Online dating: Being a 5ft 8 man is repulsive to women.

[Moy]

Hi Moy

 

I think what Smiley is trying to say is that you are clearly a very big, fit guy... That can be intimidating for some. At first glace you are massive! Very strong, very "beefed" up, very muscular. We women do not need to see you with out your shirt on to know that is what is under it. Its very obvious!

 

However, what may go through someones mind is "what would he ever see in me?" because the vast majority of us do carry a bit of fat and flabby bits...

 

You are still thinking in terms of physical appearance... That is what she is hinting at.

 

You are far more than just what you look like.

 

Nope, I was just responding to another user, Gemma UK, suggesting that I fatten myself up a bit on purpose.

[guest569]

Well, if i was being "snidey" it wasn't deliberate. I was just interested in your use of the word lesser, as I said. And the fact that you were considering more drastic measures to achieve what you see as perfection.

[LookAtThisPOst]

So you're saying that I should lay off the gym and fatten up a bit i.e. DELIBERATELY become a lesser person physically because SOME women might prefer it?

 

I'd rather be fit and single than deliberately sabotage my potential purely for the sake of the approval of others. That would be like asking a successful woman to take a lower paying job because I was intimidated by her earning potential.

 

I also post on diet and fitness forums. Many compliments about me on there......unfortunately, they all come from Americans and Canadians! (I'm in the UK)

 

Don't take this advice, this only something the poster desires and giving it as advice to you as if it were something you should take into account. Please...don't take this advice into account.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hi Moy

 

I think what Smiley is trying to say is that you are clearly a very big, fit guy... That can be intimidating for some. At first glace you are massive! Very strong, very "beefed" up, very muscular. We women do not need to see you with out your shirt on to know that is what is under it. Its very obvious!

 

However, what may go through someones mind is "what would he ever see in me?" because the vast majority of us do carry a bit of fat and flabby bits...

 

You are still thinking in terms of physical appearance... That is what she is hinting at.

 

You are far more than just what you look like.

 

I have to laugh at how advice on message boards counter one another, one thread someone said "Bulk up, work out, etc" now this is advice that's completely countering the advice that was given.

 

So funny

[Toodaloo]

I have to laugh at how advice on message boards counter one another, one thread someone said "Bulk up, work out, etc" now this is advice that's completely countering the advice that was given.

 

So funny

 

Thats the point though isn't it.

 

We can only go by our own preferences so why bother changing because what is unattractive to one will be very attractive to another. You can't win either way. So may as well just be ourselves so that someone is attracted to us as we are. Then we don't have to keep up games or pretenses.

 

I recently realized I have a thing for big noses. Didn't know that until it was pointed out... Who would call a big nose "attractive"?

 

Just do what you enjoy, look after yourself and be who you are. At least then you don't have to worry that if your new beau finds out you secretly love Haribo sweets they will dump you.

[Toodaloo]

Well, if i was being "snidey" it wasn't deliberate. I was just interested in your use of the word lesser, as I said. And the fact that you were considering more drastic measures to achieve what you see as perfection.

 

I think this is a perfectly acceptable concern.

 

Read back on this thread - Moy was recently ordering up some drugs and needles to make himself bigger, not for himself but to make himself attractive to others... I am still crossing fingers that he didn't use them.

 

In defense to Smiley I am afraid I read her posts very differently. She is clearly more concerned that a chap who has work, a home, health etc should feel so down about himself...

[elaine567]

Thats the point though isn't it.

 

We can only go by our own preferences so why bother changing because what is unattractive to one will be very attractive to another. You can't win either way. So may as well just be ourselves so that someone is attracted to us as we are. Then we don't have to keep up games or pretenses.

 

I recently realized I have a thing for big noses. Didn't know that until it was pointed out... Who would call a big nose "attractive"?

 

Just do what you enjoy, look after yourself and be who you are. At least then you don't have to worry that if your new beau finds out you secretly love Haribo sweets they will dump you.

 

The risk all face is that they try to be something else in order to impress, but they may also end up turning off the potential love of their life.

If you love bird watching but spend every day at the gym toning your abs, then you are not going to meet that dream woman out there, who also loves bird watching.

