hologram123 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I've been talking to this guy which we became friends over the past 4 mos. We look out for each other. I'm heavily attracted to him. He text me pretty consistently..... We talk about really intimate things. He said he had something important to tell me that he couldn't say it over the phone. So I thought he was going to ask me out or even proposition me for sex which I would of been cool with. When I saw him he said that he had to do with work and totally changed the subject. So I decided to confess my feelings and he said he only like me as a friend. I asked him if he was un-attracted to me he said he doesn't see me that way. I thanked him for being honest. It still hurts I haven't contacted him in 4 days. We talked everyday. I'm so lost, I feel so ugly and don't know how I could of been so wrong. EVERYONE that saw us together even strangers assumed that we were either together or he liked me ALOT. I don't know what happened. I don't want to lose him as a friend. He cancels plans to help me out, he's that kind of friend. I miss him already but I just don't know. He automatically assumed that i wanted to be exclusive. I never mentioned that. I just want him at whatever level HE was comfortable with because i just got out of a relationship myself. On a side note: he's seeing a life coach and a dating coach, I don't know if that has anything to do with it Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 *I just want him at whatever level HE was comfortable with because i just got out of a relationship myself. *You need to check your boundaries. Friends are friends, and lovers are lovers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You're simply not what he's looking for in a woman. Don't put it all on you being ugly. Every person has things they look for and no two people are alike. Since your emotions run deep, probably no contact is the only way for you to move forward unless you feel you can now adjust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry. Truly unrequited love is one of the worst emotional pains in the love spectrum. I've been there recently. Satu knows about it and he helped me through mine. There have been several new members with this story, one of them me. If you flipped the genders it could have been a copy of mine. There are a multitude of possibilities within the realm of 'why'; why did he text me so much, why did we do this, why did we do that, etc etc. You may not be wondering now, but you will. Don't let that consume you. I also felt completely disgusting after being rejected. There are some recent events to my story that make it a bit worse but if I didn't follow NC rules, I'd be a heap right now somewhere in the woods probably making friends with squirrels. Once you add feelings into the friendship smoothie it goes bitter. It truly does. When a girl and a guy become friends, certain boundaries get crossed pretty often because we're programmed to test them for the whole courtship thing. However, when you're 'friends', you leave them open a bit more because you're not in the love tango you're 'just friends' so you get to have that intimacy with someone without having to be in a relationship. This causes what people on the outside to see as a budding romance. It causes a great deal of closeness. That all leads to, usually one party, just loving (or developing limerence for) the other because of that emotional intimacy. You won't like this, and neither do many, but do not speak to him. Do not hang out with him. Do not interact with him. Delete him from social media and all other forms of contact. Right now you have a festering wound of emotion and anything will open it up. The odd part is, it feels good to rip it open again with them in the same way a heroin addict just loves to go for that one last time. It isn't worth it. One day you may be able to be friends again, but for your well being do not interact with him. If he suddenly finds some girl and he gushes it all out to you, it will destroy you. Read up here for limerence: Symptoms of Limerence You may or may not have these feelings. Just posting the link as a reference only because it seems to be a common trend on this board. Best of luck to you. Use this site as much as possible. Use the 'coping' board if you feel an itch to text him and post in the 'post here instead' thread. Use this thread to vent if needed but do not under any circumstance, save for true emergencies, contact him. Do not do it. Edited February 2, 2015 by PaperCrane 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts