I hate getting a crush on women and becoming infatuated.

[elaine567]

Somedude, I think you need to watch Patti Stanger. The way she explains it, well, a woman knows within a short period of time whether a guy is going to do it for her.

 

Patti has several phrases for it; I won't repeat them here.

 

How to Tell if He's Just Not That Into You | PattiKnows | Patti Stanger

- works just the same for women.

Somedude81 take notes.

 

1. They’re always ‘so busy’

- she is not called "busy girl" for nothing is she?

2. He’s not initiating and he’s not consistent, instead sporadically contacting you

- when does she ever contact you?

3. Doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do

- I don't think you are party to what she says

4. Invites his friends along on your alone time together

- YES, she invited you to come along with her friends to go dancing, after you initiated.

5. They treat you like an option.

-YES, though in her case, she told you she has put you in the friendzone

6. They talk incessantly about themselves while not really taking an interest in you

- you have never even had a one to one conversation with her, so how would you know?

[MidwestUSA]

How to Tell if He's Just Not That Into You | PattiKnows | Patti Stanger

- works just the same for women.

Somedude81 take notes.

 

Does he get you 'loose goosy' down there? There, I've said it. Some of her terms make me cringe, but I guess it gets the ratings, after all, I'm still watching!

[Imajerk17]

 

She has no idea what my goals are. What she does know is that I just graduated college, that I'm looking for a job in IT, and that I'm going on interviews. There is nothing negative she can say about my goals based on that. We haven't talked about actual goals and dreams in life beyond that.

 

 

And you think that is a good thing? That's a big problem. I mean, the idea should be that the more the woman knows about you, the more she likes. And if she doesn't know stuff such as that about you--your goals, what motivates you, ect, then she is intensely curious to find out. If she feels attraction towards you that is.

 

somedude81, you seem to believe that if you don't exhibit any (what you consider to be) deal-breakers, then the woman should automatically be interested, or at least interested enough to give you a chance. That's absolutely not true. A woman has to actually be attracted to you.

 

As for getting a woman attracted to you, different women are attracted to different types. You would stand a much better chance of this happening if you stop being so fixated on getting a girlfriend (needy) and start putting more stock into the rest of your life. (Yes it is great that you graduated and are looking for a job. You can't expect a medal for that though, as most every other 33-year-old is working too. This is only what you are SUPPOSED to be doing.)

Edited January 28, 2015 by Imajerk17

[MissBee]

Yes, it is a mystery to me. I hope they know why they aren't interested in me.

 

I have no idea why women consistently turn me down.

 

 

 

Yes!

 

I wish I knew where to start so women would actually give me a chance. I'm getting too old for this clueless game.

 

The reason I believe no chemistry is a BS answer is because it's so vague and doesn't explain anything. If I get rejected by 100 women and the only thing they told me was that they didn't feel chemistry with me, what am I supposed to do with that?

 

 

 

 

No, I completely believe that women are much more dependent on needing chemistry. Men are the pursuers and as such require far less in a woman than a woman wants in a man. Dating would be far more easier if women approached it like men do.

 

I may be desperate but I don't like every woman and it's not even about attraction. If I knew a girl and wasn't interested in dating her, I could quickly give several reasons why not. I bet if that if somebody asked Busy Girl to give 3 reasons why she wouldn't want to date me, she would be unable to. If she tried to give reasons, they would be the typical vague answers like, "I don't feel chemistry", "he doesn't give me butterfly's" and other junk like that.

 

 

 

The only thing people are telling me is that she doesn't feel chemistry and that I'm not her type. That's it. Those aren't answers I can accept. It's just lots of posts that I can't do anything with. I'm trying to improve myself so I can stop getting rejected but I'm not getting anything I can actually use.

 

There will be a point where I'm making 100k a year, have a six pack, lots of friends and women still won't be interested in dating me. What should I do then?

 

 

 

Huh? It has nothing to do with any kind of personal arrogance.

 

Women are more picky than men are. Nobody doubts that. Women being so difficult to figure out and having a large number of criteria is the very reason the entire Pick Up industry exist. It's probably the primary reason why porn exists as well. If guys actually knew what women were looking for, those guys wouldn't exactly need porn.

 

 

 

 

I've already given reasons why I like BG. The first thing I said was that her looks weren't that important to me.

 

 

 

 

Again, I can give several logical reasons why I don't want to date my FWB. It's not because I'm not "feeling it with her" there are actual things that I can verbalize. Off the top of my head the biggest reason is that she likes to go out to bars late at night throughout the week and that's never been something I've ever been into. She also smokes. There are several more I could list.