[DukeNukem47]

Let me ask you two, do you both consider yourself 5'5" with or without shoes on? My drivers license says 5'7" but I don't remember if that's with shoes on or not. I might be closer to 5'6".

 

I'm exactly 5'5.5 without shoes on. I usually just round to 5'6.

[EngnimaticResponse]

The whole problem with this thread is that 5'8 hardly qualifies as short.

 

As a 5'5 man who has done horribly with women, I would love to be 5'8.

 

At 5'5 I am barely taller than the average women and very often I run into women who are my height or taller. There is an almost non-existent chance that a woman who is my height or taller would want to date me. A man who is 5'8 is taller than 95% of women and doesn't have that problem.

 

Yes it sucks being under 5'10 for OLD, but that's just where women can be there most shallow.

 

I am a shade under 5'3". The average woman is eye-to-eye or taller if in heels. This has not stopped me from asking and Dating women who are a full head taller(sans heels). Not to say that there were many, or that a relationship developed from any of them, but that is as much my fault as it was thiers. I was not feeling it and cut my losses.

[EngnimaticResponse]

Thats the point though isn't it.

 

We can only go by our own preferences so why bother changing because what is unattractive to one will be very attractive to another. You can't win either way. So may as well just be ourselves so that someone is attracted to us as we are. Then we don't have to keep up games or pretenses.

 

I recently realized I have a thing for big noses. Didn't know that until it was pointed out... Who would call a big nose "attractive"?

 

Just do what you enjoy, look after yourself and be who you are. At least then you don't have to worry that if your new beau finds out you secretly love Haribo sweets they will dump you.

 

"Look buddy, just because your nose was on time for our date it doesn't mean You were!" .. ..

[KimmyBee]

I'm a 5'8 female and it seems equally repulsive to men because most like tiny girls! I know several guys around that height who have girlfriends. My good friend back at school was 5'6 or and had a gf and attracted lots of girls. He had a great personality. Not all people are shallow. Could it be that you are being too picky with women or maybe you have low self esteem? I know that good self esteem plays a big part in attraction. Talk and get to know people when you are out. If someone is attracted to you personality wise then appearance/height won't matter.

 

My experiences on POF over the past two year say otherwise.

 

"Don't even message me unless you're at least 5ft 10."

 

"Every time I see your profile pic, it makes me sick. Grosssssss"

 

"Don't message me unless you're attractive. You're not attractive, so don't message me."

 

"You just look so weak compared to most other men."

 

"LOL you're a shortarse PMSL"

 

"Yeah, I get told that all the time, usually by better looking men than you, so there's no point in you messaging me, really, is there?"

 

A brief selection of the kind of messages that I receive due to my appearance. Want me to go on?

 

How lame! They're not relationship material.

Edited February 22, 2015 by KimmyBee

[Targetlock]

if they judge you or don't give you a chance simply because of something as simple as your height, then they probably arent worth the trouble.

[Moy]

5'8" isn't that short. It's low-average. You're still taller than the majority of women.

 

I don't think your height is your problem.

 

Oh, it's not secret by now that my low self-esteem is an issue.

 

A question for the men using OLD. I've noticed on POF that there are virtually no women under 5'5" on there. Considering the national averages in the UK, are women now resorting to lying about their height on OLD in order to ensure that they 'price out' all men under 5'10"?

[Toodaloo]

Well Moy I haven't been through the women checking out their heights so I don't know I am afraid.

 

However what I can tell you is that I got chatting to a bloke over the weekend. He lives miles away so we are not expecting it to go anywhere but I am going to meet him for a tour of his home town next weekend. I hadn't looked at his height prior to agreeing to meet but he is 5ft 7ins.

 

I think you need to take a break from OLD, build up your self confidence then try again but a different site where the women are perhaps of a better quality.

[Gaeta]

Oh, it's not secret by now that my low self-esteem is an issue.

 

A question for the men using OLD. I've noticed on POF that there are virtually no women under 5'5" on there. Considering the national averages in the UK, are women now resorting to lying about their height on OLD in order to ensure that they 'price out' all men under 5'10"?

