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Girlfriend talking to another guy more than me? Am I overreacting?

inigele14u

By inigele14u,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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inigele14u

inigele14u

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:(To make a long story short we have a great relationship but we have our ups and downs. She lives 1 hour away but she's religious and lives with her family. I haven't doubted her til now. Her family have a friend-family that comes over their house every so often. This guy happens to be coming over her house. She has admitted that she liked him before and he liked her. I have told her I'm not comfortable with them talking and she told me to "trust her" and everytime I bring him up she automatically assumes I think she's cheating and get's defensive. Today she had a full conversation with him on facebook, and I know she text him a lot. And I've caught her in 2-4 lies about this guy. I'm a college student so I don't communicate the whole day with her but we talk every night and I spoil her and see her every weekend. We've been through a lot. What do you guys think? Overreacting?:(

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Jackson37

Jackson37

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Hey man,

 

Take this as you will but let me give you my story because its very similar to yours. My ex started texting this "friend" she met and I noticed it was like 24/7 every day. I stayed quiet...because I trusted her. Until one night I brought it up because keeping it in proved to be toxic to our relationship. She said it was nothing to worry about. Fast forward a few weeks, she breaks up with me for emotional issues (depression, etc). It was understandable cause I knew she suffered from that.

 

About 2 weeks later they're hanging out. Another week goes by and she decides to tell me that they had sex over text for no reason. Couple more weeks and I see that they are in a relationship.

 

Now, call that bad luck or whatever you want but it certainly smells fishy. Idk how your situation will turn out but just be warned. I would reverse the roles and ask her if she would be ok if you were doing that to her.

 

I dont think its an overreaction, but then again I may be a bit bias cause I got bit in the ass by this.

 

Cheers,

Jack

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inigele14u

inigele14u

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I really appreciate any response I get, but this one I like. I've been cheated on before by another ex and I try not to put pressure on this girlfriend because of my ex. But it seems like it's fishy and I don't like how she still talks to the guy often after I expressed my worries. She told me one day that he wasn't a friend but an associate. However that talk often, lies...:(

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Jackson37

Jackson37

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If you decide to break it off, see how she reacts. If she flocks to this other guy you will know you did the right thing because chances are you were right about the whole thing.

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inigele14u

inigele14u

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One of the lies she told, one day I was got suspicious. I borrowed her phone cause mine was broke. She willingly gave it to me only because she deleted the text messages. She forgot to delete the ones to her friend thinking I wouldn't look at it. She used to tell one of her friends everything. She told her friend that he was cute. When I asked her about it she said that she didn't mean it that way and it was just "girl talk". ?????? This guy continues to try to contact her on facebook as we speak.

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towardthefuture

towardthefuture

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Breaking up with her is probably the savviest play for you. If she doesn't want to leave you for him, she'll beg for you back and you'll have the leverage to demand she never talks to this guy again. If she does, she'll run to him but you'll walk away as the dumper instead of getting dumped for another guy after getting cheated on.

 

No matter which way the wind blows on this thing, she's not respecting you and your wishes for her to not emotionally cheat on you

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bigtrouble

bigtrouble

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:(To make a long story short we have a great relationship but we have our ups and downs. She lives 1 hour away but she's religious and lives with her family. I haven't doubted her til now. Her family have a friend-family that comes over their house every so often. This guy happens to be coming over her house. She has admitted that she liked him before and he liked her. I have told her I'm not comfortable with them talking and she told me to "trust her" and everytime I bring him up she automatically assumes I think she's cheating and get's defensive. Today she had a full conversation with him on facebook, and I know she text him a lot. And I've caught her in 2-4 lies about this guy. I'm a college student so I don't communicate the whole day with her but we talk every night and I spoil her and see her every weekend. We've been through a lot. What do you guys think? Overreacting?:(

 

It may be nothing serious nonetheless its a Red Flag...

Once your partner shows more interest for another person...

than he/she would do you...

Well, if they get along, it never ends well...

 

Well I can't tell you what to do, you must look at your relationship...

See where its broken, what's missing, surely there must be something there...

Edited by bigtrouble
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Kinetica84

Kinetica84

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Dude get rid of her NOW!

 

She admitted to liking this guy and talks to him more than you. It won't end well for you.

 

Sorry man I really am.

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Kermit007

Kermit007

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Ok man, let me give you some piece of advice. I have been in multiple relationships and in a couple of them another guy popped up. The first thing you start to say to yourself is "It's probably just my imagination. She loves me and will never cheat on me."