 

As I said earlier, I bet BG can't even list 3 reasons about me like the ones I just did.

 

 

 

Okay somedude.

 

You don't see how it is arrogant and self-centered to believe that this woman can't give 3 reasons just because she hasn't given them to you? Do you think most people list all the reasons they don't like someone to their face? They don't. They will give you a shorthand answer as it is none of your business and it is not your "right" to know. I mean even with jobs, and I have an inkling that while you're going through job hunting you may also have a problem with this concept, your potential employer can simply be put off and not feel you're a match for the position or the climate of their workplace. It's not just a dry match up of your resume to the job description, there also requires some level of chemistry and them liking you after the interview is done and remembering you because they liked you, especially if other applicants have similar qualifications as you, it comes down to a sheer chemistry and liking you are not. If they choose not to hire you it may be specific things where you don't fit like lack of experience, they want someone with a higher degree or other concrete things, or simply weren't feeling you in the interview. They are NOT obligated though to give you a 50 page letter detailing why you were not chosen...they will either not respond back to you ever again OR will give you a polite but vague email, letter or call saying sorry at this time they don't think you're a fit. In their mind they may know exactly why not or just don't like you, but they are not going to detail this. This is dating too!

 

You reallly think you're THAT great and everything this woman could possibly want but she's just not dating you because of no reason at all and she can't name it?

 

Yea...okay

 

The things people have told you to work on are not about getting $100k a year or a six pack....we've been clear that it's most likely not your looks but other stuff about you that is off putting, so if after you get all that and no woman likes you still then maybe then you'll begin to dig deeper and realize it's something else personality wise or such.

 

Chemistry is not the only thing, it's tied in with lots of over things, many women and men are aware that you may feel attracted and have chemistry with someone but you still aren't a good match based on other aspects. These women don't like you for a combination of reasons that none of us can tell you as we are NOT them.

 

But you're being a bit ridiculous now, I mean, no woman is going to pretend not to like a man she likes. So if she doesn't like you she doesn't for some legit reasons FOR HER! Or for no other reason than she doesn't. This is not quantum physics. Your insistence on getting a 50 page memorandum or immediately discounting these women's feelings as illogical because they don't like you is nuts and as other shave said entitled and childish on your part, where like a child you have very narrow views on how feelings work where you think it is all based on you and how you feel, what you want and what you would do. You have NO CLUE what this woman or any of these women want in a man. NONE! Yet you determine on paper you're a good match...on whose paper?? YOURS! Not theirs. You've never asked this woman what she likes or doesn't about you but are betting she can't name 3 things...I mean honestly...this is so entitled and arrogant it's crazy. If a woman doesn't like you she has her reasons...it's no mystery...and the sooner you learn to accept this the better. If a man doesn't like me, I don't sit there thinking about how perfect we are on paper and that he has no reason not to and blah blah...he is an INDIVIDUAL with his own desires and there are literally 1000 reasons he could have for not liking me and one for me is, no particular reason other than he doesn't feel it. I move on after. Women (and men) who when folks don't like them cannot move on but would rather bash their heads in insisting it's illogical are usually disturbed and it's the making of every deluded stalker film where they feel a love connection with someone who doesn't feel the same but in their own deluded minds they cannot understand this so simply ignore it and think if they can "only show them" not realizing it's not that they can't see...they see CLEARLY and you're not what they want.

 

Chances are, while you think you look the same age as these college girls and are fun and just seem like a great catch, you don't to these women who've turned you down. Chances are some of the things that perplex us about your attitude comes off to them too, they most likely also know you are not their age as much as you think this is a big secret, the fact that you said this woman doesn't know your goals is also no big point winner, in fact when I was a college senior, my friends and I and most other college seniors were talking about our plans after college, someone who never said anything about their plans would have seemed like someone with no plan so it's possibly that's also coming off to her..we can speculate all day, but the evidence is that for whatever reason they don't like you and it is not a mystery, they are their own person and you don't fit whatever it is THEY have decided they want...what you don't get is that you're not the one who gets to decide what they should and shouldn't want and you don't get to say they have unreasonable standards simply because they don't like you.

Edited January 28, 2015 by MissBee

[carhill]

So, OP, having read the responses, say you meet a lady today who leaves you with quite a buzz in your balls and she's on your mind tonight where otherwise she certainly wouldn't be if not for your sexual attraction to her. How do you feel about that and what do you do?

