Hanging on for I don't know what ?

[StupidWall]

I guess I will start with a Good Morning , really glad to have found The Love Shack ....

 

I'm going to try and type out the condensed version of my life Ha !!

 

I have known my MM for 26 years , we started our intimate relationship two years ago . In the beginning before we ended up in bed , I made it clear I would not be his piece of cake on the side . I had suspicions and valid information from his brother ( doesn't know we are more than jus friends ) that his marriage is less than ideal . So MM informs me of how he hasn't shared a bed for years and hasn't had sex with his wife for almost three years . I know I may sound like a broken record but I really can 100% believe him , I would go as far to put my first born child's life on this !! It would take ten paragraphs to fully explain why I can say sooo confidently he is telling me the whole truth .

 

Last spring he tells me that he has told his wife , wrote a lengthy letter that he showed me , that their marriage is over and he plans to tell the kids after school is done . He drops all the bombs on the family and in September he moves in with me . We have gone as far as planning our future . After three months of bliss for me he decides to move back . He didn't tell his wife that he was moving in with me for many different reasons , one of which I admire , sounds crazy but I do .... He is the rock of the family , I would say he does 75% of the parenting , cooks dinner EVERYDAY ! Does the shopping for the house / cleans , maintains , basically everything . His wife changed jobs years ago and goes to bed at 7 pm sharp , through their rough times he would beg her on the weekend to do ' date night ' she would begrudgingly agree to stay up until 9 pm , so he gave up . She admitted she played a major part in the failing of the marriage and said she was surprised he stayed as long as he did . He wanted to wait until the house was sold / settled . He went as far as writing up an estimate of what it would sell for and he is taking a huge loss considering his income has covered 90% of everything in the marriage , I should add that she comes from a very wealthy family and would never have to worry in her life after divorce . Their children are 15 and 19 years , one is off in university and the daughter is in second year of high school . He was really broken up about leaving the daughter , mainly because she is alone all evening with moms early bed time . He had a hard time dealing with his emotions . I was beyond understanding , I have zero insecurities about the wife , so I would urge him to go spend as much time with his daughter to help the transition . Guess that back fired on me !!!!

 

I guess what I'm here for is advice on how to wait ??

 

Some days I'm ok , I can cope and others I'm a wreck .

 

I suppose I should give my background in all of this .... I have two boys , first sons father and I split when our boy was four , it was me , I wasn't happy and because I worked night shift our son stayed with his father , his dad has always been present in his life and we did well at co-parenting . A couple years of being single I meet a man ten years older who is very ambitious , hard worker . Three years into our relationship things have progressed to trying to buy a home and planning a baby . I miscarry then get pregnant four months later , seven months into my pregnancy he cheats and I kick him out and has been nothing but a sperm donor to his son and myself ...so for years I just had a ' F ' buddy , which turns out horribly !!! My MM knows this ' F' buddy and saw the nightmare I went through because of him . He stalked me and did some crazy things. He fell for me but I made it very clear on many , many occasions that we would never be anything outside the bed !! I've been hurt soo bad by men , I put up a wall soo high . I truly believe that my MM is the man I deserve to have in my life . I have never had someone soo special in my life . If I've been waiting all my life for that special man why does it seem like the days are ridiculously longer now ??? Initially when he went back I was pretty vicious . We got through that . I am torn . Part of me wants to tell him to just do his time there and if we start over that's great , part of me thinks just hang on cause it happened once and it will happen again . He said he thinks 1 - 4 years . His daughter is at that age where she will still do things with her parents , well mostly him because mom has never been present in a lot of the kids difficult teenage times ( older son)

.

 

Presently I'm working seven days a week for the last five months so that keeps me busy and what little time I have with MM we both cherish , he still makes me happier than I have ever been . I think coming here and lurking was helpful but posting may help me more . I'm thankful for my best friend . I vent to her probably too much lol . It's nice to have found some where to be understood )

 

It wasn't easy over the holidays , I hosted Xmas for 14 family members that had no idea of my situation . I felt like an emotional zombie if there is even such a thing lol

 

Yikes , not quite the condensed version . If you made it this far thanks for listening .

[anika99]

I guess I will start with a Good Morning , really glad to have found The Love Shack ....

 

I'm going to try and type out the condensed version of my life Ha !!

