Tinder:"not looking for a hookup"

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

What turns me off about the Tinder app is that I learned it forces you to connect with your FB account. I would never use this app for that reason in addition to the impression that any guy would have of me just for being on there - thinking I'm there to have a hookup.

 

I'd want a guy to respect me and take me seriously when I say that I'm looking for a LTR and that I want to date someone to see if we have any chemistry and if we have fun while enjoying each other's company. But, for those who want to (and do) use Tinder for whatever their own intentions and purposes are, it does seem to be a very popular app, so - to each their own.

 

 

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[MRSR31]

Even though I'd like a relationship it's a huge turnoff when a girl straight up says that she's not looking for a hookup. It gives off a bitchy, standoffish, snobbish vibe. I tend to avoid those woman.

 

It's the equivalent of a guy saying "Just here to fck."

 

Most of the time a little mystery is good.

You perceive the women who say that to believe they are better than you. Why? They don't even know you are observing them. They might think you are something else. After all they did swipe to keep you. They might tell you why they need that disclaimer and you might find it valid. FYI I will share with you mine.

 

It's a protective mechanism. I began including the disclaimer after a couple of potential near misses with nonconsensual sex. I was aggressively mauled multiple times in broad daylight in a public park teeming with people and then subsequently wooed with a cock shot. This man otherwise seemed like someone I would like to get to know. I am a very assertive and direct women when it is warranted but because it was so unexpected and happened so fast in repeated succession I found myself quiet dumbfounded although managing to wrenching myself free each time while maintaining a measure of amicability. He was shocked when I refused to see him again. He is the kind of man they give female hormone injections to in the prison system to tone down sexual aggression. There was another one who could have overpowered me easily. Again giant disconnect between initial presentation and reality. That one frightened me and I was grateful that he did release me.

 

A friend suggested the disclaimer. Since then I get way less hits but I will take it. I am looking for a smart, compassionate and understanding man. One who knows and appreciates a woman's disadvantage physically. One who is aware of the multiple strategies and tactics used to cut to the chase by the unscrupulous counterparts in his gender.

 

I myself have never came across a profile of man that said "Just here to fck". Statements including "just a good time" "work hard play hard" and the like I take to mean fck. But I don't experience the feeling of being hugely turned off. That requires investment and it's a bit premature. I just rule out and move on.

[justacollegekid]

I am a pretty traditional middle eastern in the sense that we do not hook up it is completely against our ideology and so is my best friend. We both tried tinder for dating only. From what I am understanding is that there is a huge disparity between what guys see it as and what girls see it as. I think with girls there are a few that hook up on there, but the majority of girls see it as a casual dating app, and then there are a few that seriously date on there. With guys I think the majority only view it as a hookup app and then a few see it as dating. There is just this weird huge disparity I just don't understand. Why would anyone assume all the girls on there are looking for hookups only and are in denial about it? If any girl just wanted to hookup, they could do it easily by just walking into a local bar and seeing the dude in person, or if I did want to do tinder I would be upfront about it. Some girls view seriously dating on tinder as akin to meeting a dude you find mutually attractive in real life, the appeal is that you don't have to wade through guys you completely don't find attractive like you would at a bar. I know my mentality about it was, ok now that I know we both find each other physically attractive, lets talk and see if we have a mental connection. By the way I got scared off tinder by the creepy guys just flatly asking for sex, and by my guy friends who insisted it was just for hookups. Hinged is 700x better for dating.

Edited February 28, 2015 by justacollegekid

[MRSR31]

I have nice single guy friends that really want a girlfriend who use these apps. I think it is a mixed bag like in real life. It is the predators that make the biggest splash and who scare many of the good folks away. But maybe some do remain. I just keep screening and making friends along the way.

[guest569]

Even though I'd like a relationship it's a huge turnoff when a girl straight up says that she's not looking for a hookup. It gives off a bitchy, standoffish, snobbish vibe. I tend to avoid those woman.

 

It's the equivalent of a guy saying "Just here to fck."

 

Most of the time a little mystery is good.

 

Interesting, i like it when people are honest and up front and say what they want from the start. Prevents feelings from being hurt later, i find. Mystery sucks.

[barcode88]

"not looking for a hookup" is a slut shield. Girl actually wouldn't mind getting laid tonight, but doesn't want to come off as easy - AKA she doesn't want to pick some guy who sends her a pick of his dick right away.

 

 

Girl goes on a date with a normal guy, they have fun, girl or guy asks the other to their place for an innocent reason, boom sex.

 

 

In the girl's mind she just went on a normal date and sex just "happened"

[guest569]

Why wouldn't it possibly mean what it says? Even if these women are honest about what they dont want, guys are all going to assume they're sluts? For saying they dont want sex? No wonder so many get raped.

[barcode88]

Why wouldn't it possibly mean what it says? Even if these women are honest about what they dont want, guys are all going to assume they're sluts? For saying they dont want sex? No wonder so many get raped.