[elaine567]

The others are right, you have no idea what BG likes, only assumptions.

She may be into big lumberjack types, or skinny, nerdy guys, or guys with big, fat cheque books or guys who want to opt out of society and live in the wilderness with chickens and goats. She may be into guys who do yoga and meditate, or guys who kick box and do karate. Guys who like fine dining or guys who like burgers and fries...

YOU have spun this fantasy in your head, that somehow you and she would be perfect together, but you know nothing really about her.

As Miss Bee has said, it is a bit like creepy stalker behaviour.

 

Chemistry is weird and not something you can manufacture easily.

If a woman is into big muscle bound guys but spends lots of time getting to know her nerdy co worker, she may easily fall for the nerdy co-worker, because he makes her laugh and she is comfortable with him. No-one can predict that.

I worked with a very attractive man once, good looks, great personality, nice person, excellent prospects, all boxes ticked, almost all the women hankered after him, but I can honestly say he did absolutely nothing for me, I was impervious to all his charms. He was just not appealing to me somehow. There was no chemistry.

 

All you can do is be the best person you can be, and hopefully someone will recognise that in you and be attracted to you and you to them.

[somedude81]

At somedude:

 

1. Chemistry is a real thing. Whether or not a woman places a high amount of importance on it is another. Chemistry if you want it broken down is how you "feel" when you're with someone. Are they easy to talk to, laugh with? Do you feel comfortable with them? If the answers are yes, then you have good chemistry with someone, if not... then no. I personally don't judge a guy based on chemistry alone because that can change once I get to know him. Not all women are the same, if you dated more of them instead of getting hung up on a few you'd find that out pretty quickly.

 

In that case, we do have chemistry based on what you said. We do talk and laugh together and conversation is really easy.

 

2. If you want a more specific answer than lack of chemistry/incompatibility, a woman probably isn't going to tell you the truth because it boils down to attractiveness in most cases. Not to be shallow, but if I meet a guy and I have 0 attraction to him from our first meeting, then I don't waste his time and tell him we are incompatible (which is the truth, we are physically incompatible). Men have not called me back after a first date because they weren't attracted to me either, so it's just something that happens! Do you want to hear a woman tell you "Sorry I just don't think you're handsome enough for me?" Is that going to make you feel better about why it didn't work out? Probably not, so don't press it if she gives you the kind answer of no chemistry/incompatibility.

 

My guess is that it all boils down to looks for her. For whatever reason she doesn't think I'm good looking enough. Maybe it's because I'm 5'5 and not super good looking. Odds are my looks is the primary reason why I've been consistently turned down by women.

 

 

3. Mutual interests and lots of things in common =/= PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. You actually need to get to know someone and see what their personality is like before you consider them an amazing person. This also helps prevent you becoming infatuated and difficult to move on to someone else. Want to know if you have someone worth hanging onto? You both have to see each other at their absolute worst or at least know some of their ugly truths in their life. Deciding whether or not someone is right for you is going to take time. Don't fall for someone you don't really know.

 

Mutual interests and things in common are very important. Yet for some reason nobody ever thinks they are when I talk about them. Why is that?

 

From what I know of her so far, she is amazing. I really doubt that would change if I get to know her better. If anything she would turn out to be better than I thought she was, which happened with my ex.

 

4. I don't like the idea of 'league's' for dating, but there is such a thing as standards. BG who is in her early 20s is going to have pretty high standards because a woman of her age, and attractiveness is going to be sought after by a large pool of men which she has to cull down to those she would date. I just started OLD last year when I was 26 and I cut off my age limit at 33. Age is just a number yaaa... but being with a partner much older makes it harder for us to be on the same page about hitting life milestones roughly at the same time. Some women rather avoid the issue all together and stick with someone their own age. Sad but true. Have you met women your age before?

 

That's the whole thing where women have more value than men do simply because they are a woman.

 

As for age, I think people put far too much focus on it in my threads. For many years I went after women my own age and women didn't like me then either. So my age wasn't a reason then.

 

If I meet a woman today who is my age and eventually she turns me down, once again age wouldn't be an actual factor. It's something easy that people bring up because they don't really have anything to add.