 

I have known my MM for 26 years , we started our intimate relationship two years ago . In the beginning before we ended up in bed , I made it clear I would not be his piece of cake on the side . I had suspicions and valid information from his brother ( doesn't know we are more than jus friends ) that his marriage is less than ideal . So MM informs me of how he hasn't shared a bed for years and hasn't had sex with his wife for almost three years . I know I may sound like a broken record but I really can 100% believe him , I would go as far to put my first born child's life on this !! It would take ten paragraphs to fully explain why I can say sooo confidently he is telling me the whole truth .

 

Last spring he tells me that he has told his wife , wrote a lengthy letter that he showed me , that their marriage is over and he plans to tell the kids after school is done . He drops all the bombs on the family and in September he moves in with me . We have gone as far as planning our future . After three months of bliss for me he decides to move back . He didn't tell his wife that he was moving in with me for many different reasons , one of which I admire , sounds crazy but I do .... He is the rock of the family , I would say he does 75% of the parenting , cooks dinner EVERYDAY ! Does the shopping for the house / cleans , maintains , basically everything . His wife changed jobs years ago and goes to bed at 7 pm sharp , through their rough times he would beg her on the weekend to do ' date night ' she would begrudgingly agree to stay up until 9 pm , so he gave up . She admitted she played a major part in the failing of the marriage and said she was surprised he stayed as long as he did . He wanted to wait until the house was sold / settled . He went as far as writing up an estimate of what it would sell for and he is taking a huge loss considering his income has covered 90% of everything in the marriage , I should add that she comes from a very wealthy family and would never have to worry in her life after divorce . Their children are 15 and 19 years , one is off in university and the daughter is in second year of high school . He was really broken up about leaving the daughter , mainly because she is alone all evening with moms early bed time . He had a hard time dealing with his emotions . I was beyond understanding , I have zero insecurities about the wife , so I would urge him to go spend as much time with his daughter to help the transition . Guess that back fired on me !!!!

 

I guess what I'm here for is advice on how to wait ??

 

Some days I'm ok , I can cope and others I'm a wreck .

 

I suppose I should give my background in all of this .... I have two boys , first sons father and I split when our boy was four , it was me , I wasn't happy and because I worked night shift our son stayed with his father , his dad has always been present in his life and we did well at co-parenting . A couple years of being single I meet a man ten years older who is very ambitious , hard worker . Three years into our relationship things have progressed to trying to buy a home and planning a baby . I miscarry then get pregnant four months later , seven months into my pregnancy he cheats and I kick him out and has been nothing but a sperm donor to his son and myself ...so for years I just had a ' F ' buddy , which turns out horribly !!! My MM knows this ' F' buddy and saw the nightmare I went through because of him . He stalked me and did some crazy things. He fell for me but I made it very clear on many , many occasions that we would never be anything outside the bed !! I've been hurt soo bad by men , I put up a wall soo high . I truly believe that my MM is the man I deserve to have in my life . I have never had someone soo special in my life . If I've been waiting all my life for that special man why does it seem like the days are ridiculously longer now ??? Initially when he went back I was pretty vicious . We got through that . I am torn . Part of me wants to tell him to just do his time there and if we start over that's great , part of me thinks just hang on cause it happened once and it will happen again . He said he thinks 1 - 4 years . His daughter is at that age where she will still do things with her parents , well mostly him because mom has never been present in a lot of the kids difficult teenage times ( older son)

.

 

Presently I'm working seven days a week for the last five months so that keeps me busy and what little time I have with MM we both cherish , he still makes me happier than I have ever been . I think coming here and lurking was helpful but posting may help me more . I'm thankful for my best friend . I vent to her probably too much lol . It's nice to have found some where to be understood )

 

It wasn't easy over the holidays , I hosted Xmas for 14 family members that had no idea of my situation . I felt like an emotional zombie if there is even such a thing lol

 

Yikes , not quite the condensed version . If you made it this far thanks for listening .

 

You'd put your first born child's life on the line in your belief that the MM tells you the truth? Well I'd have a hard time even betting my lunch on any MM's truth telling but I would bet a million dollars that there is a lot going on in his marriage and house that you have no idea about.

