bbchi Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Guys and Gals, I'm faced with a bit of dilemma. Been a lurker here every now and again. I need some advice from people that are outside of my life who don't know me personally. So here goes. GF and I have been dating for two years this February, our relationship started off a bit rocky and I, ignored some red flags. My bad. Well things went ok, and we have survived until this breaking point. On Friday my GF went to dinner and movie with a Coworker. She had plans to join her coworkers for drinks that night. But this guy said lets catch dinner and movie beforehand. I expressed concern with the whole situation. Letting her know I was uncomfortable with it. But in the end I did trust her and she went. Still rather uncomfortable on my end but I didn't show it. Later that evening she messaged me asking to pick her up. From an address I wasn't familiar with. Well needless to say you can guess where she went. She went to this gentlemen's home. When I confronted her about it she said she couldn't get an uber because it was tied to her old phone number. So instead of waiting at the movies for me. She went to his house to wait. The issue with that is that, one the movies were closer to my home then his house and two. Uber sends email password resets and it isn't tied to your phone. But I brushed it off and tried to salvage the weekend. Sunday, we started to recollect the events of Friday. Where she pulled the trust card and kicked me out of her house. When I called her she said she was going to hangout with someone who doesn't judge her. Well my GF as much as I love her forgot one thing this guys house is literally in my path to go home and instead of driving around and taking different streets to avoid his home, i took my normal route. Well I saw her car outside. I was pretty livid at the whole situation. But I didn't say anything. Well Monday I logged in to pay my cell phone bill, and my most recent usage comes up. Seeing as I pay for my GFs cell phone hers does as well. Well her mom called her at 3AM. The only reason she would call at that time is well cause her daughter isn't home. This time I confronted her about the whole thing, everything that happened sunday. But I acted as if I didn't know. With each question I asked; where did you end up going sunday? and How long did you stay? I got the response of "why does it matter." So when I told her I knew where she went and the time she was there. I decided to ask one more question. "Did anything happen that night." Her response was, "why does it matter." So we were both at wits end. We tried to talk it out. She mentioned that I have only been with two girls, aren't I interested at all in experiencing more. I was slightly shocked at that statement but I told her I wasn't interested, I knew what I wanted and that was that. She began to cry and tell me that I'm the only person she wants to talk to and spend her life with. I thought great we can now move on and call it a a day. Well so I thought, the very next day she decided to go watch another movie with this guy. When I asked if I could come with I got the response of "What's wrong with you, I'm giving you the night off you should be happy." At that point I was pretty POed and stopped responding to her. All my friends that know of the situation. Said I should end it, call it a day. But I needed some outsiders opinions on the matter. Should I bother anymore? Or should I salvage my sanity and just walk away? I just feel really confused all of a sudden, and I need some guidance. Thanks for taking the time to read and I appreciate all responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 All my friends that know of the situation. Said I should end it, call it a day. But I needed some outsiders opinions on the matter. Should I bother anymore? Or should I salvage my sanity and just walk away? I just feel really confused all of a sudden, and I need some guidance. Thanks for taking the time to read and I appreciate all responses. I would give it one more conversation with her, in which you should spell out the boundaries of what you will and will not accept in a relationship. Do this in a calm but firm way. Don't allow it to become an argument. Her response will make it obvious whether you should or shouldn't continue in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I dunno bro, your friends say it's over, it sounds like it's over. Why rack your brain over what happens and doesn't happen. Why should she put you in a position where you have to "trust" her. Just let her go be with that dude. You can have another conversation about it if you ca stay calm, if she doesn't gas light you and pull the trust card out or the I only want to be with you card out just wrap it up and salvage your day. She's being shady, you know she is, you aren't comfortable with this yet she keep pushing your limits, why waste your time with this. If she says if and just runs off to see dude then for sure you know it wasn't worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Why would you want to stay with her after she lied to you and cheated on you? (To be clear - When you asked her if something happened between them and she said: "what does it matter", It means - Yes. She slept with him on sunday night). If you let it slip - she will always cheat on you and always will say "what does it matter?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I definitely see communications issues & poor judgment but can't say for sure whether there was cheating. It boils down to this: do you trust her; is she sorry for upsetting you; and are you sorry for accusing her? If all of those things are not true, you don't have much to save. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 " She mentioned that I have only been with two girls, aren't I interested at all in experiencing more". No reason at all to say this unless she was implying evening something out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rossini Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 As you described your behavior you stayed pretty cool and your suspicion was right. I would never allow myself to do these dubious things your gf allowed to herself. If she doesn't even feel sorry for what she did ( and hereby I only mean lying about her whereabouts) she will go on with that. And you will always be insecure. You deserve better Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 No remorse, no boundaries. Don't walk... RUN. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbchi Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Well guys and gals, I pulled the trigger. I walked away from the situation. I love myself way to much to go through that. Thanks for the help and opinions everyone. I really needed to hear it from strangers before it clicked. Now to focus on me, and make myself Mr. Right. Hopefully Mrs. Right is around the corner. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Cheating and lying to top it off. There's nothing here to fight for. edit; Just saw your latest response. Good man. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Well guys and gals, I pulled the trigger. I walked away from the situation. I love myself way to much to go through that. Thanks for the help and opinions everyone. I really needed to hear it from strangers before it clicked. Now to focus on me, and make myself Mr. Right. Hopefully Mrs. Right is around the corner. You did the right thing, how did she take it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbchi Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 She cried and said "but nothing happened, he's just a friend." My response was "It doesn't matter if you and him were curing a disease at his house. When you're in a relationship with someone, someone who saw you as a future spouse who was ready to propose you don't go to some guys house. I told you I was uncomfortable with the whole dinner and a movie thing but I got over it, and then you kept doing things that made me question whether you respect me or our relationship. So I hope you find what you're looking for in life." Turned around and never looked back. I'm sure she is taking this pretty hard, considering I've met her family and were ready to move forward with our lives. But in the end its just something you don't do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 She cried and said "but nothing happened, he's just a friend." My response was "It doesn't matter if you and him were curing a disease at his house. When you're in a relationship with someone, someone who saw you as a future spouse who was ready to propose you don't go to some guys house. I told you I was uncomfortable with the whole dinner and a movie thing but I got over it, and then you kept doing things that made me question whether you respect me or our relationship. So I hope you find what you're looking for in life." Turned around and never looked back. I'm sure she is taking this pretty hard, considering I've met her family and were ready to move forward with our lives. But in the end its just something you don't do. Seems like you've got your head screwed on straight (a welcome change on here). I'd be suprised if you don't hear from her again in the near future asking for another chance, but when you do, just come back and read your original post as a reminder of all the things she did to disrespect you. Oh and btw, when you asked her if something happened and she answered "why does it matter?" after staying at this guy's house till at least 3am shows that the bold part is complete bullplop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbchi Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Seems like you've got your head screwed on straight (a welcome change on here). I'd be suprised if you don't hear from her again in the near future asking for another chance, but when you do, just come back and read your original post as a reminder of all the things she did to disrespect you. Oh and btw, when you asked her if something happened and she answered "why does it matter?" after staying at this guy's house till at least 3am shows that the bold part is complete bullplop. Well thank you. I try to keep a level head. She did finally admit to everything, and wanted to start anew. She slept with the guy twice. I told her there was no going back. No matter how honest you become and how much you tell me where you are or what you're doing, I don't think I can ever trust you, and we can never be anything other than a memory. Thanks everyone for all your help! I hope to be an active member on these forums and not just a one hit wonder. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Your friends really gave you the best advice. You should take it. This is over. She's screwing another guy. If she's not screwing him, she's acting inappropriately for someone who is in an exclusive relationship with you. She is allowing someone else into a space of intimacy who doesn't belong there. If she was single, she could do as she pleases. She wants to do as she pleases, so she needs to be cut loose to do that. No one who wants to spend the rest of their life with you tells you "why does it matter" to questions about whether or not they've had sex with someone else. OF COURSE IT MATTERS!!! You don't want sloppy seconds behind him. The correct answer to that is "NO!" and her reaction would have backed it up had she not screwed him. She did. I'd cut her loose. Edit to add: I just read your update. You did the right thing. All the tears in the world are not going to erase that bravado of "It doesn't matter" and the fact that she went ahead and did something you told her you were uncomfortable with. She put her interests before those of your relationship and that kind of stuff doesn't work well in engagements and marriages. You don't trash your partner's feelings by allowing another man a place in your intimacy. Edited February 10, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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