 

5. Lastly, don't give up and for the love of god DON'T BLAME WOMEN. If you start going down the road of "Women are this, women are that, they're too complicated, they don't know what they want blah blah blah..." No women is going to touch you with a 10 ft. pole. Women want happy, secure, and confident men. Know that you have stuff going for you, you can make a woman very happy. When you meet someone you click with, take the chance and ask her out. Don't build her up in your mind, don't start fantasizing about how perfect she is... just see what she's like at dinner conversation and then decide if you'd like to hang out with her again. If she declines, her loss! Try again with someone new and remember that nothing ventured is nothing gained. Everyone has had rocky rejections, and feels crappy every once in a while when they date... but those that come out of it with a positive outlook are wiser for it, learn along the way and eventually find a great person to be with.

 

The reason I'm getting bitter and am blaming women is that I've been failing at this game for a very long time. I've only had one girlfriend and that was when I was 31, and that only lasted six months. It's very difficult to be confident in regards to relationships and women based on my history. I hate the whole dating process because it never works for me.

 

I know I can make a woman happy if I was her boyfriend, but first I need to get past the interview, if I can even get the interview in the first place.

 

I've been rejected by so many women and it is becoming very tiring. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong so I can finally live a normal life with a woman and I'm not really learning anything.

 

Start learning dude. Best of luck!

Hah, I wrote my previous sentence before I read this last part.

 

Yeah I need to start learning.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I think you need to watch Patti Stanger. The way she explains it, well, a woman knows within a short period of time whether a guy is going to do it for her.

 

Patti has several phrases for it; I won't repeat them here.

 

How to Tell if He's Just Not That Into You | PattiKnows | Patti Stanger

 

 

1. They’re always ‘so busy’

- she is not called "busy girl" for nothing is she?

2. He’s not initiating and he’s not consistent, instead sporadically contacting you

- when does she ever contact you?

3. Doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do

- I don't think you are party to what she says

4. Invites his friends along on your alone time together

- YES, she invited you to come along with her friends to go dancing, after you initiated.

5. They treat you like an option.

-YES, though in her case, she told you she has put you in the friendzone

6. They talk incessantly about themselves while not really taking an interest in you

- you have never even had a one to one conversation with her, so how would you know?

 

- works just the same for women.

Somedude81 take notes.

 

Thanks for the list.

 

Though I've already known that she's not into me. That was never a question.

 

What I don't know is why she isn't interested along with every other woman I had a crush on. The way I'm going, I'm going to meet 50 more other Busy Girls, and even if they were all my age, they would all turn me down. That's what scares me.

 

It's also very frustrating to me that I fall for a certain type of woman so quickly and it's so easy to dream about what our life would be like together but in the end those women never give me a chance. It makes me feel like women have all power and there is absolutely nothing I can do.

[CALOVELY]

In that case, we do have chemistry based on what you said. We do talk and laugh together and conversation is really easy.

 

 

 

My guess is that it all boils down to looks for her. For whatever reason she doesn't think I'm good looking enough. Maybe it's because I'm 5'5 and not super good looking. Odds are my looks is the primary reason why I've been consistently turned down by women.

 

 

 

 

Mutual interests and things in common are very important. Yet for some reason nobody ever thinks they are when I talk about them. Why is that?

 

From what I know of her so far, she is amazing. I really doubt that would change if I get to know her better. If anything she would turn out to be better than I thought she was, which happened with my ex.

 

 

 

That's the whole thing where women have more value than men do simply because they are a woman.

 

As for age, I think people put far too much focus on it in my threads. For many years I went after women my own age and women didn't like me then either. So my age wasn't a reason then.

 

If I meet a woman today who is my age and eventually she turns me down, once again age wouldn't be an actual factor. It's something easy that people bring up because they don't really have anything to add.

 

 

 

The reason I'm getting bitter and am blaming women is that I've been failing at this game for a very long time. I've only had one girlfriend and that was when I was 31, and that only lasted six months. It's very difficult to be confident in regards to relationships and women based on my history. I hate the whole dating process because it never works for me.

 

I know I can make a woman happy if I was her boyfriend, but first I need to get past the interview, if I can even get the interview in the first place.

 

I've been rejected by so many women and it is becoming very tiring. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong so I can finally live a normal life with a woman and I'm not really learning anything.

 

 

Hah, I wrote my previous sentence before I read this last part.

 

Yeah I need to start learning.

 

The only way to get an interview is to have a solid resume. Have you worked on yours? Everybody here keeps telling you to but you continue to insist women are at fault, or your height, or chemistry, or the moon. It is your resume that needs work.

 

Have you considered Cognitive Behavior Therapy? It might be very beneficial to get a professional to help you as it appears you just keep spinning your wheels and blame spiral.

[MissBee]

The others are right, you have no idea what BG likes, only assumptions.

