SHOULDIASKHIM Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hi. I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now and I love him very much. The only thing is that everyone is telling me that yes he may love me but that he is a man and that men have needs. That he may love me with all his heart but that he could be and probably is messing around on me while away at school.So guys do you think If I were to corner my bf and look him straight in the eyes and ask him "have you ever cheated on me? Have you fu*ked around on me while being away at school?"(raise eyebrow here) Do you think he will answer honestly? I know some guys will say heck no he will lie but hey I know some guys that have answered honestly...So gentlemen, do you think I could quite possibly get an honest answer? Or at least i would know if I surprise him with that question and he hesitates or stutters right? I'm tired of guessing and thinking he could be cheating..I want to just come out and ask him. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 He could give you an honest answer. It mostly depends on his personality, if he will answer honestly or not. But if you do have your doubts, they are probably true . Has the relationship always been LDR, or been LDR for most of the time? If so, chances are not too getting better for you. When honesty does not hurt, it is easier to give an honest answer. If dishonesty does not hurt, it is easier to give a dishonest answer. He will have an incentive to say no, regardless of his cheating behavior. And how would you find out? He lives far away from you, so it is not that you can ask your best friend if your bf has been f*cking around. Do you know him in a real sense? Have you ever expressed your concerns to him? What gave you the impression, he might have cheated on you? And the whole "men have needs" is bullsh*t. If men have needs, with whom are they to fulfill these needs? With women. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 UUMmm..I don't know about that one. I mean you can always ask but then theres a couple things: 1- he will probably say no because he is far away and you will never find out. And then he might get deffensive in the fact that you don't trust him. 2- if you have to ask him you dont trust him. 3- what will you do if he says yes? Just some things to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 has he given you a reason to suspect anything? i mean if he hasn't then why ask, if your asking just because your listening to everyone else i think it will just cause a fight between the 2 of you. i was in a LDR and i was nothing but faithful to my gf at the time but she would listen to all of her gal pals about the "he has needs" and after she would question be about it and it would just turn into a whole long dragged out fight.... so i guess what i am trying to say is if he has given you a reason to think he is unfaithful go ahead and ask but if he hasn't then don't ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 If you come right out and ask him, I think he'll deny it. If you convince him that he wouldn't be in trouble, or that you understand his needs, that he can answer honestly, he might come clean, (assuming he is cheating). You'll have to make the decision if you think you should deceive him to get an honest answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnal Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 First and foremost I have to say that it sounds like you're listening a bit too much to what your friends are saying and not enough what your heart and brain is saying. Friends are good in many moments but they're also evil in that they can and do twist your thought patterns faster and easier than anyone else. Chances are, your friends are doing it out of worry that you will get hurt by this guy, but they fail to realize that your boyfriend can and might even be one of the most honest guys out there and friends, while caring, have to let you get hurt if he's not. My advice is, don't corner your boyfriend with accusations or questions about him cheating if you haven't suspected anything yourself. And I stress yourself. He may feel uncomfortable or sad that you don't trust him.. and may even avoid telling you things in the future that he tells you now due to fear of you interpretating them wrong. I am in a long term long distance relationship, going on three years now, I'm male and I have never strayed outside the mutually agreed upon lines that me and my girlfriend have set up. And mind you, we go months without seeing eachother due to distance. Guys have needs, so does girls, but that doesn't mean either of us lack self control. To sum it up, if you truthfully fear he's cheating ask him in a polite manner and if he denies, take his word for it. As an article on relationship advice once said "We can only work with what's real." Either you trust him or you don't, and if not, your relationship will crumble soon enough on it's own. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 maybe and maybe not, depends on a hundred different factors. Link to post Share on other sites
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