StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) Alright here goes. I am a single 25 year old guy. My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me about a year ago and it absolutely devestated me. She was my first real girlfriend and it didn't help that she was absolutely gorgeous either. Admittedly we had our problems, fights etc. We had a lot of different interests.. Anyways moving on. Since then I have slept with probably 3 or 4 girls. The first one after my ex I really tried to pursue but she eventually told me she wasn't into me and only wanted sex. Even though this hurt me I accepted it any moved on. Every girl since her has wanted to keep it to a "one night thing". Now I will admit I have met all these girls via partying/drinking etc so I imagine these types of girls aren't looking for more than a one night stand. Being single for this long has really done a number on my confidence and I feel like I am never going to meet someone again. Of course I want sex, but what I really want is a partner. I have felt so extremely lonely over the past year, even when I am with my friends all I can focus on is how I have to go home to an empty apartment. In addition to all this I seriously have a problem meeting girls without drinking/doing questionable substances. I know this is really bad, but I feel like I cant work up the confidence to approach girls during the day or at the gym or wherever. when I was with my ex I felt so confident about life and I could talk to whoever, I almost adopted an "*******" attitude for better or for worse, but now that I am single again I feel absolutely horrid. I look around and see happy couples all day. My good friends are all in relationships and looking ahead to marriage. Meanwhile I am eating take out everynight watching netflix alone. I feel like I have tried so hard to meet someone over the past year but nothing. I honestly don't know if I am good looking or not, my ex seemed to think I was but my confidence is so low I coulnd't say for sure. Most recently I met a girl I had a lot in common with. Shes absolutely gorgeous, I would rate her a 9.5. She is heavily involved in fashion which I am interested in, and we have the same birthday. How weird is that? Anyways after talking on facebook for a couple weeks she finally agreed to let me take her to dinner, we went for sushi (both our fav food) and we had some chemistry, but at the end of the date we had an awkward hug because i didnt know whether to go for the kiss or not. Since then she has still been texting me, and we talk, but she hasn't really given me a shot at second date yet. I feel like I am obsessing over this girl and I don't know how to stop. Its partly the loneliness and the fact shes gorgeous. (thats another one of my problems, looks-wise I have extremely high standards. I know this sounds superficial but I cannot be with a girl unless I am physically attracted to her right?). I am seriously driving myself crazy these days. I feel like I Struggle to have connections with girls/put it past dull conversation or friend zone. The loneliness has made me contemplate suicide in the past few months. I just want so badly for someone to hold and to come home to again. I feel like I cant enjoy anything in life anymore. Any advice? Edited January 30, 2015 by StephenSG Link to post Share on other sites
4everloveu Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Alright here goes. I am a single 25 year old guy. My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me about a year ago and it absolutely devestated me. She was my first real girlfriend and it didn't help that she was absolutely gorgeous either. Admittedly we had our problems, fights etc. We had a lot of different interests.. Anyways moving on. Since then I have slept with probably 3 or 4 girls. The first one after my ex I really tried to pursue but she eventually told me she wasn't into me and only wanted sex. Even though this hurt me I accepted it any moved on. Every girl since her has wanted to keep it to a "one night thing". Now I will admit I have met all these girls via partying/drinking etc so I imagine these types of girls aren't looking for more than a one night stand. Being single for this long has really done a number on my confidence and I feel like I am never going to meet someone again. Of course I want sex, but what I really want is a partner. I have felt so extremely lonely over the past year, even when I am with my friends all I can focus on is how I have to go home to an empty apartment. In addition to all this I seriously have a problem meeting girls without drinking/doing questionable substances. I know this is really bad, but I feel like I cant work up the confidence to approach girls during the day or at the gym or wherever. when I was with my ex I felt so confident about life and I could talk to whoever, I almost adopted an "*******" attitude for better or for worse, but now that I am single again I feel absolutely horrid. I look around and see happy couples all day. My good friends are all in relationships and looking ahead to marriage. Meanwhile I am eating take out everynight watching netflix alone. I feel like I have tried so hard to meet someone over the past year but