She may be into big lumberjack types, or skinny, nerdy guys, or guys with big, fat cheque books or guys who want to opt out of society and live in the wilderness with chickens and goats. She may be into guys who do yoga and meditate, or guys who kick box and do karate. Guys who like fine dining or guys who like burgers and fries...

YOU have spun this fantasy in your head, that somehow you and she would be perfect together, but you know nothing really about her.

As Miss Bee has said, it is a bit like creepy stalker behaviour.

 

Chemistry is weird and not something you can manufacture easily.

If a woman is into big muscle bound guys but spends lots of time getting to know her nerdy co worker, she may easily fall for the nerdy co-worker, because he makes her laugh and she is comfortable with him. No-one can predict that.

I worked with a very attractive man once, good looks, great personality, nice person, excellent prospects, all boxes ticked, almost all the women hankered after him, but I can honestly say he did absolutely nothing for me, I was impervious to all his charms. He was just not appealing to me somehow. There was no chemistry.

 

All you can do is be the best person you can be, and hopefully someone will recognise that in you and be attracted to you and you to them.

 

 

Good post!

 

I wanted to clarify somedude, I'm not saying you are a stalker or will become one.

 

What I'm saying is that some of your logic is very similar to that of people who are. People who go on to stalk start off by being obsessed with the fantasy of someone they don't know very well but use the bits they do know and add to it and then blow it up into something of their own making and convince themselves it's mutual or that it should be and then that leads them to thinking they and the person are "meant to be", and when the person doesn't reciprocate it makes them angry and they think it makes no sense or the person is being stubborn or irrational and it is their job to "show them" the truth. It is often one-sided and totally fueled by the stalker's own imaginings.

 

While you may never physically stalk or harm these women, you do get obsessed easily with women you know casually but don't know very well. You blow them up to epic proportions as "perfect" in your mind, stalkers love to idealize their victims, or when they get upset they demonize them, which you do also, where if they don't like you they are some woman with unreasonable expectations who is illogical.

 

The point is: the level at which you obsess and worry about women you know casually isn't the norm. Having a crush should be lighthearted not the way you go on about it and where you have signed on the dotted line and have elevated them to the perfect gf even though again, you only know them casually in casual social settings and have never spent enough alone time in a romantic way with them to know if in fact you'd be "perfect." You also suggest that because you know certain things about them casually that is enough to know you'd be happy with them. Like what more could you need than she is cute, likes to dance and is fun...I mean....all relationships start off with some basic level of liking someone but most don't work out because in the end after getting to know them more intimately you often find other things that don't work or don't fit. Yet, you seem to discount this and have the idea that your fantasy will be reality and no way could anything be different once dating so just keep on insisting on your perfect match for each other. That is illogical on your part and again similar to how stalkers think, they obsess and in your fantasy of course everything is to your liking but in reality, the other person has faults and free will and can choose you or not and will do imperfect things.

 

You putting these women on a pedestal is a problem. Because you put them there and build them up you start obsessing and believing you need to be with them and it would be perfect once they also realize it. A crush however, should not make you lose all sense of reality, reason and balance. When I have a crush, it's a crush, not something that deep. I remind myself that I may like a guy but don't know him well enough to know if we'd really work. I also know that just because a man may be cute or like the same activities as me or is funny DOES NOT immediately mean we would work as a couple....and that is where you seem to have no perspective....where for you you genuinely believe that once common interests and good looks are there = PERFECT COUPLE! Nah...that's not life. You frown on the idea that there is more to a sustainable relationship than liking the same activities and thinking the person is cute, yet you're the one who needs to become more complex and grow up in that regard. You also keep trying to make it seem like all men think like you do, and women are the unreasonable ones who want "more", which isn't true either.

 

As someone else said, you're a low ambition guy. This isn't an insult, this is how you are. You want to get a job and get buy but it's not like you're super driven and goal oriented, the only goal you have is to get a gf, other goals not so much. Because a gf is your single goal you seem passionate about you also seem to have pretty generic and basic standards, nothing at all involved about what you expect besides the generic stuff (which again at 33, the things you want in a woman are not sophisticated and age appropriate, it sounds like what an 18 year old guy might want, not a man in his 30s). But like the other poster pointed out, that's fine, there are women more on that wavelength too...some your age as well. But be mindful that some women want more and have higher ambitions and some guys are guys who are more driven, have higher ambitions, thus are more interesting and complex and lots of women dig that. You barely know these women so haven't a clue what kind of man they want....but if there is a way to find out, find out, and be accepting that it may not be you. You shouldn't have to learn and try to pretend to be it...simply accept it and move on to a woman more your speed. But just stop idealizing women you barely know and running 100 miles ahead with YOUR fantasy which has ZERO to do with them and their wants and desires. I like to dance, I'm cute, I have big breasts, I don't LOVE going to bars all the time, I love cooking and I'm funny...but I know you and I would never be a good match. We'd not gel based on lots of things I can tell about you and your mentality and my own ambitions and life path in comparison to yours...see? It's fairly easy for a woman, or man, to be some of what you want or share common stuff with you and have fun with you but have no desire to date you and not be a good match for you. This is not unreasonable, mysterious, illogical or unfair, it's life.

