

--you're just not her type

 

That's probably the only thing that's actually possible. She may have some crazy ass type that few men fit.

 

--you're too needy.

 

Nope.

 

You increase your chances of attracting the NEXT girl (but not all the way to 100%) by getting your life in order

 

My life is almost in order. I graduated college, and am actively looking for work. I've recently been on my third job interview and eventually I'm going to start working. I still feel that getting that taken care of isn't going to be what I need to push me into the dateable category for women.

[xxoo]

 

 

I'm trying to think of any reasonable deal breakers that she may have based on what I've heard other women say, and none of those apply to me. I can't think of any thing about me that gives her a red flag.

.

 

Red flags apply AFTER attraction. They are reasons not to date someone you are otherwise interested in romantically.

 

Chances are she simply isn't attracted. She's attracted to type X and you're type C.

[MissBee]

If she is at least cute, likes the same things I do and is fun to talk to.. yes!

 

But that's not how women work.

 

I know that I'm not ugly and that BG enjoys my company, and she knows we have common interests, so it makes no sense to me why she's not interested. No I don't know what her deal breakers are, but I'm pretty sure that none of them apply to me.

 

 

 

Of course we "poo-poo" on chemistry. When ever we struggle with women the only thing we are told is that the chemistry wasn't there. That's a bullsh*t answer.

 

 

 

Except you can't define chemistry. Why it works for some people and not others. Chemistry makes no logical sense.

 

 

 

Yes I do have a FWB. Is there chemistry between us? I have no clue at all. She's attractive and I enjoy her company, plus she's very giving. That's good enough for a FWB with me.

 

One thing I do know is that there are certain things about her that explain why I don't want to have a relationship with her. There is no mystery why not.

 

The mystery is only FOR YOU...I'm sure these women know why they aren't interested, not because you don't know means it is a mystery, and they are not obligated to give you a report about why they don't like you, so why assume it is mysterious? They may have specific reasons just like you do about your FWB or the other reason is, just not feeling it.

 

There are studies and books that theorize on chemistry and why you have it with some people and not others, if you really are interested in the topic, head to a library or book store or Google books and articles and read up on it.

 

If you want to believe no chemistry is a BS answer...you can...but it's a real answer and obviously has proven real over and over in your own life. Not sure what more you want, a 50 page memorandum on why they don't like you?

 

You like some people and you don't like others...this is not a special woman thing...it's an EVERYBODY thing . Besides desperate guys who like anyone who is alive, the more mature and emotionally aware a man is the more criteria he has about what he wants in a woman and this will lead him to like some women and not others. Some folks like anyone who likes them back, most other people like some people and not others, like I said, anthropologists and neuroscientists have written books and articles on how we fall in love and why we don't fall in love with everyone or like everyone so if you choose to become more informed the information is available.

 

I suspect though that it's easier for you to just make it seem like women are insane and unreasonable, that chemistry doesn't exist and that you just can't catch a break because the world and women are against you. To be honest, in all your 2936765443 million threads, there is an explicit stubbornness, either that or density, where you absolutely REFUSE to listen to reason and open your mind to understanding what folks have said 843776353 times to you. There is also this weird arrogance or a better word is self-centered attitude where you project YOUR ideas about how liking someone works for you on to how these women should feel even though it's clear they don't use your logic. The fact that if a woman doesn't like you you assume she must have "unreasonable expectations that only a few men" meet is an example of that weird kind of arrogance.

 

Also: the idea that most men would date a woman because he's attracted to her and will ignore everything else, while for some men, the juvenile mostly and shallow, this is true, other men esp when considering something serious have other criteria. This is normal for an adult male who has some life experience. It isn't anything to brag about if as a grown man you have no other criteria for dating a woman or forming a relationship besides attraction. In my experience, many men will sleep with a woman they find attractive NOT date her or have a relationship based simply on attraction. I can say that for me, and probably lots of other women, they want a man with some depth who is choosing to be with her because he appreciates her as a person and feels like she has qualities and values that he feels are compatible with his own and chooses her above others because of unique qualities she brings to the table...not just a man who is dating her simply because he thinks she is attractive and that's all. Again, I don't get how you can have a FWB that you don't want to be your gf yet act like a woman not wanting a relationship with you because she's not feeling it is some mysterious phenomenon.