 

I have not read the whole thread so I apologize if this has been suggested before. Have you tried dating outside your culture? I know anglophone ladies are very tall, I am French and 5'3'' so average for my culture. I work with Asian ladies that are shorter than I.

[Moy]

I have not read the whole thread so I apologize if this has been suggested before. Have you tried dating outside your culture? I know anglophone ladies are very tall, I am French and 5'3'' so average for my culture. I work with Asian ladies that are shorter than I.

 

Date outside my culture? Women are women to me regardless of nationality and/or ethnicity

[Gaeta]

Date outside my culture? Women are women to me regardless of nationality and/or ethnicity

 

You are complaining about getting rejected because of your height and the fact women in your culture are tall.

 

I am offering you an alternative. There are cultural groups where 5'8'' is tall and you'd have success, success builds self confidence. I am not telling you to get married, I am telling you to give it a shot.

[Moy]

You are complaining about getting rejected because of your height and the fact women in your culture are tall.

 

I am offering you an alternative. There are cultural groups where 5'8'' is tall and you'd have success, success builds self confidence. I am not telling you to get married, I am telling you to give it a shot.

 

And where do I find these ladies in Liverpool, UK?

[Gaeta]

And where do I find these ladies in Liverpool, UK?

 

Aren't you online?

[Gaeta]

As per Wikipedia the second biggest cultural group in Liverpool is Asian British.

[Moy]

As per Wikipedia the second biggest cultural group in Liverpool is Asian British.

 

Indeed, massive Chinese populous in Liverpool. Only snag...us whiteys have a bad rep and not without reason, so we're viewed with suspicion!

[elaine567]

Glaswegian women are the smallest in the UK.

[Suave]

Even I at 5'10 have faced this from time to time.

[Moy]

In my circle of friends, many people know me as the guy that works out a lot. When one of them decides they want to go on a diet, lose weight, or work out, they contact me and start asking questions. Over the years, I have learned by talking to people which ones are actually going to get somewhere. Some people have a lot of excuses why they can't accomplish something, and some people actually look for ways to accomplish something. Just the other day, a female friend of mine was asking about how she could lose weight. I told her to diet. She said she doesn't like diet food. I mentioned some things she might like, she says she can't afford diet food. I tell her to go to the gym and work out, she doesn't have time for the gym. I give her ideas of workout routines she can do at home, and those routines would hurt her back. After about 30 mins of trying to advise and motivate her, I gave up. She was just wasting my time, because she isn't actually willing to do anything to fix her problems. You are doing the same thing. You are just giving excuses over and over on why it is impossible for you to get a date. Lie to yourself if you want, but you aren't doing yourself any favors by doing so. You have been given good advice here. If you want to actually make some positive changes in your life, you will take some of that advice. Or you can just keep making excuses.

 

I go to the gym 5 times a week to make myself more physically appealing. My avatar should be at least some indication that it is working. It isn't going to make me taller, or alter women's perceptions of the unattractiveness of being under 5ft 10 though, is it?

 

As for meeting Asian women in my local area, there is a cultural barrier despite the high population. They generally don't want to mingle with "the great white devil" - How do I get around this barrier?

 

I'm not making excuses. I'm a good person and I'm in bloody good shape, yet women will not have anything to do with me in general because of my height. That isn't an excuse, it's a cold hard fact.

 

No amount of "Just be yourself and everything will be alllllllllllllright" is going to change societal perceptions.

[Gaeta]

Do online, make a search on women under 5'3'' of all cultures and get busy.

 

You give up even before trying.

 

When I learned I had hsv-2 I thought no man will ever want to be with me. I joined a support group and there they told me I was better to date men with hsv because general population would never accept my condition. You think I stopped at that? No, because I have more character than you have muscles.

 

I went on regular websites and got plenty of dates and out of 100+ I met I got told no 2 times only because of my virus. I even had more sex after my diagnosis than before. My condition turned out to be no big deal for general population.

 

If I had listened to this support group, which I dropped after 30 days, I would still be home crying my romantic life is over.

 

Now that you have built your body it's time to build some character to go along with it! You have one life to life so what's a couple of rejections!