[somedude81]

 

You have stated a few times that BG hasn't given you a good reason that she isn't into you. Have you ever considered that maybe she could list of specific behaviours and traits that she finds unappealing about you but just chooses not to? Because she is polite and sounds pretty kind?

 

There isn't much in it for her to explain these things to you. Look at it from her perspective, why should she spend energy explaining "why" to a guy where she has already made it crystal clear that she is not interested. She has no obligation to explain herself to you or convince you.

 

So I am not too sure why it keeps coming up or what it is that you are struggling to understand? I mean that as a genuine question - why do you think you have so much trouble accepting her words at their face value?

 

The reason why I have so much trouble accepting her words at their face value is that they don't tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve myself.

 

As I said earlier, if I get rejected by 100 women in a row, and they all tell me "I'm sorry, I don't feel any chemistry" there is absolutely nothing I can do with that.

 

I'm desperate to find out what I'm doing wrong with women. If I don't know where I'm screwing up, I don't know what I can focus on so I'll stop screwing up.

[elaine567]

In that case, we do have chemistry based on what you said. We do talk and laugh together and conversation is really easy.

 

NOOOOO.

I can talk and laugh with my postman, we have no "chemistry" going on. It is called being friendly.

She told you, you were just friends, believe her.

[pteromom]

God I hate chemistry. I made a long ass thread about it a while ago.

 

This makes no sense. You are either attracted to someone or you aren't. That's chemistry. Just as you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you aren't attracted to, neither can she. And it doesn't have to be because there is something "wrong" with you. It's just not there.

 

Surely you can think of some woman who you aren't attracted to, but you can see how she could be attractive to someone else.

 

I don't know, I keep meeting those types of women and they never want to date me, with the one exception of my ex.

 

Women aren't a TYPE. Every woman is different. Even if you gather 100 women who have all the characteristics you like: likes to dance, nerdy, fun, big boobs, early 20s, smart, likes sex a lot, etc. etc., and you ask them all what they are looking for in a man, you will get 100 different answers. Some of the points may be the same, but no two lists will be the same.

 

Honestly I'm starting to think that maybe it is women are screwed up and not me.

 

No, it's you.

 

I am not trying to be mean here - I WANT you to succeed and find your dream woman and have a long and happy relationship.

 

But you just have several things going against you that are making it very difficult for you.

 

- your insistence that you want a girl in her early 20s. Fact is, a great majority of young women are going to want boyfriends their own age and aren't going to be interested in a 33 year old guy. And many of the ones who DO want an older man want one because of financial security, travel, adventure, etc. They don't want a 33 year old guy looking for his first job out of college. Not that there is anything wrong with where you are - you are moving forward, so that is good. But your situation just doesn't appeal to the vast majority of your target market.

 

- your focus on one woman at a time and your tendency to obsess over her rather than playing the numbers game. Yes, I agree with the other poster that asking out 125 women really puts you out there for rejection. But at the same time, if you are asking women out before you get emotionally invested in them, the rejection isn't so bad.

 

- your inability to understand that there are reasons women aren't interested that have nothing to do with YOU or your desirability. There are so many reasons a girl may not be interested. Maybe she doesn't want to date at all. Maybe she's moving in 6 months and doesn't want to get attached to someone. Maybe she is getting over a bad breakup and isn't ready. Maybe she's in a cult and her parents have arranged her marriage with their holy leader. Maybe she has a very strict 5 year plan and she's on step 3 and dating is part of step 4. Maybe your lips look exactly like her dad's lips, and if she thinks about kissing you, she retches involuntarily because...ewww, dad lips.

 

You have to quit analyzing why BG isn't interested, and just move on. Keep putting yourself in situations where you meet women. Keep talking to them. Keep asking for numbers. Keep trying to not take rejection personally.

 

You have to know that you are awesome and have a lot to offer a woman. And consider it her loss if she isn't interested.