nothing. I honestly don't know if I am good looking or not, my ex seemed to think I was but my confidence is so low I coulnd't say for sure. Most recently I met a girl I had a lot in common with. Shes absolutely gorgeous, I would rate her a 9.5. She is heavily involved in fashion which I am interested in, and we have the same birthday. How weird is that? Anyways after talking on facebook for a couple weeks she finally agreed to let me take her to dinner, we went for sushi (both our fav food) and we had some chemistry, but at the end of the date we had an awkward hug because i didnt know whether to go for the kiss or not. Since then she has still been texting me, and we talk, but she hasn't really given me a shot at second date yet. I feel like I am obsessing over this girl and I don't know how to stop. Its partly the loneliness and the fact shes gorgeous. (thats another one of my problems, looks-wise I have extremely high standards. I know this sounds superficial but I cannot be with a girl unless I am physically attracted to her right?). I am seriously driving myself crazy these days. I feel like I Struggle to have connections with girls/put it past dull conversation or friend zone. The loneliness has made me contemplate suicide in the past few months. I just want so badly for someone to hold and to come home to again. I feel like I cant enjoy anything in life anymore. Any advice? I hear you and understand how you feel. You sound depressed, you need to know all relationship take time and the right one will come. Try to go to the gym and it help a lot. Take good care of yourself and be confident. Cheer!! Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 What do you mean by she hasn't given you a shot at a second date? Have you asked her on one? Specifically date, place and time. She's talking to you, make your move. Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 As a woman it was always a rule of mine not to pursue a man from dates 1-3. I have no desire to chase men in those early stages. If he's truly interested in me, he needs to demonstrate it and be intentional with his actions. Otherwise I assume he's not interested or he's dangling me along while he makes up his mind. ... and I don't play that so I stop responding after 2 days with no follow up date plans. If she's a gorgeous gal you can bet your bottom dollar she doesn't 'chase' men either. They either come to her, or she eventually moves on if she feels he's not making the effort. Dating sucks dude! It's just one of the laws of dating. But really... what do you have to lose at this point? You're single, you've lived through a break up, and are ready to move on. A girl rejecting you isn't changing your current situation so if she does, move on and try with the next girl, and the next! Keep your options always open, and remember to give people a chance too. You may find they surprise you. Honestly if the girl is still talking to you after date one, you must have done something right because I can guarantee you if I was still talking to a guy after date one that meant I was receptive for a second date. It's not a guarantee it's going to work out, but it's a good sign you still have a shot to continue to get to know her. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 never base your happiness in life on whether you have a woman. If you get in a relationship and get dumped you'll be more in the pits than you are now. Work on yourself first. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I'd say ask her out for a second date. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I also get pretty bitter and anti-social when I think about all the dates I've had that didn't become relationships. When I see people I know with their significant others or getting married, I think, "Congratulations! You've achieved something I've struggled and failed consistently to achieve!" Why have they found love, while I keep failing? I don't have that answer. That's just the way it is. Somebody said on one of these boards recently that maybe it just takes longer for some folks. We might have to go through 50 girls and 50 bad dates before we find the right person, so don't worry if 5 dates in a row went bad. I don't know if that's true, but it made me feel a little better. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Get a dog. A dog fills the void, but there is also a plus.....when you take the dog out for a walk, it attracts women, especially if it's a real cute puppy. It's a great ice breaker, and it's takes you out of that party enviroment where you have been meeting those skanks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Have you asked her a specific Q about a 2nd date? I'm not talking "do you wanna hang out again?" Have you said, "Can I please take you to dinner at _________ on Friday?" If she says she's busy ask what day she would be free. If you get a vague answer, conclude that she's not interested & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 I asked her on a second date a couple days ago. She had expressed interest in taking my moms dog for a walk after I showed her pictures, and I offered to do that yesterday but she said she was busy. She didn't really hint at her availability after that so I just left it alone. I just feel like I am going to be alone forever. Every girl I meet seems to just brush me off. And why cant I just approach girls during the day like a normal guy? I want to be able to walk up to a beautiful girl I see and chat to her and get her number. I am paralyzed by fear of rejection and I don't understand why. I just feel like everyone around is going to know I got rejected or I am going to be looked down upon for trying. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Taking your mom's dog for a walk is not a date. Ask her to dinner or a movie, or on a picnic, or to go dancing or bowling or something but not to do a chore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Taking your mom's dog for a walk is not a date. Ask her to dinner or a movie, or on a picnic, or to go dancing or bowling or something but not to do a chore. Well actually she really likes dogs, so it was more catered to her interest. She actually said "can we borrow her sometime!?!" when I showed her a picture of my moms dog. I suggested a walk in one of the parks around here as we have some really nice ones, thinking it would be romantic around sunset. I already took her to dinner so I don't want to be the guy with no creativity when it comes to dates. Link to post Share on other sites
SOB86 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Things could be a lot worse. I went three years without dates or sex before finally finding someone. Be thankful you had a few brief relationships before the year was out and try to be patient. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 A year is nothing to be honest you are just telling yourself it is. The longer you allow THIS process to continue the worse it gets and the lower your confidence and self esteem drop until girls can see it in you and that is a big turn off. Its a simple process to recovery once you understand it. Focus on you and only you. Stop thinking you need a girlfriend because you don't and the fact you think you do is just making the whole situation worse and you less of a man. Get your diet and exercise plan in place. This is number 1 because it consumes a lot of time and has so many positives.Start researching. Look into websites which give guidance on how you feel and use forums like this one to learn and understand you and women. Look into your own life and see what you are missing. Hobbies and career always before a women just like bros you need to fix your life not require a women to fix it. She won't.When you are ready begin the process of dating from the bottom. Have some fun and use online dating as an opening to getting laid again and simple easy going dates. Work on your game and build confidence and self esteem. If you do this you will recover. If you don't like most guys you will live in misery and wallow on your problems and become even more beta than ever. I was in your situation a couple of years ago. I'm still single but I have had a lot of fun over the last year, met several girls, had some funny dates, continued fixing me and focusing on my career and damn do I feel good. I'm strong and independent now and love myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Well actually she really likes dogs, so it was more catered to her interest. She actually said "can we borrow her sometime!?!" when I showed her a picture of my moms dog. I suggested a walk in one of the parks around here as we have some really nice ones, thinking it would be romantic around sunset. I already took her to dinner so I don't want to be the guy with no creativity when it comes to dates. OK fine. It was more than walking the dog. But honestly, everybody has to eat. I never once thought, gee all our dates involve meals he has no creativity. Link to post Share on other sites
SaraSnow Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Alright here goes. I am a single 25 year old guy. My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me about a year ago and it absolutely devestated me. She was my first real girlfriend and it didn't help that she was absolutely gorgeous either. Admittedly we had our problems, fights etc. We had a lot of different interests.. Anyways moving on. Since then I have slept with probably 3 or 4 girls. The first one after my ex I really tried to pursue but she eventually told me she wasn't into me and only wanted sex. Even though this hurt me I accepted it any moved on. Every girl since her has wanted to keep it to a "one night thing". Now I will admit I have met all these girls via partying/drinking etc so I imagine these types of girls aren't looking for more than a one night stand. Being single for this long has really done a number on my confidence and I feel like I am never going to meet someone again. Of course I want sex, but what I really want is a partner. I have felt so extremely lonely over the past year, even when I am with my friends all I can focus on is how I have to go home to an empty apartment. In addition to all this I seriously have a problem meeting girls without drinking/doing questionable substances. I know this is really bad, but I feel like I cant work up the confidence to approach girls during the day or at the gym or wherever. when I