Starting a LDR vs. Remaining in a "Long-Distance Dating" Status

[paigej91]

Hoping to get advice from those more experienced in LDR's I've been dating someone for about 5 months now who is long-distance (though a short plane ride or very long bus ride away). We met online, but have met in person and found the in-person chemistry has exceeded the "online chemistry". I have been trying to relocate to his city for about 9 months now (though the consistency of effort is on and off). There is still a very strong possibility of this happening (with or without him in the picture), so that's the reason I've given this a chance.

 

I doubt (though there are certainly no certainties) that he is dating anyone else. And if he is, it doesn't appear to be serious. I don't really spend my time "guessing" on this as it's basically a waste of time and his behavior has been very straightforward in terms of him looking for something serious (for example, introducing me to his best friend somewhat recently).

 

Now that we've been "dating" for about 5 months, the next time we see each other I think we're due for "the talk". I mean, things are naturally kind-of progressing in that direction. However, my concern with moving things up a notch to the exclusive status is the amount of pressure it will put on the relationship when we still haven't really been able to fully develop it the way we could if we were together in-person often.

 

I have no fear of the commitment itself (and he doesn't either). I am more fearful of whether or not our "relationship" is mature enough yet to handle this kind of exclusive relationship status coupled with the distance.

 

Adding this kind of status to it will most certainly progress things the way we both want to - but my fear is when this actually plays out, the stakes will be higher, and since we truly haven't had enough in-person time as it takes to really get to know someone intimately, feelings could get hurt/things could fall apart. Is this just something I need to risk to move things along so they don't get stagnant or, is it smart to wait until we have spent more weekends together to develop this intimacy?

[Million.to.1]

IMO, I think that elusively is something that comes once a physical or sexual relationship has been established.

I'm from a successful LDR, now we are together IRL, but circumstances were/are much different to yours.

 

I think the pressure of a committed relationship would be too much for how little time you two have spent together. I know it's hard when there is a connection there not hone in on it and make decisions to try and protect it. But it's not real. It's just hope.

 

You have to trust that the connection will remain without the pressure.. if it's a serious as you say... and give it space to find itself.

 

It's kind of like being confident enough to know that even if he went on other dates, he'd always be wishing it was you... and if he is that into you, he would be.

 

If and when you move closer, then you can fully explore the relationships potential. If you rush it now, you may lose it due to the bollocks associated with a LDR. They do test you and you both have to really want the relationship to deal with the negative elements of them.

[paigej91]

IMO, I think that elusively is something that comes once a physical or sexual relationship has been established.

I'm from a successful LDR, now we are together IRL, but circumstances were/are much different to yours.

 

Do you mean consistent sex? We obviously aren't having consistent time together in the physical realm, but we've definitely had sex and everything. How did yours develop if it started LD? I am sure I could learn from it even with different circumstances.

 

I know it's hard when there is a connection there not hone in on it and make decisions to try and protect it. But it's not real. It's just hope.

 

Why wouldn't the connection be real? I luckily don't feel like I have to pressure things for them to work out, which seems like a good sign. Like, I am not worried about adhering to a "timeline" or anything. It's just hard to give it space to find itself though when we are clearly both very interested. The "problem" isn't that it's stagnating per se, but we've been seeing each other long enough that it seems pretty natural to take it up a notch. It's just a question of whether or not both of us think we can handle the added expectations long-distance.