 

There is no point in sitting around trying to analyze other people and why they do the things they do and why they feel the way they feel. Because every person is different and has a different perspective about everything.

 

But you do know YOU. So be YOU. Show people YOU. And you will find someone who jibes with you.

[somedude81]

So, OP, having read the responses, say you meet a lady today who leaves you with quite a buzz in your balls and she's on your mind tonight where otherwise she certainly wouldn't be if not for your sexual attraction to her. How do you feel about that and what do you do?

 

If I went out tonight and met a woman that I was attracted to and enjoyed talking with. I'd hope that I could meet her again, and that she felt the same way about me.

 

Though I'm starting to really doubt myself and I'll probably assume that she wasn't interested in me.

[somedude81]

The others are right, you have no idea what BG likes, only assumptions.

She may be into big lumberjack types, or skinny, nerdy guys, or guys with big, fat cheque books or guys who want to opt out of society and live in the wilderness with chickens and goats. She may be into guys who do yoga and meditate, or guys who kick box and do karate. Guys who like fine dining or guys who like burgers and fries...

YOU have spun this fantasy in your head, that somehow you and she would be perfect together, but you know nothing really about her.

As Miss Bee has said, it is a bit like creepy stalker behaviour.

 

Chemistry is weird and not something you can manufacture easily.

If a woman is into big muscle bound guys but spends lots of time getting to know her nerdy co worker, she may easily fall for the nerdy co-worker, because he makes her laugh and she is comfortable with him. No-one can predict that.

I worked with a very attractive man once, good looks, great personality, nice person, excellent prospects, all boxes ticked, almost all the women hankered after him, but I can honestly say he did absolutely nothing for me, I was impervious to all his charms. He was just not appealing to me somehow. There was no chemistry.

 

All you can do is be the best person you can be, and hopefully someone will recognise that in you and be attracted to you and you to them.

 

Your post pretty much went into detail about what I said earlier when I said some off the wall type. And everybody got annoyed at me.

 

Yes, I do think that the only reason she is not interested in me is because she may only be interested in skinny French guys that do yoga.

 

To me it's really weird how women do that, where they can only be into one type and all other men might as well not exist.

 

For me, while there is one type of women I really like, I would happily date women of many other types as long as they don't have my deal breakers.

[somedude81]

The only way to get an interview is to have a solid resume. Have you worked on yours? Everybody here keeps telling you to but you continue to insist women are at fault, or your height, or chemistry, or the moon. It is your resume that needs work.

 

Have you considered Cognitive Behavior Therapy? It might be very beneficial to get a professional to help you as it appears you just keep spinning your wheels and blame spiral.

 

OK, what part of my resueme do I need to work on?

 

I have a college degree.

 

Soon I'm going to be working full-time.

 

What's next?

 

Yes I'm in therapy now and have been for several months.

[MissBee]

- your inability to understand that there are reasons women aren't interested that have nothing to do with YOU or your desirability. There are so many reasons a girl may not be interested. Maybe she doesn't want to date at all. Maybe she's moving in 6 months and doesn't want to get attached to someone. Maybe she is getting over a bad breakup and isn't ready. Maybe she's in a cult and her parents have arranged her marriage with their holy leader. Maybe she has a very strict 5 year plan and she's on step 3 and dating is part of step 4. Maybe your lips look exactly like her dad's lips, and if she thinks about kissing you, she retches involuntarily because...ewww, dad lips.

.

 

:lmao::lmao: @ "dad lips" and the rest.

 

But like X 10000!

 

Somedude, you act like every girl you like is literally your last chance and invest so much into whether they like you or not. As Pteromom and others have said, it's not really that you have to literally ask out 125 women, but it's that if you cast your net wide and remain detached, them rejecting you isn't all that bad and it increases your chances of at least one saying yes.

 

But your laser focus and obsession on these individual women that you basically meet and immediately start imagining yourself as their bf for months does nothing to help you.

 

It is tiring thinking about it. It's like applying to one job and already beginning to imagine your office and what it will be like to work there and making it your dream...and you only apply to one job at a time and each time invest so much mental energy into the fantasy before even knowing what working there would really be like, where you may have seen the building, spoke to some people there before, even spent a day there but that is NOT the same as working there day to day and having a boss there. But you have decided it is perfect for you so sit around obsessing over if they will hire you...of course you will be devastated in the end if it doesn't pan out. However, if you had identified say 8 potential jobs that you'd like, and left it open that they MAY or MAY NOT be a good match, but seem promising on the surface, and send your resume to all 8 and see what happens, you give yourself more options and even if in the end none want you, during the waiting process you're not gonna be that stressed focusing on only one but will feel more hopeful and relaxed and confident about your options. And even if those 8 don't work, while disheartening, you pick yourself up and identify another set or maybe a different type of job or tweak your resume or interview skills.