 

Let me tell you my friend, the fact that another guy is coming into the picture, is already a HUGE red flag! It means she likes this guy and perhaps even more then you.

 

Always uphold 2 key values in your relationship life:

A - Where there is smoke there is fire

B - ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS trust you intuition and gut feeling.

 

Every time I had a gut feeling something was up, in the end it turned out to be 100% true! When you confront the girl, in 99% of the times she'll tell you that nothing is wrong. Guess what, she's lying! Why ? Cause she cant say the truth in you face, women hate to hurt your feelings cause they still care about you in some way and hate feeling they broke your heart.

 

My advice ==> DUMP HER ASS AND EXPLAIN HER WHY YOUR DUMPING HER! Then go NC and if she comes back on your terms and begs for you back, you know it probably was just a fling and nothing serious with the other guy. It's up to you then to decide if you want her back. If she doesnt come back ==> you were right about point A and B above!

Edited by Kermit007
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Light Breeze

Light Breeze

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:(To make a long story short we have a great relationship but we have our ups and downs. She lives 1 hour away but she's religious and lives with her family. I haven't doubted her til now. Her family have a friend-family that comes over their house every so often. This guy happens to be coming over her house. She has admitted that she liked him before and he liked her. I have told her I'm not comfortable with them talking and she told me to "trust her" and everytime I bring him up she automatically assumes I think she's cheating and get's defensive. Today she had a full conversation with him on facebook, and I know she text him a lot. And I've caught her in 2-4 lies about this guy. I'm a college student so I don't communicate the whole day with her but we talk every night and I spoil her and see her every weekend. We've been through a lot. What do you guys think? Overreacting?:(

 

I can see the train wreck miles away.

 

Read around here and you'll find out that this is a precursor to an EA (Emotional Affair) which most likely would lead to a PA (Physical Affair).Well, I think it may be an EA now honestly. Obviously your GF has some boundary issues and that is a BIG red flag.

 

If she's in an EA fog right now, I don't think you can ever convince her to stop contacting him. Yes, you can lay down the law, but she would probably just lie to your face and go on her merry way with this dude. If you choose to stay I'm betting you're gonna be in a world of hurt.

Edited by Light Breeze
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LovelyDaze

LovelyDaze

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Today she had a full conversation with him on facebook, and I know she text him a lot. And I've caught her in 2-4 lies about this guy.

 

Like most have mentioned. This is how an emotional affair leads to something physical. Then either your gf will try to think you are oblivious to it all and have a relationship with him behind your back OR dump you all together for him.

 

Your gf might be enjoying that feeling of butterflies with this family friend. If you DID decide to breakup with her based on her unwillingness to stand down from her overindulgence on the friend, more than likely she would come calling you again to see what you are up to.

 

Like a few have mentioned also, if upon breaking up she does jump into his arms, it will prove that you were correct all along and need to leave it at the side of the road, go straight to NC, and focus on you.

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inigele14u

inigele14u

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Update: I contacted the guy on facebook last night cause he tried to talk to her, I said "yo wassup". He didn't respond however my girlfriend asked me what am I doing? I told her I'd never feel comfortable about this guy and her. She ended up saying the same thing "trust me". I expressed my concerns, all of it. Nothing has changed. *Note to every guy who has concerns about your girlfriend's guy friend, she won't stop talking to him cause she is bull****ting you*. We had a good conversation about other things last night or whatever. I woke up this morning, saw you guy's post. Before I will take action, I asked her to truthfully tell me all that's wrong in the relationship. So based off what she tells me I'll decide, I'll update later.

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dumbass2

dumbass2

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You said you were cheated on before in another relationship. Did you not learn from that? Did you not look back and see the signs?

 

Why do you need to hear what she tells you? She has showed you. you know that she has lied numerous times. You already know she is bull**** you. You just said so. You want to hear more bull****? I don't get it. Drop her now. you know you need to do this. You are disrespecting yourself. Don't have a long talk with her either. Just cut it off with silence or tell her it's over and don't let her respond. She thinks she can get away with this. Is this someone you really want to stay with? you can't trust her and for good reason.

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hoping2heal

hoping2heal

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I guess what really popped into my mind is, if you're her boyfriend then why does she need to spend so much time talking to him? :confused:

 

Your thread title even says she spends more time talking to him than you, if this is true...how is the writing not on the wall? It doesn't matter that she "defines" anything with him over you, she is repeatedly choosing to invest her time into him.

