Somebody gotten over severe jealousy?

[rossini]

I wonder if there is anybody here who has gotten over retroactive jealousy? And if yes, please tell me how? I seriously need your advice on this topic and I'd be glad about any experience you share.

 

I kept reading the posts about this issue on this website to gain a better understanding, but what I only found so far were the comments and posts of people who have this type of jealousy and are still suffering.

 

I am not at all a jealous type, but I have been in a relation where my partner is extremely jealous. Not about the present, but about my past. I don't want to bore you with the details, so only some basics. I had one relation prior to my boyfriend. It was nothing exceptional, some kind of teenage blindness, a long distance relation and I needed some time to find out that it was nothing for me. After breaking up, we got together with my current partner, and we have been together for over a decade now. I don't really know, how we made it that far. We really loved and respected each other, but there was always something wrong. It was his jealousy that is getting worse and worse eventhough there is nothing to fuel it. To be honest, it turned so bad that it is hardly bearable for any of us. I know he is suffering badly and I'm suffering too. I don't know how long I can take it to be called names, to be resented, critised, being called a liar for things that happened before our relation. It hurts so much, because when he has these rage attacks he destroys everything that is good about our love.

 

I really want to know if there is any help, anything that could change the perspective of my partner. We have tried so many things. No sensible talk, rational arguments, no trying hard to prove my love, or the counterside, ignoring the problem, nothing ever helped. We took part on counseling, it got even worse. I am really at the point of giving up, but this means that I also have to give up on my family, my beliefs and my love.

 

Please, reply if you have any experience in this issue.

[No Limit]

None that I know of I'm afraid. A good friend of mine tried to keep the relationship alive after he cheated one time with his ex. It worked for 5 weeks, guess she needed more resentment (which grew pretty quick).

 

Ask him where his trust issues come from. I'm afraid it's a lost cause though.

[Diezel]

I wonder if he cheated on you and is projecting.

 

Either that, or he has some SERIOUS insecurity issues. If he is THIS jealous when you only had ONE relationship previous to him, it's bad and it's only going to get worse. He needs to be the one making a post about how to overcome it though. Try whatever you want, it won't make a difference unless he wants to make that change.

 

Either way, sounds like a job for therapy.

[smackie9]

If he is calling you names, makes you feel bad for something that happened before you even started dating, then that is abuse. This has nothing to do with you, it is his personality, it's who he is. So please don't try and fix him, move on. No one deserves to be contantly abused because their partner can't control their insecurities. Dump his ass.

[smackie9]

So to answer your question.....NO. I dated someone who was insanely jealous about everything, including my past. He was verbally abusive, controlling, then it turned physical. Don't let it get to that point.....get out of there.

[rossini]

None that I know of I'm afraid. A good friend of mine tried to keep the relationship alive after he cheated one time with his ex.

 

I have never cheated him, my former relationship was already over when I met my current partner. Moreover, I haven't had any contact with my ex since then.

 

But I got your message anyway! I'll think about it!