Why does this guy hate me?

[seekingpeaceinlove]

HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.

 

Just remember those words if you're ever tempted to give this unworthy guy another minute of your attention.

 

HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.

 

You are NOT an idiot. You sound like a sweet, caring person who wears her heart on her sleeve and deserves a man who will respect, love and cherish her.

 

Do not give this boy any more attention. I don't think he even deserves your friendship. Learn from the experience and remember that you are only treated as well as you allow. So, learn to love and respect yourself...and you will never find yourself in this situation again.

[littleraindrops]

I want to text him. I want to ask him why he stopped responding after my text that day.

 

I keep repeating to myself that he doesn't respect me, but I am really sad.

[Satu]

I want to text him. I want to ask him why he stopped responding after my text that day.

 

I keep repeating to myself that he doesn't respect me, but I am really sad.

 

He's just not a very nice person.

 

You are, hence the incompatability.

[Toodaloo]

I want to text him. I want to ask him why he stopped responding after my text that day.

 

I keep repeating to myself that he doesn't respect me, but I am really sad.

 

Every time you want to text or phone him spend 5 minutes reading your first post on this thread and reminding yourself how badly he has treated you.

 

Please do not ever go back to this man...

 

Saying you miss him etc is akin to saying you enjoy having your head beaten against the wall...

 

Be lovely... to people who deserve it.

 

Come on you can do this. You are worth more than this.

[littleraindrops]

I read my original posting, then went back to the text messages he and I exchanged, and then I texted him.

 

I didn't say anything personal. There was something we had to resolve about work, so I just reminded him of the stuff he needed to do. Then I got irritated after a while that he wouldn't respond, so I sort of scolded him about not responding promptly. And no text.

 

You can all yell at me for doing that. I probably deserve it. I think I need to be busier.

[evanescentworld]

I think you need a kick up de ass from yer grammy.....

 

[Toodaloo]

I read my original posting, then went back to the text messages he and I exchanged, and then I texted him.

 

I didn't say anything personal. There was something we had to resolve about work, so I just reminded him of the stuff he needed to do. Then I got irritated after a while that he wouldn't respond, so I sort of scolded him about not responding promptly. And no text.

 

You can all yell at me for doing that. I probably deserve it. I think I need to be busier.

 

Honey.

 

This guy has done a real number on you.

 

Try not to have any more contact with him. If you need to speak to him about work do it through email and not text. Do it during work hours.

 

You know I was reading through some of my old messages to my best mate from this time last year. (I have something wrong and I am trying to find out if I had an accident or something that I have forgotten about but I digress).

 

At that time I was still with my ex. Now I knew my best mate would go bat poo crazy if she knew half the stuff he was doing so I limited what I told her. All those messages I wrote seemed like another person. I made excuses for him, I blamed myself and to be blunt he was horrible. I can't believe how down trodden and wary and scared I was. He didn't hit me but he reduced me to nothing.

 

I am not going to yell at you but I am going to keep encouraging you to walk away from this pillock. Get your "power" back. Stand up for yourself. This guy is poo on your shoe.

[pteromom]

I keep repeating to myself that he doesn't respect me, but I am really sad.

 

 

The problem with repeating "he doesn't respect me" is that your natural response is to defend yourself. You want to prove that you are worthy of respect.

 

Instead of repeating that, find another phrase that fully casts the blame for this onto him.

 

Something like "He is not capable of giving me what I want."

 

Something that makes you feel empowered and strong.

[preraph]

^ How about: I don't respect myself?

[darkmoon]

he is moving on

 

he might contact you once he is there

 

i think you should date others, less sad intensity thinking of him, yes, and let's see how likes you single and free

 

this is not a game, though, it is an empowerment excersize

 

young women are never short of a chap

Edited February 4, 2015 by darkmoon

[Layla0027]

I didn't intend for us to be friends with benefits, so I am a bit frustrated. We did talk about what each of us wants, and they were obviously very different.

1) He doesn't want to put effort into whatever we have because he's moving away.

2) Knowing that he is moving away, I still wanted to do everything to enjoy the time as a couple because I'd rather do that than regret not having spent enough time together.