Edited January 28, 2015 by MissBee

[Maleficent]

The hard part about that is I know what my type is. I like women who love to dance, are nerdy, intelligent and are really fun to interact with. For whatever reason those women don't like me. I'm not sure what to do. Go after women who aren't my type at all?

 

Not at all. But between the girl who is totally your type and the girl who is not your type at all, there's the girl who is kind of your type.

 

You just gotta know which preferences you can do without or are willing to 'negotiate'

[somedude81]

The mystery is only FOR YOU...I'm sure these women know why they aren't interested, not because you don't know means it is a mystery, and they are not obligated to give you a report about why they don't like you, so why assume it is mysterious?

 

Yes, it is a mystery to me. I hope they know why they aren't interested in me.

 

I have no idea why women consistently turn me down.

 

There are studies and books that theorize on chemistry and why you have it with some people and not others, if you really are interested in the topic, head to a library or book store or Google books and articles and read up on it.

 

If you want to believe no chemistry is a BS answer...you can...but it's a real answer and obviously has proven real over and over in your own life. Not sure what more you want, a 50 page memorandum on why they don't like you?

 

Yes!

 

I wish I knew where to start so women would actually give me a chance. I'm getting too old for this clueless game.

 

The reason I believe no chemistry is a BS answer is because it's so vague and doesn't explain anything. If I get rejected by 100 women and the only thing they told me was that they didn't feel chemistry with me, what am I supposed to do with that?

 

 

You like some people and you don't like others...this is not a special woman thing...it's an EVERYBODY thing . Besides desperate guys who like anyone who is alive, the more mature and emotionally aware a man is the more criteria he has about what he wants in a woman and this will lead him to like some women and not others.

 

No, I completely believe that women are much more dependent on needing chemistry. Men are the pursuers and as such require far less in a woman than a woman wants in a man. Dating would be far more easier if women approached it like men do.

 

I may be desperate but I don't like every woman and it's not even about attraction. If I knew a girl and wasn't interested in dating her, I could quickly give several reasons why not. I bet if that if somebody asked Busy Girl to give 3 reasons why she wouldn't want to date me, she would be unable to. If she tried to give reasons, they would be the typical vague answers like, "I don't feel chemistry", "he doesn't give me butterfly's" and other junk like that.

 

I suspect though that it's easier for you to just make it seem like women are insane and unreasonable, that chemistry doesn't exist and that you just can't catch a break because the world and women are against you. To be honest, in all your 2936765443 million threads, there is an explicit stubbornness, either that or density, where you absolutely REFUSE to listen to reason and open your mind to understanding what folks have said 843776353 times to you.

 

The only thing people are telling me is that she doesn't feel chemistry and that I'm not her type. That's it. Those aren't answers I can accept. It's just lots of posts that I can't do anything with. I'm trying to improve myself so I can stop getting rejected but I'm not getting anything I can actually use.

 

There will be a point where I'm making 100k a year, have a six pack, lots of friends and women still won't be interested in dating me. What should I do then?

 

There is also this weird arrogance or a better word is self-centered attitude where you project YOUR ideas about how liking someone works for you on to how these women should feel even though it's clear they don't use your logic. The fact that if a woman doesn't like you you assume she must have "unreasonable expectations that only a few men" meet is an example of that weird kind of arrogance.

 

Huh? It has nothing to do with any kind of personal arrogance.

 

Women are more picky than men are. Nobody doubts that. Women being so difficult to figure out and having a large number of criteria is the very reason the entire Pick Up industry exist. It's probably the primary reason why porn exists as well. If guys actually knew what women were looking for, those guys wouldn't exactly need porn.

 

 

Also: the idea that most men would date a woman because he's attracted to her and will ignore everything else, while for some men, the juvenile mostly and shallow, this is true, other men esp when considering something serious have other criteria. This is normal for an adult male who has some life experience. It isn't anything to brag about if as a grown man you have no other criteria for dating a woman or forming a relationship besides attraction.

 

I've already given reasons why I like BG. The first thing I said was that her looks weren't that important to me.

