Mr. Lucky Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Its hard to talk to someone about problems when they just never are in the right frame of mind. Would you characterize yourself as normally conflict avoidant? 5 years is a long time to let this go unresolved... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 But she isn't a mindreader. She won't know exactly what your needs are unless you express them to her. ^^ Agreed. You need to talk to her, at length, and communicate exactly what you think your problems are, how you propose to go forward, and let her participate in that conversation. Don't accuse, discuss. And let her respond. Maybe she's feeling the same things and isn't sure how to bring it up. After 5 years it is probably easy to just keep pushing these feelings down. She's gotten good at it and used to it. But you need to open up to each other and try. No person can bring you happiness. That's your own responsibility. Also, this ^^. As for you both being unhappy, that isn't something a divorce or separation is going to fix unless the relationship is the ultimate source of your unhappiness. That doesn't sound like the case. It sounds more like the unhappiness is affecting the relationship rather than vice-versa. Don't let the relationship be the source of your happiness but rather the place where two happy people meet to share that with each other. First and foremost, though, talk to your wife, seriously and at length, about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Theres probably several reasons I can think of that wade her go cold, not one thing in particular, but I've tried every way I can think of to reverse it and she just doesn't respond Yes but how bad were the reasons? Was this a case of growing resentment over multiple small but ongoing issues, or was it a sudden thing due to the state of your marriage at the time or was it because of a hugely traumatic event, like you you were having an affair, or there was a death in the family, or are there medical or psychological reasons. The reasons matter as to how fixable this really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superfast Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Yes but how bad were the reasons? Was this a case of growing resentment over multiple small but ongoing issues, or was it a sudden thing due to the state of your marriage at the time or was it because of a hugely traumatic event, like you you were having an affair, or there was a death in the family, or are there medical or psychological reasons. The reasons matter as to how fixable this really is. yeah I guess it just built up slowly. There was no one reason that's for sure. things started to go downhill, we tried fixing it, it got worse, now 5 years on it's pretty bad, we just don't get along anymore is rob ably what the real issue is. It's easy to say that I should have fixed things as they come up, but 5 years goes pretty quickly, especially with work and families. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superfast Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Would you characterize yourself as normally conflict avoidant? 5 years is a long time to let this go unresolved... Mr. Lucky No, but if I say to someone, 'Empty the trash' and they don't, then I say 'Empty the trash' and they don't, then I say 'Empty the trash' and they don't, after so many times of trying to achieve something that ends with failure, one gets to the point where you have to try something else or just get out. Everybody I speak to says the same thing, "you have to talk to her" "Think of it from her point" "Look at yourself" "don't blame" and the list goes on. Ive done it all from talking to her, to writing letters, sending gifts, taking her away, the list goes on, but what I'm looking for is advice from someone who's gone through what I am and tell me their experience, good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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