universalangel Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 So i was dating a guy last year for over a year. He was an alcoholic and would always verbally abuse me when he drank too much. He constantly pointed out what was wrong with the relationship and kept breaking up with me. I did everything that i shouldnt have done, i cried, i begged him to stay and i lost whatever self esteem i had left. It was all gone, for a guy who i couldnt see a future with. I always had it in the back of my mind, that i would get him help, but he did not want help. So he continued to verbally abuse me and i took it. Then one day he said, im not happy. I do not see us in the future and he was drunk again, verbally abusing me. I calmly told him to pack his things and get out of my house. ( He had been staying wth me, till he found an apartment). He did not expect that, and looked at me with total shock. This time he was expecting me to beg him to stay. But in my heart, i knew i couldnt be with him until he chose to get help. A week later, i emailed him for closure. I basically said, i hope he gets well and that i wish him all the best and not to respond to the email and that i just want to move on. He did respond and said he wishes me well too and that he does not plan to move on out of respect for me. One month later, i contacted him bc a friend had been saying that he was bashing me to all our common friends, and i got angry. So i emailed him saying i didnt appreciate that. Well he got riled and sent me the most hurtful email , which still makes me a little hurt. He basically said he never loved me and that i was a horrible person for kicking him out. I retaliated immaturely and said, well i should have kicked you out a long time ago, as u verbally and mentally abused me and i deserved better. I ended the email saying, please do not ever contact me again. I never want to hear from you again. I never got the closure i wanted, so i moved on. I met someone else along the way and he is the sweetest guy i could ask for. Now, my friend called me and told me that she saw my ex DRUNK and he was telling her he wants to talk to me. He realizes he treated me terribly and he wants to make things right. I asked her to not give him contact info...as i blocked him on ever mode of communication since his last email. I got my closure. He now has to live with the regret, as i do not plan to give him the satisfaction to clear his conscious. All i can say girls/guys, if a relationship is toxic, move on. Do not hold on to hope. He/She will come back at some point, as they all do, but is it worth it? You are worth more and we have to look forward to meeting a better partner. I always beleive we attract good partners when we are positive and happy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Love it! Good for you by blocking him out. If they come back, it is usually just a waste of time. Been there recently myself. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 So happy for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 So i was dating a guy last year for over a year. He was an alcoholic and would always verbally abuse me when he drank too much. He constantly pointed out what was wrong with the relationship and kept breaking up with me. I did everything that i shouldnt have done, i cried, i begged him to stay and i lost whatever self esteem i had left. It was all gone, for a guy who i couldnt see a future with. I always had it in the back of my mind, that i would get him help, but he did not want help. So he continued to verbally abuse me and i took it. Then one day he said, im not happy. I do not see us in the future and he was drunk again, verbally abusing me. I calmly told him to pack his things and get out of my house. ( He had been staying wth me, till he found an apartment). He did not expect that, and looked at me with total shock. This time he was expecting me to beg him to stay. But in my heart, i knew i couldnt be with him until he chose to get help. A week later, i emailed him for closure. I basically said, i hope he gets well and that i wish him all the best and not to respond to the email and that i just want to move on. He did respond and said he wishes me well too and that he does not plan to move on out of respect for me. One month later, i contacted him bc a friend had been saying that he was bashing me to all our common friends, and i got angry. So i emailed him saying i didnt appreciate that. Well he got riled and sent me the most hurtful email , which still makes me a little hurt. He basically said he never loved me and that i was a horrible person for kicking him out. I retaliated immaturely and said, well i should have kicked you out a long time ago, as u verbally and mentally abused me and i deserved better. I ended the email saying, please do not ever contact me again. I never want to hear from you again. I never got the closure i wanted, so i moved on. I met someone else along the way and he is the sweetest guy i could ask for. Now, my friend called me and told me that she saw my ex DRUNK and he was telling her he wants to talk to me. He realizes he treated me terribly and he wants to make things right. I asked her to not give him contact info...as i blocked him on ever mode of communication since his last email. I got my closure. He now has to live with the regret, as i do not plan to give him the satisfaction to clear his conscious. All i can say girls/guys, if a relationship is toxic, move on. Do not hold on to hope. He/She will come back at some point, as they all do, but is it worth it? You are worth more and we have to look forward to meeting a better partner. I always beleive we attract good partners when we are positive and happy. Hey good job in blocking him out of your life. I keep saying it, they all come back eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Avante91 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Well done on your progress. Personally I would never want anyone to live a life of regret no matter how much they have hurt me. In my opinion forgiveness frees you and then you can really truly move on. Forgive but don't forget, forgiving someone doesn't mean you allow them back in your life - you just choose to not let them effect you anymore. My best regards for you and your healing Avante X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 (*Affect*, not *Effect*) But your Post is absolutely spot-on, and I would say exactly the same thing myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Avante91 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 (*Affect*, not *Effect*) But your Post is absolutely spot-on, and I would say exactly the same thing myself. My apologies the coffee hasn't kicked in yet day of meetings! 