Author Kona123 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Bump! Could really use some help here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kona123 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Double bump? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You're not getting any responses because everyone who reads your story is shaking their head and thinking why isn't this guy taking the unanimous advice which is to stop contacting her? Just freaking leave her alone already. If she wants back in, she knows where to find you, she has a phone and she knows how to use it. Go live your life. Don't expect to hear from her and plan accordingly. Perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised, but if not you won't be wasting your life. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If you want to text her just "happy birthday" and leave it at that, then do it on her birthday maybe later in the day. Know that it will only stroke her ego. I can sense that you really want to do it. I would advice not, but do what YOU feel you need to do. If she texts back "thank you", then do not reply. If she asks a question, you can decide if you want to send a very short reply or not. The problem right now is that you opened up a can of worms that most likely will lead to more confusion and hurt for you. The problem is, that the issue that caused the break up is still there. She is only here because of summer and then goes back to school. This is a waste of time for you right now. It didn't work before because of distance and it wont work right now. Do you really want to try and get something going knowing she is going back? Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If you think there's a chance, text her a happy birthday and wait if she replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kona123 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 At this point I see telling her happy birthday and not responding to her text back and just moving on is my best option at this point. I do have confidence that if I played it right, I could get her back. But it wouldn't be under my terms, she would still be the same person fundamentally; and the same problems would exist. So unless she wants to make herself vulnerable and contact me with a full-fledged reconciliation text, this is a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I do have confidence that if I played it right, I could get her back. Don't overestimate yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hi! I read most of the posts here. Thank you for being so honest about your experiences, even those about the your moments of weakness. I think that your ex girl friend is surprisingly mature for her age. It does seem like she's playing the typical post breakup game (e.g., want to be friends; still love you, blah, blah). She is honest (admitting she followed you on IG) but respectful enough not to lead you on. Not contacting/limited contact is almost like a sign of respect and kindness. She does not want to hurt you anymore. We all go back and forth with our attempts at NC. I know I have. I did hit all of the phases of post breakup emotions (e.g., anger, bargaining, depression, etc). I did whatever I felt I needed to do, which eventually brought me to the final commitment to NC, which was finally successful. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress! Link to post Share on other sites
Emily Broke Up Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hey, It's only been a few months you guys have broken up and you are clearly not over her. I think it's normal, and I really can relate. You were also clearly trying to bump into her now that she's back in town, which is also understandable if you are still in love with her, but a very bad idea. The thing is that if you have to think about wether not writing her would destroy your chances of getting back with her forever, I think she's not the right person for you. The girl broke your heart, barely talked to you for six months (so little that you focus on wether she was looking at your IG or not) and you still want her back, but she has the right to ban you from her heart because you didn't send the right message at the right time? It doesn't make sense. If you have to play tricks to get her back, don't waste you time and get over her once and for all. It will take time but you'll find someone else. And you'll actually have a relationship with that one. The girl always had one foot out in the end. Ask yourself why she didn't contact you when she came back, and remember that when you guys met yesterday it was all of your making. Try to see things as they are and avoid overanalyzing. You had a nice lunch and she cares a little. My advice would be to wish her a happy birthday and see after that. But you will probably end up getting hurt another time. Trust me, I broke the NC rule so many times I think my ex doesn't take me seriously anymore. And after months of trying to get over him I'm still devastated, because I hoped, and contacted him, and had hell to pay. Anyway, I wish you'll make the right decision. Emily Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think it's not worth it honestly. I don't think she's that interested and you're spending way too much of your life trying to make her to love you back. Sounds awful but your best option is to find someone that loves you as much as you love them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Never in a million years did I think I would be back here. But I am, 3 months later. If you need context, simply scroll back and read my background story. Since I last posted, I struggled with NC badly. To the point where I was still blocking/unblocking her on social media. (I even had a conversation with her about this ~2 months ago.) Anyway, she came back from college for the summer. I was not contacting her, and did well for about a month, but could not stop thinking about her every single day. I even drove by her house once (for no apparent reason.) it was