 

She says "trust me", yet you caught her in 2-4 lies so just how does that work exactly? Also, during her "girl talk" was there any mention of YOU being cute, or was it just about him? Again, here's your sign.

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LovelyDaze

LovelyDaze

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Update: I contacted the guy on facebook last night cause he tried to talk to her, I said "yo wassup". He didn't respond however my girlfriend asked me what am I doing? I told her I'd never feel comfortable about this guy and her. She ended up saying the same thing "trust me".

 

 

Why do you need to hear what she tells you? She has showed you. you know that she has lied numerous times. You already know she is bull**** you. You just said so. You want to hear more bull****? I don't get it. Drop her now. you know you need to do this. You are disrespecting yourself. Don't have a long talk with her either. Just cut it off with silence or tell her it's over and don't let her respond. She thinks she can get away with this. Is this someone you really want to stay with? you can't trust her and for good reason.

 

That whole response from dumbass2 gets two thumbs up.

 

inigele14u, You don't want to make an ugly situation...uglier. Don't get into it with the other guy any further. I suspect he didn't respond because he took your message as a direct threat.

 

The silence advice is just spot on. Nothing would kill like it. Your ex would realize that you are no nonsense and value yourself much more than that. She will see that you don't take scraps, that you have a higher self esteem, that you are not desperate enough to be in a bizarre love triangle, and basically that you give a damn about yourself!

 

Of course, He and your gf are juveniles being cutesy in front of your face but YOU have to be the bigger person in all of this. No games.

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Holmes85

Holmes85

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:(To make a long story short we have a great relationship but we have our ups and downs. She lives 1 hour away but she's religious and lives with her family. I haven't doubted her til now. Her family have a friend-family that comes over their house every so often. This guy happens to be coming over her house. She has admitted that she liked him before and he liked her. I have told her I'm not comfortable with them talking and she told me to "trust her" and everytime I bring him up she automatically assumes I think she's cheating and get's defensive. Today she had a full conversation with him on facebook, and I know she text him a lot. And I've caught her in 2-4 lies about this guy. I'm a college student so I don't communicate the whole day with her but we talk every night and I spoil her and see her every weekend. We've been through a lot. What do you guys think? Overreacting?:(
inigele14u,

 

She's giving him priority more than you. She's spending more time texting him. She also admits that she "liked" him before.

 

She's setting the stage to dump you, she wants you to pull the trigger and make it seem like you did her wrong. Once the relationship is over, she's gonna tell her friends that "he never trusted me anyway, he always thought I was cheating or interested in someone else, can you believe it?" Blah Blah Blah.

 

You are not overreacting to it, in fact if the roles were switched she would be going nuts about this whole thing.

 

Want my advice? Be a MAN, have some balls and tells her that this shrade needs to end, it's either him or you and if she makes drama, cut her off and go NC on her and watch what she does then. Don't pay attention to what she says, just what she does, the fog with this one would clear up pretty soon.

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Kinetica84

Kinetica84

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Ok man, let me give you some piece of advice. I have been in multiple relationships and in a couple of them another guy popped up. The first thing you start to say to yourself is "It's probably just my imagination. She loves me and will never cheat on me."

 

Let me tell you my friend, the fact that another guy is coming into the picture, is already a HUGE red flag! It means she likes this guy and perhaps even more then you.

 

Always uphold 2 key values in your relationship life:

A - Where there is smoke there is fire

B - ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS trust you intuition and gut feeling.

 

Every time I had a gut feeling something was up, in the end it turned out to be 100% true! When you confront the girl, in 99% of the times she'll tell you that nothing is wrong. Guess what, she's lying! Why ? Cause she cant say the truth in you face, women hate to hurt your feelings cause they still care about you in some way and hate feeling they broke your heart.

 

My advice ==> DUMP HER ASS AND EXPLAIN HER WHY YOUR DUMPING HER! Then go NC and if she comes back on your terms and begs for you back, you know it probably was just a fling and nothing serious with the other guy. It's up to you then to decide if you want her back. If she doesnt come back ==> you were right about point A and B above!

 

^^^ THIS ^^^

 

Enough said.

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LoveIsMyReligion

LoveIsMyReligion

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She lied to you and is chatting up another guy, what more do you need?

 

I've been there many years ago, this won't end well and you are just torturing yourself by continuing to see her.

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