25days NC today I'm starting to fall in love with myself day by day.. Sounds egotistic but it's so liberating Have a great day everyone Regards Avante X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 'Luvin' yerself' is egotistic. 'Loving Your Self' is the best thing in the world.... Have a great day, and thank you for being so gracious.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author universalangel Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks all. I was thinking about forgiving him, however, i told her i have already forgiven him, but i do not want to see him or speak to him as i do not feel to give him the satisfaction. I do at times think to myself that i want his happiness and i hope he is happy with whoever he ends up with, but i also hope he learns his lesson from the way he treated me and not to treat someone else like that. Thanks for the support! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author universalangel Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 My apologies the coffee hasn't kicked in yet day of meetings! 25days NC today I'm starting to fall in love with myself day by day.. Sounds egotistic but it's so liberating Have a great day everyone Regards Avante X Good for you! Its all about your attitude. You are strong:) I am a firm believer in the mystic law, which brings out my spiritual self. I know we all have to self love first, in order for others to love us.What we give is what we get..maybe not always at the same time. I found the moment i started loving myself and i forgave my ex for all his wrong doings (within me)..i felt him trying to get closer. But i value myself more than that now, and i am in a good place now, and i owe it to my strong unshakable faith! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Avante91 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Good for you! Its all about your attitude. You are strong:) I am a firm believer in the mystic law, which brings out my spiritual self. I know we all have to self love first, in order for others to love us.What we give is what we get..maybe not always at the same time. I found the moment i started loving myself and i forgave my ex for all his wrong doings (within me)..i felt him trying to get closer. But i value myself more than that now, and i am in a good place now, and i owe it to my strong unshakable faith! Thank you kindly for your compliments. I never chose to be strong it was my only option. Although not a man of faith, I do believe in positive thinking and to some extent the law of attraction. To be truly happy in a relationship one must be happy with themselves first. So to be truly in love, one must first love ones self. I miss my ex everyday. But everyday I realise how special, unique and loving I am. I am growing daily. Yes she broke my heart but she did me a massive favour, she lit the spark which ignited change in my life. Looking back I was not happy, I do have my bad days but the past is the past I cannot change what happened I cannot make her miss me or love me or even want to be with me. The future is also unknown so there is no point in me speculating, whatever happens I will accept as life and deal with it accordingly. The only thing that really matters is the present. Seize every moment, life is precious and rare. Often they come back and it's too little too late. In my case I will be on stage in the shape of my life and maybe she will think "wow look what he became without me". It's bittersweet I lost the love of my life but learned to love my life. Regards & Love Avante X Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Very happy for you OP! Toxic RSs are the hardest to get out of for even the strongest people (such as myself.) We always feel like we can help a person, that we can "save" them. It's in most women's nature to nurture. A lot of the time it has a lot to do with not loving ourselves enough but there are times when secure, confident people fall victim to abuse too. There are people who love themselves and have self respect but are in toxic RSs. A weak person can break down a strong person by manipulating them. Weak people have their strengths too. You just keep going NC and enjoying your new RS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author universalangel Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thank you. I decided to email him back,..i forgive you...and wished him all the best and that i will always wish him well...as i was thinkin about your responses, to always forgive ppl. I have chosen to be the bigger person here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Avante91 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thank you. I decided to email him back,..i forgive you...and wished him all the best and that i will always wish him well...as i was thinkin about your responses, to always forgive ppl. I have chosen to be the bigger person here. In time you will thank yourself for forgiving. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. Holding grudges is generally weak and self destructive. Well done. Although we are strangers I am so proud of you. Best regards Avante X Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (*Affect*, not *Effect*) But your Post is absolutely spot-on, and I would say exactly the same thing myself. Picking again! I had my heart in my mouth and was waiting for the words so I dumped my sweet new guy and got back with my alchoholic ex... I am SO GLAD I didn't read that! Well done you!!! I am thrilled that its all going well xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Picking again! I had my heart in my mouth and was waiting for the words so I dumped my sweet new guy and got back with my alchoholic ex... I am SO GLAD I didn't read that! Well done you!!! I am thrilled that its all going well xx I clicked on this thread thinking I was going to read something like that too. SO glad I was wrong..... Link to post Share on other sites
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