 

 

Again, I don't get how you can have a FWB that you don't want to be your gf yet act like a woman not wanting a relationship with you because she's not feeling it is some mysterious phenomenon.

 

Again, I can give several logical reasons why I don't want to date my FWB. It's not because I'm not "feeling it with her" there are actual things that I can verbalize. Off the top of my head the biggest reason is that she likes to go out to bars late at night throughout the week and that's never been something I've ever been into. She also smokes. There are several more I could list.

 

As I said earlier, I bet BG can't even list 3 reasons about me like the ones I just did.

[MidwestUSA]

As I said earlier, I bet BG can't even list 3 reasons about me like the ones I just did.

 

She only needs one. She doesn't think of you 'that way'. It's that simple. I don't know why you need or want to hear anything else.

[TigerLilly78]

If you were super attracted to the co-worker without knowing her, then it wouldn't take you long to get over.

 

If on the other hand, you make a connection with her, then it could crush you, and that is what we are talking about in this thread, emotional investment.

 

Better to just get your answer right away and minimize investment.

 

I dont agree and again I think this is a bit of the problem with the current thinking in dating everything must happen yesterday or there's no chance if she doesn't kiss you on the 1st date there's no hope if you dont sleep together with in so many dates there not interested it just feels rushed and unnatural to me anyways...

 

 

I only go for women that I have common interests with and have similar personalities. But 9 times out of 10 that's not what women are actually looking for.

 

 

Then I think you are going after immature women who are very superficial but then again I do believe you go after the early 20s? so that might be a big part of it..

[serial muse]

 

That's probably the only thing that's actually possible. She may have some crazy ass type that few men fit.

 

You call her Busy Girl and talk about how she's taking a lot of classes/units right now. She went back to school a few years late and now she's going full-bore, sounds like. In short, she sounds kind of driven and focused.

 

So honestly, SD, she may see you as pleasant enough as a dancing buddy with a few hobbies in common, but simply not the same sort of driven person. You aren't, after all. Your stated goals are simple and modest. Perhaps she wants more for herself than that.

 

It's weird to me how you talk about how great she is then denigrate her looks every other post and also say stuff like the above. It's things like that that make me 100% sure that you don't know that much about her, really - ONLY the stuff that you've talked about in passing, which touches on some hobbies you happen to share, enough to build a little fantasy Dream Girl out of her. But her dreams? Goals in life? Background? Fears? Family situation? Childhood buddies? Favorite memories? How much of that do you really know? Ever had a real, honest-to-goodness heart-to-heart with her? Or just the sort of shallow teasing talk that you mention on here?

 

I don't think you do know her, SD, and so I don't think you can really say whether she's got a "crazy-ass" type. You've projected a lot of stuff onto her, that's all. But what she's looking for in a man likely makes perfect sense once one knows some of those things I mentioned above. In short, she's a well-rounded human person.

Edited January 28, 2015 by serial muse

[TigerLilly78]

When I was in my early 20s men in their 30s were ancient to me I def didn't want to date one with a 20ft pole why should I when I could have some one more near my age? And when they tried to push things it just came off as creepy..

 

Im sorry but im fairly sure these young lady's know a ball park of your true age OP and its not helping you but until you get a grip on reality you will continue to be miserable..choice is yours tho but remember 40 is right around that corner..

[Dybbuk]

At somedude:

 

1. Chemistry is a real thing. Whether or not a woman places a high amount of importance on it is another. Chemistry if you want it broken down is how you "feel" when you're with someone. Are they easy to talk to, laugh with? Do you feel comfortable with them? If the answers are yes, then you have good chemistry with someone, if not... then no. I personally don't judge a guy based on chemistry alone because that can change once I get to know him. Not all women are the same, if you dated more of them instead of getting hung up on a few you'd find that out pretty quickly.

 

2. If you want a more specific answer than lack of chemistry/incompatibility, a woman probably isn't going to tell you the truth because it boils down to attractiveness in most cases. Not to be shallow, but if I meet a guy and I have 0 attraction to him from our first meeting, then I don't waste his time and tell him we are incompatible (which is the truth, we are physically incompatible). Men have not called me back after a first date because they weren't attracted to me either, so it's just something that happens! Do you want to hear a woman tell you "Sorry I just don't think you're handsome enough for me?" Is that going to make you feel better about why it didn't work out? Probably not, so don't press it if she gives you the kind answer of no chemistry/incompatibility.

