Empty Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I've been in a relationship off and on for 6 years with a great man. Lately we've been talking about moving in together and taking the next step in life. One problem, I'm a cheater. I've cheated many times before and I haven't done it in over a year until the other day. What's wrong with me???? Am I a bad person?? Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I don't think you are a bad person. It sounds like you want to know why you are doing this. When did you start? What is lacking in your relationship with your boyfriend? Maybe things are over for you and you are afraid to leave? Have you cheated on all your boyfriends? Anything in common with the ones you have cheated on? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hello, This is just a thought but maybe when you think of cheating you should ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you are doing to him. Maybe this would make you stop and think. If you are thinking of moving in with him and moving the relationship to another level then you need to be honest and upfront with him and tell him about your cheating. I may be wrong but it sounds to me that you are fearful of moving this relationship to another level and have deliberately self-destructed this relationship by cheating on him and putting his health at risk. The fact that you have not cheated in over a year and then decided to cheat on him when he wishes to move forward with the relationship is significant. You may be fearful of true intimacy. The bottom line is that you owe it to your boyfriend to tell him the truth so he can decide what he wishes to do. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Empty I've cheated many times before and I haven't done it in over a year until the other day. What's wrong with me???? Am I a bad person?? Your badness is not for us to decide. Chances are strong that (1) you don't have a ton of sympathy for other people's feelings (and possibly they don't really matter to you -- meaning, the existence of the other person as a being other than yourself doesn't really occur to you at a deep level) and (2) your personality may thrive on outside stimulation and/or attention from other men to make up for some lack of stimulation or self esteem internally. I'd suggest a counselor, suggest explaining to the new guy the issue (from my perspective, if I got involved with a woman who didn't tell me about past cheating, I'd break up with her if I ever did find out about it, whether she cheated or not), and strongly suggest that you do not move in together, since that will only tend to make your relationship that much more day-to-day dull. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 You're afraid to give yourself 100% and be hurt at the end. By cheating you feel like the love you feel is not so huge (which is not true). It's a defense mechanism. You have probably suffered as a child. Most likely you have lost some people you loved and trusted through life. Therefore your mind has unconsciously developed the I-won't-get-emotionally-attached-so-I-won't-suffer strategy. Perhaps your parents are divorced too? You need to see a therapist and definitely stop cheating. You're not a bad person, but your boyfriend might see you that way if he finds out what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I agree with the others. Its very possible that you feel the need to cheat because of something that stemed from childhood. Did either of your parents cheat on the other? Was there lack of stabilty, love, nuturing, reassurance etc in your homelife? Theres a number of reasons or factors that may play a part in why someone feels the need to cheat. I would suggest counseling for you, to try to get to the root of whats causing this and why you feel the need to do it. Cheating is a choice, just as lots of other things in life. No one MAKES us do something we truly don't want to do. I think to it depends on how much self esteem, love, respect, will power etc you have in yourself as to wheather you really want to stop or not. Hopefully counseling can provide some helpful and useful things for you to do or try. Good luck. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 why is always blamed on something from childhood? it is actually possible for a person to be completely selfish, unfeeling, unthinking, and unsympathetic to another's feelings while having had a completely normal upbringing. i've done some pretty screwed up things, and my childhood was simply divine. i am certain that i am not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
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