 

...because its a hookup app first and foremost? lol. I've found only a few reasons why women are on Tinder:

 

 

1. To get laid
   
2. To promote their snapchat/instagram and get tons of followers
   
3. To promote their blog/agenda (I had a girl who writes for EliteDaily swipe right on me and she was promoting her new website lol)
   

 

When girls want sex they don't say they want sex - they'll never admit to wanting a hookup unless they're extremely desperate (most aren't). They would rather fool themselves into thinking they were on a normal date and things "just happened".

[guest569]

Not really, it's not just for hookups. men AND women who use "down to f***?" instead of "hello" are OBVIOUSLY desperate. But how on earth is stating "i dont want a hookup" to mean the exact opposite? It doesn't.

[barcode88]

Not really, it's not just for hookups. men AND women who use "down to f***?" instead of "hello" are OBVIOUSLY desperate. But how on earth is stating "i dont want a hookup" to mean the exact opposite? It doesn't.

 

I never said that "I don't want a hookup" means "I want a hookup" -- but it doesn't always mean they they really don't want a hookup.

 

 

Girls who WANT hookups will still use that line quite often, because they don't want guys messaging them stuff like "Hey wanna get laid?" or other classless responses. They would rather be charmed the old fashioned way and go out for drinks or something to get acquainted, and then find an excuse to go to the other's place to hookup.

 

 

As much as women don't want to admit it, they would rather pretend the sex "just happened" than have it be something that they planned from the start.

[guest569]

It is precisely what you said.

 

Anyway, we are all individual human beings so there's no point stating that all women who say "i dont want a hookup" actually do want one but are afraid to admit it. I wonder how you come to this conclusion? Has this happened to you a lot?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

It is precisely what you said.

 

Anyway, we are all individual human beings so there's no point stating that all women who say "i dont want a hookup" actually do want one but are afraid to admit it. I wonder how you come to this conclusion? Has this happened to you a lot?

 

It's like he said - because Tinder is a HOOKUP app - an app that is primarily used for people to connect with other people who WANT TO HAVE SEX. I see what you're saying also, but if there are women (like myself) whose intentions are NOT to ONLY "hookup" with a guy for sex, then those women should join REGULAR DATING SITES that are primarily used for DATING and MEETING people.

 

 

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[barcode88]

It is precisely what you said.

 

Anyway, we are all individual human beings so there's no point stating that all women who say "i dont want a hookup" actually do want one but are afraid to admit it. I wonder how you come to this conclusion? Has this happened to you a lot?

 

Why do I need to repeat myself yet again?

 

 

Lets forget about the entire line "I don't want a hookup", and just view how women view hookups in general.

 

 

Women need to have a connection before they have sex. When they meet a stranger they don't want to have sex right away (hence why so many are turned off by dick pictures and "hey lets hookup" messages). They want to go on a proper date (even if its just getting a drink at the bar), and talk to this person first and grow comfortable with them. Then they'll go back to one of their places to "watch a movie" - an innocent reason to go inside where sex will inevitably "just happen". She gets her sex, and she doesn't have to feel cheap, used, or dirty about it.

 

 

 

 

Also - tinder is a hookup APP.

[guest569]

You dont have to repeat yourself. I know what you said, Nd i am saying you are making crazy generalisations and assumptions about women

[Woggle]

Using Tinder for anything but hookups is like going to Wendy's to buy a TV. It is a hook up app.

[guest569]

That's nice. However, in MY experience, and countless others on here, it is not a hookup app. Plenty of people on there wanting relationships, marriage, etc. variety of things. It's just a tool we use to meet people.

[Macattack]

I notice this on women's profile in tinder quite a bit.

What does "not looking for a hookup" actually mean in woman language?

 

I would be a fool if I took these words literally, that has already become obvious...

 

It means she's a gold digger. JK

[Macattack]

It's like he said - because Tinder is a HOOKUP app - an app that is primarily used for people to connect with other people who WANT TO HAVE SEX. I see what you're saying also, but if there are women (like myself) whose intentions are NOT to ONLY "hookup" with a guy for sex, then those women should join REGULAR DATING SITES that are primarily used for DATING and MEETING people.

 

 

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Plenty of people on POF use the site to hook up doesn't (it's actually a dating site).

[Macattack]

I notice this on women's profile in tinder quite a bit.

What does "not looking for a hookup" actually mean in woman language?

 

I would be a fool if I took these words literally, that has already become obvious...

 

And men should have in their profile no gold digger.

[Me_plus_who]

My opinion is that almost every woman looking for a man will operate under the auspices of plausible deniability. Heah? Say whut?

