Imjustanormalguy Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I've been talking to a girl online for 3 years. We haven't met yet, but were planning to meet this summer. She's 21 and I'm 22. She was always such a sweet girl, quiet, loving, smart, respectful...She made the decision last year not to drink alcohol anymore, because she said it wasn't for her. She didn't like the party scene and preferred quiet nights at home with a book. But in the last couple of weeks, she's been texting me in very sarcastic ways, talking about wanting to get drunk with me and would love to see me on the dancefloor and all that...Then last week she told me that she was going out to a club with some people from work. Later that night she text me telling me she's "soooo drunk" and had to go to work the next morning and said she's never drinking again. We didn't text for the whole week after that, but when I text her today she told me that she was waiting for a girl from work to come pick her up so they can go out to dinner. She also told me that they are both going on a mini vacation next month where the "nightlife is amazing". She joked that this girl was a bad influence on her, but she also said she "looks up to her". When I asked why she's drinking so much lately, she said "I realized that life is too short to stay at home alone all the time". I told her that she's been acting really different lately and all she talks about is alcohol now and getting drunk. She really has changed so much from the girl I knew for 3 years...And it makes me so so sad because I feel like I don't know her anymore. Why is she acting this way? I feel like this new girl is turning her into someone else, and soon enough she is going to meet some guy at a club and I'm just going to be a nobody...how could she do this after everything we had? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I think it's the age she is. Not too many people that age stay home and don't party. Not sure if there's any alcoholism in her family that would make her not want to drink to begin with, but it's worth finding out why she swore off it to begin with. Whether it's a real problem really just depends if she thinks she is an addict or whether her behavior changes radically in a bad way on booze. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) Few questions : 1. Is it the first time she acted in such a strange way in the last 3 years? 2. Why you wait until 3 years already but not meet yet? 3. Are you and her really in relationship? Because you said after it happened you didnt talk for 1 week. Its really strange Edited January 31, 2015 by emi Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 All of those things you mentioned were never her, they were probably your fantasy and her projection of that fantasy. You could meet a hundred girls her age and would be hard pressed to find a total of 2 who were not intro the party / hookup scene. You are wasting your time with this girl, she is not mature, she is not to be taken seriously, it would be compltely foolish to get into a serious relationship with her and you need to stop being naieve. When it comes to people and women in particular, do not listen to what they tell you, watch what they do. Your mistake was listening to what she told you about not being into the party scene or being different. Her actions tell you all you need to know. If you ever talk to someone online and want to get to know them, you need to meet them in a reasonable time, not 3 years time. I would say not meeting within a month was even pushing it. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I've been talking to a girl online for 3 years. We haven't met yet You realize this could be some weirdo guy living in his moms basement writing to you in his underwear right? Assuming this is an actual 21 year old flesh and blood female, my take on this is she is finally getting away from the computer and getting out and getting a life and having some fun dancing and socializing in the real world. ...I suggest you do the same. I'm not big on drunkeness but she is of age and it's something that people go through at some point. My suggestion is to take the time and energy that you are spending, cyber chatting with pen pals, and invest that time and energy into getting out of the house and doing things with flesh and blood people face to face in the real world. That's how people get real girlfriends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imjustanormalguy Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 You realize this could be some weirdo guy living in his moms basement writing to you in his underwear right? Wrong. Considering I've skyped and cammed with this girl for 3 years. So your advice is bullsh*t, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Why is she acting this way? I feel like this new girl is turning her into someone else, and soon enough she is going to meet some guy at a club and I'm just going to be a nobody...how could she do this after everything we had? I'd take her at her word as to why she's going out. It's still her, though, and she's not turning into someone else. She just wants to do other things and have an active social life IRL. From now on, don't wait 3 years if you want a relationship with someone and try not to get attached before you're actually spending time in each other's presence. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hi Normalguy, I went through something possibly similar around the same age as this girl. I did some immature, (sometimes illegal), stupid things for about a period of 2 years. My friends and I all got curious and took to drinking, partying, and for a time some smoking pot. It was all pretty carefree and a lot of times fun, sometimes not so fun. I will say there wasn't hooking up with guy after guy going on though. I did not always respect myself, I did not always respect others. I don't regret it though there are some actions I would most certainly take back if I had the chance. No regrets? I can't say that, I definitely have some. While it was a time of tremendous carpe diem, in hindsight I learned so many lessons and grew from those experiences also. I am a risk taker. I don't care much for gambling, but I love taking risks. Of course, what we all learned especially from our "partying" days, is that the party really can't go on forever. You move on and become an "adult" something that has meant more to me than reaching a certain age, but rather a certain mindset. I have learned to channel my inner risk taker in more productive (and legal, respectful to thy self) ways :-) Now, I'm not naive to the fact that risk taking behavior has resulted in some poor endings for people. Forming a substance addiction is a very real threat and issue, also, social media wasn't the same back in my "time" as it is now so your young and stupidness may forever be in the archives for future dates, mates, friends, and employers to one day see. This is her time to make some choices and for better or worse learn from them (hopefully grow also). You two are growing up and sometimes that means growing apart because as you experience things you learn more about yourself and what is in your roots and what matters to you. I would have never envisioned myself on the career path that I am now 10 years ago, yet here I am. Teen years might be full of angst, but I feel from experience that your 20's are the real growing pains as you make so many transitions and start developing into who you are and are actually transplanted into truly adult situations for the very first time. That has meant for me the severing of friendships and love interests (well the love interests bit is more complicated but needless to say I was never right for them and vice-versa, regardless) as who I was no longer fit and vice-versa. It is understandable that this would be both painful and scary for you. She is making choices and wants to have experiences. This is something you are going to have to accept about her and it doesn't mean that she is going to forget about you, or stop being sweet just on default. It might mean she meets someone else or it might mean she sticks the plan and meets you. If you try to make her feel bad about herself or her choices chances are she will either resent you or shake you from her life because she doesn't want your judgement. This girl is not all one thing or all the other; no one is. She isn't "just a party girl" the same girl you know is still in there too but you are both young and in transitioning stages in your life and neither one of you will probably be the same by the time you are ready to leave your 20's behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She's not acting so differently from a lot of other young women her age. They like to go out, have some drinks, dance, etc. And yes, some are immature. But who someone is at 18 is not the same person they will become in their adult life. She's got a fairly typical, active social life for a 21-year-old. And yes, she may indeed meet a guy who is local. That's the reason you need to take a step back now; you seem quite invested and I think you're applying your own hopes of who you thought she was and who you want her to be instead of looking at her for who she is now. The bottom line is that you're not her boyfriend. She can go out and get crazy with friends if she chooses. All you can do is decide whether or not you wish to continue speaking to her. You say you're afraid she might meet someone and forget all you had - but what did you have? You've never laid eyes on her in the flesh. I think it's a friendship at best. Be careful not to pin too many hopes on this. Are you socializing with other girls? (offline, I mean) If not, why? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She's acting this way now because she is 21. In the US she's getting a taste of the bar scene which is vastly different from whatever keg of cheap beer & red solo cup she drank in somebody's basement when she was underage. Based on her previous party ways, this girl is probably closer to her true self. If you don't like that or don't approve of it, stop talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I've been talking to a girl online for 3 years. Why is she acting this way? you have been talking with her for 3 years, but never met her? dude, its not a relationship, and she is trying to point that out to you. she has a life, it includes meeting other guys and having fun IN REAL LIFE. If you really think you "love" her, hop on a bus, like tomorrow, and go visit her. otherwise stop bothering her. she has had enough Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts