kidinfo1 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) Okay, I'm hoping to get some advice here from people who aren't like me - mainly, paranoid as all hell, and a huge lack of trust for anyone (i don't show it to my gf though, it's more of an internal battle. i know a displayed lack of trust destroys relationships). Anyway, my gf goes to college 2hours away. She lives there (not on campus). Over break she was home and we were together all the time. Now, she back and been busy and things with us seem to be cooling down. We still talk / text all day, and she hasn't really gave me any reason to not trust her. BUT, my mind always gets the best of me, and something is really eating at me today. She does have a lot of homework to do and she has to work tonight until later on. She was at the school today working on stuff, but said she never finished it, and she was going to come back after work to finish it because she wanted to get it all done and she'd probably be at the school until 3 or 4am. The thing is, she doesn't have class or have to work tomorrow, so i don't get why she wouldn't do it then. It also seems convenient to me that she cant talk on the phone at all, except text, when shes there, because it's like a library. Also, texts seem a little more bland lately, but idk if that's just me or not. Before she clocked in to work she texted me saying that she loves me and is so glad that I'm in her life. Which i know is really sweet, and i responded back with something really sweet, but i cant help but wonder if there is some underlying reason she said that, as she hasn't said stuff like that lately (I'm really messed up in the head with this paranoia/trust thing, I know) Anyway, just typing this out and reading it sounds so crazy that I'm over analyzing this but I cant help it. Is this sketchy behavior at all? P.S. Like i said above i dont display my trust issues at all to her, so she has no idea (like i said i keep it all in my head, so i decided to vent here haha), so its not like im smothering her, or being a dick bf by always accusing her and checking up on her (because i dont). Edited January 30, 2015 by kidinfo1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brandonjuswantslove Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Maybe she wanted to knock all tht homework out tht nigh so she could spend tht day she had free with you. To the whole random I love you n sweet things she said maybe she felt that she hasn't been showing her love to you the best she could lately. I complete understand I have the same problem thts reoccurring for n it sucks dick but don't let little things like tht feed your paranoia it'll jus **** you up even more Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 We still talk / text all day, and she hasn't really gave me any reason to not trust her. I don't call that things cooling off. I think you are being paranoid a little. I can completely understand spending the night working because you just want to get the task out of the way and don't want to wait another day. She probably has other things to take care of or wants a day to rest without that annoying homework in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kidinfo1 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Maybe she wanted to knock all tht homework out tht nigh so she could spend tht day she had free with you. To the whole random I love you n sweet things she said maybe she felt that she hasn't been showing her love to you the best she could lately. I complete understand I have the same problem thts reoccurring for n it sucks dick but don't let little things like tht feed your paranoia it'll jus **** you up even more I don't call that things cooling off. I think you are being paranoid a little. I can completely understand spending the night working because you just want to get the task out of the way and don't want to wait another day. She probably has other things to take care of or wants a day to rest without that annoying homework in the way. Yeah i guess i am. But the thing is, it's like shes doing things to try and set up a story. she sent me a pic of her in the library, and its like i didnt even ask for it. It's like she is trying to prove a story Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I get the paranoia thing, I'm not too paranoid though, I can put a lot of doubt out of my mind if I think it's unjustified but this is different, this is hitting you in the gut! I give advice from my gut, I'm only reading a quick synopsis on line so it's hard to say but the way you explain it sounds too plausible. The reason why I'm on the side of the paranoia is because I'm just not that paranoid, I'm not OCD in any way but when I think about doing deceitful stuff I think about the overly genuine text message when things haven't as been as close as you normally feel it to be and the evidence picture is very telling. I was in a long distance relationship and what I do know is when you feel things cool, they are cooling and you know they are. Why would things cool if nothing weird happened... Another interest! You should keep all this in your head. Never mention it but check up and be sure. Don't make this a habit but if you have a FULL ON GUT SUSPICION, make sure. Like you said you let your mine play tricks on you but something isn't adding up. Be quiet about it, don't get caught checking up, and if your wrong you have to make amends some how and keep your suspicions to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kidinfo1 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 I get the paranoia thing, I'm not too paranoid though, I can put a lot of doubt out of my mind if I think it's unjustified but this is different, this is hitting you in the gut! I give advice from my gut, I'm only reading a quick synopsis on line so it's hard to say but the way you explain it sounds too