 

Wiki says

Plausible deniability is the ability for persons ...to deny knowledge of and responsibility for any damnable actions committed by others ...because of a lack of evidence that can confirm their participation, even if they were personally involved in or at least willfully ignorant of the actions. In the case that ...disreputable and unpopular activities become public, [they] may deny any awareness of such act in order to insulate themselves and shift blame onto the agents who carried out the acts, confident that their doubters will be unable to prove otherwise. The lack of evidence to the contrary ostensibly makes the denial plausible, that is, credible, although sometimes it merely makes it unactionable. The term typically implies forethought, such as intentionally setting up the conditions to plausibly avoid responsibility for one's (future) actions or knowledge. ...

bla,bla,bla.

 

Essentially, they are not self assured and don't want their other girlfriends to think they are "easy". Yet they have huge sexual curiosities and what you're seeing on Tinder this is how this manifests.

 

"I just went into his hotel room because he said I should see the view"

Edited March 1, 2015 by Me_plus_who

[guest569]

Yeah its funny when people think DATING SITES are used for DATING AND MEETING PEOPLE.. where as TINDER is NOT. They're all the same. I've seen plenty of people on DATING SITES who just want HOOKUPS. I've had plenty of filthy, sleazy men on DATING SITES who are just looking for SEX.

 

The bottom line is, if someone states that they don't want a hookup, take their word for it. If they do go on to have sex, its probably because they are under the false impression that it's something more. Most of us don't give a crap what our 'girlfriends' think. It's the 21st century and women are allowed to get some.

[SolG]

I'm brand spanking new to the world of OLD. I'm just out of a LTA and socially isolated myself for a long time. On the recommendation of friends, to address this, I joined a couple of the more traditional dating sites... And Tinder.

 

Now I am not on the market for either hook ups or a romantic relationship. I just want to meet new and interesting people with friendship only in mind; and my profiles reflect this. Incidentally, one of my male friends met one of his other best female friends through OLD. On their first and only date they realised they had no romantic potential, but really get along well and have been fast friends since. She's a hoot and an OLD veteran and a great source of advice and stories. My neighbour is a Tinder fiend of the casual hookup variety, and he has also been a great source of info in terms of what to watch out for :-)

 

After less than two weeks I've ditched the other two sites (despite having paid subs) and now use Tinder only. The dating sites were just too labour intensive! Sorting through scads of messages, trying to politely reply indicating that I'm not interested to the overwhelming majority. And then sometimes getting an abusive rocket in return to my intended kindness :-/ This is not for me.

 

In contrast, I really like the simplicity of Tinder. Read the profile, decide if there is potential to connect with this person, and swipe left or right. And if they also think you have potential, you match and can chat. Viola!

 

I've had coffee and dinner with one guy. I'm planning coffee with another soon. And I'm chatting with a woman around my own age who has just moved nearby to undertake post grad study and is using Tinder as I am, to make new friends. We're looking to get together soon for me to show her around town. I'm no longer actively swiping because I've reached what I determine to be my capacity to meaningfully engage with the number of matches I have now.

 

I've only had two matches make hook up noises, and they were politely declined and unmatched. Easy peasy! And of the people I have actually engaged with both online and off via Tinder, not one has expressed displeasure or disbelief in my presence there to make friends. They have entirely appreciated and respected my openness about the limits of my goals. Turns out there are quite a few people like me who after a relationship breakdown, or thought lack of time due career, or relocation... Just need/want some new social connection and this provides a simple means to pursue this. In fact, there seems to be quite some relief to come across someone who is just interested in spending quality time having quality conversation with no pressure or expectations of anything else at all.

 

I'm actually really enjoying the experience after a long time of not making the effort to meet new people. And I really like the opportunity it affords to stumble across interesting people I would never otherwise have come across at all.

 

Tinder is just a tool. Like any tool, the outcome will be a reflection of how you use it.

Edited March 1, 2015 by SolG

[smg15]

Now read it with the part in bold emphasized. She isn't looking for a hook up (but she is game for one). That's what my experiences were.

 

Makes sense because I always thought it was dumb to say because it was not going to stop most men from responding lol

[Macattack]

Usually, the women who say it are doing so because they probably just hooked up with someone. Or they are tired of guys just trying to hook up and want something more. Either way, they'll most likely hook up with a another guy

 

From my observation it's usually women don't want to hook up with vast majority guys. Unless he's smoking hot or he making a good deal of money it's usually that a guy needs to be hot.

[Phoe]

When I did OLD, I didn't bother with saying I wasn't looking for hookups. What good would it do?

 

The men who only want a hook up will surely still just ignore it anyway.

 

Instead of talking about how I don't hook up, I'll let my actions speak for themselves. Men need only spend a little bit of time with me to see that it's not my style.

 

The better course of action for me was to put one photo, a simple headshot, and no body shot. I figure men who only want a hookup are gonna be interested in seeing my body, whereas someone who's looking for a relationship will be more interested in seeing what I wrote about myself, and simply talking to me.

 

The men who requested pics of my body were politely declined. My body is nice, but I don't want a man who would pass me up were it not nice. I don't want someone who judges based on that.