 

 

 

You didn't intend to be friends with benefits.....I think you'll always be frustrated because you've found yourself in a relationship that is not what you wanted. You want "obviously" different things. I have found myself in relationships that weren't what I wanted - and I let them drag on way too long. You are cheating yourself out of more meaningful experiences in life. The others are right, he doesn't respect you and you've given your power to him. I don't know why this happens, but I think when someone 'rejects' us or we perceive it as rejection some of us want to prove ourselves worthy - maybe even to ourselves. It become a very ugly cycle with every time he does something disrespectful -you try to fix it or make it better or try to get some kind of understanding. Trust me - that frustration you are feeling won't go away - it will get worse. Every time you DON"T text him or act on some impulse to communicate with him - tell yourself you are getting stronger - you are getting your power back - and you are doing what is good for you. Feel the sadness but don't let your emotions dictate your actions- they are one-sided. I know it's hard but try to realize that and move on. Don't get sucked up in these shallow relationships.

[genuinelyloverly7]

This is known as the push pull method by abusive d-bags. They tell you it is all on you, every decision and action and consequence; and then they sit back and basically do things that any normal self-respecting human would run from. Then he tells you he likes you just the way you are and he would never do anything so selfish as to hurt you the way you have hurt him... he is setting you up to be his emotional toilet. I am sorry to be so harsh, but this is exactly what my emotionally abusive ex partner would do to me. He made me out to be the bad guy for wanting more and acting on my well deserved expectations of a normal relationship.

 

This guy lets you come to him or not; then when you don't he will give you a few days to a week to get weak and worry and try to fix things. When you do (like you responded recently by way of text to him; basically nagging/begging to come back) he knows he can push that time a little longer the next time. Because he has trained you now to know that he will respond if you are forced to wait before being the one to initiate things, that he will eventually respond and you will get validation that he cares enough to even pick up his phone and read the text you poured yourself into...

 

I hope this is not too harsh sounding, but you sound a lot like I was 10 years ago before I even knew what self worth was. This guy is setting you up to allow him to psychologically and emotionally abuse you. RUN NOW!!!

 

I will very gently and respectfull suggest that you might want to do some self esteem work before you get into a new relationship right now. Not because of what this guy did to you, but because of what he showed you about yourself. We men and women who lack the basics of self respect in our day to day emotional realities have to put a little work in to help us get all that negativity out of our way.

I am currently reading a few books;

Why men love bitches (or something to that effect). It isnt asking you to be a bitch; it is asking you to recognize your self worth. Kind of ironic that THAT has come to mean being a bitch these days. I kind of disagree with that, but the point of the book holds true.

The 7 Levels of Intimacy- talks about building healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Calling In The One- its about making space in your life and current reality for the person who will fulfill your partnership needs and how you can be the best you to receive that. Includes a lot of self-esteem work too I think. I have not started that one yet.

 

In the meantime, get some hobbies. Sounds cliche, is kinda cliche. But it is true. Get your mind on how to express your awesomeness to yourself and the world, get discerning about how people manipulate others emotionally, and LOVE yourself. Trusting people and seeing the best in them isnt a bad thing!!! But optimism and nievete are NOT the same things! I am still learning the difference in this complex ole world.

 

Peace to you.

Edited February 6, 2015 by genuinelyloverly7
spelling

[littleraindrops]

Dear everyone who had offered me sincere advice,

 

I decided to post another entry because I am still having a hard time trying to get myself together. After the last reply, some things have happened. We talked, and I couldn't keep myself from growing more feelings for him. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it's been really difficult to not talk to him when we are working together. And I know some of you suggested that I should keep things professional and not contact him via texts, but that was too hard when we have already spent so much time together.

Believe it or not, we were doing okay for a few weeks. All of sudden he was inviting me to his friends' gatherings, and seemed like he cared about my happiness. For instance, even though he does not like Valentine's Day, he still came to have dinner with me and sent me presents.

Then after about a week, I found out that he was talking to someone on a dating site. I also found out that he's been talking to girls on that site periodically. It seemed like most of them lost interest after a few conversations though. At first, I thought it was no big deal, since I am on a dating site too, but I ignore all the messages and never send out the first messages myself. Recently I found out that he was even talking to someone while he was hanging out with me or talking to me one-on-one. It would usually go like this: he would say something to me, then I would respond, then he would respond, and check his messages, and then turn his head to me. I wasn't sure if I should bring it up or not, but it made me really upset and sad.

I was trying to be calm, but it affected me so much that I couldn't hide my expression. He noticed (of course, without knowing the reason), and also got upset, and I tried to talk to him about whether or not anything has changed (feelings-wise) since. He said no. He said he was content with what we are (what he calls "complicated") because he's getting what he wants. When I told him I wasn't happy, he told me to come up with a solution. I couldn't tell him we should stop because I still have feelings for him. After going back and forth about what to do, when he saw that there's no solution for me, he said he's annoyed and blocked me on fb messenger.

