My best Friend's Bachelor Party

[TheyCallMeOx]

I've been best friends with a dude since I was like...twelve years old. We've been through a lot together. Several years ago, I visited him and met his fiance (who was just a girlfriend at the time), and I was apparently a real douche bag towards her. I wasn't aware of this until I got back when he refused to answer my calls, texts, etc. However, we had a talk and supposedly we moved on from it.

 

After that happened, I eventually found a woman of my own (who ended up being my "first love"). When I fell in love, I gave up a lot of my friends for her, and stopped talking to my best friend as much. Then, once she broke up with me, I tried to crawl back to my best friend and he told me that I pretty much pushed him out of my life.

 

I've been a pretty selfish person to my past friendships, and I've made a lot of decisions that negatively affected my best friend and I's friendship. It used to be very strong, that I could tell him anything, and now...it's hard to get a hold of him. When we do manage to talk, the conversations aren't as great as they used to be. It's obvious that him and I have changed. He's stopped being an *******, and I've learned to take up for myself. We became more mature adults. He's been through his experiences, and I've been through mine.

 

Supposedly, I'm going to be his "best man" at his wedding. He's invited me to the bachelor party, which he said was going to be later this year in Last Vegas. He's talking about us getting drunk, gambling, and etc. The thing is though...I have zero interest in drinking. I've been drunk once, and it was terrible; threw up all night and I'm never going to do that crap again. It's just...not me. And I especially am not too keen on the idea of being intoxicated while in Las Vegas.

 

Spending time with him would be a good opportunity to rebuild our friendship, but he's anticipating our group of people to have several thousand dollars to burn, and we're going to do it all while intoxicated. Quite honestly, that scares the crap out of me because I've been saving up money, trying to better my life, and I don't want to make potentially dumb decisions all in one night. I know for certain that I'm not going to drink. I am going to blow some money on slot machines, I am going to do sexual things with women in front of the guys (if it comes to that), but I like to be control; impairing my judgment just doesn't give me that control, so it completely turns me off.

 

The problem is that I'm not a very good chaperone; at least, I wasn't. I don't know if I'm good now because I avoid putting myself in situations that require me to take care of someone who is intoxicated. I despise drugs and alcohol because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know why, but it just does. I would want them to have a good time, but I also feel like I'd also be limiting them in their craziness. I don't want to drag them down, and I feel like I wouldn't belong. I also wouldn't want to be like "screw this, ya'll have fun" and leave them mid-shenanigans because I'd be afraid that something bad would happen, and I'd regret leaving them because it might've been prevented if I had been there.

 

I haven't told him any of this because I haven't gotten in touch with him. Left him a couple voice mails and he's never returned my calls. We've had the "should we still remain friends" conversation and he insists that there's nothing wrong, so what am I supposed to do? Not go at all?

 

Advice is desperately needed.

Edited February 2, 2015 by TheyCallMeOx

[d0nnivain]

Go for the beginning calmer part of the evening then claim jet lag & slip away as things get rowdier.

[CarrieT]

I am confused; as the "supposed Best Man," YOU should be the one planning the bachelor party, right?

 

And then do what d0nnivain said; you can always excuse yourself if you start getting uncomfortable...

[elaine567]

If he cannot even be bothered to contact his "best man", then I would seriously reconsider this and leave him to it.

NO point in spending hard earned cash going out with a load of guys you hardly know and will likely never see again.

You are not going to build on your friendship in bars and gambling dens if he is going to be intoxicated and blowing thousands and you are going to be stone cold sober and penny pinching.

You are just going to wind each other up.

It is a difficult one as no doubt you want to be there for your friend, but the reality doesn't stack up with it being a great experience for either of you perhaps.

[Standard-Fare]

If you're serious about trying to repair this friendship, you probably have no choice but to involve yourself in the bachelor party festivities in some way.

 

Sure, Vegas is going to be tough for a non-drinker, but I think any bachelor party weekend would present you with the same dilemmas. For better or worse they always revolve around drinking.

 

I think Donnivain's advice above is on point -- you should find a way to participate that doesn't make you uncomfortable. You should just be honest with all the guys and tell them you're not a drinker, don't want to be tempted with it, so you've got to bow out of some of the late-night activities. Hang out with them during the day, go to dinner with them, and then do your own thing quietly.

 

People may give you a hard time, you may get some peer pressure, but it's totally within your rights to set your own boundaries. And your friend should be understanding of this.