Oops.. I did it again

[PG]

Hi guys,

 

Several months ago, I asked you all for help with a certain lady-friend whom I was convinced I had really strong feelings for. You dispensed some great advice, and I'm in need of a smack of reality, so I'm turning to you again. Hardly life-threatening, please answer the more needy first, but I'd appreciate some insight all the same.

 

In getting over the lady I mentioned previously, I suddenly noticed at work, someone who up until that moment had never really stood out to me. Let's call her Lyndsey, not least because that's her name. Not stunning, she's certainly pretty, but what drew me to her was her personailty and sense of humour. Truth be told, it wasn't that I hadn't noticed her, but more of that I hadn't entertained the idea of a relationship with her - why would I? I was still pining after lady #1. We shared the odd break together, and then we took care to arrange our breaks around each other (or rather, as her immediate boss at the supermarket and responsible for figuring out who went where, when, *I* took care to arrange our breaks in such a way). I know already what you're thinking - you know where this is heading and relationships between work colleagues are rarely a good idea, but she's shortly joining the police, and I'm an I.T. professional using my current job as a stopgap and enjoying every second.

 

As I was getting over my "relationship" with lady #1, I began to realise I was somewhat lonely, and asked a couple of the people at work what they thought of the plethora of young, attractive twentysomethings, when all the time I was asking them what they thought of Lyndsey. Not that I cared. Never one for being particularly good with rejection, I skirted around the issue of going out with her, until one day I plucked up the courage and asked her. She said she'd like to, when we next got paid; I said that was too far away and I was buying. She could pay me back next time.

 

We never arranged anything in concrete, but I was happy at my success, and mentioned to a couple of my closer friends at work that we were going out. Word of this got back to her ("Ooh, you're going out with Paul!"), and to one colleague she pointed out that everyone was now coming up to her and asking what was happening, and she didn't want a relationship. I told her that was fine - we were going out for a bit of fun, and the following week, I asked her a couple of times on various evenings what she was doing. One night I achieved success, and she said I could meet her after she'd been to the gym with her friend. They never made it to the gym, but we went out anyway - her with her friend, me with mine. We had a great time; my friend pointed out that he could read the signs, and he thought she liked me. Her and I went out again, and she told me how she'd been engaged and cheated upon, though she'd moved on. I didn't point out that I wasn't this other guy, and when I bought her a valentine's card and sent her a flirty cellphone message, her question of "Does this mean we're still just friends" was met with "You don't need the hassle of a relationship, remember?" Although I'd hoped she'd, by this point, have changed that view, her reply was "You're right. I don't need the hassle", but we've been out several more times since and stuff seemed to be going well.

 

We've been out a few more times since then, and are pretty comfortable. Yesterday she threw a get together, featuring me, her female friend, and a mutual friend from work, Andy. Did I forget to mention him? He's like me: tall (though slightly taller), good looking (perhaps slightly more handsome), good at sports (naturally, he's slightly better), though not as clever, quick-witted or as funny (no, honestly!). Things were going fine until Thursday, actually. I was playing him at badminton and fell, twisting my ankle, and had to go to hospital. He just so happened to be passing work as Lyndsey finished, and as I was supposed to be picking her up, he thought he'd save her a walk. First thing that annoyed me was when I called her an hour and a half later, to find him still there. Secondly was when he came to see how I was, and had the audacity to be going to our get together that Saturday. Worse, as he lives miles away, she said he could stay over, so I decided I'd also stay over when she offered. Third thing was the way that she stopped by work to see him today after she'd driven me home, as he'd gone when the rest of us woke this morning. Anyway, this needs wrapping up, so.. am I first of all being an irrational, jealous fool? Am I being near-sighted - of course she's going to say to say before we've been out once she's not after a relationship; neither was I, THEN. Am I hounding her too much? I try to call her a few times a day, though regularly she'll be cleaning and have music on, and not here her cellphone, though usually calls back. Am I too full-on, or not full-on enough?

 

All I know is that I've spent this evening with my stomach in knots. I hate that this girl, who at first I didn't care about, has made me feel this way.

 

Thanks for listening. Feel free to laugh at the frivolity of my problem, and scold me for wasting your time. But as I said, these are my feelings, whether misguided or not, and I'd appreciate any insight you might have.