The next day, we did see each other at work, and he said we should stop this relationship. He doesn't even want me as a friend right now. He specifically said that he doesn't have time or energy for friends and he's only doing stuff with friends maybe once a month, and that he's stressed out and doesn't want to be social at all. Then I just lost my words. He does want to stop, so I guess that's a good thing? But he might stay here for another year, which makes things more difficult for me. I think I would have been okay if I didn't have to see him everyday, but I do, and I don't think I will be able to stand the pain when I find out he's going to be with someone else.

 

I had kept my hopes up of being together because he had told me at the beginning of our relationship that there is a chance that he might change. I feel like I was tricked into. He wants me to care about him less. There's someone he's been talking to regularly on that dating site. Is this a sign that he's trying to move on?

 

Why is life so unfair? I have a guy friend who wants to date me, but I don't feel anything for him. And I am like him to this guy.

 

I realized why I was so attached to his guy though. I have been in this new area for about 6 months now, and when I first moved here, my bf at the time and I had just broken up. I had no one to talk to, and was getting depressed day after day. I tried to find people to hang out with, and when this guy approached me, I was clearly vulnerable, but because I was so lonely I took the opportunity to have a company. Ever since then, I've made friends through him, did more things that what I would have done alone, and I think I just forgot how lonely I was. Until the time he said he wants to stop. Then everything went back to where things were. Being home all alone and having no friends. Yesterday when I went home, I felt like I was suffocating because I felt so lonely. I am scared to go home tonight and feel the same.

[CrystalShine2011]

Get away from him, he's awful!!

[pteromom]

All of sudden he was inviting me to his friends' gatherings, and seemed like he cared about my happiness. For instance, even though he does not like Valentine's Day, he still came to have dinner with me and sent me presents.

 

...and had sex with you, right? Which was what the dinner and presents were for. After all, who wants to be alone on V-day? So he used you to assuage his own loneliness.

 

Then after about a week, I found out that he was talking to someone on a dating site.

 

Well, yeah. That is because he doesn't want to date you. He is looking for someone else, and when he finds her, he won't be sniffing around your door anymore. Unless he wants to have sex with you behind his gf's back - and I wouldn't put it past him.

 

I tried to talk to him about whether or not anything has changed (feelings-wise) since. He said no. He said he was content with what we are (what he calls "complicated") because he's getting what he wants. When I told him I wasn't happy, he told me to come up with a solution. I couldn't tell him we should stop because I still have feelings for him. After going back and forth about what to do, when he saw that there's no solution for me, he said he's annoyed and blocked me on fb messenger.

 

He doesn't want his free sex to come with this much drama.

 

But he might stay here for another year, which makes things more difficult for me. I think I would have been okay if I didn't have to see him everyday, but I do, and I don't think I will be able to stand the pain when I find out he's going to be with someone else.

 

Pain of what? Pain that another woman is being used and strung along? You will wish you were her, and that you were back in this painful situation????

 

I had kept my hopes up of being together because he had told me at the beginning of our relationship that there is a chance that he might change.

 

Of course he told you that!!! If he hadn't, would you have given him what he wanted? No. So he told you what you needed to hear to reel you in.

 

I feel like I was tricked into. He wants me to care about him less. There's someone he's been talking to regularly on that dating site. Is this a sign that he's trying to move on?

 

Yes. He wants to get free sex from someone else, hoping that she will be content with the nothing that he wants to give.

 

Why is life so unfair? I have a guy friend who wants to date me, but I don't feel anything for him.

 

So don't. You don't have to be with a guy to be happy. Don't settle for someone you feel nothing for. And don't settle for someone who is using you either!

 

I realized why I was so attached to his guy though. I have been in this new area for about 6 months now, and when I first moved here, my bf at the time and I had just broken up. I had no one to talk to, and was getting depressed day after day. I tried to find people to hang out with, and when this guy approached me, I was clearly vulnerable, but because I was so lonely I took the opportunity to have a company. Ever since then, I've made friends through him, did more things that what I would have done alone, and I think I just forgot how lonely I was. Until the time he said he wants to stop. Then everything went back to where things were. Being home all alone and having no friends. Yesterday when I went home, I felt like I was suffocating because I felt so lonely. I am scared to go home tonight and feel the same.

 

Go out!

 

Don't you have any friend-ish coworkers?

 

If not, go to a place where you are entertained and can just sit there - a karaoke bar, some kind of pool/darts tournament, the bookstore... go with an open heart toward finding friends.

 

You may not be successful the first night, but just keep going out. You need friends right now - not a guy.