Help! I am in serious need of a life.

[CC]

On the weekends, I am very bored. I spend half of my weekend on the internet because of a lack of better things to do. This has been the case since I gave up drinking almost five months ago. I am trying to be patient and optimistic that things are going to change soon. This is the worst my social life has been in years. I attribute some of that to getting older. People have busy lives and a different lifestyle in some cases. The few friends I have left can rarely get together with me. I am almost ready to pull my hair out on the weekends. I don't know where to go to meet other people in my situation. Sometimes I would rather stay in than go to say a singles dance alone. I will do things on my own but when it comes to going to social clubs, I can't do it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Tony T]

It makes a big difference whether you are male or female. You didn't say. I don't want to be sexist and deduct that because you were once a heavy drinker you are male...because there are females that get bombed on alcohol a lot as well.

 

I can't relate to you very much because no matter how little or how much I have to do, I never feel bored. I am quite happy watching TV, reading a good book, taking a walk, going for a drive, calling a friend I haven't talked to in a long time, etc. What I am suspecting is that you want more human interaction.

 

Since your friends are mostly busy, it might be best for you to make more friends, and make some a bit younger than yourself. Younger people aren't necessarily heavy drinkers but they do like to get out and do things. Friends can introduce you to other friends and the network created often works out very well in terms of a social life. Use caution and guard against getting back into the heavy drinking scene. There are too many great things to do that don't involve drinking.

 

One thing for sure, nothing will improve if you stay home in front of your computer surfing the Internet. Limit your time there to an hour or two every weekend. The rest of the time just get out, go to shopping malls, libraries, attend concerts, events, etc. Yes, go by yourself if you can't find anyone to go with you. Don't be shy. Approach people, be friendly. Before you know it, you'll have so much going you won't know what to do.

 

Now, if you are female you have to be slightly more cautious about this but govern yourself accordingly. Just remember, your social life will not improve if you stay at home. You have got to get out. If you've met people on the Internet who live nearby, this is the time to start getting out and meeting them.

[Rachel]

Hi. I can somewhat relate. I moved to the city I'm in about 6 years ago.

 

The first thing I did was call the local Chamber of Commerce. I had heard of a group called "newcomers Club". As it turns out, the members of the New comers club, had all livedin the city for many years, and just never LEFT the club. I did not stay in the club for long, but as it turns out, I met my best friend and her husband through that.

 

Call you library, Ask them if there are any book clubs that meet there. Or call Barnes and Noble or one of the larger bookstores, and ask them about book clubs.

 

Seriously, one of the best things you can do is to VOLUNTEER Pick something you would like. If you like cultural things do that, if you like to be involved with a hiking group do that. Other things are churches, hospitals, schools. Think of homeless shelters, etc. If you give of yourself you will also feel greatly gratified.

 

Our local newspaper prints the things to do every single Friday, maybe your newspaper has the same.

 

I think a great deal of what your problem is is lack or PLANNING. In other words, you are waiting for the weekend to arrive, then you are sitting at home thinking what to do?

 

Instead, change your habit. Get in control. Start thinking from tomorrow, what is going on? There are even a great many auctions every weekend. They typically advertise the week or two weeks before.

 

You need to pick up newspapers and see what local stuff is going on. Plan, Plan, and plan. Don't wait for the weekend to hit you then go: now what?

 

Part of meeting new people is to get OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES.

 

Ask yourself, is the reason you aren't getting out , because you are afraid of making new friends? If that is the reason, you need to start slowly, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. I know its hard to be in a new environment, but people on this board are very supportive. You can come and VENT any time.

 

Good luck. I know its tough. Also, join a gym. I have been a member of mine for 5 years. I can tell you that since my breakup of 3 months ago, I go all the time now. It makes a HUGE difference in your attitude, not to mention I have lost 10 pounds, and I think I look great. I actually look forward to going now!!

 

If you aren't sure what to do at a gym, ask if they have personal trainers. They typically charge 25 to 30 dollars an hour, and two sessions should get you going. I see many of the same people at the gym, and some even date eachother after a while.

 

So, get up, smile, and you know you are worth it!!

[CC]

You gave me some good ideas. I might try to start actively pursuing something. I know a lack of planning is part of my problem but I am so busy during the week I do not even have much time to think about it. I have looked in the paper for different events but I have not seen too many in my area. Money is a problem. A lot of events cost a lot of money. I almost joined this singles club in the area. They want $250 up front(not including money for the event) and I don't want to spend that kind of money for a club I might not even like. They would not allow me a trial period. I would like to join some kind of dance class, cardio kickboxing or something like that but they charge quite a bit. I even thought of taking keyboard lessons but that would not solve the problem at hand. The lessons are $20 per hour and they would be private.

Hi. I can somewhat relate. I moved to the city I'm in about 6 years ago. The first thing I did was call the local Chamber of Commerce. I had heard of a group called "newcomers Club". As it turns out, the members of the New comers club, had all livedin the city for many years, and just never LEFT the club. I did not stay in the club for long, but as it turns out, I met my best friend and her husband through that. Call you library, Ask them if there are any book clubs that meet there. Or call Barnes and Noble or one of the larger bookstores, and ask them about book clubs. Seriously, one of the best things you can do is to VOLUNTEER Pick something you would like. If you like cultural things do that, if you like to be involved with a hiking group do that. Other things are churches, hospitals, schools. Think of homeless shelters, etc. If you give of yourself you will also feel greatly gratified.

 

Our local newspaper prints the things to do every single Friday, maybe your newspaper has the same. I think a great deal of what your problem is is lack or PLANNING. In other words, you are waiting for the weekend to arrive, then you are sitting at home thinking what to do? Instead, change your habit. Get in control. Start thinking from tomorrow, what is going on? There are even a great many auctions every weekend. They typically advertise the week or two weeks before. You need to pick up newspapers and see what local stuff is going on. Plan, Plan, and plan. Don't wait for the weekend to hit you then go: now what? Part of meeting new people is to get OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES. Ask yourself, is the reason you aren't getting out , because you are afraid of making new friends? If that is the reason, you need to start slowly, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. I know its hard to be in a new environment, but people on this board are very supportive. You can come and VENT any time. Good luck. I know its tough. Also, join a gym. I have been a member of mine for 5 years. I can tell you that since my breakup of 3 months ago, I go all the time now. It makes a HUGE difference in your attitude, not to mention I have lost 10 pounds, and I think I look great. I actually look forward to going now!! If you aren't sure what to do at a gym, ask if they have personal trainers. They typically charge 25 to 30 dollars an hour, and two sessions should get you going. I see many of the same people at the gym, and some even date eachother after a while. So, get up, smile, and you know you are worth it!!

[CC]

I am a female. On Sat., I'll run my errands, go to a coffee shop I frequent a lot. I know people who go in there and I talk to them but a lot of them are much older than me. I'll do my house chores and my studying but it gets old. Every few weeks I have a social get together with a friend. I keep busy half of the weekend. I have been trying to limit my internet time because once I get on, I can stay on for hours. You are right about not going out with a drinking crowd. I really can not do that anymore. I am not condemning people who drink by saying this. It's just I was involved in that scene for a while and want something different. Not to mention, the temptation to drink would be there. I can't relate to people who are a lot younger than me. I am in a strange position where my lifestyle doesn't really match the people of my age group yet I don't really fit in with the majority of people who are younger than me.

 

I am not up with the hip new trends. Ya know.

 

I appreciate your advice.

It makes a big difference whether you are male or female. You didn't say. I don't want to be sexist and deduct that because you were once a heavy drinker you are male...because there are females that get bombed on alcohol a lot as well.

 

I can't relate to you very much because no matter how little or how much I have to do, I never feel bored. I am quite happy watching TV, reading a good book, taking a walk, going for a drive, calling a friend I haven't talked to in a long time, etc. What I am suspecting is that you want more human interaction. Since your friends are mostly busy, it might be best for you to make more friends, and make some a bit younger than yourself. Younger people aren't necessarily heavy drinkers but they do like to get out and do things. Friends can introduce you to other friends and the network created often works out very well in terms of a social life. Use caution and guard against getting back into the heavy drinking scene. There are too many great things to do that don't involve drinking. One thing for sure, nothing will improve if you stay home in front of your computer surfing the Internet. Limit your time there to an hour or two every weekend. The rest of the time just get out, go to shopping malls, libraries, attend concerts, events, etc. Yes, go by yourself if you can't find anyone to go with you. Don't be shy. Approach people, be friendly. Before you know it, you'll have so much going you won't know what to do. Now, if you are female you have to be slightly more cautious about this but govern yourself accordingly. Just remember, your social life will not improve if you stay at home. You have got to get out. If you've met people on the Internet who live nearby, this is the time to start getting out and meeting them.