Anthonyl Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 My ex and I are trying to reconcile things and be friends. I ultimately want to work towards dating again. Since the day we've broke up, we've been talking on and off. Today we have pretty much been talking non-stop with a few breaks here and there. He said to me "Sorry for the slow messages. I just got to work." and he's still continued to text me. He's never said that to me even when we were dating. What should I do to continue getting him to open up and give us another chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Welcome to LS. Don't apply any pressure. Keep things simple. Get calm and clear in your head. Live in the moment. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Notice your own good qualities, and build on them. Above all else, live in the present moment. The past is gone, and the future is unknown. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) When my last girlfriend broke up with me, I stayed in touch with her thinking that we would get back together. It never happened. Her mind was made up, and she had moved on pretty quickly -- I just didn't realize it. The months I kept hoping that she would come back to me only delayed my recovery from the breakup, and I fell that much harder when I finally realized it was truly over. I really don't know if or how you can save your relationship with this guy, but you might consider this anecdote. You broke up for a reason, and maybe things weren't meant to work out with him. Edited February 1, 2015 by oberkeat Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Welcome to LS. Don't apply any pressure. Keep things simple. Get calm and clear in your head. Live in the moment. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Notice your own good qualities, and build on them. Above all else, live in the present moment. The past is gone, and the future is unknown. Do you mean don't apply pressure on him and keep things simple with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Do you mean don't apply pressure on him and keep things simple with him? Yes, exactly that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 When my last girlfriend broke up with me, I stayed in touch with her thinking that we would get back together. It never happened. Her mind was made up, and she had moved on pretty quickly -- I just didn't realize it. The months I kept hoping that she would come back to me only delayed my recovery from the breakup, and I fell that much harder when I finally realized it was truly over. I really don't know if or how you can save your relationship with this guy, but you might consider this anecdote. You broke up for a reason, and maybe things weren't meant to work out with him. The thing is he said "I don't want to stop talking to you b/c I really think that this was just poor timing b/c of the move. I don't want to close the door on us for down the road." Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) The thing is he said "I don't want to stop talking to you b/c I really think that this was just poor timing b/c of the move. I don't want to close the door on us for down the road." How does this sit with you? Are you completely comfortable just being his friend while he sorts things out? If you aren't, you can tell him that you can't be his friend right now. That may shift his ass into gear, and he will then be faced with the real possibility of not having you in his life. Might speed up the process of his decision making, that's all. Edited February 1, 2015 by Cedar27 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 How does this sit with you? Are you completely comfortable just being his friend while he sorts things out? If you aren't, you can tell him that you can't be his friend right now. That may shift his ass into gear, and he will then be faced with the real possibility of not having you in his life. Might speed up the process of his decision making, that's all. It might speed his ass up and he might be scared that I won't be in his life. But each day since breaking up he's slowly started talking to me more. It was known the first day, the next was an hour of talking, and yesterday we spoke for over 12 hours. He actually said "Good night!" to me last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Does anyone else have any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 You F'd up the moment you didn't go NC, and give him the chance to miss you. You're in too deep now, and have to play this extremely cool. I don't get it though, are you guys long distance? Can't you guys hang out in person on occasion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 You F'd up the moment you didn't go NC, and give him the chance to miss you. You're in too deep now, and have to play this extremely cool. I don't get it though, are you guys long distance? Can't you guys hang out in person on occasion? He lives in Manhattan and I live on Long Island which is not the issue. He works two jobs that have very long hours, hes's in a musical, and he was in the process of moving. I don't believe in the no contact rule. Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He lives in Manhattan and I live on Long Island which is not the issue. He works two jobs that have very long hours, hes's in a musical, and he was in the process of moving. I don't believe in the no contact rule. Then setup a date for you guys to hangout one night. You don't believe in moving on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 If you want to stay friends, that is your business. I don't think it's a good idea because when one person wants more friends alone is never enough. Also do you really need a front row seat to your friend's new love life. If you hope to reconcile you have to work together to fix whatever it is that broke you up. Until that gets resolved there is no point in getting back together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 If you want to stay friends, that is your business. I don't think it's a good idea because when one person wants more friends alone is never enough. Also do you really need a front row seat to your friend's new love life. If you hope to reconcile you have to work together to fix whatever it is that broke you up. Until that gets resolved there is no point in getting back together It was a break up b/c he thought he couldn't be what he wanted to for me. Basically it was a timing issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Btw I called him to leave a voicemail saying "Hey. When you get the chance call me. It doesn't have to be today it doesn't have to be tomorrow. Just call me when you get a chance. Talk to you soon." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 So I haven't spoken to my ex since Saturday so I decided to send him a quick message on Monday saying "Hey! I hope all is well! Be safe in the weather!" He never answered. Yesterday I called him and left a voice-mail saying "Hey. When you get this message can you call me back? It doesn't have to be today, it doesn't have to be tomorrow; just whenever you get the chance. Anyway talk to you soon." Yesterday was a week since we broke up, he still says he's in a relationship on Facebook and he's reached out to me a few times. Did I ruin this hopeful second chance by calling him? What should I do to regain the footing? Is he playing games? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Who ended your relationship? If you did, he may be avoiding you because your breaking up with him ruined his ability to trust you. He may be too hurt to talk to you. Stop asking him too. If he broke up with you, he's not communicating with you because he realizes you need time & space to heal. You didn't screw up but you do have to realize that after a break up even the little things like wishing somebody well are off the table 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Did I ruin this hopeful second chance by calling him? Maybe I am missing something, but I didn't see anything in your initial post to indicate hope for a second chance. But I would need more details about your situation to offer a real opinion, such as: - How long were you together? - Who broke up with whom? - What were the reasons behind the breakup? - How old are you two? - Did you live together? In the same city? Regardless of those answers, though, one week is barely any time at all after a breakup to start talking about "second chances." The pain of the initial breakup is way too fresh. You need to give it more time before you start moving in that direction, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Who ended your relationship? If you did, he may be avoiding you because your breaking up with him ruined his ability to trust you. He may be too hurt to talk to you. Stop asking him too. If he broke up with you, he's not communicating with you because he realizes you need time & space to heal. You didn't screw up but you do have to realize that after a break up even the little things like wishing somebody well are off the table Well today he decided to text me saying "Hey! Sorry for the delayed response...Been super busy with work and don't really get a break til Sunday" Now what do I do Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Maybe I am missing something, but I didn't see anything in your initial post to indicate hope for a second chance. But I would need more details about your situation to offer a real opinion, such as: - How long were you together? - Who broke up with whom? - What were the reasons behind the breakup? - How old are you two? - Did you live together? In the same city? Regardless of those answers, though, one week is barely any time at all after a breakup to start talking about "second chances." The pain of the initial breakup is way too fresh. You need to give it more time before you start moving in that direction, in my opinion. We were together for two months. Neither one of us wanted to break up but it was mutual agreement of bad timing. The reasons were: For Me-> I magnified things and rushed things along For Him-> He has two job that require work from 10am to 1am, a show he's in, and he just moved to an apartment with two roommates that he can't afford; he also wanted to take things slower We are both 21 I live about an hour away from him. Im on LI and he's in Manhattan However, he texted to me today saying "Hey! Sorry for the delayed response...been super busy with work and don't really get a break til Sunday." Mind you he's texted me on multiple occassions and we've had all day conversations since breaking up Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Neither one of us wanted to break up but it was mutual agreement of bad timing. The reasons were: For Me-> I magnified things and rushed things along For Him-> He has two job that require work from 10am to 1am, a show he's in, and he just moved to an apartment with two roommates that he can't afford; he also wanted to take things slower Have any of these reasons changed in the past week? If not, what would keep these same issues from derailing any possible second chance? You're both young, you weren't together all that long, and you've only been apart for a week. I would recommend taking some time apart and seeing if anything changes before jumping back into something that you already know wasn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Have any of these reasons changed in the past week? If not, what would keep these same issues from derailing any possible second chance? You're both young, you weren't together all that long, and you've only been apart for a week. I would recommend taking some time apart and seeing if anything changes before jumping back into something that you already know wasn't working. He's finally moved into the other apartment. I am showing him that I can not be magnifying and rushing. Those have definitely changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Have any of these reasons changed in the past week? If not, what would keep these same issues from derailing any possible second chance? You're both young, you weren't together all that long, and you've only been apart for a week. I would recommend taking some time apart and seeing if anything changes before jumping back into something that you already know wasn't working. I can also spot when I'm doing these things alot easier now that it was brought to my attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Does anyone have anymore advice for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anthonyl Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 So after a been of a rough two weeks, I finally spoke with my ex this past Sunday and we spoke everything out. I asked would you like to hang out in the future and he said how does this thursday out by you sound? I'm a little nervous b/c its a health part of the day with just the two of us. I guess the spark is still there, he's just scared to let it consume him. What should I do to make the flame grow alot more on Thursday? Link to post Share on other sites
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