Edited January 28, 2015 by MissBee

[JuneJulySeptember]

NOOOOO.

I can talk and laugh with my postman, we have no "chemistry" going on. It is called being friendly.

She told you, you were just friends, believe her.

 

That's because your postman is probably 58 years old and looks like Curly instead of being 33 and looking like Orlando Bloom.

 

I'll admit without any reservations that if the woman checking out my groceries and making nice small talk was 30, young and attractive, instead of 65, my mind would process completely differently.

 

That's not what I call chemistry.

 

If I laugh it up with someone, and we have the same sense of humor, we have chemistry. Don't matter if she's young and hot, 65 years old, or if she is a he. Chemistry is the same with friends. You get along with some people, others not.

 

When you try and make mystical and unexplainable, I cease to buy it's validity.

[MissBee]

OK, what part of my resueme do I need to work on?

 

I have a college degree.

 

Soon I'm going to be working full-time.

 

What's next?

 

Yes I'm in therapy now and have been for several months.

 

What do you discuss in therapy or what is the focus of the therapy to help you work on?

 

How does your therapist feel about your progress? How do you feel?

 

Do you share your feelings about dating and how that should work and how it makes you feel with your therapist?

[xxoo]

The only thing that is clear is that YOU are not her type. What can you do with that? Move on. There is no reason for you to understand her inner workings and desires to accept the reality.

 

You should develop yourself so that you fit more women's type. It's not just about avoiding red flags, but developing qualities that inspire attraction. And it isn't a matter of tailoring yourself to be attractive to a specific woman. It's about actually being an attractive person. Look at the average looking guys who have a lot of luck dating. What makes them attractive? They've got something going for them, usually many things.

[pteromom]

Yes, I do think that the only reason she is not interested in me is because she may only be interested in skinny French guys that do yoga.

 

For me, while there is one type of women I really like, I would happily date women of many other types as long as they don't have my deal breakers.

 

Maybe she likes many other types too. And maybe you aren't one of those types. Or maybe you have one of her deal breakers.

 

Or maybe she isn't interested in dating AT ALL. Not everyone is unhappy being single.

[elaine567]

That's because your postman is probably 58 years old and looks like Curly instead of being 33 and looking like Orlando Bloom.

 

I'll admit without any reservations that if the woman checking out my groceries and making nice small talk was 30, young and attractive, instead of 65, my mind would process completely differently.

 

That's not what I call chemistry.

 

If I laugh it up with someone, and we have the same sense of humor, we have chemistry. Don't matter if she's young and hot, 65 years old, or if she is a he. Chemistry is the same with friends. You get along with some people, others not.

 

When you try and make mystical and unexplainable, I cease to buy it's validity.

 

Yes, that is chemistry, I concede, but NOT the type of chemistry Somedude81 needs in order to get women to go out with him. It is sexual chemistry that is being talked about here, it is sexual chemistry that is missing in action.

 

BTW my postman IS 30 something...

[CALOVELY]

OK, what part of my resueme do I need to work on?

 

I have a college degree.

 

Soon I'm going to be working full-time.

 

What's next?

 

Yes I'm in therapy now and have been for several months.

 

Do you think I am talking about your actual resume?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yes, that is chemistry, I concede, but NOT the type of chemistry Somedude81 needs in order to get women to go out with him. It is sexual chemistry that is being talked about here, it is sexual chemistry that is missing in action.

 

BTW my postman IS 30 something...

 

Sexual chemistry is just a mix of physical attraction and guttural instincts, i.e. being attracted to a man who pushes another man down trying to get a drink at the bar, or a woman who speaks in a very high pitched Betty Boop voice.

 

In general, I agree with the premise of what everybody is saying. Women want what they want, if it's not you, then move along.

 

However, it is not just random. It is almost nauseatingly predictable who will be attracted to whom based on market values.

[rester]

Somedude, what's the nature of your friendship with Busy Girl since the semester ended? Do you talk on the phone or just text? Do you go out with her and her friends, or with her alone? Does she initiate texts or does she ever call you? What do you two do together, if you do go out? How often?

 

Just trying to understand why you are so obsessed with this girl.