 

3. Mutual interests and lots of things in common =/= PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. You actually need to get to know someone and see what their personality is like before you consider them an amazing person. This also helps prevent you becoming infatuated and difficult to move on to someone else. Want to know if you have someone worth hanging onto? You both have to see each other at their absolute worst or at least know some of their ugly truths in their life. Deciding whether or not someone is right for you is going to take time. Don't fall for someone you don't really know.

 

4. I don't like the idea of 'league's' for dating, but there is such a thing as standards. BG who is in her early 20s is going to have pretty high standards because a woman of her age, and attractiveness is going to be sought after by a large pool of men which she has to cull down to those she would date. I just started OLD last year when I was 26 and I cut off my age limit at 33. Age is just a number yaaa... but being with a partner much older makes it harder for us to be on the same page about hitting life milestones roughly at the same time. Some women rather avoid the issue all together and stick with someone their own age. Sad but true. Have you met women your age before?

 

5. Lastly, don't give up and for the love of god DON'T BLAME WOMEN. If you start going down the road of "Women are this, women are that, they're too complicated, they don't know what they want blah blah blah..." No women is going to touch you with a 10 ft. pole. Women want happy, secure, and confident men. Know that you have stuff going for you, you can make a woman very happy. When you meet someone you click with, take the chance and ask her out. Don't build her up in your mind, don't start fantasizing about how perfect she is... just see what she's like at dinner conversation and then decide if you'd like to hang out with her again. If she declines, her loss! Try again with someone new and remember that nothing ventured is nothing gained. Everyone has had rocky rejections, and feels crappy every once in a while when they date... but those that come out of it with a positive outlook are wiser for it, learn along the way and eventually find a great person to be with.

 

Start learning dude. Best of luck!

Edited January 28, 2015 by Dybbuk

[somedude81]

You call her Busy Girl and talk about how she's taking a lot of classes/units right now. She went back to school a few years late and now she's going full-bore, sounds like. In short, she sounds kind of driven and focused.

 

Yes she is.

 

So honestly, SD, she may see you as pleasant enough as a dancing buddy with a few hobbies in common, but simply not the same sort of driven person. You aren't, after all. Your stated goals are simple and modest. Perhaps she wants more for herself than that.

 

She has no idea what my goals are. What she does know is that I just graduated college, that I'm looking for a job in IT, and that I'm going on interviews. There is nothing negative she can say about my goals based on that. We haven't talked about actual goals and dreams in life beyond that.

 

It's weird to me how you talk about how great she is then denigrate her looks every other post and also say stuff like the above.

 

I have never denigrated her looks. Without a doubt I am very attracted to her. The reason I'm saying that she isn't hot is people are trying to paint me as only being into her looks and nothing else. That is false.

 

It's things like that that make me 100% sure that you don't know that much about her, really - ONLY the stuff that you've talked about in passing, which touches on some hobbies you happen to share, enough to build a little fantasy Dream Girl out of her. But her dreams? Goals in life? Background? Fears? Family situation? Childhood buddies? Favorite memories? How much of that do you really know? Ever had a real, honest-to-goodness heart-to-heart with her? Or just the sort of shallow teasing talk that you mention on here?

 

No, I don't know her nearly as well as I'd like to. We just haven't had the time to talk that much one-on-one. I would like to know so much more about her but it's hard to talk to her without distraction. I guess we could talk over text and Facebook but I would much rather talk in person.

 

I don't think you do know her, SD, and so I don't think you can really say whether she's got a "crazy-ass" type. You've projected a lot of stuff onto her, that's all. But what she's looking for in a man likely makes perfect sense once one knows some of those things I mentioned above. In short, she's a well-rounded human person.

 

No, I don't know what her type is. Though if it's not me, then I'm assuming that it is some off the wall type. As I've said many times, I can't think of any reasons why she isn't into me. On paper we sound like we'd make a good couple. But she thinks differently and I have no idea why.

