Girlfriend kissed another guy, I gave her the choice between me or him, she chose him

[ZanBananaMan]

I am a high school student and my girlfriend moved to a different school, but was still close enough where i could regularly visit her.

 

This girl was my first girlfriend and i truly loved her. She meant a lot to me and i tried to better myself for her. However, on January 3rd, we got in an argument and she said that she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship anymore. I was out of state at the time (visiting my dad over winter break) and this kind of devastated me. Later, I found out she went to the mall with one of her guy friends (and only him). I asked if that was why and that they pretty much went on a date but she denied it and I believed her. I was prepared to leave, i said my goodbye, (over text since she decided to break up with me while i was out of state), but she stopped me.

 

She said she would miss me and i was still her best friend. I asked if we would ever be normal again and she said 'idk eventually' and i really hoped that we would. Over the next week, it seemed like we were getting normal again and we were talking like we were in a relationship again. At the last day of that week (January 10th), one of her girlfriends were having a birthday party and I stopped texting her so she could have fun at the party. She left the party early so she could go to the movies with the guy she went to the mall with. well, at the movies, they kissed (and as she told me, she didn't even hesitate or try to stop it), and when she came home that night, she got super depressed and i tried to cheer her up.

 

She said we needed to talk and i asked about what, but then she fell asleep. In the morning i tried being nice but she seemed mad. I asked what she needed to talk about last night and she said 'nothing.' I decided not to pry because she almost always got mad when i did. It wasn't until that night where she told me what she did. At first, she said she didnt want to be friends anymore and that really hurt, so i asked why. She refused to tell me at first because she thought id hate her. Finally she told me. Well, that started a huge argument where i was texting huge paragraphs and she would just respond with 3 words. Finally, i just said goodbye.

 

A week later i caved. I still loved her, she was my everything (but what do i know im in highschool) and she knew everything about me. I texted her Thursday January 15th. We started talking and it seemed like it got better between us. However, i told her that if we were to be friends, she couldn't be friends with the guy from the mall anymore. She hesitated but she chose me. We were getting better and we were talking normally for the next week. Then, something interesting happened on Friday the 23rd. Things happened in a Skype call, thats the only detail i will put in, but the actions themself isn't what was important to me, it was what they symbolized.

 

I thought i won her back, i thought she was mine again, when she went to sleep that night, when i told her i loved her, she said it back! But i guess it was one night only. She said that that night was a mistake, we were only friends. She knew i still loved her, she knew how much she meant to me and that i still wanted her back. I kept saying we could go back to normal over the next 3 days until Monday she told me it was impossible. I asked why and she said she liked someone else. I asked who and she lied and said i didnt know him. She went to a different school, that was probable, but i still wanted a name just to know. It was the same boy she kissed.

 

She said that she saw him on Monday and talked to him. I said it was okay if she talked to him, she just couldn't do it again. This time, she said she wouldn't choose between us. I decided to drop it for the day since i planned on seeing het the next day. Well, on that next day, i decided to give her an ultimatum. I brought everything she gave me over the 10 month course of our relationship. Either she would choose me and i would take it home, or she would choose him and she would take it all back. Well, over that 4 hour visit, she was being cold (she was cold most of the month too, but still). Finally, we actually started talking.

 

We were talking about our childhoods and fun things and we were looking stuff up on her phone when the guy she kissed suddenly texted her 'hey c:'. I started crying because that was pretty much how i texted her when we first started dating. She didn't try to cheer me up or do anything, she just said "that's awkward." That was when we started talking more about us. I remember she said it didn't matter how long you know someone, it only matters how you feel about them in that moment. That made me feel awful because she basically just told me the 10 months we had didn't matter, because she doesn't feel it anymore, and that she now feels it for someone else.

 

When my brother came to pick me up, i gave her the stuff back because i knew her choice. She chose him, she wouldn't say it but i knew she did. I talked to some people and they said i shouldn't keep talking to her because I'll just be her fallback plan if her new guy doesn't pan out.

 

I know i should let her go, but its just so hard. Shes my first girlfriend and i know im being naive, but i love her and i miss her. I haven't talked to her since Thursday the 28th, but i want to talk to her so bad. I just know she'll hurt me again. Im just a silly highschool student wanting someone's two cents on the matter.

Edited February 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smackie9]

She was kissing another guy.....you never give them a choice, you dump them.

 

Tip: girls don't like guys who are doormats, they walk all over them.

[preraph]

Oh, I'm so sorry. You sound like a really nice guy, and I hate to see you heartbroken. You behaved nobly throughout this entire difficult time. You must now hold on to your dignity and try to just let her go. Leave her knowing that you behaved like a good man to the end.

