Online dating: Being a 5ft 8 man is repulsive to women.

[elaine567]

This has nothing to do with your height and everything to do with your self confidence and what energy you're putting out there.

 

Agreed. Confidence is key.

[Moy]

Agreed. Confidence is key.

 

And this is what gets me: people saying to me 'just be confident' like it comes in a jar from a shelf. I'd give anything to be confident, but how can I be when I've had all of my self-esteem trolled out of me in the past two years, when I have to forge a physique like (see my avatar) only to STILL be told that I'm not attractive enough because I don't fit the 'I don't even speak to a man unless he's at least 5ft10ins' rule of OLD (and yes, there are many profiles out there stating it THAT brazenly, and these are average women, certainly not supermodels, between 5ft2 and 5ft5ins!)

 

Where do I find confidence from in the face of that?

[ascendotum]

Many people have said this to me about the gym, but we go there to train, not chat people up, no? As we're all engrossed in our own workouts (usually with headphones in) how do you strike up conversations at the gym?

 

Also, I lift weights. I don't want to be 'the creepy pick up artist doing step aerobics' as that would just look too obvious...not to mention it's an activity I'm not interested in pursuing.

 

The advice given on LS when it comes to chatting to women at the gym is bipolar. Ive seen posts before were numerous women have said not to do it because its creepy and women are there exclusively to train and are sweaty and don't want guys hitting on or checking them out. Then you have the D.Mc type posts. lol

I personally think its okay place to chat if you can do it without interfering in their training, and if you are in the free weight room, its the women there that are your best bet rather than the aerobics classes, unless you can get a drink near where they hang out after class. At my gym the women tend to arrive just before the class and shoot off straight after its finished. Doing the class I dont know if thats such a good idea unless you want to play the long game, as I think many woman would be a bit wary of the only guy in class honing in on them after class within the first few weeks. There is the machine section of the gym, which you maybe could workout in sometimes to get opportunities there.

[Moy]

The advice given on LS when it comes to chatting to women at the gym is bipolar. Ive seen posts before were numerous women have said not to do it because its creepy and women are there exclusively to train and are sweaty and don't want guys hitting on or checking them out. Then you have the D.Mc type posts. lol

I personally think its okay place to chat if you can do it without interfering in their training, and if you are in the free weight room, its the women there that are your best bet rather than the aerobics classes, unless you can get a drink near where they hang out after class. At my gym the women tend to arrive just before the class and shoot off straight after its finished. Doing the class I dont know if thats such a good idea unless you want to play the long game, as I think many woman would be a bit wary of the only guy in class honing in on them after class within the first few weeks. There is the machine section of the gym, which you maybe could workout in sometimes to get opportunities there.

 

Agreed. I just go to pick up pieces of iron and put them down again!!

[NJ123]

And this is what gets me: people saying to me 'just be confident' like it comes in a jar from a shelf. I'd give anything to be confident, but how can I be when I've had all of my self-esteem trolled out of me in the past two years, when I have to forge a physique like (see my avatar) only to STILL be told that I'm not attractive enough because I don't fit the 'I don't even speak to a man unless he's at least 5ft10ins' rule of OLD (and yes, there are many profiles out there stating it THAT brazenly, and these are average women, certainly not supermodels, between 5ft2 and 5ft5ins!)

 

Where do I find confidence from in the face of that?

 

Best advice to give is to get off all those shallow ass dating sites. And find someone in person. The majority of women on dating sites are shallow as ****. And forget those women that have an issue about your height. Why would you want to be with a woman like that anyway? If she has a huge issue & talks down to you about your height, could you imagine what it would be like to live with such a person? So forget about those sites & those types of women, and try to find a nice woman in person if you really want a girlfriend.

[Imported]

Agreed. I just go to pick up pieces of iron and put them down again!!

 

 

I think most people that are single are looking for a mate. I look at bars, clubs and areas like that as a fairly open invitation to approach women. It's not quite that simple and it's not so much an invitation as it is women are prepared to be approached in such places. Ready to shoot you down. Or accept your advances.

 

Rejecting someone is usually not fun. I know I would not want women coming up to me everywhere I go as there will be women I will reject and it'd be less than desirable to reject a girl at the gym and keep seeing her there. Also, I am there to workout, not to deal with women I have no attraction to. So I can understand women not wanting guys to approach them at the gym or pretty much anywhere other than a bar or club type environment. And even then, they don't want you to approach, it's just they're more prepared to deal with rejecting you. Unless you're one of the guys they actually want.