[MidwestUSA]

Somedude, I think you need to watch Patti Stanger. The way she explains it, well, a woman knows within a short period of time whether a guy is going to do it for her.

 

Patti has several phrases for it; I won't repeat them here.

[ufo8mycat]

 

She has no idea what my goals are. What she does know is that I just graduated college, that I'm looking for a job in IT, and that I'm going on interviews. There is nothing negative she can say about my goals based on that. We haven't talked about actual goals and dreams in life beyond that.

 

.

 

So people are quite good at drawing inferences these are by there very nature judgemental. Everything about your situation would lead any reasonable person to conclude you are not overly driven - particularly by achievement or financial incentives.

 

So there is a good chance that she picked up on you not being driven and a self starter. You don't need to have had an explicit conversation on goals for 2015 to pick up on this.

 

You have stated a few times that BG hasn't given you a good reason that she isn't into you. Have you ever considered that maybe she could list of specific behaviours and traits that she finds unappealing about you but just chooses not to? Because she is polite and sounds pretty kind?

 

There isn't much in it for her to explain these things to you. Look at it from her perspective, why should she spend energy explaining "why" to a guy where she has already made it crystal clear that she is not interested. She has no obligation to explain herself to you or convince you.

 

So I am not too sure why it keeps coming up or what it is that you are struggling to understand? I mean that as a genuine question - why do you think you have so much trouble accepting her words at their face value?

[guest569]

Somedude, 5'5 isn't even that short! I would date someone that height and I am a rather tall lady. The way you talk in some of these threads i pictured you much shorter.

 

I used to be quite the same as you, I would get caught up and develop major crushes very quickly. I would be so upset over men who rejected me, when i didnt even know them.

 

It seemed to get less after I started dating a bit and had my first and only relationship. I dont have any advice because you cant help how you feel. Get out there, get a job, work hard and your confidence will grow. I think this will help. You wont be so fussed about some women who aren't interested.

[Million.to.1]

 

As I said earlier, I bet BG can't even list 3 reasons about me like the ones I just did.

 

Will these do?

 

 

1. She isn't attracted to you.

2. She thinks you are(look) too old for her.

3. You emanate a desperation which creeps her out.

 

These are just speculation of course.

[CALOVELY]

Will these do?

 

 

1. She isn't attracted to you.

2. She thinks you are(look) too old for her.

3. You emanate a desperation which creeps her out.

 

These are just speculation of course.

 

He:

 

4. Blames everybody else.

5. Refuses to look within.

 

OP- These are not traits that women find attractive. You have asked for advice countless times here and received great responses but for some reason you take none of it to heart. You are absolutely convinced the world is the problem, or more specifically women. There is a common denominator in all of this and guess who that is? If you want to change your outcome, change your attitude. I cannot stress enough how much it is holding you back. Take responsibility for your behavior, work on yourself and stop blaming others. Things will fall in to place then.

Edited January 28, 2015 by CALOVELY

[CALOVELY]

God I hate chemistry. I made a long ass thread about it a while ago.

 

Essentially chemistry is the catch all magic term that is used to explain why girls aren't interested in guys. "They just don't feel chemistry"

 

 

 

I don't know, I keep meeting those types of women and they never want to date me, with the one exception of my ex.

 

Honestly I'm starting to think that maybe it is women are screwed up and not me.

 

Give me a break. You want chemistry with these women, hence why you fixate on the ones you are attracted to, yet you do not afford the same to them regarding chemistry for you. They should just disregard their lack of any and give you a chance because you want them to. What a staggering level of entitlement you have.

 

You asked what a 22 year old man would have over you? 11 years to gain self awareness, of which you seem to have none. No, women are not the problem here. Look deep within.

Edited January 28, 2015 by CALOVELY

[guest569]

Chemistry is the difference between a nice handsome bloke who could be your brother, and a nice handsome bloke you want to bang.

[xxoo]

 

 

 

No, I don't know what her type is. Though if it's not me, then I'm assuming that it is some off the wall type. As I've said many times, I can't think of any reasons why she isn't into me. On paper we sound like we'd make a good couple. But she thinks differently and I have no idea why.