 

 

You say you've been waiting all your life for that special man. How old are you that you still believe in fairy tales? I'd say it's time for you to stop hanging your personal happiness on a man, but if you insist on believing that there is some special man out there who is going to come along and make your life roses then I'm pretty sure this MM isn't him. It seems like he has just joined the ranks of men who have hurt you, as a matter of fact I'd bet he has hurt you more than the ones who came before him, yet you think he is a special man who you deserve. I think you should think more highly of yourself and aim higher.

 

 

If you are going to spend the next 1-4 years (and what the hell kind of time line is 1-4 years?) waiting for a married cheating lying prince to sweep you off your feet, then I would suggest that you stay busy, focus on your kids and keep the MM out of their life (they deserve better) and try to emotionally detach from the MM as much as you can. Live your life and make your plans as if the MM isn't part of it. If he joins you later that's great but if not then at least you won't be wailing about how he stole your life and your future from you.

[Be_Strong]

Good marriage, bad marriage, no sex, lots of sex--should make no difference to you. All you need to know is that MM left his wife and moved in with you, but then he left you and moved back in with his wife. He tried playing house with you and it didn't work out. Don't let him yank you around and yo-yo back and forth between you and his wife.

 

If you started dating a guy you really liked, and then he dumped you and went back to his ex, would you be sitting around waiting for him?? No, of course not. For some reason when the guy is a MM, women will accept all sorts of crap and excuses and complications to justify their being treated like a doormat. Have a little self-respect and don't accept him treating you like garbage.

[beach]

Do what's bestt for you in the long run.

 

If you can't see yourself being his other woman for the next 20 years then get out now.

 

He's never leaving her. IF he was it would have been when he moved in with you - but he went back.

 

You are now involved in THEIR marriage - and that just not right.

 

He will do what's best for himself - I suggest you make decisions that are best for you. If you're not proud of how you participate - then make change happen now.

[Ruffian1]

What do you want? He lives with you right? So all he has to do is divorce, I don't see any problem.

 

 

"I had suspicions and valid information from his brother ( doesn't know we are more than jus friends ) that his marriage is less than ideal ."

 

Just want to add that no marriage is "ideal" and everyone has a different ideal of what an ideal marriage. And just because they don't share a bed does not mean they don't have sex occasionally.

 

 

Just curious, what reasons did he give you for moving back the first time?

 

 

Kids??

[Ruffian1]

Sorry, I see, he moved back for his daughter. Wants you to keep status quo for another 1-4 years. You still get to be with him, though not live with him, so can you do this for another 4 yrs? If not, why not? Do you trust him?

[MJJean]

No one, even his brother, has any real idea what has gone on and is going on in his marriage. And, contrary to the Disney Princesses, no one has an ideal marriage.

 

The daughter is old enough to understand that Daddy and Mommy split up, Daddy is living with his mistress, and all that jazz. She is also old enough to spend time with outside of the home, at Dad's place, etc.

 

So, no, he didn't go back for her. He just didn't. If he wanted to be there for his daughter he could have come clean about living with you and had her over while her mom slept in the evening.

 

He lied to his WIFE about where he is living for a reason. He didn't file for divorce for a reason. And that reason is he isn't going to. He concealed his relationship with you and went back to his WIFE when he didn't have to. Period.

 

I don't see the point to waiting. Waiting for what? For him to leave his WIFE again? He may, but he may not. However, there are a lot of perfectly good single men out there who won't have to leave anyone and can simply be with you and only you. Skip waiting and go right to looking for a good man who is available for an actual relationship.

Edited January 31, 2015 by MJJean

[jellybean89]

Where are your children? Why in the world would you allow a MM to move into your home? To pretend?

 

You know nothing - NOTHING - about his home life besides what he says. You have a lot of anger towards a wife you don't know. I can't believe all the dribble that you believe. If he does solo much, why did he go back? If he is solo miserable, why did he go back? If he loved you, why did he go back?

 

What are your children learning / seeing from all the bed hopping that is going on?

[Baby123]

My MM moved in with me and then went back. I let him see us both when he went to the family home because the pain was excruciating and I missed him so much. Me playing the good OW didn't work- only when I walked away, went NC and said 'go to her' did MM have the time to gain perspective to see his marriage was dead and he couldn't fake it anymore and that i'm the only woman he has loved. He's divorced and we're together and happy but I truly don't think we would be if I didn't push him away and show him that I had self respect to walk away.