plausible. The reason why I'm on the side of the paranoia is because I'm just not that paranoid, I'm not OCD in any way but when I think about doing deceitful stuff I think about the overly genuine text message when things haven't as been as close as you normally feel it to be and the evidence picture is very telling. I was in a long distance relationship and what I do know is when you feel things cool, they are cooling and you know they are. Why would things cool if nothing weird happened... Another interest! You should keep all this in your head. Never mention it but check up and be sure. Don't make this a habit but if you have a FULL ON GUT SUSPICION, make sure. Like you said you let your mine play tricks on you but something isn't adding up. Be quiet about it, don't get caught checking up, and if your wrong you have to make amends some how and keep your suspicions to yourself. thats what i was thinking! and that's exactly what im going to continue to do. it turns out everything checked out (at least i think so). i nonchalantly asked for a pic of her progress (i really actually am interested in her art, i love seeing what she creates), and she sent me one, and even the time stamp checks out (meaning she didnt take it at an earlier date). I know it sounds crazy that i even checked that, i really do. but i cant help it. i have terrible trust issues from my past and i thought i was over them. but, it looks like im still trying to get over them. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 it turns out everything checked out (at least i think so). i nonchalantly asked for a pic of her progress (i really actually am interested in her art, i love seeing what she creates), and she sent me one, and even the time stamp checks out (meaning she didnt take it at an earlier date). Of course it checked out. That is what they wanted you to think. Just like your gut told you that she was there making mad passionate love to this other guy that she takes art classes with, her gut was telling her that you were on to her, so she was able to cover her tracks. As for the photo with the time stamp, if she was there all alone, who took the picture of her? OK, is that what you wanted to hear, because if it is, there is no way that you are going to be able to make it long term with her. Nothing that you have said makes me think that there is anything going on. In fact it makes me think just the opposite. It is hard enough dealing with the loneliness of a long distance relationship without you making it worst by looking for trouble where there is none. Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm glad it all checked out. Good luck with the LDR, it's a tough road. You owe it to yourself and to her to work on your self esteem, having trust will make you both feel better. Working out! It helps quiet the messed up thoughts, when you don't trust or have messed up thoughts go work out, burn off that extra energy that's fueling the paranoia. If you are being the best person you can be and she still leaves you, it's nobodies fault, you did your best to be yourself and the relationship has run it's course. As long as you are being the best person you can be then there is nothing else to do and no reason to obsess, whatever's going to happen is going to happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I've known plenty of students to pull all nighters to clear things up just to use the next day (day off) to sleep/relax to start refreshed again. You are being paranoid... for what good reason? Be proud of your dedicated gf that puts her studies as priority to secure her future. She could have been one of those high school duds that got hung up on boys and felt in order to keep them around she had cater to them. Ya, that girl. Be careful, she may have met a guy or two like you, smothering and suspicious. She needs space/time to focus. It sounds like she devotes her time with you when she's home make the best of that. Romance her, wine her and treat her like a queen. When she is at school let her focus. Don't add to her pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 what exactly are you doing with all this time it seems you have on your hands when she isn't in town? Do you go to school full time? Do you work full time? Her wanting to finish up a project: ~could be that she has to have her part complete so someone else can do their part on it and they have a small window of time they can do it. ~she doesn't want to let it linger, but wants to get as much done so she can turn it in. You don't do much studying in a library or an academic facility, do you? Otherwise, you'd understand that talking on a cell phone is the same as talking out loud in a library--it's distracting to those who are there to study. You said she's texting you all day long---how is that not enough for you? You sound like an energy sink. No matter how much of her free time she shares with you, it'll never be enough because your problem is not her: it's you. You have an immense void going on in your life--like a light swallowing black hole--that you are using her to fill when you need to be filling it yourself. You're trying to lay traps for her and worst of all, you're lying by omission to her: you're not telling her how you really think about her character, leading her to believe you feel one way when it's clear you feel a totally different way. You do this to manipulate her and that is patently unfair to her. YOU are not acting above board with her. It's not her who is being shady. Your trust issues are YOUR issues to resolve, not hers. Really, it sounds as if you're not emotionally ready to be in any relationship if this is how you're proceeding. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 People have a life outside the relationship, so deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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