Author myheartaches Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 He got mad at you when you told him you waned a label for what you were doing?! Yeah that's obviously not good. You also can't say that he mislead you. You are definitely not a whore. You were just in love and not thinking clearly. It happens to all of us. All you can do is try to not make the same mistakes again. I already have really low self esteem. I was an extremely shy girl growing up, and I always thought sex was something people in love did. He was my best friend. That's why it hurt even more. It's not like I was just a booty call. We'd text every single day. We'd go out and stuff. He would pay for my movie ticket. So being the naive person I was, I thought this meant be liked me I did not realize how men could truly just have sex with anyone they found attractive. I feel utterly rejected and hurt and degraded. One month after chatting we went to see a movie. When he dropped me off at my house he says, "can I have a kiss?" This is what confused me so badly I NEVER went on a date before him. This is why I thought he liked me. Because he wanted a kiss. I mean, it's not like I just slept with the guy right away. We waited 9 months, and there was no making out or anything like that before then. I just feel used and like a slutty whore and I hate myself for allowing this to happen Link to post Share on other sites
Author myheartaches Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Well, I am not morally against FWB. It just never felt like something I desired myself (yet). I know enough people (men and women) who date for sex, well if that is the goal of both people as it often is, than why not. I do think though that it is important to communicate well. Clearly the guy myheartaches was friends with did not communicate in a clear way to her. I am of the opinion that he should have been clearer to her as that would have been the moral thing to do. No you weren't, you were attached (that is chemical). He should have stopped if I read the above sentences. You are really such a gentleman I wish all guys were like you! Maybe you're older? My guy was 22-23 at the time. I was 20-21. Anyways, when i asked for the label, hed be like "I like you but I'm not ready for a relationship." Hed say that he doesn't know what the future brings, but right now he just wAsnt ready. I was waiting for him to be ready :( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 You are really such a gentleman I wish all guys were like you! Maybe you're older? I am in my mid-thirties. Many of my generation (men and women) are in my opinion not any different from what you are describing. Anyways, when i asked for the label, hed be like "I like you but I'm not ready for a relationship." Hed say that he doesn't know what the future brings, but right now he just wAsnt ready. I was waiting for him to be ready :( Unfortunately waiting never is a good idea as we deserve someone who has no doubt about wanting to be with us. I made the same mistake last year when I was pushed away. I got the label but had it taken away the moment she got severe stress (she really had it tough). I kept hoping for a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I was afraid of what his answer would be I liked to be wanted, so I guess I created a fantasy in my head And that is your fault and why he's not a dick. It's not his job to protect you from yourself -- it's your job. If you have certain expectations, it's up to you to voice them and not settle for anything less. He didn't deceive you, you deceived yourself. Lesson learned. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author myheartaches Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 And that is your fault and why he's not a dick. It's not his job to protect you from yourself -- it's your job. If you have certain expectations, it's up to you to voice them and not settle for anything less. He didn't deceive you, you deceived yourself. Lesson learned. You do not sugar coat anything! I guess that's a good reality check I just feel like a victim. It's been 5 months and I still haven't moved on like wtf it's so annoying bc I wanna have apathetic feelings towards him!!!! Hating him is exhausting Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 You do not sugar coat anything! I guess that's a good reality check I just feel like a victim. It's been 5 months and I still haven't moved on like wtf it's so annoying bc I wanna have apathetic feelings towards him!!!! Hating him is exhausting Well, you need to get past being a victim. You're an adult and you agreed to this. Maybe not verbally, but by not having any boundaries and not stating your thoughts on the situation and letting it get to where it got to, you agreed to it. As for the moving on part, it takes time and I wouldn't be worried about the five months thing. What I would be worried about is that fact that you seem to be shirking responsibility for your role in this. Yes, he took advantage of you, but you could have easily put a stop to it and chose not to out of denial, delusion, fear, inexperience, etc. You can't control how other people act, but you can control how you deal with it. By making yourself out to be the victim, you aren't learning a single thing from this. One of these things result in not learning; either you'll enter a cycle where these types of "relationships" become the norm, or you'll be so jaded and distrustful that you won't have any relationships at all. If you actively try to learn from this instead of playing the "woe is me" pity party, you'll reach apathy sooner rather than later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wicksee Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 My ex and I started out emailing each other at work, that quickly progressed to a mutual FWB arrangement. We were both happy with that for a few months. She then developed feelings for me and asked for a relationship, which I rejected (I was happy as we were). She accepted the rejection quite well considering (with some tears!) and we carried on as FWB. Eventually, I fell for her, big time! And we got together. Obviously we later split (painfully!) but for a while there, we had a perfect relationship. I would say on the whole, FWB worked for us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toooldforthis Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I was afraid of what his answer would be I liked to be wanted, so I guess I created a fantasy in my head oh girl..I did the same thing with the last guy I was interested in. All the signs were there, my best friend tried to tell me what was up but I was determined he was wrong. Yeah..so I guess us nice girls are just dupe-able as hell. Time to toughen up and make them earn their way in our hearts. I've learned the hard way to appreciate someone needs to deserve my heart and not just have me give it over because of a rush of infatuation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toooldforthis Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 BUT are you prepared to be "used" for sex for the next year, instead of getting out there and forging a new relationship with someone who would cherish you? Sorry for the delay in getting back on, my mother passed away and I have had to be out of town. To answer your question, no, I wasn't. I got the nerve and brought it up and can say we were both fighting the attraction. The air was cleared and we've discovered we are both quite in love with the other and have been enjoying our time together immensely. It's the kind of love that runs deep and true, it's not infatuation at all, it's a profound respect and adoration for one another. Its hard for either of us to imagine life without the other. Link to post Share on other sites
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