being used and feeling awful

[feeling sad]

ok, well i'm in a pretty horrible situation at the moment. please dont insult me because all i want is a bit of advice.

 

basically, there is a guy who i like a lot, who has recently broken up with his girlfriend (a girl i know). we've always liked each other, and when they went on a break a while ago, we slept together. i felt really bad afterwards, seeing as i didnt particularly want to do it in the first place. the next day he text me telling me that he was "in love" with his girlfriend and wanted to get back together with her, which left me feeling pretty used.

 

so then after that, i told myself that i hated him and wanted nothing else to do with him. but then, he just broke up with his girlfriend.. and yeah we ended up sleeping together again the other night. i think, i kept telling myself that i hated him but all along i liked him. i know i shouldnt but i cant help it. its just something i feel and i cant control it.

 

so anyway we slept together and then the next day we went out and we were acting like a couple. even though i knew we werent a couple and that we could never go out (because of his ex, i know her and i couldnt go out with him.. seeing as their relationship was quite long term).. anyway, today i was talking to him, hoping i could see him again.. but he started talking about his ex again, and how he misses her. he says he wants nothing to do with her any more but he still cant stop thinking about her.

 

i know its perfectly reasonable for him to have those feelings, but its as if he is oblivious to mine. i've told him how i feel, and yeah hes apologised, but it hasnt made me feel better at all. its as if being with me, each time, just reminds him of her. and it ends up with me feeling hurt and used.

 

but the point is, i dont know if i want to get over him, or if i can stop anything like this happening again with him. i'm so completely confused!

[Pocky]

You can stop anything you want to stop. Unless he's putting you under mind control you don't have to end up in the bed with him. At this point, you are well aware that he has no interest in having a relationship with you. You know that he is still talking about his ex-girlfriend and thinking about her and you are just someone he's just sharing sex with. At this point, any further sexual relationship with him will be on your shoulders and not his. If you allow him to continue sleeping with you when you know full well that you will have no relationship with him then you are the only one to blame for any emotional damage you acquire through this relationship.

 

You need to stop sleeping with him if you are becoming emotionally attached. You need to stop sleeping with him if you are doing with the hope that he will want to have a relationship with you.

[lostinlove0479]

Let me tell you something about being used. The only way you can be used is to allow someone else to use you. You know exactly what you should do or not do but you continue to do (sleep with the guy). I say, try as hard as you can to not be alone with this guy because it's obvious that your liking to him makes you weak for him and thus you sleep with him. Don't get all caught up in "after we had sex he held me or it felt like we were a couple" because that can decieve you and keep you in a position (where you are now) that you don't need to be in. Why are you accepting your friends ex and being second to her/his ex? That I don't get. I don't mean this offensively but you seem quite desperate in this situation. I mean nobody is worth you allowing your self worth to be demoted as it is with you and this guy. And unfortuanately, by sleeping with him and knowing the deal with his ex and on top of that allowing him to talk about her and their situation, you will never be more than a sex partner tohim. You have tainted any chance of anything more. This guy is so pathetic to me to talk to you about this girl and then sleep with you. That is so wrong. If he is any friend, he would have stopped his self. I hate to say that he's pathetic and that you are desperate because I know that the heart makes us do crazy things. What I mean is you need to find the strength within you to find someone who enjoys your company and respects you. This guy obviously is to selfish right now because of his heartache with his girl to stop himself. And your heart is leading you astray…good luck

[confused21]

I can totally relate to your situation. I had a FWB for about a year or so until he started a LDR. Everytime they decided to take a break, we would pickup right where we left off. We never had in the past had gone beyond oral but on my 25th bday a couple weeks ago I lost my virginity to him. This is something I wanted to do with him and he wanted to share with me. But after we did it, we had a talk and he said how its unheathly for us to continue this way and we havent done anything since. You may want to bring up how unheathly it is what u are doing and see what he says. I too like him so I of course divided right into this but it was making me crazy though I'm still jealous as hell of his g/f!!

[Cecelius]

I have to find the store where they sell these magic mind control powers that make people do things they don't really want to do; I can make a fortune with them...

 

Seriously, you have two choices: (1) he's a user and he's using you actively (gaming you, whatever) or (2) he's a confused little boy in immature angst over a LTR's demise and is just doing what he needs to feel in any way connected to anyone.

 

I think it's (2). He may genuinely like you in some way, but its clear his ex is still paramount in his mind.

 

If you're doing things that you don't consider to be respectful to yourself, then put the brakes on. Tell him you think he's cool, but he's got too many issues to work out and you're not there to be his therapist/substitute g/f. Don't interact with him physically. If he needs a friend, be a friend (if you want).