Virtual/Real Cheating

[SycamoreCircle]

This is more of an ethical/philosophical quandary.

 

Recently, I chatted with a woman on OKC that had a link, open to anyone, to her Instagram account. When I looked through her Instagram pictures, I ran across several just a few months back that appeared to be her ex-boyfriend. There were comments below the pics that supported this.

 

Put that off to the side for a sec.

 

I've stumbled on a fair share of LS posts where a person has a problem with their bf or gf flirting with people on forums like CL, OKC, etc. When confronted, the guilty party might say, "I was never planning to meet the person, it was just for fun." However, most would view this as emotional cheating.

 

We can all agree that relationships are challenging. Commitment is not always easy. Maintaining sexual appetite and sexual excitement for one person can suffer lulls.

 

My quandary is this: I can see the value of the second scenario and am guilty of it. Looking at pictures of real, attractive women and saying hi to them was an infidelity I thought I could enjoy. I was never going to meet these women. It was all in the safety of virtual reality, confined to a Macbook Pro, sitting on my lap. It was imaginary to me. I'd never have to deal with the consequences of a fantasy.

 

On the other hand, I have a problem with the first scenario because it seems rooted in a reality I have trouble processing. For instance, let's say I went over to this woman's apartment, this woman whom I'm dating, and discovered she had a large blown-up picture of her and her ex with lovey-dovey comments underneath hanging on the wall. That would be a huge red flag to me. I think it would be a huge red flag to anyone. And isn't Instagram essentially that? An album of your life, potentially open to anyone?

 

So, where is the line drawn between what is ethical, in reality and the virtual? Where do we say---well, that resides in the safe space of the imaginary and that resides in the culpable space of reality?

[carhill]

Philosophical debates can be interesting. I'll forward my opinion on this matter -

 

When in doubt about any behavior being healthy in a relationship, simply perform the behavior transparently with one's partner and get their feedback.

 

For example, one couple might greatly enjoy going to a social gathering and flirting with other people, dancing with other's spouses and generally circulating and being touchy-feely and solicitous of the attentions of others. Another couple might feel completely different about such matters. In another couple, there might be a disparity of feelings. All perspectives are valid. Essentially, the dynamic is unique to the couple. It either works for them or does not work for them.

 

If the behavior in question is disapproved of by one's committed partner or spouse, then exhibiting the behavior and deceiving one's spouse as to the specifics of that behavior is cheating. Cheating is simply the deception part. People can have affairs and not cheat. Those are open affairs/infidelity; no deception is involved. Perhaps that seems like semantics but we should respect the meaning of the word 'cheating' because it is an important word, going way back to childhood when we were caught 'cheating' regarding anything. It's a good word, an accurate word. Appropriate in some cases.