 

The sad truth is that people change so rapidly at your age and for the next several years that it is hard to form a lasting love. You will love and love deeply, but because people are still maturing and changing (their brains, their hormones, everything), it is just almost inevitable that you grow apart to some extent. Also, at your age, nearly everyone feels they have to explore and see who and what all is out there. Sometimes they leave something great behind because they're curious if there's something even more profound out there for them. Her relationship with this guy may not last any time at all. No way to know. But the fact remains that she felt it was time for her to move forward and explore a little. You'll find the next few years exciting and you'll move on to other loves. She will always be special to you and you her. The love you have for her is inside you. She can't take that with you when she leaves. You will always have that, and you can give that love to another girl when you find one you think deserves it.

 

Take some time to heal, but don't do anything to try to prolong contact. It will be easier to get past this if you go "no contact" and don't look at her Facebook and don't let her look at yours and don't try to be "just friends," because that will never be enough for you and as long as you're trying that, you won't find another. Good luck.

[BeatsByDirk]

Yeah, girls and guys are different especially about how we fall in and out of love.

Just take the heart break lumps and move on.

You played this really bad. Looking like a weak doormat!

No girls want to be with a guy who wants to be with her even when she's acting cold.

Next time a girls acts like this don't declare a break up, that's some manipulation tactic crap dudes pick up from their mom!

Just ignore her! 2-3 days and after she's called/messaged 9-10 times just reply : "sup?"

When she wants to discuss it just say she was being disrespectful and you just don't have time for it.

If she wants more, just reply: "you can come over if you want" but once you've been put on the back burner for another romantic interest you have to just play it cool and disinterested, interested in other people and things. It may not always work but at least you don't look like an emotional dude who no woman wants around.

[Spectre]

Oh, I'm so sorry. You sound like a really nice guy, and I hate to see you heartbroken. You behaved nobly throughout this entire difficult time. You must now hold on to your dignity and try to just let her go. Leave her knowing that you behaved like a good man to the end.

 

The sad truth is that people change so rapidly at your age and for the next several years that it is hard to form a lasting love. You will love and love deeply, but because people are still maturing and changing (their brains, their hormones, everything), it is just almost inevitable that you grow apart to some extent. Also, at your age, nearly everyone feels they have to explore and see who and what all is out there. Sometimes they leave something great behind because they're curious if there's something even more profound out there for them. Her relationship with this guy may not last any time at all. No way to know. But the fact remains that she felt it was time for her to move forward and explore a little. You'll find the next few years exciting and you'll move on to other loves. She will always be special to you and you her. The love you have for her is inside you. She can't take that with you when she leaves. You will always have that, and you can give that love to another girl when you find one you think deserves it.

 

Take some time to heal, but don't do anything to try to prolong contact. It will be easier to get past this if you go "no contact" and don't look at her Facebook and don't let her look at yours and don't try to be "just friends," because that will never be enough for you and as long as you're trying that, you won't find another. Good luck.

 

See again you just illustrate a perfect point, you keep talking about her age. The girl was in high school, that is old enough to know better then to behave this way. So I don't see it automatically as having to do with her age, but rather just her as a person. Not every single girl I knew in high school was a liar and a cheater, so I don't think age is much of an excuse.

[Darren Steez]

As someone above said, never ever give them a choice. As soon as you found out you should have told her later.

 

It's a question of respect both from her to you and your own self respect.

She didn't respect you enough to stop cheating and if you have stronger self respect for yourself, you don't play second fiddle for nobody.

 

Hurts like hell but you'll learn that it's better to let them go if they've disrespected you like this.

 

You deserve better, she's not worth it. Chin up and good luck!

[smackie9]

See again you just illustrate a perfect point, you keep talking about her age. The girl was in high school, that is old enough to know better then to behave this way. So I don't see it automatically as having to do with her age, but rather just her as a person. Not every single girl I knew in high school was a liar and a cheater, so I don't think age is much of an excuse.

 

 

From my experience age CAN play a factor because they think the world revolves around them, and can't see past their nose. Yes of course, some are more considerate than others BUT it boils down to maturity which is still in the process of developing and adding into the mix, hormones, and inexperience.

 

BTW some get away with it and no one is the wiser, so you can't say all those girl you knew were not cheater or liars. For example at a all girls weekend I went to, there were things my friends (friends that I have known for 30 years +) revealved to me, the cheating and other things that they did while in high school, made my jaw drop. I went to school with these girls, and didn't hear a thing about it back then.