Professor crush keeps bugging me

[paradesend]

Hi all

 

so yeah, title predicts a cliché. Never thought I'd be trapped by a cliché though. I have no one to talk to about this, hence the anonomous forum post. But I feel I have to get this out of my chest. I find it hard to deal with romantic feelings, I don't fall in love that often, it happened twp times and I'm 23 already... the first time the guy really put down a lot of effort before I noticed he liked me. He actually had to say it- yes I am a naive person - and I started to love him, he was very caring, but we got a lot of critic as he was 8 years older and I was 16 at that time. He couldn't handle it... I still think about him- I also find I have problems letting go, which brings me to this: a year ago I suddenly had a crush on a professor of mine. I graduated, found a job abroad, have a great life, but still, I can't let go of that one bloody stupid crush. I feel childish, but it hurt so much, even though nothing happened. Why can't I just move on.

 

When I was doing my final year I decided to learn a new language in the second semester. I loved it, I only had three other classes, which were boring, and I found out that I had a talent for this particular language and started listening to music and reading books in it. Said professor taught it, and he did it with great enthusiasm, which was admirable, but I didn.t feel aatracted at the beginning, none at all. After three weeks taking the courses 4 hours a week I got bored, things weren't moving as quickly as I wanted, or assignments were too easy. Sometimes the professor just talked in the foreign language, and the six other people taking the course didn't understand a word of it. I hated it. I know that's self-centered, but that's what I felt. At week 6 I joined the class and sat down, still humming the last song I listened to on my way to uni. The professor was just sitting at his desk, and was sillently singing some kind of song. I looked at him and then it happened. He was gazing at me and something just struck me at my chest, I can't describe it, but it hurt, and I just thought, what the hell, I must do something, he will notice somethings off; so I quickly asked something to my neighbour, hidding behind my computer. I remember thinking, how can this happen, why, and what I should do, since I am bad at handling my emotions and I was seriously thinking about not going to classes anymore. But that would mean that there wouldn't be anyone left to answer the professor's questions (students are very passive where I come from). Though I knew the feeling wouldn.t pass, I tried to endure it. For another six weeks... I looked up the song he sang that day, it was beautiful. One time he asked to give an example of a word with vowels that should be pronounced short, but isn't. I gave him the first word of that song (which was just as common as the word "he") and he just smilled and said "sing the rest". Everyone else didn't know what he was talking about... and that bothered me, I knew the lines, I loved that song, but the others wouldn't know where it came from, they didn't notice because they didn't care. I did because I cared, and I didn.t want them to no I cared so I just said "What song, I don.t recall us hearing anything with that word in it". He looked disappointed and I immediatly regret what I did. I shouldn't have cared, if I didn't have had this bloody feelings I also just would have sung the lines, having nothing to fear. From that moment I started getting lazy, I waited with my answers until really no one reacted and I'd get too annoyed; I spent most of the time watching the sky in fear of meeting the professor's eys and getting that feeling again. Which was hard, since he kept involving me. And I would get these awfull face twitches if he kept talking to me... but everything passes. Last time I saw him was right after the exam, I was talking to two other students about the questions and comming holidays when he came down the stairs. He stopped for a moment nd asked how it went. I still remember how he at one moment gazed at my feet and let his eyes go up till my face. I still think my hormonal brain imagined that. But now, one year later, I still think of him. Why do we pine? When it's clearly a lost case? Where's the biological reason in that?

[smackie9]

It's prob a residual of a fantasy combined with your past experience. Those feelings are of unfinished business from the last professor. Your mind is just playing tricks on you and it will pass.

[preraph]

I think the song incident made you feel an instant connection with him, like he would understand you. I once got a crush on a comedian because he lost his job at the same time I was mourning over losing my career. Just realize most of this was in your head and that he puts his pants on one leg at a time and probably throws his socks all over the house and expects a woman to clean up after him. Because if it's not exactly that, if you really knew him, you'd realize he's not like the image you have of him in your head.