 

You consistently make these statements showing that you have zero understanding or respect for her perspective. If and doesn't share your thoughts and feelings, she's wrong. This comes across as childish. Maybe women find you too childish to date.

[Els]

No, I don't know what her type is. Though if it's not me, then I'm assuming that it is some off the wall type. As I've said many times, I can't think of any reasons why she isn't into me. On paper we sound like we'd make a good couple. But she thinks differently and I have no idea why.

 

Because everyone has their own thoughts, opinions, preferences, viewpoints, and priorities. That is what makes us individuals.

 

Your inability to understand that is really very concerning, SD.

[elaine567]

No, I don't know what her type is. Though if it's not me, then I'm assuming that it is some off the wall type. As I've said many times, I can't think of any reasons why she isn't into me. On paper we sound like we'd make a good couple. But she thinks differently and I have no idea why.

 

Why on earth would you think her type would be some "off the wall" guy?

 

Why don't you realise to her, YOU are the "off the wall" guy, and she has chosen not go there.

 

Dating 20 somethings at 33 years old is not "normal", and she being young will be very aware of that. I remember a girl who was about 7 years older than us, at uni, she was considered "ancient".

I would never have dreamt of dating a 30 something when I was in my 20s, few of my friends did either. It takes you into married men, divorcees, kids and emotional baggage territory.

Most 20 somethings are dating other 20 somethings and who would blame them?

Little baggage, fun and great bodies.

[serial muse]

Yes she is.

 

 

 

She has no idea what my goals are. What she does know is that I just graduated college, that I'm looking for a job in IT, and that I'm going on interviews. There is nothing negative she can say about my goals based on that. We haven't talked about actual goals and dreams in life beyond that.

 

 

 

I have never denigrated her looks. Without a doubt I am very attracted to her. The reason I'm saying that she isn't hot is people are trying to paint me as only being into her looks and nothing else. That is false.

 

 

 

No, I don't know her nearly as well as I'd like to. We just haven't had the time to talk that much one-on-one. I would like to know so much more about her but it's hard to talk to her without distraction. I guess we could talk over text and Facebook but I would much rather talk in person.

 

 

 

No, I don't know what her type is. Though if it's not me, then I'm assuming that it is some off the wall type. As I've said many times, I can't think of any reasons why she isn't into me. On paper we sound like we'd make a good couple. But she thinks differently and I have no idea why.

 

I give up. I just explained why it may not be you, and you completely ignored it. I said that she is likely driven and focused, and you agreed, and I said that's probably what she's looking for too. Guess what: you aren't that.Graduating college at 33 after ten years and going on a few interviews now for an IT job does not equal driven and focused. Owning a car and renting an apartment does not equal driven and focused. You're doing fine, but you're not ambitious and you've kind of made it clear you don't care much about anything but getting a girlfriend in life. You're just floating and sometimes scrabbling by. Ambitious, that is not. Busy, that is not. You are completely different people, not soul mates.

 

So yeah, you're deluding yourself and dissing her by assuming that the only reason she wouldn't be into you is because she's got some off the wall type. That makes absolutely no logical sense. I would say fine, if you need that delusion to get on with life, then cling to it, but honestly, this delusion is clearly in the way of you getting on with life, so I'm telling you straight: You're very likely not ambitious enough or even frankly interested enough in life for her. Who is your equal? Someone less busy and more laid-back and also kind of going along to get along, as you are. Sure, someone who likes dancing and making you dinner, what the hell. Those are modest desires and that's what you want. And yes, you'll almost certainly find them in someone older who isn't just starting out her life and has big dreams for herself. Someone who's more settled in.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Hi SD! Didn't I "like" a post you made a few weeks back where you told us all you were moving on from this girl who has no interest in dating you> SD, first you really need to learn how to take no for an answer, just believe it if she or some other girl tells you she's not interested, she knows what she's feeling, it doesn't mean a thing whether it makes sense to you or not. Also you are kind of coming off as disrespectful. When people here tell you to go after girls you aren't attracted to you don't like it at all, why do you think girls should date a guy they're not attracted to even if it's you!? I hope you really will move on, you are wasting a lot of time!