Boyfriend got mad over me keeping this item from an ex?

[exesandohs]

So in the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend and I made the horrible mistake of keeping our exes in our present relationship and it has affected the both of us and our relationship extremely negatively. Though the exes are gone now, our problems related to them have not ended.

 

 

Yesterday, my boyfriend told me how he hoped I hadn't kept any gifts from my ex. And I told him, that I threw away all the sentimental stuff (jewelry, cards etc) away a long time ago. However, I have a pair of pjs. The pjs I picked out and chose myself BUT since my ex was with me at the time, he insisted on paying for them. I told my current bf that the pjs were absolutely meaningless and I only had kept them but they were my preference, comfy and I really liked them but had NOTHING to do with my ex whatsoever. If there was any sentiment related to my ex in regards to the pjs, I would have thrown them away with every other gift I discarded from my ex.

 

 

My current bf became furious at me over this, however, and we had a huge fight. I tried to explain it to him, but he wouldn't understand. We're actually on the verge of breaking up over this.

 

 

Was I wrong for keeping the pjs? Was I wrong for being honest? Does all this sound nonsensical outside of my head?

[Satu]

I don't think that it should be given such importance that it's a cause for breaking up.

[Andy_K]

Your boyfriend sounds pretty insecure. Might be understandable if he's 18 or something, but he should have grown out of it otherwise. Personally I think if he's willing to end a relationship over you not throwing out a pair of PJs, you should let him.

 

There are much better guys out there, seriously.

[Zahara]

He's either being silly and insecure or looking for a reason to exit.

[smackie9]

Your BF is being a jackass. It's not like you are keeping sex videos, or naked photos of your exe....they are frickin pyjammas lol. Zowie, this guy needs to be kicked to the curb. Please dump him.

[veggirl]

Your bf needs to get a life.

 

what exactly his is objection to the pjs?

 

Does he think you wearing them means you aren't over your ex or something? Have you given him reason to think you aren't over your ex?

[d0nnivain]

I have lots of stuff from EXs because I like the STUFF not the EXs. Heck my husband actually bought me a pair of emerald earrings to go with an emerald necklace that a long ago EX bought me.

 

Yes, your BF is being a jerk but at the end of the day, we're talking about PJs here. What do you want more the PJs or the BF? Suggest to BF that he should get you a replacement pair.

 

In the future, do not share the origins of your stuff with new people. If your BF just knew they were your PJs & not that they came from an EX, he'd never care. The fact that you shared this info after saying that you disguarded "everything" from EXs was part of the problem.

 

If you make a big deal over the origins of some item it makes the new person think there may be lingering feelings or worse, longing, there.

[exesandohs]

We’re onthe verge of breaking up, not precisely because of this pj itself issue but because we both have so many issues in regards to our exes and this seemed likethe tip of the iceberg. He feels like me sleeping with/keeping clothes given by my ex is highly inappropriate and signifies me cherishing a memory or something. As soon as he got mad at this, I made a comment about him going tothe movies (one on one) with his ex – while dating me. And everything got blown out of proportion. There’s just a lot of bitterness within the both of us when it comes to anything related to our exes – and the slightest things sets both of us off.

 

 

I know I made a mistake by telling him the origin of the pjs, but I genuinely felt that the pjs held no meaning whatsoever - otherwise I would have thrown them out with everything else I trashed. He said he trashed everything else from his exes, and couldn't understand why I wouldn't have done the same at this point. I have no problem with throwing out the pjs - I just don't know how and why our exes have completely destroyed our relationship, and if there's any way to recover from this mess.

Edited January 30, 2015 by exesandohs

[Gaeta]

Totally ridiculous.

 

I would like to know how come he knows which items in your home is from an ex boyfriend? Who in their right mine ask questions like that?

 

I have kept all the gifts from my exs and I would definitely never part from them. If someone makes a comment on an artifact I have home and it happened to be from my ex-husband I say thank you, nothing more.

[lolablue17]

Your fight is about controlling, but also about love.

 

If you feel trapped in this R, So it's too controlling for you. But i got the sense that you both want this R.

 

You're probably love each other very much. So why throwing it all? If this pair of PJS means nothing to you, and for your BF it a huge thing, you can let it go.

[central]

Keep the pajamas. Ditch the boyfriend.

[d0nnivain]

The PJs are a symptom. They are not the cause of your break up. For whatever reason both of you have trust issues regarding EXs. Unless you can work through those, there is little hope for the future of the relationship.

 

Since you are wiling to get rid of the PJs, talk to your BF. Tell him you are willing to let go of the PJs if you two can have a meaningful discussion about your real issues.

[kendahke]

So in the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend and I made the horrible mistake of keeping our exes in our present relationship and it has affected the both of us and our relationship extremely negatively. Though the exes are gone now, our problems related to them have not ended.

 

 

Yesterday, my boyfriend told me how he hoped I hadn't kept any gifts from my ex. And I told him, that I threw away all the sentimental stuff (jewelry, cards etc) away a long time ago. However, I have a pair of pjs. The pjs I picked out and chose myself BUT since my ex was with me at the time, he insisted on paying for them. I told my current bf that the pjs were absolutely meaningless and I only had kept them but they were my preference, comfy and I really liked them but had NOTHING to do with my ex whatsoever. If there was any sentiment related to my ex in regards to the pjs, I would have thrown them away with every other gift I discarded from my ex.

 

 

My current bf became furious at me over this, however, and we had a huge fight. I tried to explain it to him, but he wouldn't understand. We're actually on the verge of breaking up over this.

 

 

Was I wrong for keeping the pjs? Was I wrong for being honest? Does all this sound nonsensical outside of my head?

 

 

You are never wrong for being honest.

 

I think your boyfriend is making a big deal out of nothing. Your ex didn't pick them out--he just paid for them. He would have an issue if your ex picked them out and you didn't get rid of them.

 

I think that of all the things to break up over, this isn't one of them. You didn't lie, you didn't keep anything from him and the pj's have no sentimental value that attaches to your boyfriend. Just a monetary transaction.

 

but do take a good long look at how far he is choosing to take this.

[smackie9]

. him going tothe movies (one on one) with his ex – while dating me.

 

When being accused of something means it is spoken from a guilty mind.

[Winterina]

Not a big deal to keep an item like that... especially if it has no sentimental value.

[twosadthings]

OK, I'll go against the grain on this one. Perhaps if it was a rain coat or scarf he wouldn't be thinking about all the times you wore them to bed and then took them off.

 

 

Just sayin',

 

 

Twosadthings

[Phoe]

one of the perks of my exes not buying me things, is that I don't have to worry about "things" sitting around. None of the back and forth on "what do I do with this stuff?"

 

Pajama bottoms are definitely one of the silliest things to be concerned over. Geeeez!

[JS84]

It's stupid to get mad over something like that. Your boyfriend is overreacting. That being said, your relationship sounds dysfunctional anyway. Which is why you two are fighting over a pair of pajamas. Break up.