was with my ex I felt so confident about life and I could talk to whoever, I almost adopted an "*******" attitude for better or for worse, but now that I am single again I feel absolutely horrid. I look around and see happy couples all day. My good friends are all in relationships and looking ahead to marriage. Meanwhile I am eating take out everynight watching netflix alone. I feel like I have tried so hard to meet someone over the past year but nothing. I honestly don't know if I am good looking or not, my ex seemed to think I was but my confidence is so low I coulnd't say for sure. Most recently I met a girl I had a lot in common with. Shes absolutely gorgeous, I would rate her a 9.5. She is heavily involved in fashion which I am interested in, and we have the same birthday. How weird is that? Anyways after talking on facebook for a couple weeks she finally agreed to let me take her to dinner, we went for sushi (both our fav food) and we had some chemistry, but at the end of the date we had an awkward hug because i didnt know whether to go for the kiss or not. Since then she has still been texting me, and we talk, but she hasn't really given me a shot at second date yet. I feel like I am obsessing over this girl and I don't know how to stop. Its partly the loneliness and the fact shes gorgeous. (thats another one of my problems, looks-wise I have extremely high standards. I know this sounds superficial but I cannot be with a girl unless I am physically attracted to her right?). I am seriously driving myself crazy these days. I feel like I Struggle to have connections with girls/put it past dull conversation or friend zone. The loneliness has made me contemplate suicide in the past few months. I just want so badly for someone to hold and to come home to again. I feel like I cant enjoy anything in life anymore. Any advice? Ohh my goodness, feels like guys like you are a rare, rare find these days. Majority of guys I have dated seemed to be disinterested in girlfriends. I'll let you guess what they were after. I'd agree with a lot of the other posts - as a girl, I usually dont like to pursue guys. I think it might be a subconcious thing from the 90s and the era of "The Rules" If she's texting you and has agreed on a date, she is interested in some level. Just make sure you go for it and ask her out again (specific time/location). Otherwise, she'll assume you aren't interested. As for awkwardness and an awkward hug - I actually dipped out of the way of a kiss when my ex tried it on our first date. We laughed about it later, awkwardness is just part of the dating process. Also, I would be careful not to put too much pressure on this. Dating is a bit trial and error - if you are desperate for a girlfriend, and very abdly want one, odds are this will come out subtly, in your behaviour. I was seeing a guy once, who was lonely and wanted a girlfriend very much. He was great, I really liked him, but he put a lot of pressure on me because he'd pinned all his hopes on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 A year is nothing to be honest you are just telling yourself it is. The longer you allow THIS process to continue the worse it gets and the lower your confidence and self esteem drop until girls can see it in you and that is a big turn off. Its a simple process to recovery once you understand it. Focus on you and only you. Stop thinking you need a girlfriend because you don't and the fact you think you do is just making the whole situation worse and you less of a man. Get your diet and exercise plan in place. This is number 1 because it consumes a lot of time and has so many positives.Start researching. Look into websites which give guidance on how you feel and use forums like this one to learn and understand you and women.Look into your own life and see what you are missing. Hobbies and career always before a women just like bros you need to fix your life not require a women to fix it. She won't.When you are ready begin the process of dating from the bottom. Have some fun and use online dating as an opening to getting laid again and simple easy going dates. Work on your game and build confidence and self esteem. If you do this you will recover. If you don't like most guys you will live in misery and wallow on your problems and become even more beta than ever. I was in your situation a couple of years ago. I'm still single but I have had a lot of fun over the last year, met several girls, had some funny dates, continued fixing me and focusing on my career and damn do I feel good. I'm strong and independent now and love myself. I agree with you, and sometimes I get spurts of confidence and happiness, but then I get very low at times and think even though I am doing all this stuff (excercise etc) I am still alone, by myself at the end of the day. One of my favourite things to do use to be to cook for me and my girlfirned. I absolutely love cooking, but now that I have only myself to care for, I am totally uninspired to cook and just get take out every evening. Its so deprsesing for me to think about that. I know I don't need a girlfriend, but I have these intense jealous feelings when I see my friends with their smoking hot girlfriends that love them every day. I feel like I am missing out totally on the most important thing in life. I cant help these intrusive thoughts about how I might not meet someone again in my life to love. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 One year isn't long. Especially if you have slept with 3-4 girls during that time. Keep meeting women and it will work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Well I asked her out again an hour ago. I went with a very simple "Hey, are you free at all this weekend? Want to grab a bite at (restaurant in my city) on saturday?" So far no response. I'll wait until the end of the day then make the call. The worst part for me when after talking to a girl for a few weeks and clicking they just cease responding to you. Like they could at least freaking say they aren't interested instead of just leaving me to guess. I hate that about girls. Argh Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Well I asked her out again an hour ago. I went with a very simple "Hey, are you free at all this weekend? Want to grab a bite at (restaurant in my city) on saturday?" So far no response. I'll wait until the end of the day then make the call. The worst part for me when after talking to a girl for a few weeks and clicking they just cease responding to you. Like they could at least freaking say they aren't interested instead of just leaving me to guess. I hate that about girls. Argh Why bother? You are in no fit state to be dating. Even if she did go out with you currently your mentality is desperation so you are only going to scare her away. You need to stop and do what I said. It is you that you need to fix because currently you are an emotional mess. Get your life sorted, head sorted and testosterone tweaked and then get back in the game. Currently you are just making things worse and the more you get rejected now the longer the recovery will take. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Things could be a lot worse. I went three years without dates or sex before finally finding someone. Be thankful you had a few brief relationships before the year was out and try to be patient. Yeah it makes me laugh when people throw their hands up after a year or so and get all dramatic that they are going to be a forever alone- I'm at nearly 10 years without a relationship, it sucks at times but I'm strong enough that its not going to ruin my life or put me in an early grave. Life goes on, always. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Well I asked her out again an hour ago. I went with a very simple "Hey, are you free at all this weekend? Want to grab a bite at (restaurant in my city) on saturday?" So far no response. I'll wait until the end of the day then make the call. The worst part for me when after talking to a girl for a few weeks and clicking they just cease responding to you. Like they could at least freaking say they aren't interested instead of just leaving me to guess. I hate that about girls. Argh Was that via text? Ugh. You would have been better off asking via voice. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. The amount of time between your Q & her answer as well as her tone of voice when responding would have told you far more than the info you will not get from a texted response. Live & learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Was that via text? Ugh. You would have been better off asking via voice. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. The amount of time between your Q & her answer as well as her tone of voice when responding would have told you far more than the info you will not get from a texted response. Live & learn. She responded with "Hey yes quite possibly. Maybe sunday? I am supposed to visit my sister but I don't know when yet so I'll let you know." I Guess thats as good as a response I can hope for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StephenSG Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Why bother? You are in no fit state to be dating. Even if she did go out with you currently your mentality is desperation so you are only going to scare her away. You need to stop and do what I said. It is you that you need to fix because currently you are an emotional mess. Get your life sorted, head sorted and testosterone tweaked and then get back in the game. Currently you are just making things worse and the more you get rejected now the longer the recovery will take. I would agree with you however I don't think I have reached a level of desperation yet although it feels like it. I have had chances with girls i consider less than pretty and I have turned them down over the past year. I feel like if I was truly desperate I would have entertained them. the feeling I have is crushing loneliness more than anything. I guess this goes hand in hand with desperation. I dont know, sigh,. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 She responded with "Hey yes quite possibly. Maybe sunday? I am supposed to visit my sister but I don't know when yet so I'll let you know." I Guess thats as good as a response I can hope for. It was more positive then negative. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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