bad. Yesterday I was driving home from a friends and was very hungry/thirsty, so I decided to swing by the cafe she works at. Long story short, she wasn't there. However, after I left I texted her about how the one time I go to her work they don't have a specific food item in stock. She texted back, we had casual convo. Eventually I asked her if "it would be weird if we caught up over lunch." She said she was down, so we figured out a place/time for the next day. Well, that day was today. I went into the lunch extremely confident. I did not bring up the relationship at all, I talked about how good things are going (Which they are, she asked lots of questions.) but I made sure not to tell her everything that's been going on in my life. I could tell she was extremely nervous for the first half hour. She was stumbling over words, fiddling with things in her hands, and just overall seemed nervous. The lunch went extremely well, in my opinion. She even accidentally spilled the beans about keeping tabs on me. So I know she cares. Anyway, I dropped her off and we said our goodbyes (just verbal as we were in the car and hugging would have been extremely inconvenient.) Now the problem. I have no.effing.clue. what I should do now. I would be lying if I said I didn't want her back (although circumstances would need to change.) and this lunch just reinforced it for me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, because in my mind; if I contact her too soon or in the wrong way I will come off as needy/desperate/insert whatever else you can think of. And if I DON'T contact her, I could be shooting myself in the foot and possibly ruining a chance of getting back together. I know you're probably thinking "if she wants you she'll let you know." Well, here's the thing: she was NEVER that way. She had the biggest crush on me for years before we dated and never said a damn word to me. In the relationship, she was the same way in regard to initiating contact. And post break up, I initiated contact every single time in some way. So I'm not sure if just "waiting it out." Is going to do anything but ruin my chances. Hopefully someone can see the mental tug of war I'm in right now and offer some advice. I could really use it. Also, her birthday is in 2 days. I see two main options: 1.) Wait it out, do not say a word unless she contacts me. And if she doesn't, then move on. 2.) Go NC until her Birthday, tell her happy birthday and then set up another meeting (probably a more personal one, at her house.), and go from there. Kona, although you think this is a positive sign (I'm guessing), this is actually a bad sign. If it was her that asked you to meet up, then I would see it as a positive side that she is afraid of rejection. Since you asked her to meet up, her nervousness indicates that she is not at all comfortable with you. Her starting to lighten up indicates a direct reaction to you not bringing up the relationship. She could let her guard down... If you can truly not care one iota about any reaction from her regarding the birthday wish, then send it. If you are expecting clouds to part in her feelings for you... I don't see that happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kona123 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Kona, although you think this is a positive sign (I'm guessing), this is actually a bad sign. If it was her that asked you to meet up, then I would see it as a positive side that she is afraid of rejection. Since you asked her to meet up, her nervousness indicates that she is not at all comfortable with you. Her starting to lighten up indicates a direct reaction to you not bringing up the relationship. She could let her guard down... If you can truly not care one iota about any reaction from her regarding the birthday wish, then send it. If you are expecting clouds to part in her feelings for you... I don't see that happening. I thought about that as well. That she might have been nervous because she thought I was going to call her out or something. Bleh. It's like part of me does and part of me doesn't. It seems like the right thing to do first of all (although, she didn't recognize my birthday in April.), and I've also gotten the thought that just saying happy birthday and not responding to what she says might do something, but that seems farfetched. At this point, I'm fundamentally believing that there's nothing I can do to help the situation along. I just need to move on and IF she initiates contact in a non-bread crumb way, then I can start thinking about what to do. The likelihood of that happening is so small it's not even worth thinking about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kona123 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Ended up telling her Happy Birthday. About 40 min later she responded "Thanks!!!". I immediately deleted the text chat as I don't care for any conversation (except for a very specific one, initiated by her.) I want to thank everyone on here for their advice. If anything comes up, I'll let you know. Something tells me this will be the last time I post for a long time. Time to move on! NC/NS it is. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Ended up telling her Happy Birthday. About 40 min later she responded "Thanks!!!". I immediately deleted the text chat as I don't care for any conversation (except for a very specific one, initiated by her.) I want to thank everyone on here for their advice. If anything comes up, I'll let you know. Something tells me this will be the last time I post for a long time. Time to move on! NC/NS it is. Something tells me you'll be back here sooner than you think. You're gonna hear from her. Be prepared. Right now she has absolutely no reason to have her guard up. You had a nice lunch with her and wished her a happy birthday. You're friend material now. Go NC again and don't sweat the birthday text. You showed you're a thoughtful person whether or not she deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
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