 

Like I said, I think most single people are looking for a mate. All the time. Including when they're at the gym. I might not want to spend much time rejecting women I have no interest in, but I got all the time in the world for women I want.

 

So, I treat places like bars and clubs as a fairly open invitation to approach women and usually if I see a girl I want, it doesn't take much for me to go up to her. Every other place is a "by special invitation only" approach as I do respect peoples privacy. Women have to demonstrate to me they are interested. And actually that is true for me in all situations, it's just at a club, 'kinda sure' she is interested is enough to get me going. At a gym, I hold back till I am pretty much certain.

 

Really, all I am saying is when two people are actually interested in each other, there is no wrong place.

 

How you get from here to there? Honestly, I don't know.

 

But you're over 40 and in good shape. Most guys over 40 are not. I am sure there's some chicks @ your age at the gym that are interested in you and would probably give hints if they aren't already, if you were more open, smiling and happy looking.

 

I went to a gym once that had a resturaunt as well as a bar that served wine and microbrews. I was only in that area for a week, but I'd go to the gym, workout and then eat there and have a beer or three. They made it real easy to get more social with your fellow gym members. Wish we had something like that in my area.

[Moy]

im 6 inches taller than you and i haven't made it past second base.

 

At least you've made it into the ballpark hehe!

 

My God, online dating really is a path to loneliness and destroyed self worth for most men, isn't it?

[Toodaloo]

Bitter? Too late My experiences with women over the past two years has left me believing that women are shallow, heartless appearance Nazis fuelled only by narcissism and their quest for Brad Pitt. It's something that I'm pretty ashamed of, to be honest with you.

 

All the more reason to get the heck off of on line dating and give your ego a break from the battering on line dating is. I am on a site and I can tell you now if I were not as happy go lucky as I am it would really upset me.

 

Any on line dating site is tough. It is not as easy as they advertise. Its not the one stop cure to meeting people let alone love!

 

I can tell you now that women in general are not after Brad Pitt. Nice to look at yes, but thats not who they want to spend their lives with. It would be like you saying that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Angie Jolie! Yes you probably like looking at her but thats about it??? Be honest here.

 

I am going to encourage you to keep smiling at women and saying the occasional hello. Don't even think about dating or asking anyone out for the time being. Just say hello get comfortable first. Baby steps here.

 

At the moment you are hurting (with good reason as the women you have been speaking to on line sound vile) and its distorted your view. Time to take steps to move away from people in general who have that sort of attitude and move towards more positive people. Let yourself feel good about yourself.

 

You clearly like your weights. So carry on with that. Do not be afraid to smile and say hello to women in the gym. Your not asking them out yet anyway and so its not creepy at all. If you just smile, say hello and walk away to get on with what you were doing its nothing. There is no foul in being polite and friendly. Perhaps once you feel more comfortable you could ask them for some help and advice on cardio activities rather than just the strength you have been doing? No harm and no foul in asking for advice, saying thank you, then moving away to give it a go. The creepy ones are the ones that hang around drooling. If you are relaxed, just chatting for 2 minutes and asking questions and they can then see you follow up on their advice with out you bothering them its not creepy at all. Its just two people trying to keep fit and look after their bodies. The fact that they are a woman doesn't matter at all. Its relaxed.

 

If it is any consolation most women have exactly the same problems as the men. Too fat, too thin, not blonde, too active, too interested in food, not interested enough in food... Its enough to turn a person insane after a while! I also know chaps much taller who have exactly the same problems (the one I am thinking of right now is at least 7ft if not taller, he makes 6ft 4 guys look like midgets - he is always stooping, as there are very few places he can actually stand up straight, so none of us know how tall he actually is...). He is not a bad looking chap, teeth need to be sorted out but other than that he is easy on the eye. He is lovely and a real sweet heart but... here is the but... he comes across as "Owen" from the Vicar of Dibley. Its not relaxed at all and all a bit desperate. He is a bit clumsy when talking to women and you can tell right away that he is not comfortable at all. He is also so down hearted that he hardly ever smiles which makes him look grumpy and unapproachable (and scary to talk to) most of the time. To be honest I am thinking of making bit of a project out of him because women kind is missing out on a treasure. One of lifes true gems.

 

Lets take steps to make sure you come across as a nice guy going about his day. You will get somewhere like that. Women will notice you like that. But to do that you have to feel confident about who you are, be comfortable in the skin your in and not so worried about women in general.

 

Baby steps Moy. I have done it for other men so I can do it for you too.

[elaine567]

The creepy ones are the ones that hang around drooling. If you are relaxed, just chatting for 2 minutes and asking questions and they can then see you follow up on their advice with out you bothering them its not creepy at all. Its just two people trying to keep fit and look after their bodies. The fact that they are a woman doesn't matter at all. Its relaxed.

 

People get labelled creepy because they give off scary vibes. Relaxed smiley, friendly, confident people are not creepy.

Uptight people with forced smiles or smirks are creepy, people who squint or stare are creepy, people who ignore body language and get too close and invade personal spaces are creepy.

Confidence is key to success, lots of videos on youtube about body language too - definitely worth looking at.

I like this woman lots of videos on all differnt body language subjects - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj9QBB4bNTv29f4oFIreNmw

Edited February 2, 2015 by elaine567

[Moy]

Wow! Great responses, guys. Thank you so much!

I've just signed up to citysocializer for my area and there's a meet up for new members at a local bar in a few days. Male or female, I need to take the plunge.

[Diezel]

I'm 5'8 and also not Caucasian.

 

I've had zero problems in the dating department. I've also had much better luck on social websites or OUT. Online dating just magnifies the pickiness of women.

[Toodaloo]

Wow! Great responses, guys. Thank you so much!

I've just signed up to citysocializer for my area and there's a meet up for new members at a local bar in a few days. Male or female, I need to take the plunge.

 

Remember to smile. Keep smiling. If you feel awkward confess that you feel awkward and you don't really know what you are doing.

 

Most important of all just be yourself.

 

Remember at the moment you are not trying to date. You are just trying to say hello and feel comfortable in saying hello.

 

Your going to have to relax quite a bit as even with your clothes on I suspect that you will come across as quite intimidating with all that muscle etc. (yes we women can see it through shirts and the way you stand so you don't need to pose or wear anything too tight!!). So remember to relax, keep calm, smile and when you feel as though you are getting too nervous or you feel uncomfortable just make an excuse and walk away.

[thefooloftheyear]

Couple of things....

 

I have a great physique, heck im likely better than 95% of guys at any age, but never once thought it was a "hook" for women...I do it because I like the way I look, it suits me, I have good genes for it, and I like to strength train...But its mostly other guys that get impressed...not women..

 

I learned eons ago that most women dont give a shyt, anyway..Look at all the regular shlubs that never set foot in a gym and coulnd't bench an unloaded bar with gorgeous women...In fact, especially at my age, most women would probably think that a huge, lean and muscled up guy is too intimidating to the average pre-menopausal woman..So they wont even come near..Who cares anyway?? And although they are well intentioned, some of the advice that women give you wont help you...First of all, if you are a natural introvert, trying to come across as a friendly and talkative type will look fake...Dont bother with that shyt..

 

I dont know about you, but in my life/experience, the guys that did best with women werent necessarily bullshytters, players, ass kissers, or anything else...they were probably just good looking and successful guys...Guys that brim with confidence..."Commander" types..In fact, contrary to what they tell you, some of the most standoffish and outwardly douchey guys I know are the ones that always seem to have attractive women around them...most dont even try and never spent a minute of their time on OLD..

 

Be yourself, man.....Be successful...The less you care the better off you are...

 

 

TFY

Edited February 2, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[elaine567]

 

Be yourself, man.....Be successful...

 

Being himself has got him nowhere and has got him on here...

[thefooloftheyear]

Being himself has got him nowhere and has got him on here...

 

 

Well...Id rather be true to myself, then try and be someone im not and not comfortable with....but thats me...

 

Some women like to think that they try to create some "cookie cutter" model of what a guy should be....they never are, yet it doesnt seem to keep those people from finding mate(s)...

 

None of us know the real stories behind any of this stuff...Its a message board, and all one can do is process the information given..

 

 

TFY

[elaine567]

Well...Id rather be true to myself, then try and be someone im not and not comfortable with....but thats me...

 

Some women like to think that they try to create some "cookie cutter" model of what a guy should be....they never are, yet it doesnt seem to keep those people from finding mate(s)...

 

None of us know the real stories behind any of this stuff...Its a message board, and all one can do is process the information given..

 

 

TFY

 

Being a bit more confident and being able to speak to more people and joining stuff is not being untrue to himself, surely?

Anyone if they aren't too picky can find a mate, it is finding a compatible one that is the tricky part.

[Moy]

Being a bit more confident and being able to speak to more people and joining stuff is not being untrue to himself, surely?

Anyone if they aren't too picky can find a mate, it is finding a compatible one that is the tricky part.

 

Hey, I'm not picky - just shy and full of doubt over my self worth.

[me85]

"Repulsive to women" ? No. Yes, most of the time men like shorter women and women like taller men but it's not a deal breaker (for me personally) if the guy isn't 6'6" or 6'4" like previous boyfriends I've had.

[thefooloftheyear]

Hey, I'm not picky - just shy and full of doubt over my self worth.

 

What are your interests? What do you do for a living? What are your living arrangements..??

 

I understand the need for anonymity, so if you would rather not answer, completely understandable..

 

TFY

[elaine567]

Hey, I'm not picky - just shy and full of doubt over my self worth.

 

I didn't say you were.

TFY seems to think women will just any choose any slob anyway, so it is a waste of time for a man to try and improve himself.

I was just trying to defend women here.

[Moy]

I didn't say you were.

TFY seems to think women will just any choose any slob anyway, so it is a waste of time for a man to try and improve himself.

I was just trying to defend women here.

 

Ah, so you were. My apologies.

[thefooloftheyear]

I didn't say you were.

TFY seems to think women will just any choose any slob anyway, so it is a waste of time for a man to try and improve himself.

I was just trying to defend women here.

 

 

What the hell are you talking about??

 

Improve yourself by getting a better job, making more money,...Improve yourself by being more confident...Improve yourself by being a better man..(which doesnt necessarily mean what most women think it does)...Do these things for yourself.....not because some random person on the internet thinks you can get more women by saying "Hi!!!" and smiling....

 

Its the same old story....Women(not saying you) give advice to men that they dont even follow themselves...Its ridiculous...They seem well intentioned, but they just dont understand how men work and what makes them really tick....And its the same for men giving advice to women..so I am not just rooting for the home team..

 

And yes...there are tons of guys that get tons of attentiion from women without ever trying...Ever asking, Ever putting personal ads...etc...

 

Oh...the horror of it all..

 

TFY

[elaine567]

And yes...there are tons of guys that get tons of attentiion from women without ever trying...Ever asking, Ever putting personal ads...etc...

 

Oh...the horror of it all..

 

TFY

 

TFY

Well bully for them and bully for you.

The OP has asked for advice here, because it isn't happening at the moment for him.

I don't see any constructive advice from you apart from YOU have no difficulty getting dates nor has your 5' 2" male cousin and men who don't even try are getting dates.

I am sure that has made the OP feel very good about himself and his present lack of success... NOT

[thefooloftheyear]

TFY

Well bully for them and bully for you.

The OP has asked for advice here, because it isn't happening at the moment for him.

I don't see any constructive advice from you apart from YOU have no difficulty getting dates nor has your 5' 2" male cousin and men who don't even try are getting dates.

I am sure that has made the OP feel very good about himself and his present lack of success... NOT

 

Should we just lie to him??...tell him that every single guy has to shoot lightning out of his ass to get attention from women ?

 

Yes, I have given him constructive advice....Take stock of who he is...Perhaps better himself...Dont be consumed with thinking that women fall all over guys that go to the gym...etc...

 

All I am seeing is a lot of patting on the head...which is what too many women do to guys on this site.."be a nice guy"...."smile at women"..."go to places where women congregate"..."make friends with women" etc..I know you all mean well, but its irritating....It doesnt work...especially for those that struggle with that type of interpersonal dialog...I wont mention any names, but that type of advice hasnt been working too well for another dude on this site...

 

 

And I agree wholeheartedly with the previous poster...A kick in the teeth sometimes is more effective than a patronising pat on the back...For me...and a lot of guys as well..

 

 

Look..Im not trying to be confrontational with you...Im actually in a good mood and dont want to spoil it...... Just trying to show another side..

 

TFY

Edited February 2, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[Moy]

What the hell are you talking about??

 

Improve yourself by getting a better job, making more money,...Improve yourself by being more confident...Improve yourself by being a better man..(which doesnt necessarily mean what most women think it does)...Do these things for yourself.....not because some random person on the internet thinks you can get more women by saying "Hi!!!" and smiling....

 

Its the same old story....Women(not saying you) give advice to men that they dont even follow themselves...Its ridiculous...They seem well intentioned, but they just dont understand how men work and what makes them really tick....And its the same for men giving advice to women..so I am not just rooting for the home team..

 

And yes...there are tons of guys that get tons of attentiion from women without ever trying...Ever asking, Ever putting personal ads...etc...

 

Oh...the horror of it all..

 

TFY

 

Leave what I can't change/improve (my height) and improve what I can, by which time women will be invisible to me anyway? Don't worry, I'm already aware of the whole Alpha/Beta thing and where it gets you.

Edited February 3, 2015 by Moy