starmar Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I posted this in another group but figured feedback from this group may be beneficial. I hated being the other woman, how it made me feel even if short lived...was he ever really even my friend? that question haunts me this is the original post I haven't been on this site in a while and while searching "drunk texts fiasco" this site came up. I figured this is the perfect place for feedback and to release some pent up emotions. So, without further ado, here is my story that I like to call " the unfortunate series of events" I met a guy years ago on a Facebook group, he was actually a neighbor and we instantly started a friendship. Both writers and had many similar personality traits. I was attracted to him but he is married and he, apparently has been a cheater for some time, so he didn't think it was a big deal. I know huge red flag and character defect. But, in all honesty we all have them. (character traits, not cheating married friends) So for a couple of years we were friends, discussed different books and I would mention some of my issues with dating, etc. I should also mention that I am divorced. My husband cheated, and it is a sore subject. At a low point and after two years of friendship I fell for it and made the serious mistake of sleeping with him. Not proud of this AT ALL. and beat myself up over it for some time. Even went as far as starting dating a really, really mean person. I think I was punishing myself. He was acting like he was hurt I was dating someone else but I needed to get away from that situation pronto. Last year he came back around to trying to get physical with me. This time he was going through a "Separation" and was planning on moving out, etc. I foolishly went out with him (the friendship bond was strong) and then I found out he was working things out. This was last year and it lead to me sending him a series of angry drunk texts calling him every name in the book and blocking him from every social media site. (sigh) I felt really bad because I hate being mean to people. He apparently "forgave" me and months later came to my place of work saying he wanted us to continue being friends. History repeated itself last night. I sent him a series of drunken texts saying that married men who cheat are pieces of sh*t etc. SIGH The friendship is over I'm sure and I'm ok with it. My reaction was due to: guilt feeling disrespected (he kept trying to get me to sleep with him again) guilt anger guilt so, the friendship is over I'm sure. But why do I feel bad? I think that I will never become friends with a guy who is married again, it is just not worth it. I feel out of control with the angry drunk texts and a bit psychotic really about them. Thanks for reading this far, just needed to get this off my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You listed the reasons in your post. You obviously liked this guy enough to sleep with him but your pride is hurt because you know he was just trying to use you again. It s generally not a good idea to remain friends with ex affair partners anyway so I am guessing his wife never found out about the two of you. You have been burnt yourself by infidelity so you should stick to your statement and stay away from married men. Once you let go of the feeling that he has rejected you for his wife after you slept with him you will stop needing to lash out. I think it is just hurt pride on your part . For heavens sake, don't climb into the sack with this guy again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You just got pushed too far. It happens to us all. You are better than him.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starmar Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 You listed the reasons in your post. You obviously liked this guy enough to sleep with him but your pride is hurt because you know he was just trying to use you again. It s generally not a good idea to remain friends with ex affair partners anyway so I am guessing his wife never found out about the two of you. You have been burnt yourself by infidelity so you should stick to your statement and stay away from married men. Once you let go of the feeling that he has rejected you for his wife after you slept with him you will stop needing to lash out. I think it is just hurt pride on your part . For heavens sake, don't climb into the sack with this guy again You are absolutely right. It is more than pride being hurt, although that was part of it, some of it was being disappointed at myself and reflecting the anger onto him. I won't sleep with him again. I will miss the friendship although I'm not sure if it was a real friendship or if he always had ulterior motives Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Starmar You won't miss the friendship . It wasn't real friendship. He wanted in your pants. Move on and find a single man and stop worrying about this guy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I think that I will never become friends with a guy who is married again, it is just not worth it. One expression I learned here is to make sure you are a "friend of the marriage." OK to be friends with a married guy if you are friends with his wife too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 OP: Examine your relationship with alcohol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starmar Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Wow, I just did the same thing but through email communication. I am sure he thinks I have the problem and am crazy, but these one sided relationships are not good for the heart and really lays out the blueprint for this type of behavior. I blame years for this, but I have got to get it together, and quit wasting my time blaming someone who does not love and cherish me. It will be a lose lose situation. I am mad at myself for letting him get to me and losing my dignity. But, as another poster mentioned, they just want in our pants, there is really no true love there on their part or they would never place us as the other woman. We would be 'the woman.' I hope you get to feeling better. It is not a great feeling. I have the blues, too. I think part of what we are going through is the realization that there was no real friendship. And that hurts. Hope you feel better soon too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starmar Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 OP: Examine your relationship with alcohol. Agreed. I'm too passive and then drink too much and it all comes out. Granted it doesn't happen often. Maybe once a year still an issue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starmar Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Doesn't sound like you give a **** anyhow. No loss. If you are for real. Um, yeah I care enough to have this be an ongoing issue for years, if anything I gave too much of a ***** and for too long. Link to post Share on other sites
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