[the_artist_1970]

I guess I will start with a Good Morning , really glad to have found The Love Shack ....

 

I'm going to try and type out the condensed version of my life Ha !!

 

I have known my MM for 26 years , we started our intimate relationship two years ago . In the beginning before we ended up in bed , I made it clear I would not be his piece of cake on the side . I had suspicions and valid information from his brother ( doesn't know we are more than jus friends ) that his marriage is less than ideal . So MM informs me of how he hasn't shared a bed for years and hasn't had sex with his wife for almost three years . I know I may sound like a broken record but I really can 100% believe him , I would go as far to put my first born child's life on this !! It would take ten paragraphs to fully explain why I can say sooo confidently he is telling me the whole truth .

 

Last spring he tells me that he has told his wife , wrote a lengthy letter that he showed me , that their marriage is over and he plans to tell the kids after school is done . He drops all the bombs on the family and in September he moves in with me . We have gone as far as planning our future . After three months of bliss for me he decides to move back . He didn't tell his wife that he was moving in with me for many different reasons , one of which I admire , sounds crazy but I do .... He is the rock of the family , I would say he does 75% of the parenting , cooks dinner EVERYDAY ! Does the shopping for the house / cleans , maintains , basically everything . His wife changed jobs years ago and goes to bed at 7 pm sharp , through their rough times he would beg her on the weekend to do ' date night ' she would begrudgingly agree to stay up until 9 pm , so he gave up . She admitted she played a major part in the failing of the marriage and said she was surprised he stayed as long as he did . He wanted to wait until the house was sold / settled . He went as far as writing up an estimate of what it would sell for and he is taking a huge loss considering his income has covered 90% of everything in the marriage , I should add that she comes from a very wealthy family and would never have to worry in her life after divorce . Their children are 15 and 19 years , one is off in university and the daughter is in second year of high school . He was really broken up about leaving the daughter , mainly because she is alone all evening with moms early bed time . He had a hard time dealing with his emotions . I was beyond understanding , I have zero insecurities about the wife , so I would urge him to go spend as much time with his daughter to help the transition . Guess that back fired on me !!!!

 

I guess what I'm here for is advice on how to wait ??

 

Some days I'm ok , I can cope and others I'm a wreck .

 

I suppose I should give my background in all of this .... I have two boys , first sons father and I split when our boy was four , it was me , I wasn't happy and because I worked night shift our son stayed with his father , his dad has always been present in his life and we did well at co-parenting . A couple years of being single I meet a man ten years older who is very ambitious , hard worker . Three years into our relationship things have progressed to trying to buy a home and planning a baby . I miscarry then get pregnant four months later , seven months into my pregnancy he cheats and I kick him out and has been nothing but a sperm donor to his son and myself ...so for years I just had a ' F ' buddy , which turns out horribly !!! My MM knows this ' F' buddy and saw the nightmare I went through because of him . He stalked me and did some crazy things. He fell for me but I made it very clear on many , many occasions that we would never be anything outside the bed !! I've been hurt soo bad by men , I put up a wall soo high . I truly believe that my MM is the man I deserve to have in my life . I have never had someone soo special in my life . If I've been waiting all my life for that special man why does it seem like the days are ridiculously longer now ??? Initially when he went back I was pretty vicious . We got through that . I am torn . Part of me wants to tell him to just do his time there and if we start over that's great , part of me thinks just hang on cause it happened once and it will happen again . He said he thinks 1 - 4 years . His daughter is at that age where she will still do things with her parents , well mostly him because mom has never been present in a lot of the kids difficult teenage times ( older son)

.

 

Presently I'm working seven days a week for the last five months so that keeps me busy and what little time I have with MM we both cherish , he still makes me happier than I have ever been . I think coming here and lurking was helpful but posting may help me more . I'm thankful for my best friend . I vent to her probably too much lol . It's nice to have found some where to be understood )

 

It wasn't easy over the holidays , I hosted Xmas for 14 family members that had no idea of my situation . I felt like an emotional zombie if there is even such a thing lol

 

Yikes , not quite the condensed version . If you made it this far thanks for listening .

 

My God, you would actually bet your child's life on something a cheating MM has told you. Please get into therapy ASAP. This is really bad for you.