SunshineGirlie Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) If you want any background on my relationship with my husband, I have a different thread on this page from a few days ago. Yesterday was a great day. Everything went well and my husband and I even decided to go to a local restaurant and have a small bite to eat and a cocktail (one for me, two for him) on a spur of the moment thing last night for about an hour. Came home and he wanted to watch TV up in our bedroom. He was very awake and I decided that since he was in a good mood, I was in a good mood, we were both relaxed, and both in bed, I was feeling frisky. Tried lots of different things - rubbing him, massaging him, kissing him, stroking him, and he just kept saying he wasn't in that kind of mood, he just wanted to relax, etc. We haven't even been married for a year yet, and have been together for 3 (our relationship was LD up until last year.) I honestly cannot remember one time where he has accepted my advances when I have tried to initiate any kind of sex or romance. He says I have a higher sex drive than him, despite that we had sex on a daily or near daily basis when we first started dating. He has told me in the past, after rejecting me, that if I want to have sex, I should start playing with him down there. He also said it turns him on when I wear heels in bed. He doesn't like dirty talk and he also doesn't like sexy "whispery" talk for lack of a better term. So when touching him, kissing him, rubbing his back, stroking him down there, etc. wasn't working, I put on some sexy lingerie that I hardly ever wear, along with a pair of heels. I should probably say that I am not a supermodel, but I am petite and wear a size 0 or 00 in clothing, and I take pride in my appearance, so it's not like I'm some girl who has let herself go. Tried again with kissing, touching, etc., but got nowhere. He said he just wasn't in the mood for sex, and I told him, as I have in the past, that we could just kiss and touch and build it up for another night, but he didn't want anything to do with it. I told him he could just touch me then, and he said, "I don't feel like it." At this point he says he is tired and just wants to go to bed (even though this whole "sex dance" I did only lasted for 10 minutes at most.) So I gave up. Put on my comfy loungewear and went to bed. He apologized and said he would make it up to me tonight, but this is what he does EVERY time I try and initiate. He puts me off until another day. I have told him countless times that it really eats away at my self esteem - I have never been rejected by a male in my life in that department. Sex becomes so predictable when it is scheduled. I should probably add that he is in his early 30s, I am in my late 30s, and he does not have a high stress job at all. We had had sex over the weekend so it's not like it had been weeks or anything. The mood was just right and he was in a great mood, so I thought I'd try. I thought it would help things, too, because we had gotten into an argument earlier in the week, and I thought it would help us reconnect. I do plenty of things for him in the sex department that only he benefits from, so I am not a selfish lover in the slightest. I don't know what to do. Stop initiating entirely? Withhold when he makes advances at me? If I left it up to him to initiate sex, which I have in the past, we will only be having sex once a week, if that. That is not enough for me and I have told him this on more than one occasion. I've told him that if we could just passionately kiss and touch or whatever without having sex, that is ok, too, but he just isn't interested. I'm just tired of feeling like a sexual burden to him. Is he being selfish, or am I being unreasonable? Edited January 29, 2015 by SunshineGirlie added more info Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I put on some sexy lingerie that I hardly ever wear, along with a pair of heels. don't you read what you write? that sums up YOUR problem right there. HE told you what he needs, you are not listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SunshineGirlie Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 don't you read what you write? that sums up YOUR problem right there. HE told you what he needs, you are not listening. I'm confused - are you saying I don't listen to him, because I tried after he said he wasn't in the mood, or because I don't wear sexy lingerie often? If it's the latter, I assure you I don't go to bed in sweats or even loungewear every night. Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Did you consider the possibility of him being gay or bisexual? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You guys need to read her other thread... it's all in there. Her H is a Narcissist, and he's passive-aggressive. SunshineGirlie, why the hell begin a new thread? For goodness' sake, I haven't read a single good thing about this jerk that actually balances or outweighs any of his negatives. And that list is as long as your arm. I'm sorry hun, but I'm honestly losing patience with you. I don't know what the hell it is you're really wanting to hear, but you're not going to hear anything good from me, concerning this cheating no-good loser. Really?? I mean - REALLY - ?!? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 don't you read what you write? that sums up YOUR problem right there. HE told you what he needs, you are not listening. Such a sexist remark... anything there about him reacting like a corpse, and not striking while the iron was hot? Surely, as a guy, if you wanted your wife to 'dress in a particular way' you'd jump at the chance, not brush her off with unfeigned disinterest...? Her H is a complete and total dumbass with no redeeming features at all.... Good grief, this isn't HER FAULT.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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