htx Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to block his ex on Facebook? I know it's Facebook. I know it's the death knell of relationships (imho, just the bad ones). But humor me a second... 5 month relationship. First 3 months, it seems like his ex-girlfriend of 2 years is harassing him. She cheated on him, they broke up early this year and were still in contact in the following months. In the beginning, he would get off the phone and just be SO angry about how his ex won't give his stuff back (sentimental value), and how she would use her son (who he became close to) to bait him back into contact. I would ask him, why not block her number, her Facebook, she obviously drives you nuts. He seemed to brush off those suggestions. Well, 3 months in he shows up at my house falling-over drunk and confesses he has been hanging out with his ex, several times since we met, in group settings (keep in mind, I have NO drama with my ex, we have been platonic friends for three years since we broke up. But I can't hang out with him). I was beyond hurt. Didn't speak for a few days and then had a talk, I told him he needed to block her from his life if he wanted a second chance. He agreed. So, he blocked her number, they stopped talking. Meanwhile, he claims he "doesn't have a Facebook", how he deactivates it so often he barely knows how to use it. I become a bit obsessive, constantly checking to see if it's active. I had a couple drunken episodes where I confronted him about why we can't be friends online. He made excuses until I finally snapped. He finally added me 4 months in with the warning that there were pictures tagged of him and his ex, and he didn't want me to become upset. At the time I was so happy that he finally added me, so I said ok, whatever. Seeing the pictures of them was devastating. But the most painful thing was seeing all of her "likes" over the course of our relationship. Not only did he not block her, he was still friends with her the entire time while keeping me completely out of it. I told him to add me in a relationship, or I couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't taking me seriously, while I am head over heels. After a long discussion, we agreed that he would remove her from his friends list. Great. Then out of nowhere, a week and a half ago, I call him late and he's at a bar super upset and tells me that his ex just called his roommate and claimed my boyfriend was keeping her locked in his house - a complete lie, utterly insane. I met up with him at the bar and he was SO upset about it. I was upset too, cause I thought, JESUS this bitch is never going to leave him alone! He got ANGRY that I was upset, constantly reminding me that he hadn't been in contact and "it wasn't his fault." Even if it wasn't his fault and he HADN'T been in contact, I felt like he should have been more considerate of my feelings and at LEAST apologized for the fact that her presence is STILL wreaking havoc on our relationship (or whatever the hell it is at this point). Apparently she blocked him after that. I was overjoyed to look at his page and see NONE of her likes (even though a few pictures remain). I promptly blocked her too. Well, Friday I unblocked her to show my girlfriend who asked what she looked like, and I see that she had unblocked him again...she was back on his page, her "likes" on nearly every picture once again. I had a discussion that night with him. He felt that we had agreed on the "unfriending" terms (her bat**** self showing up out of nowhere apparently didn't register with him) and that blocking her would mean his "control" would be relinquished. He even mentioned fear that she might try something/show up in real life if she knew who I was and put two and two together. Then, he went to his Facebook page and told me I was crazy, she was nowhere on his profile. I looked, sure enough - she must have blocked him in the hours between when I saw her on there that afternoon, and late that night when I was on the phone with him. Curiously, the next morning, she was back all over his page. WEIRD! She must have blocked and unblocked him quickly for no good reason. ??????????????? Shady. So, when she pops back up, how do you NOT block someone in that situation??? He claims he is over her, he hasn't talked to her in two months, he will avoid her at all costs and even get a restraining order if she tried to come near. So WHY? "Having control of the situation" is such a weak excuse. I get that he doesn't want to take our relationship "public" already...I HATE having my relationship status on there, and never have. But I wanted so badly for him to realize WHY. . .I needed him to acknowledge that I was still hurting from his dishonesty and needed him to do this for the sake of trusting him. I needed him to prove he was taking me seriously--at least as serious as you can be 5 months in. He talked me out of it. I accepted the unfriending, she resurfaced, I changed what I needed: block her or else. He agreed to. Three days later, he still hasn't blocked her. But boyyyyy is he being super sweet to me. I feel like a crazy person, constantly bringing up this ****. I know it's Facebook, I know it's dumb, but after ALL we've been through with the hiding and dishonesty, I feel like it's the least he can do to prove to me that it's me, not her whose feelings he truly cares about. Sorry for the novel, but do you think it's unreasonable to ask him to block her completely in this situation? I have that sinking feeling that no, as hard as I've tried, I'll never be able to trust him again. (both 28). thanks. 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BeatsByDirk Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Not unreasonable, it's a source of constant arguing and stress. If she hadn't been a nutter, all over his Facebook then you would be over bearing but I don't see why you should keep asking at this point. At this point you should be thinking of breaking up, you have a boundary that's being disrespected often. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 If they have kids together it might be unreasonable. If she's just an EX, not it's not unreasonable. There's no good reason to maintain that kind of contact with an EX Link to post Share on other sites
Author htx Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 If they have kids together it might be unreasonable. If she's just an EX, not it's not unreasonable. There's no good reason to maintain that kind of contact with an EX keep in mind, they are not in contact right now. they are not friends on facebook either. She can't see his profile. Hers is public though. That's what I hate...that they're not "Friends" but he can still go back and look at all the pictures of them together whenever he wants. Why not just take her out of your life completely? He claims he doesn't give s hit about her...but he doesn't want to lose memories from his past (to which i say, then download the goddamn pictures!) No, the kid is not his. He has a deadbeat dad and my bf was really close to him during their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Having him block his ex on facebook isn't going to stop any of this. He's obviously NOT emotionally ready or available to be in a committed relationship with you. The poor guy is still healing, but is also still emotionally connected to her. You may as well be a rebound because it's like he is using you to move on from her and that is unhealthy. You are fighting a losing battle. If it were me I would find myself another BF. There is a good chance he's gonna go running back to her or start seeing her behind your back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I got halfway through your post with all the drama and got exhausted. This level of problems over and over id be gone by now off finding someone else without a ex issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Ya and This FB thing is the least of your worries.....the guy is unstable. You are going to end up hurt again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I think the whole drama of him blocking her is irrelevant: the fact is he gives her continual entree into his life despite you being his current girlfriend. If the tables were turned and your ex was doing what she was doing, how fine would he be if you took the tack he's been taking? It's quite clear that he is not done with her. This would be a non-starter if he was. People I don't want to deal with, I don't deal with in any realm and I have complete control over communiques in my life. Blocking her has nothing to do with him giving up control of his life: it has to do with him not wanting to be out of touch with her. He's not done with her. You should proceed with caution with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 having him block his ex on facebook isn't going to stop any of this. He's obviously not emotionally ready or available to be in a committed relationship with you. The poor guy is still healing, but is also still emotionally connected to her. You may as well be a rebound because it's like he is using you to move on from her and that is unhealthy. You are fighting a losing battle. If it were me i would find myself another bf. There is a good chance he's gonna go running back to her or start seeing her behind your back. ^^^this^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author htx Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 just an update, we broke up. it was amicable but he knows it's because the trust is broken. i wish him the best, a small part of me hopes he wakes up one day and is willing to do anything i ask to get his trust back, but i know it's foolish to hold onto hope like that. doing my best to move forward, heal, and then onto someone emotionally available and willing to shout about me from the rooftops. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Best of luck htx, wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Your 28 not 8. This drama and faffing about is just way too much. I know it hurts but your better off with out this one. Good Luck OP Link to post Share on other sites
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