Flower1000 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Long time lurker, but first post and I am hoping you wise and wonderful people can give me your words of wisdom. I've known my MM (ok he's not married but has a gf) for a few years now, but got together with him about 7 months ago following the breakdown of my marriage - he had nothing to do with that. He sees his gf only on weekends but has been with her for a number of years. I saw him 2/3 times a week but he's always maintained he'd never leave his gf. But of course I fell for him and the weekends were excruciating! Getting more and more painful until yesterday when I told him it was over. I always knew this day would come as we have no future. But we were so close, we'd talk all day every day, he'd treat me like a gf. And of course id let that go to my head. I feel such an idiot for letting myself get this involved. And it hurts so much! I just need some hand holding as I feel worse now than I did when I left my husband . I haven't heard from him since we spoke last night which I expected. Part of me is desperate for him to text, and I'm trying so hard not to contact him as I know it will only lead to more pain! Give me a kick up the back side please Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 You need to be strong. These relationships will tear you up and ultimately bring you further down. Once you get past the hard stuff, you'll be glad you did it. I do know it's not easy but if you don't stick to your guns, he will never have any respect for you. Then the next time you tell him it's over, he won't believe you. Think about it -- how much arrogance does it take for someone to tell the person they're sleeping with that they have no plans to ever be with them? How long do you think he'd put up with someone saying that to him? How long do you think he'd put up with you treating him the way he treats you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Amberbelle1 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Well done for finding the strength to end it. I wish I had a cup of that medicine. you must remain strong and know that you have done the right thing. Feel that peace in your heart and know " you are going to be okay". Keep busy, turn off your phone, think about you and your feelings. Keep your chin up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flower1000 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thank you both so much for responding. I know I'm doing the right thing, it just doesn't feel like it at the moment. I keep having to nip to the loo at work for a quick cry, I don't know what on earth is up with me! I'm a grown woman for heavens sake! I have two children and a decent job, yet feel so out of control and about 15! He will be booking his annual holiday soon and he normally goes around August time. He usually takes her so this is another clear indication he has no intention of ever leaving her. Yet I still want to text him. I just keep getting waves of sadness and regret! Arghhhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Amberbelle1 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Aww sweetie please don't cry. I do understand how frustrating and upsetting this feeling can be, but you have to acknowledge that you have done the right thing within yourself. Just take it day by day or hour by hour. It's going to be okay because you are in control of this situation now. Hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I think it's for the best that you be alone for a while. Try to explore some new sides to yourself, new interests, new talents. Things which don't involve dating, sex, men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Broken hearts take time and care to heal. Give yourself that time and provide yourself with that care. If you have friends or family who understand go to them for the support you need. I used to think "Nothing lasts forever." was a sad and hurtful saying. Then I realized that not only happy moments fades, painful ones do, too. And it is good. Happiness and pain are both necessary for us to fully appreciate the moments that make up our lives and the people who have shared them with us. Happiness gives us hope and pain makes us stronger. This, too, shall pass. You'll come out the other side better, stronger, wiser, and more confident in your ability to survive whatever life tosses your way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Slight off, but why did you and your H not work out? It was not because of this guy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Sorry you're hurting. NC is really hard but it's the only way to heal and put this R in the past. If you've been lurking, you've probably read this several times but I found it helpful when I came looking for answers more than a year ago ... your xAP is like a drug. You become addicted ... to his words, his texts, his visits, his flattery, etc. Now you're going through withdrawal. It will take a while for this drug to leave your system but if you have even a little nip of this drug in the meantime, you will be starting the process all over again. So no texts to say how are you, happy birthday, how's your brother's foot fungus? Nada. And, if he comes sniffing around again, remember NC means not replying to texts and the like either. You can block his number and email address then you don't even have to wonder/worry about whether he's reaching out to you. I'm guessing he was your divorce rebound guy. Just pledge to make a better choice next time and stick to single guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Ending it is like ripping the band-aid off really fast. It hurts like hell, but then the pain starts to subside slowly. You will feel better eventually. How long depends on every person and every situation, but generally you start to really feel better when you start to gain some clarity of the situation and begin to think logically, not emotionally. You'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flower1000 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thank you everyone for replying, it really helps. To answer some of the questions, yes I guess he was my rebound guy, I started seeing him 4 months after splitting from my ex husband. I left my ExH as he was physically abusing me. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Look at it this way, if you are single you are free to have a relationship with any many who treats you right. The world is wide open to possibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Hope you are finding your strength each day..and that today was easier for you than yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 It will be awful for a while, but it passes. Reading on here helps a lot because you realize how many people go through the exact same thing and feel better because of it. It helped me to get over my ex by focusing on everything negative there was about him. I think you're supposed to get rid of pictures, but I kept mine because he wasn't the best looking guy ever so I would look at them sometimes and think - he was a cheater, arrogant, terrible at sex, etc AND unattractive? Eventually by not allowing myself to contact him and reminding myself of all the bad things about him, I somehow got over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts