I cannot move on! I am in love with my first boyfriend ten years later!

[sfbjavsbh1437]

Help!

 

I am in love with my ex-boyfriend, my first boyfriend EVER and I cannot find a healthy way out! My first boyfriend and I dating at the age of 13 until 18 years of age. He was very controlling and obsessive and occasionally insensitive to my feelings. He would sometimes call me names, names that really hurt at the time. Adolescence was real hard enough! Anyway, I broke up with him because I was sick of the way I was treated and met someone very soon after. It was a rebound relationship that has lasted 5 years now. My first boyfriend and I have kept in touch and seen each other a lot over the last 5 years and lately we got intimate on a few occasions. I know you are already confused but it gets better. The reason I allowed myself to become intimate after 5 years with my first boyfriend and essentially cheat on my currtent boyfriend is because my current boyfriend pays no attention to me and puts out no effort in such a long-term relationship. He is the most selfish person and I have never felt secure once in 5 years. On the other hand, I have never questioned the love my first boyfriend and I shared over the years and would not prefer anything more than to be in his arms right now.

 

I am totally confused because I am not feeling the same feelings for my current boyfriend that I did even as late as last year. Now I am considering giving my first boyfriend another chance if he will have me although I left him for my current boyfriend and really hurt him over the last 5 years. If I had to guess, my ex probably won't take me back but I don't think I could handle the rejection since I was the very first priority in his entire life. MY current boyfriend has always placed his friends first and I have never respected him for it. I want him back but I don't know if he will except me and I don't know what to do about my current boyfriend. He knows I am not happy but does nothing about it except call me a few more times a day and buy me some stuff I didn't ask for.

 

Can someone PLEASE help me! I am too ashamed to tell my sister or my parents....................................................................

[RoxStar]

He was very controlling and obsessive and occasionally insensitive to my feelings. He would sometimes call me names, names that really hurt at the time. Adolescence was real hard enough! Anyway, I broke up with him because I was sick of the way I was treated and met someone very soon after.

 

Why are you still in love with someone that treated you this way?

 

It was a rebound relationship that has lasted 5 years now.

 

5 years is not a rebound relationship. Rebounds usually are pretty quick to get you back on your feet after a break up but 5 years just doesnt seem like it was a rebound.

 

MY current boyfriend has always placed his friends first and I have never respected him for it

 

In my honest opinion - I think you need to take a break from relationships to figure out what you want. You sited that both guys werent the best boyfriends at various points of time. You seem to be in this pattern of putting up with things you probably dont deserve based on what you have typed and you have settled with this current guy even though you cheat with the ex.

 

Get rid of all of them. Be yourself for a while and find some one that treats you well and doesnt make you want to cheat on him.

[Donut]

I absolutely agree with Roxstar.

 

Be single for a while, (I'd say at least a year) find out what makes YOU happy, without a man in your life.

 

You'll come back to the dating world much stronger and less in a position to put up with bad behaviour.

[sfbjavsbh1437]

Thanks for the advice however what should I tell my current boyfriend regarding the mind battle I am having?????????????????????

[RoxStar]

You just need to be honest and tell him exactly what you are thinking and exactly where your heart is.